Title: Remember me
 
Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )
 
Rating: PG-13
 
Category: MSR,CD 
 
Spoiler: None

Summary: Mulder finally takes the step....

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX and 
they are not mine. 
 
Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ 
grammar mistake may occur.


Broken. Beaten. Lost.
All of those feelings Fox Mulder were battling against. 
He had never thought it would end up like this, not even in his 
wildest dreams. So this was pain. 
He had been standing there for hours now, or it least it seemed so. 
He had wanted to go up to her door several times and ring the bell,
but he had stopped himself. This was the right thing to do. She had 
wanted it. But still it felt like he was slowly going to pieces. 
He was still outside her door. She wanted so badly to let him in.
But she needed to be strong now. She was saving his life.
She was giving him a better life. She needed to believe. 
This was the right thing to do. Only time would tell if they 
would find there way back to each other. She needed to believe.

It started to rain. Mulder didn't feel the cold that came with 
the rain. He wanted to scream to the heavens to give him another 
chance. But god wasn't listening. He took one final glance at her 
window and then he got into his car and went home.
She listened as he drove of. She missed him already. She was weak 
like that, or at least it felt so. She needed him close. 
He was everything that was good in her life. He was her friend, 
lover and soul mate.
He was her all.

 It had started with a touch that send hearts racing.
The raindrops still lingered in her hair when she entered the office.
She smiled at him and hung up her coat. She was a beauty. 
Her hair was a mess but still she had that glow about her that 
fascinated him so. He stopped what he was doing and smiled back 
at her. Without saying a word she walked around the desk and glanced
over his shoulder. 
- What are you reading?
She was so close that he could feel her perfume. It wasn't strong,
but oh so lovely. He turned his head and looked at her. 
Her lips were right there. It felt like they were calling out to him.
- Nothing. He whispered.
She was so tired of going in circles. She was tired of hiding what 
was in her heart. She needed this. She wanted this. 
Suddenly she grabbed the book. He jumped up and reached for her 
but she managed to slip from his grasp.
- Give it to me, Scully.
- Then, come and get it.
She was standing on the other side of the desk with that smile 
upon her face. He smiled back and ran and grabbed her around 
the waste. She laughed and said:
- I would have given it to you.




He turned her around and he was just about to say something 
but when he found himself standing so close to her all the words 
was forgotten. She stopped laughing and looked up. He looked into 
her beautiful eyes and saw something there that made him believe. 
He wanted this. He had dreamt about this. He couldn't take this 
anymore. All the reason why this wasn't a good idea went out the 
window when he kissed her.
She tasted like heaven. He ran his tongue against the inner of her
lips and then went searching. He wanted to feel her skin against his.
His mind was all blurry. 
She was lost in waves of feelings. She felt more alive than ever. 
It felt like his touch made her skin burn. As she felt
his hand touch 
the sensitive skin on her back fear got a hold of her heart and 
she pushed him away.
His eyes were still black and filled with passion when she looked
at him.
- I can't, she whispered.
Then she turned around and ran out of the office.

He could still feel her on his lips. Her taste still lingered there.
His hands still ached after her. He stood there for several minutes
starring at the closed door with his heart racing. He could hardly 
believe that it had happened. He had dreamt about it for years. 
But he had never dared. She was so much apart of him that he feared
he would push her away if he took that step out in to the thin air. 
He couldn't take the thought of losing her. But something inside of 
him had pushed him over the edge. He was tired of hiding. It felt 
like time was slipping away and that he had to take the leap before 
it was to late. But now as he was standing there he couldn't help 
but wondering if he hadn't chased her away.

 She had acted like a schoolgirl. 
Dana Scully opened the door to her apartment with her hands shaking.
She had gone home. She hadn't the power to face him, not yet. 
She needed to pull back and work up the strength to face him once 
again. She could still see his face. She could still feel his hands 
on her body. She could still remember the feel of his lips against 
hers. 
She closed the door and took of her coat. It was still raining 
outside. She walked up to her window and looked out. 
She was a coward. She had run away. She had told herself that this 
was the right thing to do. But still her whole body ached after him.
She wanted him like the air she breathed. She needed him.
She wanted to touch him. She wanted to love him and be loved by him.
She knew that he had the power inside of him to break down 
her defense if she only let him. That scared her. He scared her 
sometimes. The power he had over her was so great that she feared 
she would drown totally in him if she dared loving him. But she
longed so much after feeling love. Her heart ached for it. It felt 
sometimes like a big piece of her life was missing. It came days
that she would look down at her chest half expecting to see a big 
whole where her heart should be. It felt like her life was on hold. 
She hated the loneliness that came with the pain. She would 
convince herself that she liked being alone, that she didn't need 
anyone. She was strong enough to survive. But still it came nights 
when loneliness came knocking and she would crawl under the covers
of her bed and cry for her heart. They had called her ice queen.
She had built a wall around herself, playing a part for the world 
to see. She was strong. She had the perfect life. She had everything;
a family that loved her, friends and a job she lived for. But 
still there something there, eating at her soul. She wanted 
that love she had read about in poetry. She wanted to feel all 
that passion. She wanted to be swept of her feat. She wanted all 
of that. But the rational side of her said that it was all lies. 
There was no such kind of love. But she wanted so desperately to 
believe that maybe someday it was her turn. 





Now all of those things were in her grasp and she had turned away.
Fear that maybe it was all lies. That it wasn't true. That it 
wouldn't last. That he would break her heart. She knew all to 
well how fragile her heart was. His face was everywhere. His voice 
was in her head. She had to take the leap or she would regret it
 until the day she died.

 He couldn't sleep. He tried to read but he couldn't concentrate.
He tried turning on the TV but nothing was on. He turned on his 
computer and went surfing the net but he found himself being bored.
She was occupation his mind. He wanted to call her. He had driven by 
the apartment were she lived but he hadn't dared going up and ring 
the bell. He looked over at the clock and found it was close to 
midnight. A knock woke him from his thoughts.
She was at his door. He hadn't dared to dream that she would ever 
come back to him after that day. But now when she was standing there
looking so lovely he couldn't help but smile. 
- Come in.
Her heart was racing. She turned towards him and looked him straight
into his eyes. So this was it. She was about to walk 
into the battle. 
- I was just about to call you. I wanteed to say that I was 
sorry about...
She walked up to him and but her fingers to his lips.
- Don't tell me you're sorry. Just showw me what you want.
He closed his eyes and thanked god for her. Then he leaned down 
and brushed her cheeks with his lips. She took his hands and led 
him into his bedroom. The moon came in through the window and 
painted her body in silver as she undressed before him. He got up, 
took her hand and whispered:
- Let me.
She smiled at him. His hands were trembling as he unbuttoned her 
shirt and opened it up like a flower. Her skin had the colour 
of milk. He dropped her shirt on the floor and placed small kisses 
along her shoulder and down her back. Then he reached up and took of
her bra. He ran his hand down her back and placed his hand against 
the sensitive skin over her heart. Then he reached down and placed 
the softest kiss on her lips. Then he whispered:
- You are so beautiful to me. 
As his hands had trembled hers did also when she reached out 
and touched his naked chest. He was perfect. He was like a 
Greek god, or at least it seemed so in her eyes. She ran her hands
down his chest and against his stomach. His skin was smooth but 
still hard. He was build like the fighter he was. Once again she 
took his hand and led him to his big bed. There in the moonlight
she undressed and stood naked before him. She wasn't afraid anymore.
This was it. She wanted this. She reached for him and he
came to her. 
He placed the softest kiss on her lips and tangled a hand 
into her hair. He fell into her. He wanted to feel her against him. 
She placed her hands against his chest and pulled him closer. 
He made a sound and deepened the kiss. She started to explore his
body. She couldn't get enough of touching him. She wanted to feel 
every part of him, taste every part. 
He traced his hands down her back, feeling, exploring. 
Then he lifted her up and put her on the bed. He leaned down 
and kissed her: exploring her. He felt her tongue against his neck 
and that made him see stares. He kissed her and pressed her against 
his body letting her now how much he wanted her. 
No words were spoken. 
There was no need. As he entered her he thanked god for being 
blessed with her.
And outside the clouds played catch with the moon.

He woke slowly. Dreams, wonderful dreams, had brought with them
a peaceful sleep. The sun stretched its long arms into the room 
and greeted him with a warm smile. He couldn't help but smile back. 
She was still asleep beside him. He turned and lay on his side 
watching her sleep. Her face was calm then. Her hair was in a mess
and her lips were still red after his kisses. He wanted to reach 
out and touch him. His hands screamed out after her. 






She felt him watching her. She opened her eyes and found him smiling 
down at her. She smiled back and kissed him.
- Good morning.
He had never felt so good as when he lay there looking down 
at her. He took her in his arms and lay down beside her.
It felt good lying there listening to his heartbeat. She had never 
thought she could feel so much. She had never thought she could feel
so happy as she did in his arms. 
- What do you want to do today?
He said and looked down at her.
- Not much.
- I like that.
He smiled and kissed her. Then they were lost in feelings.
Two hours later they got up and dressed. They were lots of laughs
and lots of kisses before they ended up in his kitchen. She was 
dressed in one of his shirt and barefoot. She had promised to make 
him breakfast while he made the coffee. While the sun warmed their 
bodies they sat down and ate their breakfast, talking, laughing.

 She had never thought that she could feel so much love. 
She had never thought it could be like this. Time had passed by so 
quickly. Two months flew by like the wind. They were inseparable.
They spent as much time in his apartment as they did in hers. 
In the office they were back to be Agent Mulder and Scully.
But sometimes when no one saw they stole a kiss to last them through 
the day. But as soon as their day where over they hid themselves 
from the world and fell into each other. Their world was those two 
apartments. They needed nothing else. Their world was perfect.

It started one night around three in the morning. She woke with 
a pain that ripped through her body. She got up and went to the 
bathroom without waking Mulder. A pale face met her in the mirror. 
Then she saw something. Blood. She was bleeding from the nose. 
Her whole head ached. She pressed a towel against her nose and 
tilted her head back. This was nothing, just a nosebleed. 
As soon as the bleeding stopped she splashed some cold water on 
her face and returned to bed. 
This was nothing. 

One week later

How could this be happening? Why? She had thought they were 
invincible, that nothing could touch them if they only stayed 
together. But now something had come between them.
Dana Scully was sitting in her car with the keys in her hand. 
She had gotten the news that day. She had never thought that this 
could be happening to her. She had believed that she could survive 
anything but now she wasn't so sure. 
Cancer. The black thing that slowly ate her up from inside had come 
into her life just like that. The doctors had told her that day that
they were not much they could do. The only thing was to give her 
some pills to ease her pain. Just like that her world collapsed. 
When she had stepped out from the doctor's office she almost 
expected to find the world had stopped. But everything remained the 
same. As she was sitting there with her hands trembling she reached
for the cross she wore around her neck. She wanted to ask god why. 
She wanted to scream right out. She wanted to hit something. 
She wanted to blame someone. This wasn't fair. They had given her 
weeks, maybe months until the day when all this was over. 
Just like that. Like it was nothing. Her heart ached in her chest. 
She had lost the battle for her life. She was losing everything that
was dear to her.



 

As she was sitting there with tears streaming down her face she 
saw Mulder's face. She had told him lies. She didn't want him to 
come. She didn't want to hurt him like that. He had so much going 
for him. She had to believe that he would go on when she wasn't 
there. She needed to live her last days with the joy of his love.
She had to live the lie. He would never know about the pain that 
ripped through her body with every breath she took.

 He was standing in her kitchen when she got home. 
He turned around with a smile upon her face and went to greet 
her with a kiss. 
- Hi, where have you been?
Lies. All lies.
- I stopped for coffee.
- Oh. Come and see what I have done.
He took her hand and leaded her to the kitchen. There he had made 
the table, bought some flowers and candles. 
- It's takeaway, I know. What can I sayy? I can't cook.
She turned around and smiled at him. He had the ability to melt 
her heart with just a smile. He bent down and gave her the softest
kiss.
- Are you okay, Scully? He whispered.
- I have never felt better.
That was the truth.
- Then let's eat.

Pain was ripping her body apart. It came in waves. She woke and
sat up. Her head was spinning and her whole body ached. 
Her face and body was covered with sweat. She slipped from the 
bed without waking him. He was sleeping so calmly beside her. 
She made it to the bathroom before she had to vomit. 
He woke when she heard her voice. He turned and looked at the clock
on the nightstand. It was midnight. He got up and walked to the 
bathroom.
- Scully. Are you okay?
Silence met him. He tried to open the door but he found 
it was locked. 
- Please, don't come in Mulder. Go backk to bed. I'll be right out.
- Are you okay, Dana?
In that moment pain ripped through her body with such strength 
that she had to scream right out. 
His heart jumped in his chest.
- Open the door! Open the goddamn door!!!!
- No. Please Mulder!
He broke down the door and found her on floor of the bathroom.
Her whole body was covered with sweat. Blood was coming from her 
nose. He couldn't describe how the sight of her looking like that
scared him. 
- Please, Mulder...It's nothing. She whhispered when he lifted her up 
into his arms and put her on their bed.
- I'm calling 911. 
- No, please. Don't. I have pills. Therre's nothing they can do.
He turned around towards her. 
- What?
- Please, Mulder. I can't tell you.





Still she hung on to the beliefs that she was doing the right thing. 
He was angry and scared. She was so pale.
- Tell me.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
- I have cancer.
The pain that ripped through his body in that moment was so 
great that he had to stumble not to fall. This was not happening.
This could not be true. 
- No.
He shook his head in disbelief.
- I got the news two weeks ago. I coulddn't bring myself to tell 
you. I can't...
In that moment she fell into the darkness of unconsciousness.

His world had turned dark in just one blink of an eye. 
He was losing her. Slowly she was slipping away from him and there 
was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. He was powerless. 
Fox Mulder was sitting by her bedside starring at her pale face.
She was still unconscious. He took her hand and whispered her name. 
He wanted to reach inside of her and take away the cancer that
ripped her apart. He wanted to take away her pain. He wanted
to cry. They had fought many battles together. She was everything 
that was still good in his life. She was his partner, his friend 
and lover. He needed her. He loved her. He wanted to have her in 
his life. This wasn't fair. He had prayed to god to spare her.
But god wasn't listening.

 It took two long days before she found her way back to life. 
He was sitting by her bedside. She was in the hospital with machines
surrounding her. He looked so tired; like he had aged years 
during those days she had been gone. He smiled at her and kissed her.
- Good to have you back, Scully.
She gave him a weak smile back. She saw sadness in his eyes and she 
knew she couldn't mend his aching heart. There time together on this 
earth would soon be up.
- Take me away from here, Mulder.
Her voice was so weak that he had to lean forward to hear her. 
Her face was so pale that it almost looked like it was transparent.
He feared it he touched her she would break.
- No, they can take care of you here. TThey can...
- There's nothing they can do. They wouuld have me on so much 
medication that I...Please Mulder. Take me away from here. 
I don't want to spend my last days alive here.
Tears was in his eyes when he said:
- Please, don't say that.
- It's the truth.
- No, it can't...there have to be a wayy.
- Take me away from here.
He kissed her and lifted her up into his arms and carried her 
away while tears streamed down his face. 



The sun warmed her face when she stood by the window watching cars 
go by. She was home. She had finally made peace with the thought 
that she had to leave this place. She didn't fear death. 
She would be safe in her Gods arms. The only thing that had been
on her mind was Mulder. He had been angry at the world since that 
day one week ago when he had carried her out of the hospital. 
But in her eyes she saw such pain that she hadn't the ability to 
take away. Nothing could. He took good care of her. He stayed with 
her when pain ripped through her body and she had to scream out 
load. He was the one who held up her hair when she had to vomit. 
He was her guardian angel. She knew that there was only days left.
She could feel it. Sometimes when fear got in the way she wanted to
cling to him and just cry. But she had to be strong. She had to 
save him.
He found her by the window when he got home. He was just about to 
say something when she turned around. He ran to her side and took 
her hand.



- What's the matter?
Strength. She had to find the strength to say the words she had
practice.
- I want you to leave.
- What do you mean leave?
- I want you to leave me. I have backedd a bag with your things.
He searched her eyes to find some sign that this was just a joke. 
It had to be.
- Don't say that.
- I mean it. I don't want you to stay hhere. I have to know that 
you would go on after I'm gone.
- Don't say that!
- I have to do this. 
- You can't mean it.
- I have to do this alone. I don't wantt you to see me like this. 
You have so much going for you. I don't your memories of me being
these last days.
- I want to take care of you.
- I'll be fine.
He was crying now. He had never thought he could feel so much
pain. It felt like his heart would explode in his chest. 
- Please, Scully. Let me take care of yyou. I love you so.
She hated to see him like this. But this was the only way. 
She had to do this. She needed to do this. She framed his face 
with her hands and looked into his eyes. She leaned her forehead
against his, closed her eyes and whispered:
- You have to let me go.
In that moment his heart broke into millions of pieces.
- How could I let go of you? You are myy everything. You are 
the reason why I'm alive. 
- Don't say that. You have so much goinng for you. You're a 
wonderful man. You're kind and loving. You're so easy to love. 
A woman would be blessed to have your love.
- Oh, god, Scully. I can't do this.
- You have to...
- Please, let me stay with you.
- You have to go. I'll be safe. I have  my mom and my family. 
I'm going home.
- Please. Don't shut me out. Not now.
- Let me go, Mulder. This is the only wway.
She kissed his lips one final time and whispered:
- I love you Mulder. I always will.
He was lost, stumbled in darkness. So this was it. She turned 
his back to him and starred out of the window. He stood a long 
time starring at her. He wanted to say something to convince her 
that this was madness. But he couldn't. He hadn't the strength to 
deny her anything. So he had to do as she wished even though it 
would cause him so much pain. 
- I love you Scully.
Then he took the bag and walked away.

Three days later

Time was slipping away from her. She could feel it with every 
breath she took. He was still watching over her. She knew it. 
She could feel him close. She had known that he wouldn't give up 
just like that. But she had to do this alone. She had to face death 
alone. She had to know that he would be fine when she had left 
this world. She didn't want the last memories he had of her was those
final days before the final end. She wanted him to remember those 
beautiful days when happiness was in their grasp. At least she did.
When pain ripped at her soul she fought to remember those days 
when her life had been so perfect. 



 She had pushed him away at the time he needed to be with her. 
But she had her reasons. Even though he didn't understand what 
that reason was he respected it. 
Mulder could not blame her. He couldn't hate her. The only thing
he felt was a pain that he couldn't wipe away. She was slipping 
away from him. He wanted to scream out load. How could he survive 
without her? She was everything. He could still remember that day 
when she had walked into his life and brought light into the 
darkness. He had fallen for that day but it had taken years for
him to realize what was in his heart. He had been to late. They 
had only gotten a few months together. Sometimes he liked to think 
that he could take her away somewhere and everything would be 
forgotten. She would be okay and everything would go back to what 
it used to be. But never ever could be like that again. Why wasn't 
the world falling apart? He was losing his only love. Why was it 
all still standing? 

Death came knocking just after the morning sun came into her room. 
He came like a cold breeze and grabbed a hold of her heart 
that she could not fight. She wasn't afraid. 
- Tell Mulder to come.
- He's already her, darling. 
Maggie Scully leaned down and kissed her daughter.
- I'll get him.
Fox Mulder entered her bedroom with his heart racing. He could 
smell death. It painted her face in dark colours. He had never 
been so afraid as he did when he walked up to her and kneeled down
beside her. He took her hand and kissed it.
- Oh, Scully.
She knew she was breaking her own vow. But she couldn't take 
not saying goodbye.
- Mulder, my love.
He closed his eyes in a weak attempt to shut pain out. 
- Stay with me. I need you here with mee. Please.
- I have to go now. It's my time. 
- Don't say that.
- Once I was afraid of the dark, I'm thhat no longer. I know I'll 
be safe.
He was crying now. She reached out her hand and caught a tear 
on her fingertip. 
- Please, don't go. I love you so. I caan't go on without you. 
There's nothing here for me without you.
- I know one thing; you and me - it hass no ending. I'll know we 
meat again. 
He leaned down and kissed her lips one final time. 
- Goodbye, my angel.
She smiled at him and said:
- I love you, Fox Mulder.
Then her eyes drifted to her family that was standing around 
her bed. She saw such sorrow in their eyes and so much pain.
But somehow she knew that they would go on. They would all be 
fine and with that thought still lingering she closed her eyes 
and let herself be taken away.

He knew that angels guarded her. She was safe in Gods arms. 
His world was so much colder when she wasn't in it. But somehow 
he knew that he had the power inside of him to survive this. 
He knew that they would meet again.
Somewhere.
Someday. /





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