Title: If tomorrow never comes

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles

Rating: PG

Category:MSR, V

Spoiler: None

Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where

Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se

Summary: Scully is badly hurt and time is running out.

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX 
and they are not mine. 

Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.

I cling to him like he could save me. But I know not even him
can stop what is happening. I used to think he was invincible,
like one of those heroes you read about when you're a child. 
One of those who fight against the dark forces and always 
wins. But I know that he is human, even though he likes to 
think he's not. I know that he wants to do so much. 
I know that he carries around the 
weight of the world on his shoulders. I know him by now. 
I know every line of his face and how his lips feel against
mine. I know when he tries to hide his emotions from me, as
he does now. I know that he's scared. I can see it in his eyes. 
I'm scared also. Fear used to be an enemy of mine but now days
I consider it my friend. It sharpens my senses and makes me
feel more alive than ever.
He pulls me closer and raps his arms around me. I feel so 
safe in his arms. It feels like nothing ever can harm me when
he holds me. But I know it's too late for dreams like that. 
I rest my head against his chest and listen to the sound of 
his heartbeat. When the pain hits me I close my eyes in a weak
attempt to shut it out. Maybe this isn't such bad way to go?

The darkness of the night surrounds us and I pull her closer.
She feels weightless in my arms. I know that I can't stop it
from happening. I wish I could. I have tried everything. But
both of us know that it's too late. I know that she will not
resent me for giving up. She understands. She knows that I 
would do anything in my power to save her. I would give my life
if that was possible. I know I should be standing up and fight
for her. But what can I do? Her life is slipping away from me.
She knows it and I know it. Believe me, I have prayed and even
begged for a sign, for some help. I have even screamed until
I can't no more. But I know no one can hear me. 
She's lying here bleeding in my arms and there's nothing I can 
Do to help her. Some might say that I should leave her and look
for help. Maybe I'm a fool but I prefer to stay with her. I
don't want to leave her here all alone. I have to believe 
that we will be saved. But still doubt lingers in my mind and
that scares me.

My body feels weightless. I'll not fear death. 
It's a part of my life. It's a friend of mine, always 
waiting in the wings. I have lived a full life. I have seen so
much and learned so many things. I got to meet Fox Mulder. I 
got to fall in love. As I look at him now I wonder if he knows
that he's so easy to love. I can't say it was love at first
sight. It was more like it crept up on you and caught you of
guard when you least expected it. I have only been in love 
once before and that was years ago. I have almost forgotten 
how it felt like. But I know now. He makes my heart skip a 
beat when he walks into the room and he makes my mind blurry 
when he smiles at me. But still I fear telling him what's in 
my heart. I don't know why. Maybe it's because that we have
become so close during the years we have worked together that
I fear if I tell him it would ruin our friendship. Maybe it's
just a weak explanation for not telling him. I don't know. 
We have finally come to the end of the road and I still 
hesitate. I don't want to cause him more pain by telling him
something he doesn't want to hear. 
- Hold on, Scully. I know they will finnd us. 
His voice trembles a bite as he looks down at me. I know he's
so afraid and I wish I could tell him that everything is going
to be all right. I wish I could lie to him. But I can't. I know
that my time on this earth is coming to an end. 
- Mulder...
He looks down at me and I can see worry in his eyes. I wish I
could do something to wipe away the feelings that cause him
such pain. But I can't.
- Scully, don't talk. Rest. They will ccome for us.
- Look at me, Mulder. 
My hand trembles as I stroke his cheek to get his attention. 
- I know we haven't gotten much time leeft.
- Don't say that. 
- You have to face the fact that this iis it for us. 
- Please, Scully. You have to hold on.
- It's my time to go and I have accepteed that.
- I haven't. I won't accept that.
- You have too.
He looks away and I can see tears in his eyes. I wish I could
ease his pain.
- I know they will come. Just hold on.  They are here at any 
moment. 
- Mulder, it's time for me to go.
- Don't say that!
His crying now as he looks down at me. Even though it hurts 
me to see him like that I know that he'll be fine. He's so
strong. 
- Mulder, I have thanked god for givingg me you. We have been
through so much together and there have been times when we
have been apart. I have always believed in you Mulder. You're
a wonderful person.
- Scully, don't go. We can fix this. Yoou'll be okay.
- Not this time. 
- Just tell me what do and I'll do it.  
- Mulder. There's nothing you can do thhis time. You have to 
let me go. 
- I don't know how. You are the one goood thing that still 
remains in my life. You're apart of me. You complete me. 
- Mulder, you have so much going for yoou. You're such a nice
man. You're so easy to love. Any woman would be glad to have
you love.
- I don't want any other than you. I'm  in love with you. I
wish I told you along time ago. But I was afraid. 
- And I love you.
The flashlight flickers in his hands and slowly dies away. I
wish we had more time. There is still so much I want to tell
him. But I feel my mind drift away. I'm not afraid. I have
finally told him what I feared so much. I know he'll be fine.
I look into the eyes of the man I love and whisper my goodbyes.
I know we'll meet again one day. Then I close my eyes and give
myself to the angels.
 
I turn my head to the darken sky and shout to the heaven:
- I have never asked you for anything,  God. I have tried to be
good, believe me. Don't do this; I'm begging you, please, 
don't take her away from me.  Please God, don't take her away.
If somebody has to die, let it be me.
But he wasn't listening. 
I can feel her life drain from her body. I sit there holding
her while death comes to take her away and there's nothing I 
can do to stop it from happening. We have been at this 
crossroad before but we have always managed to cheat death. 
Maybe I had it coming. I never expected it to end like this.
Not like this. Not here. Not her. I feel so cold now. I pull
her closer to me. I know I should let go now. It's insane to 
cling to her. But I need her here. There's nothing more I
can do. I'm alone again. Oh, god I need her. I sit there 
cradling her body with the stars as my only company. My heart
has died in my chest and my soul is shattered. She's gone. I 
should have told her more that I loved her. I should have hold
on to her. I should have cherished every moment we spent 
together. Now it's all gone. My world is shattered. 
The darkness is here again and I welcome it. I close my eyes
and surrender.

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