Title: I belong to you

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Rating: PG

Category: MSR

Spoiler: One Breath, Irresistible, Millennium and All things.

Summary: Scully's remembering the days gone by with Mulder

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX 
and they are not mine. 

Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.

It's still raining. I can't sleep. I have had a hard time
sleeping since he disappeared. Sometimes it feels like he has
taken my heart with him on his journey. I like to think of it
as journey. It feels better somehow. 
I have been to his apartment several times. I can feel his 
spirit strongest there. Many memories are from time spend
there, both good and bad. Even though many bad things have
happened there I still feel safe there. He's with me.
I can still remember that day when I walked in to his office
for the first time. I was so proud then. I lived for my work.
I would gladly give my life for the FBI. But he changed that.
He gave me life again. He gave me so much. I sometimes wonder
if he ever knew how thankful I am. I never would have thought
that the man I met that day would come to be so important. 
He was the weird guy everyone talked about. But he was so much
more. He was strong, kind and beautiful. But I had been so 
scared of trusting him, to give myself to him just like that.
There were to much to loose. My career, my job and my life. 
So I had pulled back, watching and waiting. He had opened my
eyes and showed me the world we live in. Even though he showed
me a dark world filled with an evil beyond my wildest dreams 
I'm still grateful. He gave me the power to believe, the power
to trust and most of all he showed me a love that I have longed 
for. He was and is the light to shine in the dark. He is my
hero.
I would never have thought that I could feel for him the way 
I do. I had vowed along time ago to never fall in love again.
Maybe it was foolish to think that I could keep that promise. 
But I have had too much heartache in my life to be able to 
take another.
But he managed to break down my defensives and touch my heart
with gold. He was there when no one would. He was my everything.
My mum told me how nice he was during those weeks and months I 
was away. She tells me that she has never seen such pain in
Fox Mulder as when he had to tell her that I had disappeared.
He was there by my bedside when I had returned and it was his
voice that kept me from the jaws of death. 
I owe him so much. He has saved me over and over again. 
He was the one who saved me from the hell that was 
Donnie Pfaster.  
It took along time for me to dare to love this man. Even though
Fox Mulder is so easy to love fear got in the way. He is so 
intense sometimes that I fear that I would drown in him if 




I dare to let my feelings show. Even though I'm sure he never
willingly would hurt me I'm still afraid to take that step. 
 My body and heart screamed out for him but my mind kept on 
saying no. I could see in his eyes that he wanted me. I could
see the same longing there that I know existed inside myself.
But he never said anything. Never did anything. Except those
stolen kisses. I can still remember how soft his lips were 
when he kissed me at the stroke of midnight at New Years Eve.
I had never thought he would dare. But I'm glad he did. 
Since then our relationship changed. He became much softer. 
His eyes glowed and he smiled more often. I had never thought
a kiss could change so much but it did. 
Then the night came when our two souls collided. 
It began on his coach. Just one of those nights after working
long and hard on a case. I can't remember which. All I can
remember is that night. We were watching a movie he had picked
out. I can't remember which movie it was because I fell asleep
as soon as it started. I woke up when I felt his hand on my
cheek. When I opened my eyes he was so close.
- Did I miss the movie? I said and smilled up at him. 
Then it happened. Just like that. He kissed me. It was such
a soft kiss. When I felt his tongue in my mouth I knew I was
lost. He tasted so good. I wanted to feel him closer. My heart
was racing in my chest. My whole world was him. I managed to
push up his shirt and feel his skin against my hand. His 
stomach was hard and fit. His skin was soft as silk. 
He whispered soft words in my ear and lifted me up in his
strong arms and carried me to his bed. No words were spoken.
He ran his big, strong hands over my body. His touch sends
fires along my spine and I felt like I could melt. Slowly he
undressed me while he stole a kiss. There in the moonlight
he came to me as the angel he is and gave himself to me. 
When he entered me and joined his soul with mine I knew that
I loved him. 
I can't help but smile at the memory of that night. I like
to think that he showed me heaven that night. Yes, I know
it sounds silly. But if you ever felt so much love in the arms
of the one you love you would also call it heaven. Since that
night we were inseparable. We were together day and night. 
I can still feel him in my bed. His scent still lingers there.
I have even considered not washing in fear of removing him
from my bed. But I know I can never forget. It's not possible.
We were so happy here. I have never felt so much love as I did
those days before the darkness entered and swept him away once
again. 
Some days I wish I never let him go. I should have been there.
But I know that would have not been able to stop it from happening.
Maybe it was his destiny. Maybe it was meant to be. 
But I know I will find him again. He's somewhere out there.
Safe and unharmed. I will always love him. He's my hero, my
friend, my soul mate, my lover and my everything. I will always
be grateful to him because he gave me the child that is now
growing underneath my heart. I hope one day he will be able
to hold his child in his arms. I know he will come back. 
Until then I will be here. Waiting for my love to return.

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