Title: A dream will do

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Rating: PG

Category: MSR, V

Spoiler: None

Feedback: Yes please...j_rothen@yahoo.se

Archive: Whereever, just let me now where.

Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles

Summary: Scully has left The X-files and FBI behind and 
started a new life. 

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX 
and they are not mine. 

Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.


 They say that wisdom comes with time. I don't know about
that. I'm not young anymore but I don't know much more than I
did before. I found just last night some lines around my eyes
and last week I found some gray hairs. Time is passing me by.
But I don't mind. I enjoy getting older. The best thing about
getting older is watching my son grow. William is such a 
beautiful child. He would be mad if her heard me call him a 
child. He is ten, a young boy. He has begun turning some heads.
I can see so much of his father in him. I can see the same fire
inside of him. I'm so proud of him. He is my miracle.
We left FBI and Washington behind five years ago. I have never
regret moving. After Mulder left I kind of lost my nerve. I 
lost the craving for the truth. I said once that I would never 
leave but I found it to be the only way. It was time to pass
the torch to John and Monica. It was the hardest thing I have
ever done. But I think they understood. Leaving John behind
felt like leaving a piece of my heart behind. I have never 
told him how grateful I am for the things he has done for me.
I owe him so much. I did not dare to put words to my feelings 
when it came to him. I let it slide. I had a son to think 
about. We talk on the phone these days and he has come to 
visit a couple of times. Every time he comes I can see a longing
in his eyes. He is so good with William but I can't give him
what he wants. I can't give him my heart. I think he knows
that. But I do love him. I do. But not the way he deserves to
be loved. Sometimes when I lay in bed I wish I could make 
myself love him. Everything would be so much easier. But I 
know it wouldn't be fair to neither of us. Loneliness is a 
friend of mine these days. I have been on some dates but I 
can't say that my heart was in it. I have surrendered to the 
thought that I will be alone. 
The little town of Silver creek, Minnesota, is our home these
days. We live in a yellow house at the edge of town. I fell 
in love with that house as soon as I saw it and I have never 
regret buying it. It took some months for me to find the 
path I wanted to take when it came to work. After working with
the X-files everything else felt like second best. But 
somehow and in someway I found my way back to the trade I know
I was born to do: being a doctor. The little private practice
is all that I need. I'm back to being just plane old Dana
Scully, m.d. This is my life and I have found my haven.

 I was back among the living or at least it felt like that. 
You might say that I was back were I belong. It has been ten
years since I walked out of them. But I had never a choice. It
was the right thing to do. I was saving their life by leaving
them. It took all my strength to stay away as long as I did. 
Ten years is a lifetime. I don't know why I'm back. I just 
can't take this anymore. I need them.
My hands tremble and my heart is racing when I walk the path
to their house. I feel dizzy when I knock on the front door. 
It took a month for me to find them. But I'm finally here.
Then suddenly I'm standing face to face with the person I have
waited so long to see. The miracle that is William. He is ten
these days. I have to remind myself of that. He is so 
beautiful. I try to say something, do something. But I can't 
make my lips move. 
- Mister, are you here to see my mother??
Then she appears in the door. The angel that have lived in my
dreams for years now. The years have been kind to her. She is
the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
- Mulder.
It felt like a dream hearing her say my name.
- Scully, I...
I wanted to explain, to say something.
- Won't you come inside?
I just nodded. I couldn't do anything else. I don't know how
I made my legs move but somehow I got inside.

I watch him from the doorway to my living room. I can't believe
that he is in my house. Mulder is back in my life. It feels like
a dream. What should I say? How should I act? It has been 
ten years. Why have he come? I move slowly and sit down 
opposite him.
- Scully, I want...
- Why have you come?
- I just wanted to see you.
- Just like that? Why now? It's been tenn years. That's a long
time.
- I know. Believe me. I know. Not one miinute has gone by when
I haven't regret leaving.
- So what?! Did you come here to talk abbout the past? Don't 
bother. I don't care anymore. What happened, happened. I have
accepted that. I would advice you to do the same.
- I thought I could. I was wrong. I was  wrong about so many 
things.
- But why now?! We have made it just finne without you and we'll
be just okay when you leave.
- But what if I don't want to leave?
I froze. I want so badly to open up and let him back inside. 
But I'm not young anymore. I have so much to loose. I have 
William to think about. 
- We don't need you. So you can go back  to wherever you came 
from.
I rise, wanting to distance myself from him. I turn my back to
him. I can hear him walking up behind me. I want to move but
my legs won't budge. 

My hands tremble as I reach out to touch her. I had planned it
so well. I had half expected her to greet me with open arms.
Maybe it was foolish to dream like that. But I couldn't help 
myself. When it comes to Scully I can't help but dream. I 
refuse to let her go of her again. I refuse to let go of 
neither of them. I was stupid once before to let go of such
a beautiful thing. It will not happen again. 
- I'm not leaving. Not again.
- You haven't got a choice. We don't wannt you here.
I reach out and turn her around. She looks at me with such 
fire in her eyes. I know she's angry but I can also see pain
in her eyes. She has this wall around her heart to protect 
herself from harm. I know that I have caused her so much pain
but it will not happen again, not ever. 
- I will not leave you again. Not ever.
I could see tears in her eyes when she stepped away from me.
- Get out! Leave us alone!
She pushed me away from herself.
- I won't leave! I need you. Can't you ssee that?
- You have no right to come her and...
- I love you.
- Don't say that.
I moved closer to her. My hands screamed out to touch her. I
framed her face with my hands and looked her straight into 
her eyes. 
- I will never leave you. We belong togeether.
She was crying now. Her tears marked her face and died on her
lips.
- You lie.
- No, I don't. I loved you then and I loove you now. I didn't
think it was possible but I think I love you more than ever.
I have never loved another as much as I love you.
- Please, don't do this.
- I have to. The one thing I have learneed during these past
ten years is that you must cling to every moment you get with
those you love otherwise you will wake up one day and they 
will be all gone. I will not let you go. 
- Please, I can't take this. I'm not strrong enough.
- I'm just standing here asking for yourr love. If you let me
I will love you until end of time.
- Mulder, I...
I brushed away the tears from her lips and whispered:
- Scully, let me love you.
Then I kissed her. I have dreamt about this moment for so long
that I almost fell apart when I felt her lips against mine. 
She opened herself up to me and let me taste her. Then I took
her into my arms and held on to her like my life depended on
it. 

It feels so nice to feel his arms around me again. I have
dreamt about this. I have imagined it for so long. I'm not 
scared anymore. It feels like I can take on the world if he 
only loves me. As I stand there listening to his heartbeat
I feel my walls crumble. I surrender to the thing that I have
known for so long. I love him. I adore him. I desire him. I 
need him beside me. Finally I surrender to the truth.
- I love you, Mulder.
We stand there clinging to each other for a while. I don't 
know what the future holds but one thought comfort me. We will
face it together and we will win.


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