it is 1:09am. i am in my bed typing on my laptop because i can't sleep. it must've been those  energy pills i took before going to the gym (i took them at 12pm!) or because i have soo many things running through my mind or i'm stressed. either way, i can't sleep and i want to!

since john got laid off, i've been managing to pay bills by myself for the past couple months. things were going smoothly till we took that trip to california (i used my credit card for everything!) and the debt consolidated shit took my last paycheck from my account. it was their mistake. bitches. so, thats one of the reason why i'm stressed. oh yeah, when john got into that accident, it was a total loss so i've been trying to get all paper work sent out and filled out and people to calls. its just so stressful!!! and i haven't even got my period yet! which can also mean... PREGGY?? i hope not. no more stress. i'm going to Planned Parenthood tomorrow and find out for sure cuz its been killing me inside. i have no money and i'm still on that freaken list for LEST at my job for like 8 months (i could've gotten a NEW job by now) and i haven't even registered for school because i can't pay for my classes. it really ticks me off because now i can't graduate. argh. money money money. whenever they call me for this job (i hope soon) will be great. it'll be great financially. because i'm in a financal runt and i can't get out of it. i only work 19hours a week, no more, no less, i pay my bills and i can barely manage to pay it all. i have a total loss claim to file and if i don't do it in time, it'll affect my CREDIT rate. thanks john, thanks a lot for putting me on that car title. such regret. my whole credit is on the line because of that total loss claim. i'm such a fool but nooo, i have to give him what he wants! i need to stick up for myself. no is no. oh and what made it worst, he got a mp3 player. a nice one too! on my credit card, which could've been used to pay the bills but oh well, its for the gym (which he just STARTED going this year -- oh and the membership is up in February. so lets see, 2 years to finally go to the gym???? that was a waste of money there). why don't i just say no next time????

i'm such a fool. i'm so sad and angry and stressed and worried and mad at everything that happened in 2006. 2006 was the worst year and it looks like 2007 might be too. damn, nothing ever goes right anymore....life sucks and so do i.