May 2003

[ 05.19.2003 ] ::

O no, I see,
I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,

O no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
O no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in love in a bubble.

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Although I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.

-Coldplay :: Trouble-

Mondays.... Coldplay is amazing, I wish I could go see them next weekend, but who'd I go with... The only person I'd want to go with I can't and I don't think I should. I'm at a crossroads again. I am trying to focus, but its so hard when things are empty or meaningless. I wish I could have what I had before, the one thing that kept me going, gave me reasons to work hard and persevere. Though I want it more than anything, I do not know if I can ever have it again. Part of the problem lies with my inability to trust people these days. Its hard when the last relationship (if you can call it that) was with someone who played me, who lied to me... Sometimes it seems the whole world lies and all that is pure and honest means little more than a way to manipulate others. This world is disgusting, but what can I do... nothing, other than try to live my life as an example, as disjointed as it is, its still better than living a life of dishonor caused by lies.

I shouldn't think that way, I do not lie, and that should be good enough for me. I should think myself so high above others when I am a burden myself. BRB *gets water to drink* Ok, I'm back. Its getting warmer so I'm needing more fluids lately. It doesn't help that I was wearing a sweater, but I had a presentation to do with Louis and Renée. We got 100% AGAIN! So great. I guess thats what happens when you get Renée together on projects. I think Prof Up-high (Abhay) just likes the two of us because we are crazi, but productive. He was always comparing projects to ours, ALL the time! For both presentations we've done! I like that class for some crazi reason. Maybe I'm, wait... definately I am wierd.

Meanwhile.... on the love front. Its hard to be around the person you love and you can't do anything about it. It hurts a lot. Especially when the two us have gone through so much to end up like this. I sometimes see her and just want to be in her arms, to hear her tell me it was all just a bad dream and that everything is ok. But its not, and this nightmare is really my Hell that I've created again because I'm such a paranoid fr34k. The song posted today is what I want to say, what I feel. Same as the last post's song. But it's all too little, too late. The damage has been done, now I'm alone again. *sigh* : (

Good nite, I'm tired of today.

[ 05.17.2003 ] ::

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start

-excerpt from Coldplay :: The Scientist-

Wow, its been a week. A long crazy week. That song up there is from a very awesome band named Coldplay. You see, it relates to my life a whole lot right now. I've heard it soooo many times, but when all this craziness started to unfold, someone very close and very dear to me told me that this is how she felt. As the last few weeks have gone by, this song has been the only thing on my mind, playing over and over again. It haunts me in my dreams and when I'm at work, or they gym, always at school. The verses that I posted are some of the most relevent parts of the song, otherwise it repeats over with a similar feeling, reinforcing those up there. I would post the whole thing, but posting whole songs takes up alot of room so I will just add it to my Music page. This part is most relevent because I am sorry, I'm sorry for everything I am and have done. All I want is to start over again, back to the days when we first met. I want everything to be normal, but that will never happen. All I can do is hope for the best to work out. Maybe things will change for the better. I know I have suffered my Hell, maybe yours will end soon too. I love you still, and will always be here for you when you need me, just like you are there for me too. I am sorry....

Goodnight everyone, I can't continue.

[ 05.10.2003 ] ::

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And my heart is breaking in front of me
She said Goodbye too many times before

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

-Maroon 5 (Adamsk 5) :: This Love-

It's another boring Saturday of me washing clothes. It seems that my stoopid car is just barely failing SMOG tests (only in the high RPMs of 2100-2500) It was failing misserably till i got a new Catalytic Converter. So now it runs ALOT better, just needs AC fixed and new seats and I wouldn't be so ashamed of driving it anymore. It still need the Carburetor fixed (alot of $$$) but I guess its needed. We almost ended up getting a new vehicle, but I'll just keep driving this one till DeVry fulfills its promises of millions : P

The other day my Step-mom was looking through pictures and found a bunch from my going away party when I went to Oregon. I was actually taller than Alex back then. Mike is also pictured in there sans Fro LOL. He has changed but not too noticeably. I can't believe what an attractive child I was. WHAT HAPPENED!!! WHY AM I SO UGLY NOW! : P Also in the pictures are Bob Burgard, Alex's sister Jessica, Ian's sister Megan, and guest appearances by none other than the G.O. himself... but he was just a Spherical One back then.

What's up with Adamsk 5 you ask??? Well, let me explain. You see, I went to Channel 104.9's Birthday Party concert back in January and playing there was Ama, Evanescence, the Donnas and Maroon 5. Evanescence was sooooooooooo incredibly awesome. It came time for Maroon 5 to play and to my surprise they all look like Adam. Its as if some evil genious (prolly Mike) took Adam and cloned him 5 times, then taught them all to play instruments. YES!!! They all look a little bit like Adamsk (there is no perfect clone) so I decided to call them Adamsk 5 from then on. The above song I heard live and it was one of the best songs. Its being played on the radio now becaues they are über like Adamsk. In fact, they are so über that they played a cover of NIN Closer, which was freakishly awesome. They are going to be playing for free at some park in Down Town San José on June 5th, so check em out if you are in the area at that time.

I saw X-men 2 last night. I thought it was pretty good. NightCrawler and Wolverine are still my favorites. Rebecca Romijn (screw the Stamos ending, she should be with me!), WOW... she actually morphed in to herself. She is so hot. Ok. 'Nuff of that, its an awesome sequel, go see it.

Well, time for more boring laundry. Late

[ 05.07.2003 ] :: Its times like these we learn to live again. Its times like these we give and give again. Its times like these we learn to love again. Its times like these, time and time again.
-Foo Fighters-

Hi. This is me : ( This is me getting on with things : | See the difference? Great! I know I can't, er...yeah. Anyways, I'm getting things done like trying to fix my car. *kicks* Stoopid car. I still haven't gotten back on track with school. Atleast Louis and Candi are great for my morale. I don't know what I'd do with neither one of them. There is not much to say today, other than Louis brought his gf's guitar down from Sac and it sounds real nice. Better than mine, maybe. I am teaching him how to be as horrible as I am. But I know how to play Times Like These from the Foo Fighters. Its great cuz I can play a whole song now. *plays song* YAY! I sound horrible, but practice, practice, practice.... *keeps playing*

Its getting late and I'm wanting to go to bed. I just learned from Renée that she passed her permit test. Congratulations!

Well, good nite everyone.

[ 05.06.2003 ] :: I cry out to God seeking only his decision. Gabriel stands and confirms: I've created my own prison.
-Creed-

Many of you may notice that I've changed my layout. In case you are wondering, yes that is Shinji Ikari in the background. You see, I have become Shini in a way. We kept trying to run away from my problems and needed to be told to 'be a man' by some one important to us. We also seem to suffer from the Hedgehog Dillema, in that we can't get to close to anyone important to us. We are both empty shells exploited for menial tasks, which our lives have been reduced to (except he gets to pilot an Eva, I just load boxes). I'm sure you all get the picture.

It seems that all I do is create problems for those that I love, family and friends. I cannot even get by with out living some kind of drama. I've become a nuisance to so many. All thats left is to just live now. To go to work for four hours, then go to school where I am unwanted, then come home and burden my family with my uselessness.

Ok, I guess I should explain what has changed around here. Well, not much. I got rid of the Guitar section, though I might add that back on to the music section. I added an e-mail link finally. Most of the changes are just aesthetic. The title of my site has also changed. I adjusted the size of the page so that it would look good on the horrible Acmas at school. If you have higher resolution, it looks best when windowed, yet will still look great up to 1024x768px (though I wouldn't go any higher). Well, that much is it.

HEY CANDI!!! Sorry, but I'm going to have to stop text msging you, its getting expensive for me again. Luv u still though ;)

[ 05.05.2003 ] ::

Hello. I believe I owe everyone an apology. I have become a burden on everyone's lives. I have managed to destroy the only thing in the world that kept me going because of jealousy, whether or not I was right to be. I ruined the lives of some people close to me. I have one friend trying to help out though he doesn't need to, and I'm sure he too is going to become fed up with me. I am nothing but a problem. My own father has finally had it with me. I didn't go to work (didn't call or anything, just kept on sleeping). Even when I do go to work, I become a burden on my co-workers, as they give their time up to try to pick up what I can't do. I had ignored past financial responsibilities because of their "inconvienience" and now that is taking its toll on me. My irresponsibility as an adult and not taking care of things when they came up the first time (like my expired registration, a $700 fine) is now killing me as well.

I have basically become less than human. I am a burden on society. There are people out in the world in worse situations than I am in, yet I am not man, or human, enough to take this. What more is there left? I get yelled at and told to stop crying and to take it like a man, that I'm no longer a child. I just don't know if I can anymore.

I have to wake up tomorrow, go to work and apologize to my employers for flaking out on them. I have to apologize to my father for falling apart on him when he has problems of his own. I have to apologize to Louis for becoming this constant drag on him. I have to apologize to Renée and her family for all the trouble I've caused this last week, and to Michael and Nick.

I've run out of resources and destroyed all good faith in my self. I am not worthy of being Human, of living. I have burdened myself most of all, and though I may try to apologize to my self and move on, I cannot accept it. If anyone ever sees me in the hall way, I'm sorry, I hope that atleast you can forgive me for my sins, because I can't.

Good night.

[ 05.03.2003 ] :: The peace is dead in my soul. I have blamed the reasons for my intentions poor. Yes I'm the one who, the only one who, would carry on this far.
-Creed-

Happy Birthday mom.

It is about 18.00 right now. I woke up around 11.00, showered, ate. Listened to music for an hour or so, around 13.00 I went back to sleep till around 17.00, where I went into the shower and let the water run over me while I tore apart at myself inside, trying to figure a way out of this whole mess. I can't trust anyone anymore. Its too hard to live, but I lack the strength to end my life. This mess of my life has become too intense. I need to talk to certain people to clear things up, but I can't because I still fear them, and now even more so than before.

Water just hit the back of my neck from my hair that is still wet. Some one is very mad at me for something I unintentionally did. I want you to know that from the the deepest recesses of my being, that I had no intention of what happened. It was an accident and it tore me apart because of what it means for me, and for us. I would never to any such thing out of spite ever in my life. It meant more to me than you think. Now it hurts to know that what happened hurt you too. I'm not going to ask for fogiveness because I would not forgive my self either.

As far as lies are concerned, I DO NOT LIE. I have not spread lies. I have told only four people what happened, and two of those people told me other things that have happened too. Though now I don't know if they are lieing or you are lieing. I want to believe you, but I don't know if I can. I don't want to believe them, but I don't know if I can't. Nothing I told any of them is a lie, and if somehow they twisted my words around, then soon enough we will know the truth. All I want is the truth to be heard from the core people involved.

If what you say is true, then I'm sorry for all the trouble that this has become. If what the two say is true, I'm not sure what to think about it. It will probably kill me more. We will know soon enough when we all talk. Just know that I have not said anything untrue, and if what ever has gotten back to you is false or twisted, then you know who did it, but it was not me.

[ 05.01.2003 ] ::

Now I will tell you what I've done for you
Fifty thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, Deceiving and Bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me(going under)
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once(wake up for once)
Not tormented daily, defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again

I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again

I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through

So go on and scream
Scream at me, I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under

I'm dying again

I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under, going under, I'm going under

-Evanescence :: Going Under-

Dear GOD!!!! I don't know. I hate my job, hate my stoopid car, hate the pain of living. So why do I continue on? I don't know myself. There are still many options to pull myself out of this mess of a life, but sometimes it just seems like its not worth it. I am still living, and getting stronger each day. The pain still hurts as much as it ever has, but some times I find that I can compose myself to an uneasy calm. Staying around friends has really helped alot because they all seem to want to help and care about me. But what about when I wake up tomorrow at 03.30 and am left alone, going to my screwed up job. I won't be able to see anyone until atleast 10.00 or 11.00. I have to go that long all alone, at work, dying over and over again, just like this morning, and all the other mornings before. One of the problems is that I can't get a job that offers better pay, or having every weekend off. I know when I work everyday and don't have to worry about scheduling problems (except that its at 04.30 so I have to go to bed at 21.00 to be sane). It will just be hard to find another job as fitting with school and weekend life as I do now.

Good news is that my Dad gave me some money for my TV so now I have some money to maybe eat or something. Yay! Food money good.

Good night.

April 2003

[ 04.30.2003 ] ::

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I’ve kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they’ve played

If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there’d never be a past

If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler to change

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It’s easier to run
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It’s easier to go
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

-Linkin Park :: Easier To Run-

I don't know how many more entries are going to follow after this today. The cat is out of the bag now, so it is no longer a huge secret (though the screwed up thing is that it never was). I have been hurt, I don't know how much longer I can keep this going. Luckily many of you were there to help me: Caylen, Michael, Rodney, Than, Javier, and Ric.. yes even Ric. Its crazy, one second there are people who you fear and think that they don't like you, then the next second, your closest friends and even the one you love are not; instead, those who you fear, become your best friends. I don't know what I would do if they were not there. I guess its obvious that the Hmafia is no more, at least to me it is no more.

I would love to keep writing but I've got to clean this filth from work off of me, then maybe I'll crawl into a corner and die somewhere.

Thank you, all of you who are trying to help.

Sayoonara

[ 04.27.2003 ] :: Have you forgotten all I know and all we have. You saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand. I knew you loved me then.
-Evanescence-

What a day it was today! I woke up, took a shower, ate pie, then recieved a call from Renée asking if I would like to join Nick, her self, and her family for a picnic. Well, today I had to go to Turlock for my cousin's baptism, but I wasn't going to leave till around 14.00 anyways, so I said I'd go. Well, I got to use my father's truck, so that was a huge relief *kicks stoopid car*. I got to Renée's house around 11.00 and we all left once her family got the food ready.
We got to the park and ate. Ryan (Renée's younger brother) was trying to fly his kite while Ric discouraged him. Then Ric tried to fly it while Nick discouraged him :P We all hung out and walked around for a bit. Ric was trying to toss cookies in to his mouth and a seagull swooped down and tried to eat it. Too bad Renée didn't get that on camera. There was some conversation about Renée hitting me or Nick in the groin with the kite tube, and I said something about my foot as an innuendo for groin, and Ric got really excited about all that and soon the rest of the conversations had some kind of reference to feet or groins. Anyways, after all the fun I realized that I was behind on my time table so I drove like a mad man (85-90mph) all the way to Turlock for Alyssa's baptism. It was interesting, and I wish I could have stayed longer to hang out with my family, but I needed to get home so I can get up tomorrow morning for work. On the way home I talked to Renée so I'd have company. Thanks Renée, for being there for me while I was on the road all lonely and tired. :P She brought up the whale issue, bleh... *shivers, but without flavor* Well, I'm gonna go now. Bye everyone, see you later in the week.

[ 04.25.2003 ] :: These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears. I held your hand through all of these years. But you still have, all of me.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.
-Evanescence-

A whole week without updates... : ( I'm sorry everyone, but I was 'kinda' busy this week with being sick and having to zone out and do homework.

The set of lyrics above was beautifully sung to me by Renée tonight, I guess she really wanted to see if I cried when hearing it. Well... now she knows. It's really hard to hold back, but I managed to do so until the last verse was sung, like always I cried. At least I didn't bawl like usual, I didn't want to make a scene. You are mean Renée! But thank you, I enjoyed it.
I still can't shake this cold, and now I need to wash clothes tomorrow, then go to Turlock for Alyssa's baptism (my cousin). I bumped in to Daniella in the hall way and she said she was taking guitar lessons; thats cool! Good luck Daniella! This week was somewhat uneventful. OH wait... Monday, we (Hmong Hmafia) all got our pictures taken together at Southland. I tried to scan them, but the scanner is a piece of crap. Other than that, uneventful.
Rodney, you are the gai! He was awesome in Ric and Mike's movie for their psych class. Anyways, I'm gonna go now because I'm kinda tired and pukey and emotionally spend from Renée's singing. Good night everyone, Luve u all! Have fun this weekend!

[ 04.20.2003 ] :: "Oh don't talk of love," the shadows purr, murmuring me away from you, "Don't talk of worlds that never were, the end is all that's ever true. There's nothing you can ever say, nothing you can ever do..." Still every night I burn, every night I scream your name. Every night I burn, every night the dream's the same.
-The Cure-

The Cure has some awesome stuff, don't they? Oh well, in case you didn't know, that is from The Crow sound track. I love that movie. I was watching it this morning while everyone in the house was running around getting ready to go to our relatives' house for some eats because today is another one of those crazy Christian holidays called Easter, where everyone forgets its true meaning and instead participates in the secular tradition of giving candy to kids as they look for eggs left behind by some rabbit that exists only as a marketing ploy to get people to buy cards and candy. Its l@m3 so what ever. Eats and family gathering and Dragon Warrior 1. That was my day. I decided to finish watching Love Hina last night so that was cool. Just have to wait for Fruits Basket to finish downloading so I can finish watching it too. Then I'll have to get Love Hina Again. Looks like the rest of my day will be reserved for MGMT 404 B homework and Jasmine Tea, mixed in with a little bit of zoning out. Well later.. *goes through withdrawls*

[ 04.19.2003 ] :: Don't say I'm out of touch, with this rampant chaos - your reality. I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge, the nightmare I built my own world to escape
-Evanescence-

I am sitting here at home right now listening to Evanescence because I haven't listened to them in quite some time. I still cry listening to them. For a while I wrote poems listening to them. They gave me inspiration to write while I was feeling at my lowest. Because of their strong emotion, I was able to express my feelings in ways I have never done before, in poetry. I have come a long way from those times and I have become disconnected lately from how I got to where I am now. Too much mind-clutter, as I call it.
Anyways... Kyoo wa Maiku kun no otanjoobi desu! Otanjoobi omedetoo Maiku kun! Maiku kun wa 21 sai desu! In case you don't understand Nihongo, I said: Today is Mike's birthday! Happy birthday Mike! Mike is 21 years old! What a kr33p. Well, enough of that. I am transfering more Evanescence lyrics to this site so everyone can read them if they don't already know them. Later...

[ 04.18.2003 ] :: No Lyrics Today
-Chasin' Kittens-

Yeah, I know I didn't update yesterday, but I was busy falling asleep all day long! In fact, in MGMT 404 B the professor came up to me after he got my attention and asked if I did not get enough sleep last night. I nodded my head as Corey said "No, he was Chasin' Kittens!" Yeah :P I thought it was funny. Classes were boring and I had a huge stomach ache all day long. I have to remember to start on my essay for Humn 410, "The History of Anime." Hopefully I do well on it. After class, I went to the SC to find Renée at a computer and Nick kun being boring. Chue asked if I wanted to go to the mall (Valley Fair) with them, so I said sure. It is only 2-3 minutes driving from my house, in traffic, with stop lights.... Anyways, so I hop in my car real quick like because I thought they were all ready to go, but they were waiting for me (without my knowing) so I got on the road. I was about to get on E84 when Renée called wondering where I was, her mom got upset that I didn't wait behind... : ( I didn't mean to, I thought they were all ready going. Anyways. Spent time at the mall with Renée, her family, and Nick kun. That was yesterday.... Today is l@m3 as I sit here at home doing laundry. Ashita wa Mike kun no otanjoobi desu! (It's Michael's Birthday tomorrow) He will now join me in the ranks of the 21 yr olds! What a kr33p. Well. Thats it for now. I'll maybe update if interesting stuff happens later today. Ja!

[ 04.16.2003 ] :: Hold on to me love. You know I can't stay long. All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid. Can you hear me? Can you feel me in your arms?
-Evanescence-

OMG... I haven't updated in THREE DAYS. Thats a first.... Anyways, not much going on, just work and school and 'other' stuff. There is car stuff too. I'm glad the 'other' stuff is coming to an end though. Was driving me nutz. Car stuff always drives me nutz... I hate that stoopid car. It failed the SMOG test btw... l@m3. Oh well, gotta fix it. I've been kinda tired lately so that's why I haven't updated much. I'm in kinda a not care about worldly things mood right now. More important things like friends. I have lots of laundry to do, I'll have to do it all Friday when I don't have school. Oh.. Carina (Yoshikawa-Hamilton, oldest female cousin on my mum's side) and my auntie-Manda (Amanda, mum's sis) invited me to go to Great America with them.. SUGOI DESU YO!!! I miss Great America, I haven't been there since October, when Louis and I said we would get season passes for this year. I don't have money though, so we never got them, but he's coming anyways, so we can get WOW cards and still get in free for the year. SUGOI SUGOI!!! Great America ga SUKI DESU YO! Also.. I am going to Fanime Con with everyone thanks to Renée (she is so kind, she offered to pay, and I'll pay her back over time) OLIVE JUICE!!! What would I do without everyone... hmmm... prolly go insane from loneliness. Anyways. I'm gonna sleep now, I'll talk more tomorrow. Bye!

[ 04.13.2003 ] :: Your love's got me going around and around, and it's taking me over. Your love's got me tumbling upside down, and I want you to know it. Your love's got me going around and around, and it's taking me over. It's you you you, it's only you...
-Kylie Minogue-

Bleh, its Sunday. I woke up kinda early for a Sunday. Around 8.00 or so. I took a shower, then proceeded to watch episode two of Fruits Basket (sooo good). I am waiting for episode three to finish downloading. After Fruits Basket I watched Get Carter because it has been sitting on my hard drive since September and I've never gotten around to watching it. It is pretty good, lots of Sly getting in everyones face. Cool stuff.
After watching Get Carter I went to get a color printer cartridge so I can PRINT my tax forms, bleh. I was finally able to get my taxes done, just gotta put them in the mail slot for tomorrow. I did some zoning out, then ate, then started some laundry, then lifted weights, practiced guitar, and am now updating. So its pretty much been a boring day. I was going to do all this yesterday, but ended up zoning out all day. I did try to write another poem. I was trying to write about Watachitashi no Kodomo ( Japanese for "Our Child"). Kodomo is the Japanese Aralia that Renée gave to me to take care of a few months ago, and I renamed it Watashitachi no Kodomo, because it is now our Kodomo. She has grown quite a bit since I started to take care of her. Anyways, I didn't have the magic today, but maybe I'll find it sometime soon.
Gonna go now, I updated some of the lyrics if you wanna check em out. Later...

[ 04.11.2003 ] :: This song is a poem to myself, it helps me to live. In case of fire, break the glass and move on in to your own...
-Taproot-

Yet another day... I had hoped to get more things done, but today was just not the day to get things done. I got home from work, washed clothes (stupid dryer takes forever and set me back an hour or two). I was planning on working on my taxes and homework today after Louis and I went to the gym. He has his car getting fixed so that took some time and I was already behind my schedule for the day, oh well. We got to DeVry around 3:15!!! I was hoping to get there sooner, but I only had time to do my lame Federal Taxes. By the time I got around to California Taxes, it was time for class... Renée was there with us until we had to go to class, and she showed louis the Strongbad Email entitled "Huttah!" where the Cheat is decribed as being a cheese, or maybe an anvil. Which are two of the finest things in life, a cheese... or an anvil...
Class... with George Lai... GOOD GOD!!! A small part of me dies each time I enter the class. He could just tell us what the assignment is before he lectures, so the people like me who don't need to listen, can just get the work done instead of listening to a 30 second lecture expanded into 2 hours... GAH! Anyways. I did not go to Speech at Chabot today due to the fact that I never finished registration, or do not have the money to pay for the class anyways. There are only three reasons to go, Pheng, PaShia, and Renée. And I always run the risk of not getting out of George Lai's class soon enough to go, so I decided that I would discontinue attending the class that I'm not in. :(
After the lame class I went to the H.O.T. Club Game Night, where something that will NEVER EVER happen again had occured... I played DDR... WAIT, I know what you are thinking... Jason has become a kr33p and broke down to the temptations of the twisted gaming sensation... but no... I played because Louis was there, and I thought Michael was going to be there too, so that I have other people that are lame to play against without having to worry about being schooled by the DDR Gods... It was ok, a little better than my last DDR experiance. I actually passed a couple times, barely. Anyways, the trio from Speech returned to DeVry around 20.30 - 21.00. At 22.00 we all went to Renée's to watch Anime and hang out. Chue was great, she ordered pizza, thanks Chue!
Well... tomorrow I get to finish my taxes and laundry, smog my car, take care of my financial crisis, and bum around all day. Renée's family is leaving to Fresno tomorrow and then she has Driver's Ed classes all next week, so the next time I see her will be Wednesday *goes through withdrawls*. Anyways, good luck in your classes Renée! You should have no problem, its easy. Bye everyone.

[ 04.10.2003 ] :: You know, the way I feel was promised by your face, the sound of your voice, painted on memories. Even if you're not with me, I'm with you...
-Linkin Park-

20.15 ::
So I didn't update yesterday... so what :P Anyways. I'm updating today because I am. I guess I'll start with the "I went to work" line, then the "Afterwards, I went to the gym" line. So yeah, I went to work; afterwards, I went to the gym. I felt a lot better after the gym today. I guess all that working out lately has been refocusing me, maybe. Anyways, I felt better, so my day has been better than it has lately, and as of right now, I'm feeling kind of good, despite all the "crap" that is going on right now. Oh, btw, Renée's phone is possessed and Nick just got a cell. Everyone should call him now to bug him. DO IT! Tomorrow, Nick, Michael, and I will be watching movies at Renée's house, can't wait, will be fun. Still have taxes to do. Oh, I also fixed the spelling errors on the entry that I talk about Renée's DDR addiction. Well.. Later.

10.45 ::
It's as easy as Alt-F4
-Jason C. Kitchens-

That quote above was given during a conversation between Mike and I. We were in the SC and he opened up www.addictinggames.com but was saying how he should read. So I said the quote which is above this paragraph and he said I was a genious. I guess. I put it up anyways 'cause he felt enthusiastic about it and I guess it sounds cool too.

[ 04.09.2003 ] ::

EAT MY SLIPPERS! (a new insult)
-Nick Ferrill-

[ 04.08.2003 ] :: It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb. It's so much easier to go, than face all this pain here all alone.
-Linkin Park-

More salt for the already festering wound... if you thought yesterday was bad... We'll leave things with "I've almost broken down infront of people many times today." More personal stuff too personal for here and only for a few select ears to hear, if I even tell them. Aside from that, I made a new poem. Not much else today other than it is more teh suck than ever, but not as teh suck as it has been before. Good night.

Just kidding... I'm not going to bed quite yet. I have yet to name the poem. Nick came up with a name, but it was too cheerful. Kenny is working on one for it. OH, check Renée's site, something about her DDR addiction having gone down a tad. Now she only compulsively plays it if its within sight, or something to that effect... Ok, now thats it. Nothing more. I'm done. Good night.

[ 04.07.2003 ] :: So I walk up on high, and I step to the edge, to see my world below. And I laugh at myself, while the tears roll down. 'Cause it's the world I know. It's the world I know.
-Collective Soul-

Today... :( Why...
Ok, so it started off ok. I got up in time for work. Got home, got ready for school. Renée needed a ride, so I picked her up on the way to class. We had a quiz, everything was going fine. I went home to check if I needed to make an appointment with the smog place to get the stoopid car smoged. I didn't, so as I was about to go, I realized that I should make sure I have enough money, which reminded me that I needed to look at the financial aid stuff that I suddenly got from my dad. After looking at it all, it seems that the IDIOTS at Sallie Mae decided that my payments needed to be higher without telling me, so now I owe $555.26 dollars for the last few months, plus an increased payment of $177 for this month on....... I ONLY HAVE $500 TO MY NAME THAT HAS TO GO TO GETTING MY CAR REPAIRED!!!! GOD.......... I hate this world and money, and my stoopid car, and the fact that my family is teh suck for financial resources... I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--consumate exclamation marks. SUCK!!!!!!!!!! AAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *breaks stuff* *punches wall* *tears hair out* *passes out for an hour* *crawls up in to a ball and cries*......

[ 04.06.2003 ] :: Wow, I ended up going to bed around 02.00, although it was really 03.00 cuz of the stupid time change *grumbles*. I have lost yet another hour of life that I could have spent zoning out... I woke up around 11:30 or so to the lack of music. My headphones fell off so I went to put them back on, but ended up staying awake, so I took a shower. Right after I got out I got a pleasant morning, err... noon call from Renée asking if I wanted to go to the Great Mall. "We" (meaning I) called Michael up, but he was still half out of it and said he was going to his mom's. Then Renée called him right when I was done and got him a little more pursuaded with the notion of "free" food yet again. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, or maybe his fro!
I got the the Great Mall around 12.45 or so. Mike called and asked for directions, so I guess he decided that free greasy death food of life was good enough a reason to go :P Anyways, Renée and her mom showed up and we started eating because we were all pretty hungry. Mike came a little afterward. When we got done eating, we all went to go watch Renée try on more dresses. Mike liked the gold one cuz it reminded him of "Beauty and the Beast." I liked the ones at Macy's better, but it was too late. Renée ended up getting the Gold one, plus some "unmentionables." After that we parused a little till we got to Van's, where Renée and Mike started to DDR. Afterwards it was to TCBY for some ice-cream before we all left. Chue was kind enough to drop Michael and I off at our vehicles. While in the car, they got me to sing, unfortunately I'm tone deaf... So don't ask me to sing!
That was pretty much my day. Not much went on afterwards, oh well. Renée also reminded me that she did not buy the Hello Kitty clock cuz it was too much. So I'll fix that day's entry. Anyways, good night, see you all later.

[ 04.05.2003 ] :: Today sucks too. I have been down a little all last night and all day today. I got up and went to Speech. I got to Chabot right when Renée, Pheng, and PaShia did. The class was kinda boring, but at least those three were there to make it more enjoyable. Pheng, you're the guy! He is always so energetic, its fun to have him around. Anyways... Class was over and I took Renée to DeVry because her mom wanted her there and I had some work to do. I got there and ended up working on it, then the Game Dev club came and made their usual racket. At least I was able to concentrate somehow on my work. After work was done, Chue took Michael, Renée, and I out to dinner to finish out the day. We went to Yuka Sushi. After wards I went home. On the way, there was a nasty accident on I 880 NB that held up traffic going both ways. Bleh... I got home, found my ticket had come in the mail. They want $743.50 for it!!!
I am already getting broke as it is... Now I don't have enough money to pay for the stupid ticket. It says its correctable and that it will only cost me $10.00 if I fix it, but that doesn't seem right. I have to correct it still. S IS FOR SUCKS!
My dad and I went Barnes&Noble for a bit and I finally figured out the name of the band that sings "Shine", "December", and "The World I Know." Its Collective Soul... I cannot believe I forgot their name. They are so awesome. I loved their stuff back when I was in Jr. High, still do, but you know... forgetting their name doesn't help any when you want to listen to them. I'm downloading their stuff now, as I write this and another poem. I finished it but I didn't know what to call it, so I sent it to Candi and she christened it 'Satisfied?' so that is what I'm calling it now, it should be up if you are reading this. Well, that's it for now, check out the poem. Good night.

[ 04.04.2003 ] :: I hate today... I woke up, went to work, came home, zoned out. I wanted to get to school though, so that I could work on my assignment for CIS 339, then my speech. No such luck. Candace was on and I wanted to talk to her about her tonsillectomy and how she was feeling. We ended up talking for a long time, but that's ok.
Today ended up being a day of 'I should have..' all day. First off, I should have done my homework earlier in the first place, so I didn't have to worry about today not going as planned. I should have stuck to my plan this morning and burned .hack//sign for Renée, took shower, go to school, do assignment for CIS 339, then speech outline. I didn't... Instead I zoned out when I got home. I should have burned .hack//sign while talking to Candace and get ready for school. I should have left around 10 am to get to school early enough to work on my assignment. I should have gotten around to doing my work right when I got to school, but I didn't. I should have done all this earlier, but I didn't... Now I'm kicking my self for it...
I am getting tired of this, I need to get back on track, but its been just too hard. Now there is another issue that is coming in to fruition; yet, I again cannot talk about it. I'm getting sick to my stomach again and a huge part of me feels like its been ripped from my chest. Lets just say that I am tired of certain people asking me what is wrong when they know exactly what is wrong and that they are at the heart of it all.
No...
I should not blame others, the only person anyone ever should blame for anything looks back at them in the mirror. That is one of the hardest things to swallow in life sometimes, but unfortunately it is one the greatest truths in existence.
Well, it is late again, and I have to wake up for Speech again tomorrow morning, good night.

[ 04.03.2003 ] :: Tried to get back on track today... still no success. I don't know why I can't get back in to the swing of things. I stayed up late doing my homework #4 for MGMT 404 B. I still dislike that class with a passion, but what can I do but just conform and do what is asked of me. Didn't work out today, Louis had some work he wanted to have done for MGMT 404 B. Since I was gone last week, I was not able to participate in the group activity. As it turned out, Louis did all the work for it. I am sorry bro, thanks for your hard work. Looks like I get to do the programming group exercise for us tomorrow. I still have not done that or my speech, but like I said before, it is hard trying to get back in that zone that I left behind when I went to Portland. I don't know, things have been just kinda stressing me lately too. Too personal for here, I know you are all my friends but its just too painful to talk to everyone about right now, sorry. I have to go to bed now though, its too late to ramble on about nothing that no one really cares about anyways.

[ 04.02.2003 ] :: Sooo much stuff went on today. First off, I was late for work so they sent me home because they were overstaffed. I used that time that I would've spent working to give this site a huge facelift (in case you didn't notice). I think I'll be keeping this layout for quite some time. Anyways, I got bored at home, so I went to school to hang out. I mostly zoned-out till it was time for Game-dev club meeting, where I ate my sandwich and then zoned-out more. After the meeting I hung out with Renée all after noon. She had class at 14.00 but I let her sleep, cuz sleep is important! I had class at 16.00, so I went for 45 minutes, where I turned in my lab then did the first half of the new lab. After that I tracked down Renée and we bugged Nick, Andy, and Mike. Then I went to get Ice-cream for people, but Matt and Chue didn't want any, so I ended up just getting stuff for Renée and I. Mike got off work and saw me eating, so I let him have the rest. Afterwards I took some of those silly quizzes and posted the results in the +++About Me+++ page. I was supposed to help Renée with her random avatar generator, but time went by too fast and we all left. Oh well, looks like I get to do it tomorrow. Later, maybe I'll wake up on time tomorrow, maybe... :P

[ 04.01.2003 ] :: APRIL FOOLS.... or at least that's what I had expected today. I'm not really a 'holiday' guy when it comes to things like April Fools or St. Patrick's Day, or even Easter... Winter Day of gift giving and Thanksgiving are the only two holidays that I really go for, oh wait, the 4th of July too, cuz its cool! Anyways... Worked out today, starting to slim down 'a little' so its good I guess. I was tired all day, hard to stay awake in MGMT 404 B, but we got out early, so I went and got lunch with Kevin, cuz he's the gai too. I hung out with Renée and Matt and talked with Rodney about how he was upset about some Yu-Gi-Oh thing. I don't understand it and don't care for Yu-Gi-Oh anyways, but oh well. Renée made a cute flyer for Fanime Con so we can get a bunch of people to go and get a group discount.
Yeah, I went home after walking Renée to her class. I proceeded to zone out, but then my dad wanted me to take care of insurance..... What a mess this stupid car is, GAH! I hate my car with a new found passion. I should just get a truck and then use it to run over my car. Yus, I like that idea better than wasting more time and money on that stupid crap car.
After getting a lot of nothing done, Dad and I went home. While dinner was cooking, I got a call on my phone!?!? It was Renée! She was going to Valley Fair with her mom, so she asked if I wanted to meet them there. That was cool, I ate my soup real fast then drove the whole minute it takes to get there :P I was trying to find them in Macy's and I ended up playing phone tag trying to find each other, but I found Renée eventually. She was trying on dresses (cuz women do that). She looked real cute in them. After Macy's we ended up going to Nordstrom and AF then got some food at the food court. I didn't get anything cuz I had already eaten, but Renée got chowder at "Ivar's" which looks like it says "Ivan's" because of the cursive r looking like an n. Was funny stuff :P Then after food came wandering around again, till Renée went in to the Hello Kitty store and got a bunch of Hello Kitty items with Apples on them, ie. Picture frame, wash rag, other stuff... It was cool stuff, we almost got locked in, so we left the mall. I got home not too long ago, just in time to update and sleep. I'll talk to you all later, bye! :P

March 2003

[ 03.31.2003 ] :: Back to the same 'ol routine today. Work was boring as usual, the whole two trucks thing is kinda lame but atleast I get done earlier. Economics 312 was easy today. I had to correct my exercises twice though. That's what I get for being careless and rushing through things. Louis and I were supposed to work out but he ended up doing his assignment for Hong Lin's class all after noon. By the time he was done, he had to go to work and I was kinda stuck at school because I didn't want to drive through traffic. I decided to stick around and make sure Renée went to her class, but... gah.... Really, Renée, if you are reading this, you are really starting to make me upset. I'm trying to help you. If you think I'm a jerk for making you go to class, then fine. Everyone, see what happens when I leave for a week... Anyways, I hung out with everyone when not chasing Renée to her class. Adam was there today, and he started to redo his website. He also gave me a Top Ten list of anime that I should see that I probably haven't seen. Thanks man. Now I'll be on top of things! :P I also did some work on my site. I fixed the links to the +++About Me+++ page, added Adam to the aforementioned page, and so on. After all the goodness of web design, Kenny and I went to Togo's. Soon it was time for the HOT Club movie night. I stayed for Macross Zero, but left after wards because I didn't feel like sticking around. Tried to practice guitar when I got home, but Dad complained that I suck with the pick. Oh well, good night everyone. Have good dreams.

[ 03.30.2003 ] :: Good afternoon everyone. Today I've updated some of the site, it's not much, and is barely noticible but its a step to redesigning this site. My goal is to create a site that is ever evolving but still retaining what little content I've added. I wrote a new poem today, I've actually written a few, but I do not feel that I'm ready to post them up. As far as artwork is concerned, I'll be adding some here and there in a few days to add some kinda contrast to the text based garbage that is here.
Today I began to practice a little more on the guitar and looked back at the first lesson that I did and it told me I SHOULD use a pick. I went to the Guitar Center *sigh* and picked up a pack of twelve. It is a little awkward using a pick for what I was doing before and it looks like I'm going to be redoing lesson one all over again. Its something that has to be done though.
It looks as though I'm going to be doing some homework and cleaning my room for the rest of the day. I'll be home though, so I'll be on my IM proggies, just in and out. That brings me to the next thing... Many of you might notice that I'm not on aim much anymore, or yahoo, etc... This is because I've realized how annoyed people are getting with me being online but away. So some people don't message me anymore or never reply because they aren't sure if I'm really there or just have my away message up. Also, some people on my buddy lists do the same as me, and I found it to be irritating, so now that I know how it feels, I'm not going to be online unless I'm availible to talk.
Anyways, listening to a variety of music now, like Taproot, U2, Kylie Minogue, Linkin Park. Quite a variety of music, but that's how I like it. Well, I hope I can get this site looking good soon. Thats all for day, bye!

[ 03.29.2003 ] :: Lets start off with me waking up. I woke up, at 8 in the morning on Saturday! Thus began the second day of Speech 30 at Chabot. It was ok. I'm thinking of going ahead and looking into the music program there so I can get an AA in Music, we'll see... I still have that headache and my eye is twitching now, but atleast my stomach ache is going away. It still didn't help me trying to concentrate in class though. It was ok. I gave an introduction speech on Pheng, in which I forgot where I was going with the topic, and stubbled at the end. His speech was funny, he said that because I gave up gaming, and work alot, that its easy to deduce that I'm a dull Gai. So that's been the running joke of the day for me. That and, 'I hear you're the gai, I wanna be the gai too!' Thats all I've been saying all day long, but it's probably the only thing that kept me going all day because after class, we went to go to golf land so Kenny could play DDR at Chue's expense :P This was 'supposed' to happen a few weeks ago, but never did, so it happened today instead. Kenny is the gai too! Well, today I spent a good six hours or so doing NOTHING AT ALL, but so did PaShia, so its ok. Afterwards I went back with everyone to Renée's place, and we all watched some Love Hina, SNL, some movies made by some of Renée's friends back in Fresno, and I was getting tired. Atleast by now my headache and stomach ache are gone, and I'm just tired. Well, good nite :P

[ 03.28.2003 ] :: Linkin Park is great. Today wasn't. I woke up early today to go and do homework at school, maybe with Renée. I got there right when she did and we 'started' to do the assignment, but she ran off somewhere and I was stuck for maybe an hour and a half doing my homework, by myself. I was a little frustrated. But what ever, I was just a little cranky too. I had a headache since I got back, and I started to get a stomach ache too. You can kinda guess I was a bump on the log all day. I tried to be happy, Renée even tried to get me to cheer up kinda, when she got back from where she went. I was just bleh, both inside and out. I found out Nick got in an accident. I feel bad, but not bad enough to stop being angry at him for allowing Renée to go play DDR when she was supposed to be in class. I guess I shouldn't be the one to judge, since I was not at class, but I did have this Oregon trip planed out for some time. Its still not a good enough excuse to miss class, but its better than ditching to play DDR. It kinda made me angry from the get go this morning. Maybe I'm just a hipocrate. Anyways, by the time I had to go to class, I had met Nick's dad, and managed to get in a 'Jerk' comment to both Renée and Nick. I guess I feel bad about it, but that was bad what they did and I feel quite angry about it. So they kinda need to know that its serious and that I'm mad about it. But I do feel bad if I came off as too much of a jerk.
Class was over quick because its CIS 339 with George Lai, and its an easy class for me kinda. I got out at around 17.30 and was about to head to the SC when I saw PaShia, Renée, and Pheng walking down the hall way. They all asked in unison if I was going to go to Chabot with them. I didn't really haven't anything planned other than to be a bump on a log, so I decided to join them in Speech 30. I had originally planned on joining this class before, but 'things' came up in life and I kinda didn't feel like it. I also had just started to go to the gym so I didn't feel I had enough time. Today was a different story. I decided to go and see if it was worth the extra trouble, and I guess it is. Pheng is fun to hang out with, so it made it more enjoyable. I now have another class with miss Ya :P $30 for 6 weeks of speech isn't too bad, so I bit the bullet and decided to register. The only problem now is that the class just started so I'm going to be in late registration. Bleh.
After class, we all went back to DeVry for the HOT club's game night. I don't feel like playing games anymore, so I really had no reason to be there, I tried to preoccupy my self with other things, but there was just too much gaming going on, plus my headache and stomachache, and being tired. The they busted out the dance pad for DDR, and I'm sure that you (the audience) knows how I currently feel about DDR. I went in to the cafeteria and tried to watch news, that got old. I then got my notebook and tried to write poetry, but nothing good came out, I started to doodle, but I suck at drawing. Finally I got my book out to see if I could finish it, but I could barely get past one chapter. There wasn't much else to do, I was uncomfortable, so I went back to the festivities to try to find a place to zone out/read there, but it didn't work too well, and it only aggrevated my headache more. Caylen was there and tried to help out by being a cool gai, but I didn't need it kinda. Instead, I went home to go sleep as I have Speech again tomorrow at 9.00! Anyways, I'm tired, had a bleh day, and need sleep... Good nite.

[ 03.27.2003 ] :: I flew back home today. I got up, packed, got a bite to eat with mom, and said my good byes. I will definately miss it up here, but I have my life back here to attend to. I got in around 11.20, got my luggage, got lunch with Dad. Once I got 'home' it was around 13.00 and I called my mom to let her know I didn't die or anything. I got alot of WSJ and other mail while I was gone, but it's all garbage. I got my car out of the back yard, filled the air in the tires, filled the wiper fliud, then got on my way to school.
I had wanted to get to school as soon as possible to surprise certain people, but I didn't count on having lunch with Dad, so that set me back a bit. I planned on getting to school at 13.00, but instead got there around 13.45. I was hoping I could sneak up on Renée, but something told me she'd be with Nick, DDRing... bleh... So I told my self that they probably DID go and to not be surprised. And you know what, as soon as I pull up to school, I get a call from Renée saying they just saw me and that they are on their way to Southland to play DDR... GRRR...... *remembers the need to break Nick's neck* Hmmm... what do you know.... they went DDRING!!!!!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!! Oh well, I only got there early so I could sneak up on them... kr33p5!!!
Slightly annoyed, I crawled to the SC to find Caylen, Mike, and my good friend Louis sitting around. At leat I surprised them. AT LEAST THEY WERE THERE!!! *urge to break certain ppls necks*
Time went by and Chue came in and asked about my trip so I told her about it and then I tried to study for Humanities 410, but Caylen was explaining his neat CCG idea. So I got side tracked to say the least. Finally time came to go to class, then Renée finally got back from her EVIL ddring. *thinks to break Nick and Kenny's necks* It was cool, cuz we went to the Stanford Art Museum as a field trip and looked at some cool stuff. I liked the painting of the Kern's River Valley. That one was amazing, makes me want to go there to see what it looks like now. After a while the prof. let us roam free, so Mike, Renée and I went to see Gates Of Hell from Rodin. It was neat, but not quite what I expected.
So, we were done at Stanford so the three of us went to get food in down town Palo Alto. I offered to treat everyone to ice cream, but someone was complaining about how his digestive track would be violated by such lactose consumables... Whatever... We went back to school and hung out and Matt was there. He is still cool gai and now has his Dell. Yer cool gai Matt! After Mike went to his class, Renée, Chue (her mom), and I went to get ice cream since Mike didn't want to. It was getting time for everyone to go, so I went home so I can post the last five day's updates, gah... too much to write. It looks like I'll have to put off the upgrade for a bit while I recuperate from all this typing. Anyways, have a great nite everyone! I hope you find some kinda interest in reading all this. I'll bug Miguel for those pics when I see him online again. Bye!

[ 03.26.2003 ] :: bleh... Nothing today either, Just zoned out, listened to Meteora, tried to think up some ways to upgrade the look and feel of this stoopid site. The cover art of Meteora has kinda given me ideas for what I want this site too look and feel like. Anyways, this is my real last whole day in Oregon. I miss being home, but I'll miss this home too. I've got some catch up to do once I get back, not to mention post all this garbage. Well, I'll miss you all up here in Portland, I hope I can come back within a year. Bye!

[ 03.25.2003 ] :: Today is it! My little brother and I have been waiting for METEORA to come out. I think Zelda came out today or yesterday too. It was the reason I got a GameCube in the first place, but I'm not getting it now. I don't know, maybe in a few months. Michael and I went to Best Buy and picked it up for only $15 (no tax :P). We both got the special edition, comes with DV-Dü. It's awesome, how could it not be?! Well, got back home, Renée (Ya) messaged me back, so I called her. She had a bloody nose again :( I hope you're ok!
I called Miguel right afterwards and we planned to meet at the new CHS, which is down the street from the house. Swiftly, I abducted Jon from his house, then walked to the school. We waited in the rain and made fun of the idiots on the road. Miguel showed up after like a half hour and went to the mall so he could get Zelda. I finally met Steve, his is cool gai, ok yus... I also met Miguel's other friend Shawn and we all went to Fry's (the only one in Oregon is 45 min from Portland).
From Fry's, we went to down town Portland to go eat at Todai! Steve got Miguel lost twice, once on they way, then again IN down town. I can't get lost down town because I practically lived there for half a year.
Anyways, we finally get to Todai and it's closed to prepare for dinner. We had an hour to kill and Electronics Boutique was on the other side of the SkyBridge. There is only so much you can do there so we sat around while Steve and Shawn drew stuff. We have pics, but I'll have to get them when I get back to Cali.
Being bored, we went to the other side again, where Todai is. Sam Goody was on that side too, so we looked at Anime in there. There was a Burn-up DV-Dü that had a "Jiggle Counter" advertised :P
Time went by and we went to Todai. Note to self: peal the pod off the soy before eating the beans... I had some chicken, chow mein, salad, soy, vegi sushi, and tons of fruit/dessert. All for 20 bucks! mmm.... Todai... Will have to go to the ones in the Bay Area once I get back.
It was getting time for Jon to go home, so we took him back then went to Miguel's to play Kung-Fü Chaos, a great game. Following that, Halo goodness... There Is nothing like launching a wart-hog 100+ feet in the air with sticky grenades. It was getting late for me, so I went home, logged on, and did the email thing. Still haven't posted all this yet, but eh. See you all Thurday! late...

[ 03.24.2003 ] :: Today went rather well I guess. I'm still trying to get used to Mike's truck. Its like drivign a cross between my car and my dad's truck, so wierd... I tried to meditate today, again... I had more success this time. It's been so long since I've been able to, more than a month, maybe two months or a little less than two. It was unusual, but I managed to find a focus.
After meditation I called Renée to make sure she gets to class :P It was Econ 312 with Prof. Abhay, he's cool. She was on her way, so I tried to make it brief. My mom called shortly after and said she wanted to have lunch with my borhter and I, so we got ready to go. We got to her work and she showed us off to everyone there, a small price to pay for free eats :P We went to Subway, then dropped mom off afterwards. Michael and I then went to Guitar Center, which made me want one even more, but no $$$!!! We went home and Michael tried to teach me some stuff on the bass, but eh, GIMME ELECTRIC NOW!!!
After all this, went to hang out with my cousin Renée. My grandma LaVerne cooked and we had dinner and hung out. Renée and I were thinking of seeing a movie but my granpa Barth threw the news paper out, so we ordered the Bourne Identity on Pay-per-view. Didn't watch it much because dinner interrupted it and when we got back to the TV, some western show was on that my grandpa wanted to watch. Oh well, its allgood :P
I was getting very tired very early. I got home, got online, talked to Miguel and checked my email and other people's sites for updates. I have yet to post these updates, I'll do it soon though. Oyasumi Nasai! Late!

[ 03.23.2003 ] :: Not much today. Got up, went to CHURCH, yeah... Hung out with the FAMILY, yeah... Tried to watch CHILDREN OF DUNE on Sci-Fi channel, yeah... I t was an 'OK' day. I hung out with my brother for a bit, trying out the bass *still things normal guitar is better* He is ALOT better at playing the bass than I am at playing a regular guitar. I really want to get an electric now, but no $$$ for one, even a cheap one. Oh well. Thats it for today, late...

[ 03.22.2003 ] :: I left today to go visit my other home, Portland, Oregon. I had finished packing all my clothes and gathering things that I might need for the trip up. My dad took me to get a bite to eat then I did last minute details like deodorant, tooth brush, underwear... I'm sure you get the picture. We left the house around 10.45 so I could get to the airport early. We got to the airport entrance only to find vehicular traffic backed up for a LONG time. It turns out that the ariport was having contruction done to its road ways... yeah...
By the time I got to the terminal, it was 11.30. Luckily there aren't many people flying these days, so I was able to get my boarding pass in no time at all. I went through the security checkpoint like everyone else. I didn't have to take my shoes off this time, and it went by a lot smoother than the last time I went through one. It seems they've refined the process a whole lot. I sat down at the gate reading Dune Messiah till it was time to board.
I got on the plane and zoned out while they did the safety thing. I've heard it soooo many times that I didn't care if its been a year since I've flown. When they were done I continued to read my book. Half way through the flight (45 min) I stopped reading to eat peanuts and zoned out. I probably could have kept zoning out if it werent for the fact that I had a stuffed nose, causing Xtreme pain in my sinuses. Felt like some one took a knife to my forehead and nose and wouldn't stop stabbing me. It was a horrible way to have my zoning out interfered with. I got off the plane once it arrived, go tmy baggage, then waited for my mum to pick me up.
My family pulled up and I found that my little brother grew even larger and is growing his hair to look like Dave Grohl (a Fighter of Foo). He plays football and plays the bass too. What a cool guy he's turning out to be. We drove through North Portland to get paint on the way home and at one point in the journey, there was this freaky guy @ an intersection who looked around and then gave the whole intersection a thumbs up! Thanks guy, now I feel welcomed back! You crazy drunk! That's one of the reasons I don't drink.
We get to the new house and its huge compared to the last one. Great job mom and Mike! They still only have dial-up though *shakes head in shame*, but the rest of the house is great.
Well, I'm getting tired of writting all this, so I'll finish up as fast as I can. We ate dinner, I called Jon up and we hung out, went to the mall to see whats there, caught up on stuff, then went back to his house and watched South Park, OMG! So great, Earth is just one big intergalactic reality TV show! Anyways, I went back home, went to bed and bleh. Good nite! Late...

[ 03.21.2003 ] :: Its nice to see that my site is up and running the way its supposed to, except for one thing, the poems still had the cursor trail script so I had to get rid of them. Renée wanted the code so I gave it to her while deleting it from my site. It was just too much stuff, with Trogdor the Burninator running around burninating the peasants and all. I had gotten complaints about him burninating too much, so I shrunk him down a bit so that he is less obtrusive on my site. He may now Burninate without disrupting the flow of information. Anyways, work was lame again (who would've thought) but I found out my direct deposit started today, YAY! No more going to the bank to deposit my cash. I got to school today to study and do some homework for next week while I am gone, but I kept falling asleep in the SC while Nick did his Calculus homework and Renée doing her Accounting class homework.
There was free mexican food in the caffeteria today (yus Aaron, the food eatery place) but it was horrible kinda. It was free though so like I should complain. Nick went to his job (poor Nick, I feel yer pain man!), Renée went to class, Mike went to work, and I proceeded to wander the school and check up on emails. That was proceeded with alot of zoning out and I wrote someone. Then Matt came in and all was laid to burnination. Not really, Kenny was there too, and I showed them how to run AIM Quickbuddy so they could log on at school. It was cool. I checked out Matt's website and it was cool, just like Matt. He is a cool Gai, everyone should look at his poetry!
Yeah, so Renée is done with her class and Nick is on break, so Kenny drives us all to Starbucks and I got a White Chocolate Mocha (is real good, indeed). We get back so Nick can get back to work, then I go to George Lai's class to find out that the CIS department is making us do an assesment which is our lame CIS 231 final. THE EXACT SAME FINAL... was lame. I got that done then found Renée so I could hangout before I leave tomorrow. I said bye to most peoples that were there. So then I went home. Now I have to pack for next week and make sure everythign is good to go. Anyways, that was my day today, I will keep posting updates all week as I'm gone so everyone knows what I've been up to all week, what stupid adventures I might have and what not. Its all good. Late everyone! See you all when I get back, or online :P

[ 03.20.2003 ] :: Okay. I forgot to post updates yesterday because I was lame and tired and didn't care if the world went a day without an update. Seriously though, I just wanted to sleep, so bleh. Oh well, at least I posted yesterday's update today as well.
So today started out as my usual day. I got up for work, went to work, work sucked. Going to work out today was good though, I pushed myself a little more today because I had refocused some energy that was inside and being unused. After the gym, Louis and I went to our MGMT 404 B class and on my test I got an 80% (-4), but the teacher discarded an answer so it was really an 85% (-3). Both those grades are a 'b-,b' respectively. After break the teacher said number 6 was wrong and if anyone got it wrong, to bring it to him for corrections. I had it wrong, so I got it corrected and my score is now 90% (-2) or an 'a'. SCORE! Short story: did better than planned!
I tried to fix the stupid bugs with Geocities, so someone is going to have to tell me how the site looks now. Atleast it isn't purple anymore!
Lets see, I hung out with Renée today, went to history to get huge cool/boring lecture, and then hung out with Renée and Mike some more, then I went to eat, then hung out with Renée again, and now I'm home and working on this site again. AND THE TROGDOR COMES IN THE NIIIIIIGHT!!!!! Anyways, ZOOOMMMMBBBIIIIEEEE! Have a good night everyone! Dream good stuff like food and music and other good stuff! Late...

[ 03.19.2003 ] :: Wow, what a day today. Work was l@m3 as usual. I really do think I am going insane there, BLEH! I got to school and did my usual wandering the halls till 12pm (though I was going to do something with someone until unforseen circumstances came about which where not under my control). So I went to the Game dev meeting and zoned out, but trying to be a nuisance to Mike at the same time. I got hungry for I had only eaten one bananna all morning, so I left for lunch to find Renée at the vending machine. I followed her to the Women's Association Meeting and introduced myself. I also had a strange conversation with Ric about wierd stuff. Eh...
After the meeting I left with Renée to help her get into my Economics 312 class with Abhay Ghiara (thats pronounced: Up-High Gyaara). Then I helped Renée go to her class and did a little zoning out in the T-COM lab. Prof. Tom was there! But that would be the obvious thing since he is Renée's teacher. I then went to George Lai's class and did some easy assignment which I got 105% on.
Class was over so I went to find Renée and found her with the help of Adam. Then Nick came and we went to Starbucks. After we got back, I had to go home to work on my essay for History that is due tomorrow!!!! I chose the Zaibatsu as my topic. Anyways, gotta go. Late...

[ 03.18.2003 ] :: GAHHHH! Stupid purple looking website. You see, this site looks blue on my machine; however, it looks purple on every other machine. This is because my monitor has some magnetic damage and has a slight green tint to it. So the purple color actually was a cool looking blue color on my monitor, but bleh. Anyways, I fixed it so that it works right now.
At work today, I only had TWO trucks instead of THREE! Gü..... So yeah, my pph has droped from an insane 317 to a mere 213, still more than 160(the avg). I think they finally realized that they were overworking me :P, losers....
Louis and I worked out today, then went to MGMT 404 B (you need to mention the 'B', or you get marked down). The test for MGMT 404 B was lame, I'm sure I at leat got a 'b'. That was my only class today, I didn't do much other than make Renée do her work :P Oh, I did go home so that I can fix / work on this site, do MGMT 404 B homework, and start my Humanities 410 Paper. Well later... Oh wait, I forgot to KREEP up on Nick today, but I won't forget tomorrow, MWAHAHAHAH!!! Ok, bye.

[ 03.17.2003 ] :: Crawling in my skin..... Yeah. Today I just finished the stupid layout of this site. Not sure yet how its going to work out for me. I think its ok. Oh, Nick, I jackmoved your code for the table cell rollovers :P KREEP! Anyways. So I'm done with my layout and just have to finish the content of the page. Not much going on right now except I worked out today with Louis. I saw Renée and Nick in the SC, I had snuck up on Nick earlier on the way to my class cuz its fun to freak him out like that. Yeah, so now I can get back to zoning out and listening to my music. Check out my Poetry if you get a chance, I have a couple of fans that SAY they like it, but I dunno. Well, its getting late, so... later!