NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from you doctor.
NAME: ______________________________DATE OF BIRTH: _______________
SOCIAL SECURITY #: _____ -_____-_____ DRIVER'S LICENSE #: ___________
BOY SCOUT RANK: _________________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS: _______________ CITY: _______ STATE: ____ ZIP:________
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? ____________________________
Number of years parents married:_______________________________________
Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed?______
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _________ Tattoo?________
(IF YES TO ANY OF #8, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES!!)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you? _________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?______
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? ___________________ ________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
Church you attend? ____________________How often do you attend? _________
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and Pastor? ________
Answer by filling in the blank, please answer freely - all answers are confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - promise).
A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is in the ____.
B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ___________________.
C. A woman's place is in the ____________________________________________.
D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________________.
E. When I fist meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is __________________.
(NOTE: If answer E begins with T or A, discontinue and leave premises [keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised]).
What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________.
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________
SIGNATURE (That means sign your name moron)
Thank your for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties, carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).
