Hey Cellblock,
For those of you who don't know, those politically uniformed residents of Cellblock who probably didn't even vote on November 2nd, I (Sammy J) am the president of Cellblock. Austin is cracking down on me and making me write to you about what I do during the meetings that I have every other Sunday.

At today's meeting, we discussed the fact that people have been misusing the recreational equipment that we have in West McNair. I don't know whether people have been sitting on them, breakdancing on them, or procreating on them, but it has got to stop. The pool table is off balance again, and the ping pong table in east has been repeatedly broken.
So if you see someone misusing the equipment, sucker punch them or something.

There will be a "Rick Moranis" movie night this Saturday. Time and Dates should be posted on the bulletin boards.

MHA (McNair Hall Association) bought two new microwaves for a couple halls that had faulty ones. If you insist on microwaving your a.o.l. cd's, please use your own microwave, not the new ones.

ATTENTION FRESHMEN! For those of you who are playing broomball, you NEED to sign up for jerseys on my door (room 157) They will be approximately $30.00. I will let you know the actual price when I find out. Sign up as soon as you can. Like, right after you get done reading this email. Just remember to order a jersey size that can fit over a winter coat.

Sammy J
Room 157

Minions,
Here is the scoop that happened at the meeting tonight. It was an intense experience; the tension was so thick you could have cut it with a spork. It started out with the usual formalities. Introductions and such. Then the biggest adrenaline rush came. Should we spend $50.00 to buy post-Christmas decorating lights or not? This truly was quite the conundrum. Each side preceded to present their side of the issue. One side thought we should because we could use them for multiple purposes, such as the fall ball. But the other side thought that that would be a waste of money. The air was thicker than that of the Geneva Convention. The members were starting to get restless. Weapons were being flashed. One president even brandished a lead pipe and began to teach a course of pain on the representative next to him. BUT before all chaos broke lose, I stepped in, and, in a completely unpredictable move, held my silence and let them argue about it. In the end, those who wanted the lights won out.
The victims were considered casualties of war.

Moving on past the violence, there will be donuts during exam week monday tuesday and wednesday in the cafeteria at 9:00. Apparantly the fat grease lubes the brain up for some craming.

Those interested in decorating a Christmas tree should meet Dec. 5 at 3 pm in the west lounge. People will be decorating one for the festival of lights.

If you have any questions, just remember you are inconviencing me.

Sammy J

Hey guys (and gals?)
At the MHA meeting, a lot of stuff went down. Note the lack of adjectives, such as cool, informative, and interesting. First of all, we decided that all halls will, for this semester, get $2.75 for all kids in the hall, replacing the $1.75. They had a $2000 surplus for last semester. Then we talked about vacuums, and who should pay for them. And yes, this is as exciting as it sounds. Possibly more so, if you are into that sort of thing. And are easily excited. Then we donated money to the disasters that are going on all around us. Like the tsunami, mudslides, and the state of the Green Bay Packers. Out of the blue the MHA president said that there was an incredible amount of shaving cream that somehow ended up in the office. Anybody can go and get some free shaving cream if they want. How FASCINATING! Shaving cream! So if the collective Mandy's get ambitious and want to have a social with shaving cream, there is plenty to go around. But we must all refrain from squirting it into people's eyes. Such things don't jive well around here. But that did get me thinking. Did cavewomen shave their legs? That would totally be not-jive yo! Then somebody brought up the fact that, yes, we should have meetings every week. After all, somebody apparantly knows that some of us (not me though) have lives and don't always have time to go to all of these meetings. But they don't care. The sole existance of some people is to make other people feel miserable. Like my roomate, for example. That pretty much sums it all up. If you are still reading this, you must not have anything else better to do.

If you have any questions, ask our always participating VP
Sammy J

For those who care (all 1 1/2 of you)
The meeting tonight was the complete opposite of epic. According to www.dictionary.com, epic means ...well...the website is down. Just imagine the best feeling you've ever had in your life (let's keep it clean), and know that this meeting was completely different. Now to business. Once again the topic got brought up to have meetings every week, and once again we postponed discussion. Thank Goodness, because next Sunday night I am planning to have a hot date with my girlfriend that doesn't exist because her parents think I smoke weed. Then we talked about the budget, which doesn't interest anybody so then we talked about the hot cocoa shack by the broomball rinks. Apparantly the cocoa doesn't serve itself, so they could use some temporary "slavery" to serve some of it if anybody wants to help. There is some crazy thing going on at the SDC on March 18th with Hawaii, and I got put on a committee for games. I stupidly suggested coconut dodgeball, which somehow I got put in charge of. Apparantly the logic store called, and were wondering why MHA hasn't been buying any. So if anybody knows a not painful way to play coconut dodgeball let me know. Then we adjourned the meeting, and things started looking up again.

Sammy J

Guns don't kill people, Parliamentary Procedure does.

Greetings and Salutations,
At the Sunday night meeting, (Sunday being the day after Saturday, which in pig latin is spelled Aturdaysay, which, incidently, is the day after Friday.) Friday was nice because I didn't have classes the next day and could sleep in. Today, however, sucks. So here's what went down... The MHA prez suggested having an interhall cup that got traded from DHH, Wads, and McNair hall. So it's pretty much like the McNair cup, except having nothing in common except getting traded. Or "borrowed" if you will. I saw some startling similiarities to the Quidditch Cup that is in the Harry Potter series. If you have no idea what I am talking about, boy are you uncool. Get with the times people! The treasurer made note that all social ideas that need money need to be brought to him before Apr.3, otherwise he is going to have an experienced prison guard pay you a visit when you are sleeping. The every-week meeting idea for members of MHA was shot down like a bunny because there was not enough support for it. What was surprising, though, was the fact that some people supported it to begin with. I hope the motion has a slow painful death. Maybe gasoline will be involved. I hope so. I saw a shirt that was red, with the word "blue" written on it in a yellow-orange colored print. Does anybody know what this means, and if so, be sure to email the whole hall to let everybody know. REally, I can't make any sense of it at all. Why isn't the word "blue" written in blue ink? Also, we talked about keeping the halls clean otherwise stuff will get compensated. If left in the hall, these can cause fire hazards, especially if you are storing your weapons of mass destruction out there. Those need to be kept in your closet with your weed plants. We spent a long time talking about storing your loft over the summer up here. We really didn't reach a conclusion, but for the sake of lengthening the meeting, it had to be talked about. That's really all that we did. Come next week for a good time.

Sammy J

Meeting length: 58:37
Time spent contemplating suicide: 73:57 (my roomate was watching star trek before I left)

Word Word my home-dogs!
My biweekly meeting was once again held. Not a whole lot got decided at this meeting, so it was pretty much like all of the other ones. Which is why I have made a scarecrow with a picture of my face on it to attend all of the meetings from now on. It would probably be more aware of what was going on then me. They started out with a presentation about how at the beginning of next year they are going to try to try to have all of the organizations (MHA, uhhh.....MHA.....USG....and MHA) go door to door the first couple weeks of class to introduce themselves, and if possible turn you to the dark side of participating in a corrupt system where they dash the hopes of all those who enter and eat your soul. When I came to, they were talking about where to put a ride board. Ride board being a place where you can get rides. This means you can find a ride home, or even back here. Anyhow, they voted on putting it by the east entrance to the cafeteria. This should consist of a couple maps and you can put notes on where you want a ride to. Or you could eat the notes or maps that other people have left behind, saving yourself the trouble of going into the cafeteria at all. Except steer away from the map of Wisconsin. Nobody wants to eat that. There was a brief discussion about having a March Madness tourney bracket type a' thing, and we voted to give $100 for prizes if the team you picked wins. This is a whole McNair type a' thing, so everyone can enter when it starts in June. We talked about the quote "Spring Fling" unquote, where organizations try to recruit members to become involved in them. This mainly involves buying a dark cloak, satanic devices, and destroying the lives of everyone around you. And yes, it is cloak weather out there. For the six-hundreth time we mentioned the idea that we should buy a projector. But all that was on my mind was why 25 people need to be in this room if only 3 do the actual talking. I was eyeing up the exit myself, and was thinking about pulling some James Bond moves to get out of there. These moves being pulling out some high tech gadgets (no, not that) and leaving the place in a smoldering inferno with a beautiful woman next to me with whom I can spread my STD's to. Then we discussed auctioning off the broken foozball table sometime next week. Apparantly broken foozball tables are a hot commodity, like tickle-me-elmo, or even better, yoga mats. Last, and least, we talked about where to store lofts, and nothing got resolved.
Yours most unsincerely,

Sammy J

This biweekly question is:
Could Winnie-the-Pooh take Big Bird?

Homey's,

I often wonder what makes me keep coming back to MHA meetings. But I realized why tonight. This is God punishing me. There can be no other explanation for why things happen the way they do. Things were going perfectly until I arrived. We (or rather "they") talked about a variety of unimportant topics. Auctioning off a broken foozball table: $45. Repairing a broken foozball table: $100. Making that call to Dr. Kevorkian after realizing what a big mistake you made in buying garbage: Well, that depends on whether or not you dial down the center like Carrottop is always talking about. A smart thing would be to call Kevorkian first, and at least go out with some semblance of dignity. This conversation paved the way into this next radical talk

So, do we buy a new foozball table? MHA has over $4000 in unallocated funds, so we decided that yes, we should. From there we talked for an obnoxious amount of time on whether or not to safeguard it so it doesn't get procreated on top of. Some suggested putting up cameras, that way, if people do get it on on top of the table, we would have great footage! Or, the more boring part would be we would be able to catch them. Wow. Other people wanted to chain it up so nobody, especially the residents paying for it, would ever want to use it because of the hassle to take all of the chains off. This would be a perfect placebo effect. You theoretically COULD use it, and enjoy knowing that you could, but are just to lazy to do it. If this was the case, I wouldn't even take it out of the box. That way it would gain in value as years go on, and could eventually be auctioned of to get decent food in the cafeteria.

"To buy a foozball table or not to buy a foozball table, --that is the question:-- Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The monotony and drinking of outrageous weekends Or to take money for the foozball table, And by opposing end them?"

There MAY be a social in Fisher 135 on the night of the NCAA championship, with the game on the big screen, food and refreshements, as well as a great selection of females, who regretably had to be drugged and paid off to come.

>From this we moved on to the extraordinary world of the final week social.
What kind of Doughnut should we buy? It is decisions like this, not who

we elect president that will determine the future of this country.

Elections, or the lack of them, took place tonight. Now the way this goes down is that they have to win by unanimous votes. If you think this sounds kind of stupid, you are probably right. Apparantly they are doing this the most complicated way to ensure that everybody at the meetings has to spend the most miserable time of their lives there. Anyways, to business, because of this excellent system, we now have neither president, vice-president, nor social chair for next year. Then they decided that we voters have the opportunity to ABSTAIN from the votes, which they neglected to tell us before hand. So they made us all revote again, and right after doing that, told us that they would postpone the voting until the next meeting. I suggest taking out MHA now while they are week. I am thinking about raising a militia and taking them down. I will work them from the inside, bit by bit injecting logic into the system, something that there is an abscense of. Then we can take them over, and establish a new government based on the equality of nobody and miserable citizens.
Something like the United States.

I, however, am glad the voting got postponed. I couldn't figure out the ballot that was given to me, namely the fact that I couldn't align the names with the holes that I was supposed to punch through. I'm not sure....but I could have had hanging chads. Don't ask me why they hang chad, maybe the lynch mob just got bored.

On another note,

That's right- I do not like Star Trek and Ham, I will not watch it on a boat, I will not watch it with a goat. I will not watch it Sam-I -am. I mean, I don't mind the old series. Kirk, Spock and the boys were VERY cool- and I really do like the movies (well, up to number seven at least), but everything else sucks dead bunnies through a straw! If anything, this page is a plea for the Powers That Be to go back the old, cool way! Hell, with the abomination called Voyager show alone, Doctor Forrester and the minions at Deep 13 are close to the end of the experiment! Arrrrgh! The hurting! The hurting! Make it stop!

-Courtesy of The I Hate Star Trek Page

http://members.tripod.com/~Desslok/dietrek/trkstink.htm

Check it out

Sammy J