From: Rhiannon Moore <[email protected]>
To: bhfic <[email protected]>
Subject: [bhfic] NEW: Take a chance on me
Date: Saturday, 13 November 1999 4:05

From: "Rhiannon Moore" <[email protected]>

Disclaimer: - of cause none of these are mine, as with the song tittle,
that's not me either….


Any cultured person should know where this title comes from…because well...I
know it, and it is freaky that I tend to like it…LOL…Anyway moving on, hope
you like this…It is a feeble attempt at a fanfic, but hey what are you going
to do about it. You must have had a lovely time without my fic, but I am
back…LOL

OK well I should tell you now that this fic takes place after 'Starry Starry
night' BUT there is also some added parts that never really happened, but
let's all pretend they did anyway.
I would like to thank both Kelly and Kylie. Kelly did a great job of beta
reading, and yes I am still talking to her…
Anyway on with the fic…I would love to get some feedback…pretty please?

Take A Chance on Me
By Rhiannon Moore

Maggie walked meaninglessly around the station, it was still early morning
and she was the first into the station. She hadn't been able to sleep last
night and when she finally did, she was awoken again at 6.00am, and found it
no use going back to sleep. A lot had been going on that week, and she just
couldn't seem to get any of it out of her mind. Work, her father, Ben and
PJ, things just didn't seem to be going her way this week, bad to worse
would best explain this week, and it wasn't even over yet.
Maybe this would be the day that everything started to go on the straight
and narrow, but for some reason Maggie wasn't about to hold her breathe on
what the outcome would be.
Tom walked in through the station gate, mumbling something and didn't
really notice Maggie, now at her desk. This was going to be a * very * long
day. Next in were Jack and Jo, together from walking in from the pub this
morning, then came Ben from the back of the watch house, and last in was PJ,
who wasn't look too great this morning. Heaven knows why, but he didn't say
a word to anyone, and walked into his office. Well Heaven and Maggie knew
the reasons for this actions, and that was one too many people. "Gee I
wonder what's wrong with him?" Jack asked referring to PJ, as he sat down
taking off his hat and jacket.
"Ahh I think you should leave him alone today Jack" Ben warned, he had a
fair idea of what was going on, it had to do with him anyway. Ben was the
main reason for PJ's bad mood.
Maggie just looked up at Ben as he too became comfortable in his seat and
started to do his, taking a glance at Maggie. So that was it, it was all but
over now. The years he had spent chasing after her were now all but
forgotten, and shared experiences were now wiped from her memory. Maggie had
been given way too much time to think, and the result of this was not a good
one.
She had admitted she had stuffed up, no one was perfect she had said, but
both of them knew what had happened was not all an accident, and that there
was a fair amount in what had happened. Maggie
couldn't really blame anyone, and PJ was reluctant to even think that it was
all Maggie's fault, there had been another party involved. Ben. PJ had
decided that he was not going to do his usual act this time, he was going to
be strong this time, and not go off his rocker about it all. He was going
for once in his life be the mature one, if Maggie wanted to go off with Ben,
then who was he to stop them? He loved Maggie more than anything in the
world, and was so upset and angry with her and Ben, but what was there he
could do? He couldn't make her love him, as much as he wanted to, he knew
that was impossible.
At first he was so angry, he couldn't think of anything but that, then he
was sad, sad that he may have lost her, and now, now he was just lost. PJ
was sure he had lost her now. She would surely run off into
Ben's arms, seeking comfort and love. And that made PJ more miserable than
anything, Maggie was going to be having Ben for comfort, to look after her
and make sure she was ok. Maggie knew that what Ben had said and done that
night was still running through both her and PJ's minds.
A lot had been said that night, trying to hurt each other as much
possible. She had started the attack, saying something she wished she had
never even thought of; PJ's family or lack they're of. Hitting him where she
knew it would hurt, straight away Maggie could see it had been a mistake. PJ
had been reluctant to fight back, after Maggie's attack, but his words had
hurt. He had done anything he
could for her and her family, and now she was bringing up his own family.
That was not on. PJ had made just one remark about Maggie's brother Robbie,
PJ helping him, and PJ trying to help her
from being hurt by him, before walking out of her house. That had been it, a
few words yelled in anger, and that was supposed to be all? That was suppose
to be all that was ever said about it? It wasn't going to end up being that
easy. PJ would not let it happen that way.
Maggie was stuck between PJ and well a hard place (excuse the pun) She had
a decision to make, and she already knew of PJ's attitudes towards this
whole ordeal.
"Come on Maggie, snap out of it, we're needed at a domestic" Ben snapped,
standing and picking up his hat and jacket.
Maggie too stood quickly, and followed Ben out to the patrol car, and sped
off down the streets of Mount Thomas, to the domestic.
***
"Now sir, would you just settle down…we can talk this through" Ben
negotiated.
"No I don't think we can, it's all too late for that."
The man put the sawn-off shot gun inside of his mouth and in a matter of
seconds pulled the trigger, a spray of red blood gushing out all over both
Maggie, who was comforting the wife, and Ben who was no more than 2 feet
away from the man. The wife gave out a hysterical cry as she saw her
husband; half his face now blown off, fall to the ground…dead.
***
The trip back to the station was a quiet one; neither Maggie nor Ben talked
the whole drive, both reflecting on what they had just witnessed. Feeling
the sticky feel of hot blood still on their skin and clothes. There was
nothing worse than the feeling of blood that was still warm, the way it
seemed to take over all your skin, and make you feel sick to your stomach.
When they got into the station though, the quiet was all but forgotten.
At the site of blood on the two officers, the whole station was
upstanding, and fretting over these two.
Hearing all the commotion PJ too came out of his office, as did the Boss.
At the site of Maggie and Ben splashed in blood, PJ hurried over to make
sure she was alright, though trying to make his advance as inconspicuous as
possible.
"What happened here?" PJ tried to ask as calmly as possible.
"Oh some guy splattered his brains on us" Ben answered, when the question
had been clearly focused on Maggie.
PJ gave out a relieving sigh, knowing that it hadn't been Maggie in the
firing line. Sure they weren't together at the time and he was feeling as
awkward as possible around her now, but he still wanted to make sure she was
ok, he still loved her, and she was the one who stopped loving him.
Maggie just looked on at PJ for a moment. She knew what he had been doing
when he asked how they were, she knew him too well, but she was still
touched that he would care so much about her, even after all that had been
said and done recently.
She knew how much it had hurt him when she had told him about kissing Ben,
and what had been said from both sides after that had only made the whole
situation even worse.
*******_______________*******

"What so you kissed him?"
"Look PJ it was nothing, really…I really don't see what all this fuss is
about"
"You don't know what this fuss is about? Even you should see this Maggie;
I mean come on, like father like daughter right? That's the way it works for
you is it? You dad screws around on your mum, so it's ok for you to do the
same? Is that it?" PJ asked exhaustedly.
"God PJ, I never thought you could be so…so…so unbelievably masculine
about this…. It is all about your ego right? Your hurt ego can't handle that
maybe, just maybe I could find someone else attractive"
"My ego Maggie, has nothing to do with this conversation, this
conversation happens to be about the
fact that you, behind my back, went and kissed another man, who you assured
me on many occasions was nothing more than a friend...this has more to do
with trust if you ask me.
"Trust? Your one to talk about trusts PJ"
"When have I ever given you a reason to doubt my trust? Tell me that? I
have always been loyal to you, and loved you so much"
Maggie had been caught there, he did have a point, and he had been loyal
to her the whole time.
"No PJ, you don't put the guilt trip on me…"
"Oh I see, you want me to be happy that you kissed Ben…I see…You want me
to forget everything that means anything to me, and just be happy that you
and Ben are now on a regular kissing relationship" PJ stated mainly as a
joke.
"Your impossible PJ, I don't know why we are even still together, sometimes
I just think your out to make my life as hard as possible."
The moment the words left Maggie's mouth, she regretted it. PJ was silent
for a moment, thinking of any come back he possibly could; there was none.
"Well I guess if you feel that way Maggie, maybe I shouldn't be here after
all, I am sure you can go and see Ben anytime you want, you know I am sure
that you've loved him for long enough now, forget about everything we ever
had, and go over to Ben… There's that Doyle attitude again, 'If you can't
beat it, run away from it'… Well I don't think I could ever be with someone;
especially you if you don't love me, or never did… I always wished I'd find
a women like you Maggie, but wishes just don't come true do they…Bye Maggie"

*******______________*******

That had been it, he had walked out, and this was the first time, he had
even acknowledged her presence since the occurrence of their break up.
She hadn't gone to Ben's place that night, she couldn't, she didn't want
to, she had never really wanted to, but now left to her own devices, Maggie
was seriously thinking about the chance of romance with Ben, there may even
be a chance.
The one thing stopping her from being with Ben, was an awful feeling
inside her, in her stomach, that made her feel so bad about even thinking
about being with Ben, made her sick to the stomach. While her and PJ still
had a chance together the adultery would have to stop.
Snapping out of her daydream as fast as she had gone into it, Maggie
looked up to find she had missed some of PJ's sentence, and looked at him,
for him to say it again.
"I said, what happened with the guy? Do we need to get someone out there?"
PJ asked
"Yeah…yeah, we need to get someone out there"
Maggie didn't realize how shaken up she was, but being Maggie she pushed
it aside, as usual. She would deal with it later when she had the time and
effort.
***
That night seemed to creep along, and the minutes seemed to last for
hours, God knows why, but this day just seemed to get worse and worse.
It was finally knock off time, and Maggie was looking forward to a nice
beer down the pub, no complications, and just a friendly drink with some
friends.
The Homicide squad had turned up that afternoon interrogating both her and
Ben, and Maggie just wanted to get away from all the questions of the day.
The questions had been endless, almost going to the extreme of the color of
her underwear she was wearing at the time.
Yes, it sure was good to be away from it all now, down at the good old
pub, somewhere she had always thought of as a friendly place, where everyone
would sit around and talk. Maggie was feeling suddenly very indecisive; she
had such a sudden urge to find PJ sitting down at
*their* table, and let him ease away her pain and fear, to just listen to
the silly things he had to say. Maggie for the life of her could not put
down the reason for this sudden swing of moods.
***
"Well I am sure glad that day is over" Ben sighed as he had a swig of his
beer, acknowledging the crowd of coppers around him.
Maggie was quiet tonight, no one wanted to question it though, they were
sure it was to do with the death of the day, and left her to think it
through by herself for a while.
Maggie's real reasons were much different from that though, of cause she
was upset about the day, but she was even more upset that PJ wasn't there to
try and make her feel better like he always did, like he was always suppose
to.
Maggie had walked into the pub, in a vein hope that she would find PJ
there, the object that had been plaguing her mind.
Maggie had felt her heart drop as she walked in to see, no one but Jack
sitting at the table, and PJ no where to be seen.
Maggie had still held a hope he would turn up, but it was edging closer to
midnight now, and PJ still wasn't present. And Maggie was just about giving
up hope that he would ever turn up. Just when she needed him, she had broken
up with him, and he was probably off sulking somewhere, unaware of how upset
she was, and how much she wanted him here with her. Selfish prick, Maggie
thought to herself.
But what obligation did PJ have to be there? She had told him to pretty
much rack off and he was doing what she had told him, it wasn't as if they
were together and he owed her to be there. No, he owed her nothing anymore;
she was going to do this all alone. She didn't need PJ, this was all just in
her head, and she had to clear it out before she could really get through
this. She had to forget everything her and PJ had ever had together and
pretend like nothing could and did ever happen. This was the turning point,
and there seemed no way she could back out now.
***
The next morning dawned way too quickly; it seemed as if she had just gone
to bed when she awoke.
And once again it was time to go into work and try and face the day
again. Today though was much different to any day in the last 5 years. She
was going to be PJ free, no thoughts of him, and no desires and of cause no
need for him at all.
She had enough work from the day before to catch up anyway, she would be
lucky to say two words all day to anyone.
***
The station was dead quiet, but Maggie was yet to know just how dead yet.
She walked in. There should be more people here by now. She could have sworn
that both Jo and PJ should have been on by now. But where were they?
Then it hit Maggie…Maybe they were in his office, alone, no one else
around. Maggie could remember then it used to be her in that office with
him. The things they would sometimes get up to, that were not part of police
protocol. Breathe Maggie, you're just jumping to conclusions.
Maggie walked up to PJ's door, and heard nothing coming from inside, well
that certainly wasn't the case when Maggie had been in there, and that gave
Maggie some slight satisfaction.
Maggie knocked lightly on the door, and then opened up the door without
even waiting for an answer, soon to see the most horrifying thing she had
ever seen.
Even worse than yesterday's suicide, what she saw now was no suicide that
was for sure.
Here she saw a very defiant PJ trying to put pressure on a wound on Jo's
stomach, as he desperately tried himself to stop the bleeding coming from
his arm. From her position Maggie could tell that Jo was in bad shape, and
there seemed to be red and blood everywhere, a puddle of blood beneath both
PJ and Jo. And there seemed to be more on the way.
Maggie stood at the door about maybe 5 seconds before PJ sensed someone
behind him, and spun around quickly, thinking it may have been the offender
back for another turn. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Maggie. Glad
than someone was here, no matter who it was, and he and Maggie had always
made a good team.
"Maggie, I need your help here Jo, is loosing a lot of blood, and I need
you to go and ring the ambulance please"
Maggie nodded dumbly, eyes transfixed to the limp body of Jo Parish,
running up to PJ's desk, and picking up the phone, dialing the ambulance and
telling them her situation. Asking them finally to come as quickly as
possible.
Maggie moved back down to where Jo and PJ were situated, and crouched
down, trying to get a better assessment of what had happened. Maggie's first
thought that Jo had a bad wound was wrong, Jo had a
* Very * bad wound, and Maggie was surprised that PJ had kept her going this
long, by the looks of her she should have been gone as soon as the bullet
hit her.
"What happened here PJ?" Maggie asked, as she too put her hands on the
makeshift bandage that PJ was applying to Jo's abdomen, both trying to apply
as much pressure as possible.
"I don't know myself, one moment I am in here working, then Jo came racing
in babbling something and before I could get anything out of her, some guy
was in here letting bullets fly, I ducked and tried to get Jo down, but I
got to her too late she had already been shot" PJ stated all in one breath.
"Well the ambulance is coming" Maggie turned her attention to PJ for the
moment. She didn't know if he knew that he had a rather bad wound himself on
his arm, that looked like it could do with some attention.
Maggie put her hand on his arm, just above the wound, trying to move his
shirt away while she looked at it, trying as much as possible to assess his
wound.
"What are you doing?" PJ asked, still trying to keep pressure on Jo's
wound.
"You look like you have a pretty bad wound here too PJ"
PJ just mumbled something incomprehensible, and Maggie decided to leave it
for now, this was no time to start anything like that.
"I think we should get something on this" Maggie said referring to PJ's
arm.
"Well I don't think we have the time or the bodies to do that right now
Maggie, we need to get Jo stable before the ambo's get here"
Maggie just nodded, even though she did think it a good idea to try and
get something wrapped around his arm.
***
What seemed like an eternity later, sitting in PJ's office, hands on
wounds, the ambo's turned up, and carried Jo out on a stretcher. PJ was
still on his office floor, when the other ambo and Maggie walked in, to see
where he was.
"Come on PJ, we need to get you to hospital as well" Maggie coaxed trying
to get him up.
It was then that both Maggie and the ambo realized PJ wasn't on the ground
cause he wanted to be, but he had fainted, either from lack of blood or the
traumatic experience of the morning. Either way they had to get him to the
hospital.
Another stretcher was brought in and PJ was loaded up onto it and wheeled
out to the ambulance. The ambo assured Maggie that PJ was going to be fine
and that they'd do everything they could to help Jo, but after their quick
thinking she'd probably have a better chance.
Since no one else was in yet, and Maggie hadn't rung them yet, Maggie had
to stay at the station and make sure everything was fine, as much as she
didn't want to, it was her job.
As soon as the ambulance was out as sight, Maggie went into the station
and rung all of the other officer's to come down as quick as possible.
Telling them little about the incident, but enough so that they'd be worried
and come down quickly.
Ben of course was the first to arrive, living only a few feet from the
station, it took him only moments to get there. As soon as he walked in, he
saw the grief stricken Maggie, and went to go and comfort her.
Maggie spun around quickly as soon as she felt two arms go around her
waist, and the look in her eyes made Ben release her as quick as he had
grabbed her.
"Don't Ben, please" Maggie pleaded.
"I just thought you might like a shoulder to lean on"
"No, not now, and I don't think ever"
Ben looked on somewhat muddled, "Well ok"
"Ben I just need to think things through right now, this morning has sent
things rather out of focus for me, and I need to reassess a few things"
Maggie explained.
It was then that Ben finally caught on. PJ being hurt here, was making her
decision much more difficult, she still felt the desire to help him, and
look after him as much as possible. Maybe she loved him more than she was
letting on to Ben, or anyone, even herself, but this morning had definitely
stirred up feelings that Maggie had tried to disguise.

*******______________*******

"Well is that it is it? You don't love me? You never did? Never will? All
this was some kind of game was it? Let's see if we can take PJ for a ride,
and then leave him. Was that it? Cause if it was, I can tell you now that it
worked according to plan didn't it?" PJ spat out.
"My God PJ, what is wrong with you? How could your mind even conceive
that? Is that what you think of me?"
"Yesterday Maggie? No…But now, after all this, I am not so sure anymore. I
don't even know if I know who you are anymore.
"See here we go again, this is all about you isn't it?" Maggie stomped.
"Yes Maggie, this is about me. I am the one who is loosing you; you're the
one who is getting out of this best" PJ yelled.
"I am getting off this best? What is that suppose to mean?" Maggie tried
to understand.
"It mean's Maggie that, you probably never loved me, you get off, happy,
not upset, and not feeling any longing again. You have Ben who you can go
through now" PJ stated rather sadly.
Maggie too softened at his last comment, "PJ you know as well as I do that
is not true"
"Do I Maggie? I really wonder sometimes. I think I know you, I thought so
much about you and
Everything, and now I am left to wonder."
"No PJ, never were there lies" Maggie added softly.
"There's a lie there Maggie… There were lies, remember? Not telling me
about Ben, telling me time and time again you didn't want to be with him?
All those times I thought you meant it when you said you loved me…all lies"

*******________*******

Maggie suddenly and rudely came out of her daydream. Ben was still there
looking on at her, wondering what she was thinking, what she was doing. She
couldn't very well tell him what she was thinking though, not now, and
probably never.
"Ben look sorry again, but I can't do this right now ok? I just need to go
and…I need to go" With that Maggie walked off to get her jacket and hat from
her desk.
Before walked out the door, she looked back at Ben, and saw that he too
was intern looking over at her, she smiled for a second, before addressing
him.
"I am going to the hospital, you will have to mind shop till the Boss
comes in ok?"
Ben just nodded his answer, as Maggie bustled out of the station and down
to the CI car, driving off to the hospital. Ben still stood in the middle of
the station, looking around somewhat dazed about what had just happened.
***
Maggie sat out in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, before
Yasmin came out and addressed her with a speech Maggie was sure she knew off
by heart.
"Jo is fatal at the moment, but stable. She seems to have lost a bit of
blood, but applying the pressure was a good idea. It probably saved her
life. She should make it through, she seems like a strong girl. She just
needs to rest up, it look's worse than it is."
Maggie looked up at the doctor again, "How about PJ?"
"Ahh PJ is a different story all together. On the surface it didn't seem
so bad, but it did cut some of the nerves in his upper arm, and that's what
caused all the blood."
"So what does that mean?" Maggie asked, not certain she understood what
was happening.
"It means that we are not sure if we can repair his arm properly. There is
a chance that we can but then again there is a chance we can't. I don't want
to tell you everything will be fine for both of them, cause that may not be
true."
Maggie nodded, "Thanks…ahh when will I be able to see them both?"
"Well you can see PJ now, but you might want to leave seeing Jo till at
least tomorrow"
"Yep sure, thanks doc."
***
This was not good news, Maggie knew as well as anyone that a Police
officer was a bad arm, was no longer a Police officer. The thoughts of PJ
not being a copper made a shiver go down Maggie's spine. She couldn't think
of him being or doing anything else. He was a copper through and through.
Maggie wondered if he already knew the news about his arm. If not would
she have to break it to him? She sure hoped she wouldn't have to tell him.
She couldn't be the one to tell him that his life as a copper may come to a
sudden halt, because of a bullet which could have gone millimeters in a any
other direction could have allowed him to work on, but now, with a bullet in
his arm, he may not be able to do anything, let alone work.
Maggie walked into the room in which PJ was in. he was sitting up on the
bed, looking at the bandage around his arm, trying to figure a way to try
and get off the bed without a sudden hurting in his arm.
"Hey there partner" Maggie smiled walking into the room.
She had obviously startled him, cause his head shot up, and he looked over
at the door.
"Sorry didn't mean to startle you" Maggie apologized.
"Na, your right" PJ added, looking back down at his arm.
"So you finally took a bullet ey?" Maggie joked.
Maggie was trying to pretend nothing had happened, like they were still
like they had been, happy and together. But it wasn't like that now. She was
supposed to be with Ben. Why was she trying to be so nice to him now?
Frankly PJ didn't want Maggie or anyone's pity right now. That was the last
thing he wanted.

The doctor had told him about the predicament he was in, and he didn't
want anyone to be feeling sorry for him. He was strong enough to get through
this without having to go running back to Maggie, when she didn't want to be
with him.
"Yeah I guess so, wrong bullet to take though, might never be a cop again"
PJ said frankly.
To hell with her, what did he care if he made her feel bad? He was the one
in this mess, not her. There was still this thought in the back of his head
though. What if he had been more alert?
"How's Jo going? Is she going to be ok?" PJ asked somewhat frantically. He
had suddenly remembered Jo.
"Well they say she is strong and she should get through it relatively
unscathed." Maggie said calmly.
PJ calmed down slightly, letting his head rest against the backboard of
the bed, and closing his eyes for a moment.
"Who's looking after the station?" PJ asked. Remembering that no one else
was due in till later that morning.
"Oh I got Ben to come in," Maggie said softly. She wished she didn't have
to tell him that.
"Ahh good old Benny boy came in, good guy. Always was a good detective" PJ
whipped sarcastically, though even Maggie could see the truth behind it.
"PJ don't do this to yourself. Not now" Maggie asked pleadingly.
"Oh I would have thought you would be all for Ben. I mean once I am gone,
he would be the obvious choice to take up CI" PJ said, his eyes still
closed.
"When you go?" Maggie questioned.
"Don't play dumb Maggie, you know as well as I do, I'll probably never be
able to use my arm properly again, which mean's no more Mount Thomas Station
for me. And a vacant position for CI"
"Don't say that PJ. You don't know that yet. Just wait and see what the
doctor says"
There was a few seconds silence while PJ thought about what he was going
to say next, he wanted to say this right.
"What are you doing this for Maggie?"
"Doing what?" She asked
"Coming here, and pretending everything is fine and dandy with us? Like
nothing ever happened? Making me feel like this all over again" PJ asked
slightly teary.
"I…I just wanted to make sure that you were ok…I still do care about you"
"You could have fooled me Maggie, from what I thought you couldn't care
less if I was in hospital or not"
"Well you thought wrong PJ"
"It seemed pretty clear the other night though didn't it?" PJ said looking
once again at his arm.
"Yeah they did, funny how things that happen in the heat of the moment can
make you feel so bad afterwards though" Maggie murmured.
"Is that all it was though Maggie? Something said in the heat of the
moment?"
"I really don't know PJ. That's something that I guess we will both have
to find out"
"What do you mean?" PJ asked.
"We both have to try and figure out if we want this, if we want each
other"
"I want you Maggie, it was you that didn't want me…remember?" PJ said
aggravated.
"It wasn't that PJ…"
"Then what was it? You never told me…You just walked off…Or don't you
remember that either?"
"PJ, I don't know why I did it, I really don't, but I do know I regret it
now"
"You know sometimes that's not good enough Maggie. You think you can just
do anything and then make it all better? I know I have endured it for you
for years being your lap dog, wait till * you * were ready, and play by your
rules…everything was about you Maggie, but I didn't care, cause I loved you.
But now it just seems like so much work, and it is so hard sometimes. You
don't even want to be around me, you go off with someone else, then you want
me to be the one to run back to you?"
"PJ…" Maggie really didn't have much else to say.
"Yeah, that's about it isn't it? You can pretend everything is ok, and
that that's not the reason, but it won't get you anywhere. I just wish I…or
it could have been different. I wish you could have really loved me, like I
loved you"
Maggie felt like she was going to burst. Her eyes were surely red and she
could feel that awful lump in her throat travelling up to her mouth. She was
so very close to crying. He had hit a nerve, the right nerve. The truth
nerve. He had hit the truth with that statement; both he and she knew that.
"So what are you saying PJ?" Maggie asked, afraid that talking would make
her break out into hysterical sobs, saying the bare minimum.
"I don't know what I'm saying anymore Maggie. God knows I love you more
than I could ever love anyone else in this world. But I don't want to keep
being hurt, and to keep on wondering if I'll do the wrong thing to you all
the time"
"Well I can't promise you anything PJ" Maggie looked down at her feet.
"No I know you can't, I know you can't promise me your love, or your
ability to stay faithful…But
* I * will promise that I'll always love you Maggie. I know that now"
That was it, it was all Maggie could take, she could take no more. That
statement got her. She was crying now, softly and looking down at the
ground.
"I don't want to make you cry Maggie, or make you upset, but we do have to
talk about this"
"I know PJ, but I still don't want to loose you or what we have…or had"
"Well I have learnt the hard way that you can't always get what you want
Maggie. Things take time. What is there to say that next week or the week
after you may get upset and feel the need to go running back to Ben? Or
maybe we'll have a fight you might feel like you will never love me again,
and I get sick, almost die, and I get the pity again. That's all this is
Pity?"
"PJ…no, it is nothing like that I…"
"What? You promise? Well don't make promises you can't keep Maggie, cause
you will just get yourself deeper if you do that. You think that it can all
miraculously go back to before? We can pretend like it never happened?
Pretend that I didn't see you and Ben going for it on * my * office desk?
That I can forgive and forget all that? Honestly do you believe that?"
"I hoped you would PJ, cause I hoped you loved me" Maggie spoke softly.
"Oh I see, is it my turn for the guilt trip is it? I don't love you enough
is that it? I loved you more than I ever thought I could, probably more than
you ever loved me…. And I am suppose to be the one who doesn't love enough?
You were the one who didn't love me enough to stay faithful"
"We're not married PJ…I am not unfaithful or faithful to you" Maggie spat.
"Oh I see you theory is that if there is no ring on the finger then it is
ok to fool around?"
"No…PJ, I never said that…"
"But that's what you were getting at Maggie" PJ went to move, and felt the
unbelievable pain that shot through his arm… "SHIT!" PJ screamed almost loud
enough for the whole ward to hear.
"Look just lie down and relax" Maggie soothed as she went to his side.
"Christ…Bloody hell that hurt" PJ said, wrenching his good arm away from
Maggie.
They sat now in silence, the hurt in his arm had been a wise distraction.
The road they had been walking was a rough one, and it seemed as if they
could both end up hurt at the end of it.
PJ was not going to hurt himself any more than he had to now, he was
already hurting in so many different ways, and he didn't need anything else
to add to the pile.
"Look PJ, I had better be getting back to the station, I'll come back this
evening to make sure your ok" Maggie tried to smile as she went to talk out
of the door, looking back at a very dejected looking PJ.
"Yeah, ok have a nice day at work Magg's"
And then she was gone. PJ had wanted her to be there, even though they had
fought, having her there to look after him comforted him, and it put his at
ease. PJ had no explanation as to why he was so at ease with her, but even
now after everything he couldn't help but feel calmed.

*******________*******

"One time in my life Maggie I wanted nothing more than to be with you
always, to have you there with me, and to look after you. But you didn't
want me to look after you, you didn't want me to be around , and
as soon as the dream had come it was gone. I wonder you know, about what
could have been different, what could have happened for you to love me more.
But you know what? No matter how hard I think, there was never a point when
you were fully for this whole thing. You were always reluctant to be with
me. Even from the beginning"
"Come on PJ, I was just cautious about the job, about us"
"That's what I mean Maggie, you were willing to put your job, your life
ahead of anything we could ever be…That's the whole problem, you never
wanted this"
"I wanted this just as much as you PJ" Maggie said beginning to get angry
at his blatant attempt to drown himself in his own sorrows.
"You know you could fool me sometimes Maggie. I did everything I could for
you, put my job on the line, my heart and my life on the line for you, and
then this is what happens? You screw Ben on my desk? You know I hope it was
worth it"
"How dare you say that PJ…You have no right"
"I have no right? No right? You must be kidding? The woman I wanted to
spend the rest of my life with is found by me, with one of my best friends
on my office desk half naked, and on top of each other, and I am suppose to
have no right?"

*******_______*******

It would have been hard, Maggie relented, to find PJ on the table with Dash
or Jo, but still it didn't seem the same when it was Maggie, for some reason
it was suppose to change. Maggie was allowed to be with Ben, but if PJ were
to be unfaithful he would be crucified for the rest of his life…why was
that?
"Maggie, Maggie, are you home?" Jack said waving his hand across Maggie's
eyes, after he had been staring into space.
"What? Oh yeah sure, I am here, fine thanks" Maggie said startled.
"Ok, well you have to get out to the old Laird place, there seems to be
some disturbance" Jack said still looking on at Maggie, worried.
"Yep, sure going out now…I'll take Ben with me" Maggie replied, standing
and picking up her hat and jacket, looking over at Ben.
"Yep sure count me in" Ben joked, also picking up his hat and jacket,
walking out of the station seconds after Maggie.
This case was going to be a long one, having to spend the whole time with
Ben. But they did have to look as if they were still friends and nothing had
happened.
***
"Well that was a complete waste of time" Maggie sighed walking back into
the station, throwing her hat on her desk, walking into the locker room.
"What's up with her?" Jack asked Ben as he sat down at his desk, referring
to Maggie, who was now out of ear shot.
"Take a wild guess" Ben stated looking up at Jack and then the locker
room.
"Oh I see…" Jack looked on glumly as well.
"Jo being hurt is effecting you to isn't it? I can't blame you…You seem to
be pretty close"
"Yeah Jo is really cool, and good to be around" Jack blushed.
"Oh so we have an office romance do we Constable?" Ben laughed
"Maybe not anymore" Jack sobered
"Yeah…I'm sorry mate…It's an awful feeling isn't it?"
Jack just nodded his reply, before going back to his work.
***
"So Yasmin, how is Jo going?" PJ asked the doctor as he wobbled around the
hospital.
"You should be in bed" Yasim looked on trying to be as stern as possible.
"Yes I know, but I wanted to make sure that Jo was going to be ok…so is
she?" PJ asked agitated.
"She should be fine PJ, she seems to be making a fast recovery now, and
things look as if they should be on track for a full recovery"
PJ sighed, "That is good to hear"
Yasmin sobered a moment, looking onto PJ again, "I'm afraid the news for
you is not as good though. There doesn't seem to be a way we can fix your
arm, we're not fully giving up hope yet, but the chances are slim to none
PJ"
PJ stood silent for a moment, before looking up and nodding at the doctor,
"Thanks, I better get back to bed now"
With that PJ plodded back down the hospital corridor and to his room, he
was going to have a lot to think about now.
***
"Hey PJ" Maggie announced as she walked into PJ's hospital room later
that evening, and noticing PJ's very glum face.
"Oh hey Maggie" PJ responded, sounding just as glum as he looked.
"What's up?" Maggie asked sitting down on the side of PJ's bed.
"Oh you know the usual, life, being shot, not being a cop anymore, nothing
I can't handle" PJ tried to sound off handed.
"PJ not again, you don't know your not going to be able to come back"
"Don't I? Well from what Doctor Farrah told me a few hours ago, it seems I
won't be coming back"
"Oh" That's all Maggie could manage.
"Yeah it kinda ends the conversation doesn't it? Oh well lets move on…How
was your day? Go out on any jobs with Ben?"
"Don't start PJ, I came here to see if you were ok"
"Oh I see once again, I am the thoughtless one, I need to care about your
feelings here, when you never cared about mine? Well sorry Maggie I am not
having the best of days today and I don't need you to take pity on me."
"I though I was doing something nice by coming here"
"Well acting the Martyr about it, kinda detracts from that don't you
think" PJ was getting angry.
Maggie sat in silence for a few moments, she didn't know what she could
say next, and she was to say the least tongue-tied.
"Sorry Magg's" PJ said softly a few moments later, "I didn't really mean
it, I just have a few things to think about right now"
"Yeah" Maggie relented softly.
"But you were in the wrong Maggie, that's what you don't understand, I am
the one who is trying to think of any other way this could have happened
while you're the one who was running around with my friend, our friend. It
is not the arm that is worrying me Maggie, it is us. I don't want to loose
you but I don't want to keep getting hurt like this either. I know it is
going to hurt me a hell of a lot if I let you go like this"
"So what are we going to do about this PJ?" Maggie asked still not sure
where PJ was going with this lead.
"I don't know what you want to do Maggie, do you want to be with Ben? I
need to know truthfully, do you want Ben?"
Maggie was stunned for a moment, and then she was unsure. Sure things had
always been good between her and PJ, but with Ben things had been dangerous
and exciting, well partly because she was cheating as well. Wouldn't she
regret leaving PJ? They had been through so much. But who says that just
because you have history you have to stay together?
"I guess by that pause you've given me your answer Maggie, if you have to
think about if you love me or not, then you mustn't love me" PJ said softly,
looking Maggie in he eyes.
Maggie just looked on sadly at PJ, what exactly had just happened? She had
thought about being with Ben, and was still not sure if PJ was the right
man, maybe she would never know now.
"Well I guess you better be going home Magg's, you've got work tomorrow,
and you could probably use the rest" PJ tried as hard as he possibly could
to stop his voice from quivering and his eyes from watering, at least till
she left the room.
"Yeah I guess so" Maggie sniffed before standing up, and walking out of
the room, not looking back once. She didn't dare look back at him now, he
would see her crying, and she was sure she would see tears in his eyes,
tears she couldn't stand to see right now.
As much as she thought it wouldn't hurt to let PJ go, it was hurting like
hell right now. She had been the one, in a round about way to break it off,
but it seemed to hurt so much. She felt her heart was pounding and her
stomach doing somersaults. The smallest thing could set her off crying now,
she felt so…well vulnerable.
She had had such a gut wrenching feeling when she saw and heard about PJ
being hurt, but put in that position in the hospital, it was hard for her to
decide on who she really *did * want.
***
Jack walked down the corridors till he reached Jo's room. He hadn't been
able to get down to the hospital before now, and was feeling bad, that he
hadn't seen her yet. He hoped she was awake, at least to recognize that he
was there.
Jack walked into the brightly lit room, maybe a tad to brightly lit room,
and saw just one single bed in the middle of the room, and a slender form
under the hospital issue white sheets.
She didn't seem to be awake yet, so Jack just took a seat next to her bed,
and looked on for a short while. She would awake at some point, or at least
he hoped she would, but when she did he wanted to be there.
Jack didn't say a word the whole time he was there, all he did was sit and
think, at one point taking Jo's hand in his own, and closing his eyes. But
there were no words echoed through that room, that night, but there really
didn't need to be.
The only noise that was in the hospital was the sound of two yelling
voices. Jack could recognize them straightaway, it was Maggie and PJ, and
they seemed to be having quite a heated argument. But that was none of his
business, and right then he didn't care about anything other than Jo and
that she'd get better soon.
He just hoped to God that she'd wake up soon, just like the doctor had
promised him before he walked into the room, she had said that Jo was due to
wake up any moment yet, but she still hadn't woken yet.
***
Most of that night was spent crying it had been a big day, especially PJ,
who now knew for sure that he was never to be a cop again. He would need to
go into the station tomorrow and tell Tom about it. PJ felt it would be best
if it was to come from him, and not some nurse from the hospital.
Maggie was dreading going to work tomorrow. Ben would be there, and she
would have to find out if her emotions were right, or she had made the
biggest mistake of her life. Only time would tell, she knew that, but she
still didn't feel any better about it.
It seemed inevitable that she was going to be hurt. She had really been
asking for it. Screwing her lover's friend on his desk was really dancing
with death. She knew deep down that PJ would find out in the end, but she
thought, as always he would forgive her and they could move on, just like
before. This time though PJ had surprised her, he had stuck up for himself,
and told her where to shove it.
It had surprised Maggie at first, and then it had just made her sad, knowing
now that she was not going to be forgiven easily, if at all.
***
Jack still sat with Jo, as the night wandered on. Usually the nurse's
wouldn't normally let anyone stay this late, but the poor boy seemed to be
distressed, and it wasn't doing anyone any harm by letting him stay.
It was then when Jack was just about to nod off himself, he saw the
flicker of Jo's eyes, and he never felt so awake in his life.
"Jo" The first words of the night were said.
"Hmmm" was all Jo could mumble.
"Hey Jo, it's me Jack" jack smiled.
"Jack...oh where's PJ, is he ok?" Jo asked.
"Yeah, yeah he is fine, you just think about yourself, you took a bit of a
shot there"
"Oh I know I can feel it, hurts like hell" Jo winced.
"Do you want me to get the doctor to give you some pain killers?" Jack
asked
"No, no I should be right thanks, though I could use a good sleep" Jo
yawned.
"All you've done is sleep, sleepy head" Jack joked, smoothing the hair
away from her eyes.
"Hmm, mmm" Jo murmured, already starting to fall asleep again.
"I'll let you get some sleep, I'll be back in the morning…sleep tight"
Though Jack knew she probably couldn't hear anyway, he said it, and stood
and walked to the door.
***
The morning seemed to take forever, especially for PJ on those hospital beds
that were non-too comfortable. He had the doctor's permission that morning
to discharge himself from the hospital, frankly most of them were getting
sick of him walking into all the other patients rooms, just because he
happened to be bored.
"Now PJ, you need to take it easy on your arm ok? At least for a week or
so till you have to come back here for a check up" Yasmin instructed.
"Yes well I won't have much to do now, that I won't be going back to the
station after this morning" PJ said honestly.
"Yes I am sorry, I wish to God there was something we could do to help you
PJ, but there isn't anything"
"I wasn't blaming you doctor, I just, it just is a bit hard to get used
to, being a copper was all I have ever done, I am going to miss it, and I
think telling the Boss this morning is going to be the hardest part" PJ
sighed.
"I could always get a nurse to ring your boss and tell him for you"
"No, I need to do this myself, thanks though, thanks for everything"
"Hey its all part of the service, feel free to come back any time"
"Cya doc"
***
"Hey boss could I have a word?" PJ asked as he walked into the station.
It was unusual that no one as in the main office of the station. Not one
of the coppers was there. But they were two coppers down PJ remembered. He
would have to go and see Jo when he finished here, Jack had told him she had
woken the night before.
"Sure PJ, but are you sure you should be out of hospital, your arm still
looks in bad shape"
"Well actually Boss that's what I wanted to talk to you about" PJ said
solemnly, walking into the boss' office, sure the boss would soon follow.
Tom closed the door as he walked in and saw that PJ had already taken the
seat opposite Tom's, and already in his professional stance, this can't be
good news.
"Well I was told this morning boss, that it seems I won't be able to
return to work here. The arm doesn't look like it's going to make a
recovery, and a copper with a crook arm is no longer a cop, so I guess I am
here for my resignation"
Tom sat still for a few moments, still finding it hard to grasp that PJ
was no longer going to be part of his police team.
"Well I don't know what to say PJ, you've been a great part of the team
for a long time, even though most of us wanted to throttle you most of the
time. You will be missed" Tom sighed, reaching into his top desk draw to
pull out the resignation papers.
"Oh I am sure you'll get along fine without me" PJ smiled taking the
papers from Tom's hands.
PJ stood and made his way to the door, this was the last time he was going
to be in this office. He was not going to be coming back to bring the papers
back he couldn't do that. This was to be his last time as a copper inside
this station.
Tom seemed to sense this was PJ's last time in the office, and wanted to
make sure he got all the good byes out, especially to Maggie.
"You had better say good bye to them PJ. They would be upset if you didn'
t" Tom smiled at PJ, as he saw all the officers coming back into the
station, talking and laughing. PJ just nodded.
***
When PJ walked out of the Boss' office everyone in the office suddenly
became quiet and they all focused on PJ alone.
"I'm not a ghost guys…I didn't die" PJ tried to joke.
Maggie had told everyone about PJ's condition, well that was everyone but
Tom, who obviously had been left in the dark.
"Well I thought I should just come in and say my good byes…You won't be
seeing me back here again" PJ tried as hard as he could to smile, but he
didn't seem to be able to.
Jack was the first to walk up to PJ, "I didn't know you long PJ, but you
were a good guy, and I am sure Jo appreciates it" Jack smiled, and gave PJ a
hug…as manly as possible of cause.
Ben and Maggie were both a little apprehensive about moving over to PJ,
but it was Ben who made the next move.
"Sorry we had to leave it this way mate…" Ben stuck his hand out, and PJ
willing obliged.
"Yeah me too Ben…But that's the way things happen I guess" And they shook
hands.
Maggie was the last to come forward, and both Jack and Ben decided it was
time to go to the lockers and well…find anything else they could do.
"So what are you going to do with yourself now?" Maggie questioned;
already feeling tears rimming her eyes, but hoping desperately PJ wouldn't
notice.
"Oh I am sure I can find something to occupy my time"
"Yeah, you always did" Maggie half smiled through her tears, "It won't be
the same without you around here"
"Oh I am sure you'll do just fine without me"
"Yeah" Maggie said softly.
There didn't seem to be anything more they could say to each other now.
"Well I might see you around town then?" Maggie smiled hopefully.
PJ stumbled a moment, and Maggie sensed his, knowing right away he wasn't
going to be staying in town any longer than he had to.
"When are you going?" Maggie asked trying more than ever to fight back
fierce tears.
"As soon as I give these papers back to the Boss" PJ showed Maggie the
resignation papers.
Maggie moved slowly towards PJ, and within moments she was wrapping her
arms around his neck, as she tried to get closer and closer to him for this
last time.
"You don't have to go" She whispered.
"Well I think it's best for you and me that I go…I wouldn't want to get in
your way, and I wouldn't want the constant reminder of the station"
The hugged for a moment longer, PJ enjoying the feeling of Maggie one last
time, as much as she was enjoying it.
"I gotta go now" PJ whispered moving out of Maggie's embrace and looking
at her once last time.
"I wish it didn't have to be this way Maggie, but it seems as everything
has been set out. Everything happens for a reason, and this just seems like
too much of a coincidence. Maybe we were never meant to be. But I don't
believe that, I do believe that you were my soul mate Maggie. I am just so
sorry that it had to happen this way…Bye"
Before Maggie had the time to blink the tears from her eyes, the station
door was banging closed, and that was it forever.
***
Ben and Jack walked back out of the locker rooms when they heard the door
close deciding it was now ok to come back. The first thing they saw was a
very distraught Maggie Doyle sitting at her desk, trying in a vein attempt
to do some paperwork.
"So what happened?" Jack asked from his desk opposite Maggie's.
Ben gave an unsubtle cough, and Maggie looked up from her paper, obvious
to anyone that she had been crying, and giving no answer.
"Come on Jack I think we're due out on Patrol now don't you?" Ben looked
questioningly at Jack.
"Ahh yeah I guess so" Jack answered still bewildered.
The Boss came out and saw a very somber look Maggie sitting at her desk,
this was going to take a lot of time to, a broken heart doesn't mean so
easily, Tom thought, he knew that from experience.
Little did he know though that he might have another office romance on
his hands soon enough. Time would just have to wait and see for the outcome
of that one.
***
Ben and Jack stopped into the hospital to see Jo while on their patrol.
They hadn't been to see her nearly enough.
"Ahh look at her, she's almost ready to come back to the ranks" Ben joked,
giving Jo a light punch on the shoulder.
Jack just gave a smile, as he looked on at Jo, who was also smiling.
"What is up with PJ?" Jo asked, "He came in before, and was saying
something about sorry he couldn't have done more, and getting out"
Ben looked to the floor; "He's left. Resigned from the force and from what
I can tell he's moving out of Mount Thomas as well"
Jo looked sad, "I hope it wasn't what happened…I didn't mean…"
"No Jo, it was a lot of things…You know about his arm, he couldn't come
back to work with it, and he saw no reason to stay in Mount Thomas any more,
and he was off" Ben sighed, "I think it was a lot of reasons" Ben knew why
PJ had left as well, the knowledge that PJ knew about his affair with
Maggie.
"Ahh well I think I am going to miss him" Jo sighed, "I haven't been here
long, but he has saved my neck a few times now"
"Yeah, I know the feeling" Ben sighed too.
Jack through all this, had been standing by the bed, not saying a word,
but letting the sound of Jo's voice wash over him, he was so glad that she
was going to be ok. He didn't know what he'd do if she weren't going to be
ok, or unable to return to the job.
***
Jo was back at work, her stomach holding up fine, and everything was back
to normal. Ben was going fine and now had full time custody of Emma and was
enjoying every minute of it. Jack was so glad to have Jo back, and they had
secretly been seeing each other for the past few months now.
Maggie was, well she was as normal as she could be. She missed PJ
sometimes, but she had brought this on herself, she knew that. She couldn't
blame anyone but herself, and she was going to have to move on. She couldn't
dwell on the past forever.
There was always a chance with Ben though. Though she was sure her life
wouldn't go on Happily Ever After anymore.
Tom, well the old war horse himself was fighting fit, keeping up in Mount
Thomas as usual, unaware that a new office romance was happening under his
nose, and that soon maybe even another would occur, it was just a matter of
time and feelings now. It seemed as if it was all up to fate. As stupid as
it sounds, everything does happen for a reason, even if we don't like the
reason given, there are no arguments.

THE END

Well please write to me with the hate mail or the lovely comments I am
hoping to get…Please…




Rhiannon :}


"All I remember is this giant avacado pear,
and it was going to hatch into a bird"
(Paradise Lost)

***
"I'd watch out if I were you Maggie...He's got the HOOTT'S
For you"
(By the Book)

***
"Why are there no dumb brunette's?"
"Peroxide"
"Why are blonde jokes so short?"
"So men can remember them"
(Miss Mount Thomas)

***
"Remember if you loose, you've gotta run down the main
street in your underwear"
(seachange)

***