Services

NEW SERVICE!!!  Robbie Duncan Brown's Shopping Delivery.
Your shopping delivered straight to your door within 24 hours or whenever depending if it's a nice day or not.

...and I thought actually I don't want to do that

TRavel In Style
Need to get somewhere really quick? Try Jeson Nutter's School Of Motoring advanced driving course and never be late again. Free life insurance included. Getting to places too quickly? Hire Mr Program's Navigation Skills and suddenly a simple trip from Plywood Towers to Spinvale becomes an exciting adventure into the unknown.

Also Marriage Guidance with Deve and Swifty. Feng Shui with PM Henshaw. Mr Program's shoe repairs and Nicola Voyeuristic's Fashion Tips.

TOP TIPS!!!
1. Taking too much speed? Try smoking crack instead.
2. Smoking too much crack? Go onto a teenth of brown each day.
3. Snorting too much coke? Simply reduce the size of your straw.

TOP TIPS FOR TRAVELLERS WITH CLIFF RICHARD!!!

Hi - Cliff here but you can call me Sir Cliff. Well, what a contretemps about these so-called New Age Travellers. My, I was doing that back in '65 when me and Devil Woman Una Stubbs and that guy off Dad's Army went to Athens in the land of Europe in a trusty Double Decker bus. Course they were still red in those days but that's a different story. I'm here in between tennis sets with Sue Barker to do my Christian duty and make life a little easier for you Travellers with my top tips.

1. Don't put up with a rusty old camper - get a Double Decker bus.
2. No need to sell drugs to schoolchildren - you can just put on a show wherever you are to raise money.
3. When your trust fund girlfriend's father gets the ache with you shagging his princess and getting her stoned - simply win him over with your singing prowess.

JIZZ TABLATURE SITE!!!
This week Brimful of Asha for beginners. Use the following tuning BADDAD. You can jazz it up by pulling off at the same time. Don't forget to do some yoga to warm those fingers up. Next week we have the drum score for Yesterday.

JIZZ PRODUCTS!!!
Here at Jizz we believe in having a crack and not smoking it. Following the government's decision to downgrade cannabis resin from a class B to class C substance Jizz can now offer the following:

20 Bob Marleys - Guaranteed to get you songwriters at least two Top Ten hits.
Jizz Whizz - Guaranteed no spots or nasty comedowns. You can bore your friends to death without any side effects.

JIZZ H-PLAN DIET!!!
Forget all those expensive new fangled cabbage diets - this one is guaranteed to work. Our guinea pig tried the Jizz H-Plan Diet for two weeks and lost two stone, 30 IQ points, their house and car.