Jizz Dating Agency

We already know that reading Jizz makes you clever but now it can even help you get a shag. The JDAÔ will match you up with your perfect partner from the Larkside area or Doublebois if you are particularly fussy. Simply fill in the questionnaire then sit back and wait for the totty to beat down your door. Oh and send $30 cash to the Bank Of Paul Program Swiss e-mail address which is [email protected]

Name...............................................................

Age range:     [] nine  [] under 16   [] 16-65   [] 65+

Sex:    [] male  [] female  [] ladyboy

Weight:    [] under 12 stone  [] over 12 stone

Bra size:    [] wonderbra  [] pancake  [] 36B  [] humungous

Penis size:    [] 1mm  [] less than two inches  []  pants on fire

Sexuality:    [] straight  [] bi  [] tri  [] bi-curious  [] screaming  [] virgin  [] animal lover [] onanist

Looks:    [] well fit  [] rough as fuck  [] ok after six pints

Accent:    [] BBC  [] Geordie/Welsh  [] Jamaican  [] Cockney/St Cleer  [] posh Liskeard  [] northern/Damon Albarn

IQ:    [] less than 100  [] 100-140  [] fuck off back to Uni smartarse

Bank balance:    [] fuck all  [] less than £5000  [] £5000+

If £5000+ please write PIN number......................................

Vices:    [] alcohol  [] smoking  [] crack  [] chat lines  [] pets

Specialities:    [] golden showers  [] queenie  [] tit wank  [] Bombay roll  [] solo act  [] other*

Politics:    [] WASP Liberal guilt  [] extreme right wing/Tory  [] vote for who's winning

Religion:    [] Atheist  [] Bible Basher  [] White Rasta  [] Union of Lost Souls

Hobbies:    [] computers  [] cooking  [] masturbating  [] skateboarding  [] stalking  [] hidden cams [] feeding seagulls  [] graffiti  [] hoax phone calls

I am looking for:    [] serious relationship  [] quick shag  [] drinking partner  [] bit on the side  [] just want to make my present partner a bit jealous

  * please forward details to [email protected] 

Success stories so far - The Jizz Dating Agency has already matched Chris Evans & Billie Piper  (UK), Adolf Hitler & Eva Braun (Deutschland) and Anna Nicole Smith & that octogenarian billionaire geezer (USA). 

The Jizz Singles Club meets every Monday Upstairs@The Fountain for a Leonard Cohen Evening in the dark with no heating (tissues and razor blades provided). Following some success in the match making department, Jizz Magazine now has several boxfuls of matches for sale. Just look at this success rate of happy people who only 12 months ago were sad and lonely.

Already in a couple? - Jizz can still assist you in your quest for endless love. Tired of the frying pan and constant cries of 'you don't bring me flowers' simply e-mail this picture to your loved one.