HOW TO BATHE THE CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and
   have the lid and seat both lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close
   both the seat and lid  (you may need to stand on the lid so
   that no escape is possible).

   The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds.  Never mind
   the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually
   enjoying this.

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as the
cat's claws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.  This provides a "powerwash
   and rinse" cycle which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are
   no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both
   seat and lid.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
   where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,
The DOG