May 2000
Summary: Healer Bry'Lan takes charge.
Rated: GArchive: Yes, just let me know where so I can visit!
Site Where Located: 'The Master’s Pathway' @ http://www.geocities.com/jinnaraq/index.html
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DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognizable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for personal use and private entertainment. No money was made from it. No copyright or trademark infringement was intended. This work and its author are NOT in any way connected with or to Lucasfilms Ltd.
Chapter 3 -
It was the sound of deep, heavy congested coughing that went on and on and on and on that awoke Obi-Wan. He rolled over, deeply annoyed that the noise would not stop - then suddenly his brain kicked into gear and in a flash he was up and out of bed. Wildly he looked around, disoriented. He did not remember going to bed! Again the coughing started and now the boy abandoned any thought of how he had gotten there.
He hurried the short distance across the hallway to his Masters' room, and froze at the sight before him. Tavaris sat Indian style in the far corner, his eyes closed and features calm, obviously in deep meditation, while in a nearby chair sat Master Mace Windu, his eyes dark and clouded with deep concern. Up on the bed perched Yoda who also looked concerned while the healer from the night before held the sick Jedi against his chest much as Tavaris had the night before.
Solidly the healer was pounding the Jedi on the back as if trying to force the muck loose from his lungs. Obi-Wan caught his breath with a small gasp, unnoticed by the others entirely. Finally the Jedi quit coughing entirely and lay utterly limply and still against the healer who now gently smoothed down the disheveled hair.
"Not as labored is his breathing now. No longer blue are his lips." Yoda observed and the healer nodded with a soft sigh
"Yes. I think we can let him rest for awhile now. His color is definitely better." He said, and at his shifting, the limp Jedi moaned softly.
"Shhh Qui-Gon - I'm done pounding on you I think." He said very tenderly and Yoda moved closer as if to take him into his arms again. The healer smiled at ancient one and shook his head mildly.
"No Master Yoda. You need to rest now. What you did for him until I could get here has worn you down. Thank the gods you had him as securely as you did when it happened, or he wouldn't be here this morning - but you really need to rest. He should do much better, now that he's already been given the antidote to the pollen." He told him, and small Jedi Master frowned deeply.
"Tired I am not. When nearly join the Force my Padawan does, stay with him I will! Strongest of all is his bond with me - even more so now!" he argued, and the healer shook his head with a small smile.
"Master - I have never in my life seen anyone who can weave bonds like you do. Each and every one - even the remnants of them are just incredible. What you've re-established with Qui-Gon in mere hours is just amazing - it's beautiful. But I do know very well that no being of your size could sustain his body for the hours you did last night, supplying his very life energy needs and your own, and not be drained by it. We're lucky Tavaris sensed you 2 were in trouble and called me." He said, as now Mace rose and came over to sit on the edge of the bed, and Yoda sighed heavily as he watched the healer very gently and carefully transfer the utterly limp Jedi to the dark skinned man’s arms.
“Now – you must go rest Master Yoda. I insist.” Bry’Lan urged gently, and the ancient one sighed, obviously deeply reluctant to leave his ill former Padawan.
“What happened? Is Master Qui-Gon all right?” Obi-Wan asked anxiously, and now the healer half smiled at him.
“His energy level became completely depleted last night. Fortunately, Master Yoda had re-newed and strengthened an old bond between them earlier, and was able to support him until I could get here. The good news is that as he exhausted his energy, it seems to have broken the high fever as well. He is much better now than he was when I first came.” He said and the youth looked very apprehensive.
“What – what’s wrong with him? It can’t be just a cold like he thought.” He said and the man shook his head.
“Apparently he was exposed to Pulla Pollen somewhere recently. When you first inhale it, there’s no effect at all – but some weeks later it’s caused irritation and set up infection in the lungs. The antidote to it is usually very effective – and getting the mess out of his lungs helps enormously. What we have to do is get him to cough it up. First though - we’re working on helping him replace the energy he burned up with breaking that fever and fighting this large scale of an infection. Your Master will be fine Obi-Wan – it will just take him some time.” He said and the boy nodded with a relieved look as he came closer and considered his Master’s now relaxed and peaceful features as he rested against the dark man’s chest.
“I can help too. I can give him some of the energy he needs –“ he offered with a hopeful look at the healer, and the man gave him a gentle half smile and shook his head.
“Not now Obi-Wan. Perhaps later, when he’s awake and more on the road to recovery.” He replied and the youth frowned mildly with a disappointed look.
“Lost your Master we nearly did to the Force last night Padawan Kenobi… Grab onto and hold I did his fading spirit. Very, very weak and depleted he is now. Too weak to even maintain consciousness. Yet – resist he still can if frightened he becomes, or by his reluctance to accept the support he needs. Better it is for him now if only those he is very familiar with and has deep trust in, offer support. Let down his shields and relax – let the energy enter him and fill him he can with those he trusts. Essential this is now for his well being. Without this energy transfusion process – fight off the rest of the infection in his lungs he will not be able to do – even with the healer’s antidote. The antidote has stopped the worsening of his condition – but it does not treat what has already happened in him. Help him you will be able to later – your care and encouragement he will need soon. Come, classes you should attend today – no cause is there for you to worry now.” Yoda told him as he levitated himself off the bed and led him from the room, and Obi-Wan followed in silence.
“Master Yoda…. I – I… is it because of what I did that my Master does not trust me enough to let me help him now?” the youth finally asked in a tense whisper when they had reached the common area. Yoda turned and considered him, then looked sympathetic as he went to the couch and pat the cushion beside him. Reluctantly the youth went to sit before him.
The ancient one considered him with kind eyes.
“Obi-Wan – time it is to let go of the guilt you carry for your mistakes on Melida/Daan. Love you, your Master does indeed – forgive you he did long ago.” He said gently, and the youth sighed.
“But – you do not think he trusts me enough to let me help –“ he said, emotion making his voice unsteady and Yoda sighed softly.
“Xanatos dealt my Padawan an injury of unparalleled proportion Obi-Wan. Stole Qui-Gon’s faith in himself, his confidence in his own abilities, destroyed his great heart it nearly did. Destroy himself my Padawan nearly chose to do during those times. Nothing I nor his friends could do or say could ease his pain – or relieve him of the torture of his memories. Tempted he was often to give in to the dark side through his pain and grief and shame. Even now – many years later – his heart bears an enormous scar from that injury. Heal completely – I do not know if he ever can.” The ancient Master said softly, and the youth’s eyes filled quickly with tears.
“Then I go and do what I did…. Oh Master Yoda… How can he ever forget what I did? I gave up my training as a Jedi - I drew my saber on him - I - I abandoned him by refusing to leave the planet and finish the mission with him. I'm amazed he even took me back - but - for him to ever be able to trust me again?” he breathed, shaky with his now overwhelming emotions. The diminutive Master considered him and half smiled gently, stroking the braid as he cocked his head and seemed to gaze deeply into the boy’s heart. Finally he sighed softly.
“Have patience we must young one. Forgive you he already has – now to forgive in himself, the faults he feels led you to make such a choice – we must help him do. Tender and sensitive to all living things is the heart of your master young one. Even as my Padawan so long ago – shy and overly sensitive he could so often be. Before then even, often difficult it was for him. Being so strongly of the Living side of the Force, made him different in the eyes of the other initiates. Make fun of him they often did… say unkind things… hurt him deeply with their words. Master Windu was his friend from the time Jinny was only 3 years old. 5 years only was Master Windu himself, but sense he did Jinny’s pain at such teasing. Best of all friends did they become – and much mischief did they get into.” Yoda said as he gently rubbed the boy’s back and Obi-Wan gave him a shy look.
“Jinny? That was really his name as a child?” he asked shyly, and Yoda smiled ruefully.
“Jinny he still is to me – and always will be. THAT you do NOT need to tell him. A better name it is for the gentle spirit that is your Master though, I still feel it is. You, Obi-Wan… are much needed by your Master. Light lives in you as it does in the sun – even when mistakes you do make. Choose unwisely you did – but only with the intention of helping others in need of assistance. Understand that your Master can indeed. Trust – trust is not easy now for him… not because of you – but because of Xanatos. Help him heal from that terrible blow to his heart you can. Need you do as well, the wisdom and teaching he can give you. Need to learn you do the power and strength of the Living Force. Need each other, the two of you do. Teach each other you will…. This I believe. Have faith Obi-Wan. Trust in the Force.” The ancient one half whispered reassuringly, and the boy gave a shaky sigh, then nodded with a solemn look.
Chapter 4:
Summary: Tavaris has some tips on the proper care and training of a certain Jedi Master!
When finally Obi-Wan did return from his late afternoon classes, he eagerly headed for the back bedroom. There he stopped as he found his Master propped up on a mound of pillows, his hair looking as if it had just been washed although his features were still pale. He also wore a clean, new sleep tunic and the bedding had been changed. Beside Qui-Gon, Tavaris sat on the edge of the bed; his features set in a soft smile as he had his hand over one of the elder's limp ones that rested on his chest.
"M-Master Tavaris? How is he?" the youth asked softly, and the one looked over to give him a smile as he nodded.
"A bit better actually - he's been awake enough to have a few bites of that lime gelatin he likes so much… we got him cleaned up a little. He's still pretty feverish, but it's down now in the range where it's at least not dangerous, as long as we take care of him a little bit." He said as beside him the Jedi stirred slightly, giving a congested sigh. Slowly he moved a hand and the long lashes fluttered as he half opened his eyes, blinking heavily at the one beside him, but otherwise not bothering to try to move.
"Have some juice Master -" Tavaris urged gently as he offered a bent straw that sat in a cup half full of pale pink liquid. Slowly the large Jedi took a few small sips, then released it as if just that alone had drained his strength.
"Rest Master… you're doing much better now - you'll be fine." Tavaris soothed gently, and the elder seemed to murmur unintelligibly, his eyes not quite focused. The large Jedi former-apprentice seemed amused as he gently rubbed the back of his Master's hand in a gesture of reassurance. Suddenly Tavaris smiled and chuckled softly as he shook his head at the one in the bed. Gently he pulled the blankets up more for the man, then folded them down neatly and pat them in place with a kind look.
"Master Qui-Gon, you couldn't be any trouble for me, if you tried even! And you are NOT old! Sick I won't argue with, but not old. You BARELY have the right to claim middle age! Now, no more about that -" he soothed as he used one hand to smooth back the man's hair, then seemed amused as now he took 2 of the pillows from behind the elder, thus helping him to lie down more. Quickly Tavaris suppressed a large grin as now the elder yawned deeply into his fist and then rubbed at his darkened eyes. With a sympathetic smile the former apprentice gently reached over and rubbed softly at the Jedi's temple. Quickly the Master's eyes slid shut as his breathing slowed, and Obi-Wan came closer with a sympathetic but anxious look to his face.
“He – he can talk to you – along – a bond? Doesn’t a Master - ummm…” the youth started out, and left off with an embarrassed look, and the tall younger Jedi Master smiled as if amused.
“Did he cut the bond between him and I when I became a knight you mean?” he asked and the boy nodded, cheeks turning red with embarrassment, and Tavaris chuckled.
“Well, he did the Master and Padawan one… that hurt like you would NOT believe! Master Yoda says we went and developed some sort of ‘family – friendship’ one in it’s place somehow. He was rather annoyed with us at first over it in fact. So was the whole entire Council. But – we tend to think a lot alike, Master Qui-Gon and I. Since he’s of the Living Force, and I’m of the Living Force and those tend to be rare alignments…. And he WAS my Master – and we had become more friends than anything else – they eventually realized it was not an interference and left it alone. It wasn’t until I had my own Padawan and that bond proved to be normal and strong that they finally relaxed really, and it’s been helpful more than not as it turned out.” He told the boy, who sighed deeply.
"I - I - I wish there was something I could do to help him feel better… everyone seems able to help - except me…" he said wistfully, and for a very long moment Tavaris considered him, then beckoned him forward and the youth came with a soft discouraged sigh. Carefully Tavaris rose, then sat the boy in his place and knelt beside him.
"Don't let everyone tell you that he's nothing but stubborn and headstrong and difficult to get along with Obi-Wan… He's not. Not at all really. Not inside anyway. See the little tiny wrinkles at the corners of his eyes?" he asked softly as he almost touched the one's face and the youth nodded. Tavaris smiled at the elder fondly.
"Those are smile lines… when he smiles you see those… But, see these ones more UNDER his eyes? See how it looks almost like he has bruises under his eyes?" he asked quietly and again the boy nodded and Tavaris sighed mildly.
"That only happens when either he's sick, or extremely overtired. One time, we were on this mission where by the end he actually looked like he had 2 black eyes - as if from being in a fight, it had gotten so dark. As soon as we landed the Council insisted they had to see him right this minute. He'd put up his shields days before so I couldn't even feel his reaction - but I was amazed when all he said was yes master, then got up to go. To make a long story short - the council was giving him a hard time about some minor little thing he did his own way - and he didn't even argue. He just stood there staring at the floor - and then suddenly he turned away and started heading out the door - right in the middle of someone scolding him severely!" he said, and the boy looked alarmed.
"Without them even dismissing him?" he half whispered and Tavaris smiled sadly as he nodded.
"Master Yoda practically shouted for him to stop this instant and come back there and explain his behavior to the council… Tells Master - my Padawan you may have been Qui-Gon Jinn - but this I will NOT tolerate from you! Explain yourself to us! Such a blatant lack of respect for the Council is unheard of! So, Qui-Gon comes back to Yoda's chair and kneels before him - he mumbles something - and then suddenly he just collapses. Even though he's already down on one knee - there's this huge 'thud' when he hits the floor!" he said and now the boy frowned.
"Just from being tired?" he asked and Tavaris nodded emphatically.
"Master Qui-Gon tends to get over-involved in things Obi-Wan… and once he has a goal or target or plan in action - he forgets all about himself and only thinks of getting to it. Now, he never once forgot about ME when I was his apprentice… but I certainly saw plenty of times where he didn't eat, or didn't sleep, or had been hurt and didn't heal - because of his concern for my welfare, or someone else he was helping. He hadn't slept in nearly 4 days by the time he collapsed in front of Yoda that day… He slept for nearly 30 hours straight - only to wake up with a horrible cold… He'd run himself so far into the ground that his immune system was practically on strike - so the first little bug or virus he ran into he caught." He said and the boy nodded with a sympathetic look at the sleeping elder beside him.
"He's very easy to comfort or reassure Obi-Wan… He usually just wants to see you - know that you're near by and not into trouble…. You have to make sure you keep him warm… he tends to get cold much easier than others do. That's why he nearly ALWAYS wears his long brown robe - the man is just about ALWAYS cold in only his tunics! So - make sure he always has warm blankets - and he likes them up over him like this, not down at his waist -" Tavaris said with a pat of the sleeping Jedi's chest and the boy nodded with a shy look.
"I've never heard him say he was cold…" he thought out-loud, and Tavaris smiled.
"There are a lot of things you will never hear your Master say Obi-Wan… but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel or think them or that he doesn't have those emotions. My Master struggled almost as much with his emotions as I did at times as his apprentice - he's just a whole lot better at putting on that 'calm, inscrutable face', locking down his shields, and making everyone THINK he doesn't feel or react emotionally. You'll almost never hear him say that he's sore, or that he hurts, or that he's hot or cold or sick… you just have to kind of learn the signals for it." He said and the boy frowned mildly.
"Signals? You mean like when he kinda sighs and lets his head hang down on his chest, then puts it way back, then does funny things as he moves his head and shoulders around? I've seen him do that a lot." He said and Tavaris nodded.
"He has a lot of scar tissue built up at the top inner edge of his left shoulder blade, from a vibro-blade injury that nearly killed him when I was a few years older than you. He left me here and went on an undercover mission he thought would be too dangerous to take a any apprentice on - and he nearly got himself killed. Master Windu and his apprentice and me had to go rescue Qui-Gon… and try not to get killed ourselves in the process! If we'd have delayed even as long as 1 more day, he would have died is what the healers here told us. He was so bad off as it was, they couldn't take the time to be sure he'd heal perfectly right when they fixed it - so now he gets stiff and sore all the time." He said, and the youth frowned mildly.
"And there's nothing anyone can do to make it better? He asked and the man half shrugged.
"I used to rub his shoulders and neck for him nearly every night. His muscles knot up there really easily. Then that soreness gets all the rest of his shoulder and neck muscles trying to compensate and he ends up too sore to even look up or down or left or right. At first he'll always say no, don't… but after about half a minute he'll relax and let it be done. If he gets hurt and it involves his right arm… he CAN indeed use his left for his saber - but don't depend on him being able to go forever doing it - he's just not as strong on that side. He'll end up hurt because he wouldn't back off is what usually happens then. Whenever we ended up in battle - I always tried to stay on his left side. His left shoulder is his weakest spot." He said and Obi-Wan looked interested as he nodded with a thoughtful look at the elder.
"He hurt it again just when I first met him… some space pirate got him in the left shoulder with a vibro-axe." He said, and Tavaris made a face of dismay as he half grimaced severely.
"Obi-Wan… Master Qui-Gon is wise, he's patient, he's a fascinating teacher and a fantastic swordsman… and he's extremely over protective. Any time - any place - against no matter what odds you run into…. This man is going to put himself between you and danger - no matter where it comes from. And he often gets hurt for his trouble. He'll take the blaster shot himself before he'll let it get near you if it's at all possible. I used to feel horribly guilty all the time whenever he got hurt. Even Master Yoda used to have a 'long discussion with your Master' when it would happen. But not even Yoda could ever convince Qui-Gon not to do it. Even when I was 17, 18 years old, he still had that protective urge to be where he could get between me and the enemy at any given moment. Just about drove me nuts for awhile until he finally started to realize I'd gotten good enough to defend myself - and even HIM if need be!" he said, and the boy smiled weakly, reaching one hand out towards the sick Jedi, then suddenly stopping as if hesitant and uncertain.
"He's a very 'physical' man Obi-Wan… he'll always have a hand on your shoulder, ruffle your hair as he walks by, put his hand over yours to show you a hold or grip, a touch to your arm when he's telling you something he's excited about. That's just how he is. Likewise, if he's nervous or uncertain or anxious - you'll see him put his hands up the sleeves of his robe like some kind of monk or something! He'll withdraw and stand there, real quiet and still, with that totally unreadable look on his face." He said and considered the young teenager and seemed mildly amused.
"Touch is important Obi-Wan. It tells people we are connected to them, that they have our attention, that we care enough to touch them. It reassures them, it's comforting - it tells us we aren't alone - here – watch." he told the boy. Then, gently he reached over to lightly brush a stroke across the Jedi's cheek, down his long hair and finally to rub mildly at his shoulder - at which the one sighed as if deeply relieved and rolled onto his side towards the touch. Obi-Wan gave Tavaris a rather surprised look and the one chuckled softly as if amused.
"Yeah, well - let me tell you - Master Yoda will sit and just pet him for hours like that sometimes if he's very ill… The two of them are something else. I've seen Master Yoda haul off and hit him in the shins with his cane - and almost instantly reach out and touch him to block the pain of it. Course, Qui-Gon had just been allowed up after having a broken leg and being stuck in bed for a week… He still got a bad bruise from it and Yoda felt bad, you could tell." He said, the boy sighed softly as he studied the slack, pale features.
Hesitantly the boy reached out again. Gently and lightly he rested his hand on the Jedi's back, watching him intently for reaction. Tavaris smiled at him reassuringly then bent to consider the Jedi's features and suddenly the large former apprentice chuckled softly.
"He's out like a black hole star - totally sound asleep…. Obi-Wan, he's your Master now – but, I'm trusting YOU to take care of him for me on a day to day basis. In order for you to do that, you have to know a little about him - and you certainly need to be able to reach out and touch him if he needs it…. And - your Master needs a little bit of help right now. Really - I promise he won't bite you. I really need to lay down for a little bit. If he wakes up, just give him a few sips of juice and keep your voice low and quiet. Send him a soft, gentle wave of comfort and drowsiness and you'll knock him right out. Not a strong one - believe me - it won't take much. But - if he seems suddenly determined to turn away or tries to get up or seems at all upset, come get me. I don't think he will be though – he really has become extremely fond of you – and he admires how you've handled all of what’s been going on. So - do you feel up to doing a little 'Master-sitting' for me for a couple of hours?" he asked cheerfully. The boy looked amazed - then nodded enthusiastically and Tavaris smiled as he rested his hand on the elder Jedi's forehead for a moment, then pat him on the shoulder as he rose.
He was nearly to the door when Obi-Wan made a soft noise. Tavaris stopped and looked back, to find the boy smiling at him very shyly.
“Thank you – for trusting me Master Tavaris. I won’t let anything happen to him.” He said earnestly, and the large man smiled softly at him.
“No, I’m certain you won’t Obi-Wan. I’m only going as far as the couch, in case you have need of me.” He said and the boy nodded. “If Nicky shows up, tell him I want him to go ahead and wake me up, if you would. I gave him the day to go visit with his friends – his first time since he’s become a Padawan and had his hair cut.” The big man added, and the youth smiled and nodded.
“I won’t forget sir.” He told him, and the man seemed amused as he nodded and left the room.
Obi-Wan sat in the silent room. Beneath his hand, he could feel the soft, gentle movement of his Master’s chest with every breath. Suddenly he lifted his hand away. He – he just didn’t deserve to have Qui-Gon as his master, he thought to himself sadly. First he’d forced himself upon the Jedi – only to turn around and in less than a year openly betray him. Betray… surely it was the one thing for which this particular Master would have no forgiveness… no matter what he said otherwise.
He startled at a movement beside him, to see the Jedi Master in question roll slowly onto his back, his eyes half opening his eyes to blink heavily at the boy. Obi-Wan froze, hardly daring to breathe. Slowly the elder’s hand found it’s way to his own. He grasped it and brought Obi-Wan’s up onto his chest where now he slowly closed both of is own hands over the boy’s.
“No…. not betray… You did not betray me Obi-Wan. Please don’t think you’ve done such a thing – because you haven’t… Follow your heart is what you did… I, better than most, know how difficult those choices can be.” He whispered weakly, and the youth felt the sting of tears at the back of his eyes even as he felt a very weak wave of compassion and soothing flow from his Master.
“Shh Master… Don’t do that… you need to save your energy!” he protested and the one nodded, looking suddenly a little greyer in color.
“Then – help me do that Obi-Wan… stop thinking such untruths about yourself… You would never betray me… You are only pure light… and love,” he murmured even as he had to struggle to focus his eyes, and the boy’s brow knit with concern.
“Please, Master – just rest. Don’t try to talk now. Maybe I should get Master Tavaris for you –“ he offered, and the one closed his eyes, then half smiled weakly as he opened them again and shook his head.
“No… I’d rather have you just sit with me for awhile now – if you don’t mind that is-“ he breathed in a soft whisper, and instantly the boy shook his head.
“No, I don’t mind at all Master… But – you need to rest – please?” he asked, gently stroking the Jedi’s cheek and across his beard, causing the eyelids to instantly close and stay closed as he slowly turned his head into the touch and sighed as if relieved. Unheard by the Jedi Master, the boy beside him considered his peaceful features, then copied exactly that same sigh of relief. “MY Master…” he breathed softly to himself.
Tavaris smiled fondly at the boy from just outside the doorway, where he had been watching in silence, unseen. He had come back as soon as he'd sensed that Qui-Gon had woken. What he'd witnessed here had done much to ease his mind…. No, no - this boy was NOT like the last at all. And this one he fully intended to get to know WELL! With deep gratitude and heartfelt relief he made his way back into the common area and over to the couch.
"No, junior Jedi, that's OUR Master… Better get USED to me being around - 'little brother'!" He thought to himself rather mischieviously as he laid down. Yes, this could be interesting indeed! With a contented sigh and faint smile, he drifted off to sleep.
