Rating: PG at most :)
Summary: Qui-Gon returns home from a difficult mission.
DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognizable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. Aren't we glad he created such wonderful things for us to play with and enjoy? This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was made from it. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
OBI-WAN
I am NOT a child! It is utterly ridiculous for the Council to be sending you alone on a mission like this! And you do not help matters any by just agreeing with them! Since when do YOU agree with the Council in the FIRST place! I am 19 years old�. Old enough to vote, old enough to own property - even old enough to dedicate or die for the cause of peace in the galaxy� But NOT old enough to go with you to a little known planet? I utterly disagree Master - but at your request I will stay here and wait� THIS time anyway�..
I look up at the chronometer on the wall, yet once again. I have been uneasy the last few days - and cannot discern why. Your message said you expected to arrive half an hour ago� I still have not sensed your presence and now I am starting to feel anxious. Finally, finally, after nearly another half-hour, the comlink chirps and the voice informs me of the transport's arrival. Your tardiness has made me impatient now - annoyed even�.
I add more hot water to the spiced bath that has been waiting, already drawn, for some time now. Suddenly I sense your presence on this level, and go to the door, waiting for you to trigger the panel in the hallway. It opens, and I cannot help but gasp with alarm and surprise. Your long cinnamon colored hair is dark chocolate colored from mud and who knows what filth.
You have a large dark purplish bruise above your left eyebrow and I can tell you have healed a gash there. Most alarming of all, your eyes are a dulled steelike-deep blue, marked with heavy shadows under them and more lines than usual. Your now torn dark brown robe bears bits of grass and streaks of dirt and other foreign matter. One sleeve is ragged; the material appears chewed, as if you were caught up in something large and 'hungry'. Your linen tunic is spattered heavily with mud and what smells like algae pieces�.and swamp water perhaps. Even the knees of your leggings bear grass stains, and your boots - your boots are caked with mud and grass. You nearly sway as you stand there at the doorway for a moment.
"Master! What happened?" I react with, and you stagger as you enter our rooms, dropping your travel pack like a lead weight. "Wha'?" You murmur at me as if confused, then suddenly you look at me - and take me into a long, long hug, resting your cheek on my head and I can feel you trembling severely from exhaustion. Quickly I realize you are damp - as if you have been soaked and it has now been so long only dampness remains - and I feel anger start to simmer beneath the surface as I touch my hand inside your tunic and feel cool, clammy skin rather than the customary warmth.
The shock of that cold-to-touch skin galvanizes the professional in me as now I pull back out of your arms, yet keep hold of one wrist as I consider your face. You are pale, drawn, and even haggard looking. I can feel your pulse in your wrist - and it is nothing to brag about right now.
Exhaustion - hypothermia - possible concussion�. These are the words that run through my mind as I help you shed your robe, and watch as now you shiver weakly despite the warmth of the room. The dullness of your features does nothing to reassure me that you are all right.
"Come Master - let me help you get out of those wet clothes and into a hot bath. We need to get you warmed up." I say as I draw you towards the rear of the apartment. You do not say anything - only nearly stumble and fall over the travel pack on the floor. // Master - are you hurt anywhere? // I send over our mind link - and all I get back are vague images of running - harsh and heavy breathing - darkness - and being so, so cold.
Suddenly, I realize that right now you cannot understand, nor even form cohesive sentences in your mind. I stroke your cheek in a gesture of wordless comfort, but you seem encased in a thick blanket of numbness and do not even meet my gaze. My sense of concern doubles at your lack of response.
Quickly I strip the damp clothes from you and leave them to fall as they may on the floor. Carefully I hold onto your arm as you get into the tub, and as the steaming hot water welcomes you, I feel your sigh of enormous relief. Gingerly I cup the water in my hands and pour it over your head - then squeeze the shampoo into my hands before I apply it to your head and begin lathering the muck out of your long hair�. It ONLY takes five times to get rid of the mud - and now the water is murky brown.
The heat of the water seems to revive you a little bit, as now you at least make eye contact with me here. I pull the plug even as I turn on the tap to empty and refill the tub - and this time I pour an ample amount of bubble bath into the water� and am rewarded with a weak half smile from you. You do have a fondness for bubble baths, as do I - but that is a secret shared between us.
Slowly you relax back against the tub and let me wash you part by part. I count the bruises on your body as I go� and am not at ALL happy with their number. I can feel you are warming up now. With a deep sigh you close your eyes and sink further down - and I feel you doze off - not really asleep, but not fully awake either as you just soak in the warmth of the water. I can feel your thoughts drifting aimlessly and unfocused again.
It upsets me greatly that you were sent on this mission alone. How many of these marks would not be on you today if I had been allowed to go with you?� What hardships and stresses have caused this condition you have been returned to me in?... Sometimes I wonder about the wisdom of the Council. They take severe advantage of you Master.
You are so relaxed I am afraid you are going to fall asleep there in the tub. "Master? Your face?" I warn as I lather up the wash cloth and now make short work of scrubbing your neck, face, and your beard - but careful I am around the bruise on your forehead. // Headache - for days now // I receive from you as almost a whisper, and can feel now the pounding in your temple on that side of your head.
You must be shielding me from your pain I realize suddenly. It nearly brings tears to my eyes to think that even now - YOU seek to protect ME. Finally you are done - even your fingers are pink and wrinkled from the water - which is now cooling fast.
Gently I help you out of the tub, dry you thoroughly with a large bath sheet and wrap you in the thick black velour night robe that always hangs on the back of the bathing-room door. I cannot resist the urge to give you a brief gentle hug. "Hot tea?" you manage to murmur softly into my ear and I smile. "Coming right up� here - you sit." I direct as I guide you into the sleeping area and park you on the large bed that is yours. You don't object out loud, but I hear you think // It is too early to go to bed! //
I intend to argue the matter if you make me Master- but I don't think you will really - you look like you can barely keep your eyes open. When I come back in a few minutes, it is to find that indeed you have your eyes closed. Actually, you are sitting cross-legged on the bed, meditating. Silently, I put the cup down on the nightstand, and instantly your eyes open and you blink heavily at me. // Too tired to even meditate - some Jedi I am�// crosses your mind and I frown deeply. How could you think such a thing? What do you expect from yourself!
"There will be NONE of THAT Master!" I warn sternly, and your eyebrows rise in mild surprise. "Here - drink your tea now." I insist, and you slowly take a few sips, before sighing and rubbing at your temple near the bruise with a briefly pained look. I wait until you have finished the tea, then put the cup aside for you.
You visit the refresher, and I take the opportunity to open and fold down the blankets on the bed, find your sleeping pants, and your favorite hairbrush. You frown mildly at the opened bed at first when you come back.
"Here Master, let me brush your hair." I say kindly as I sit on the edge of your bed. You send me with a grateful look as you don the sleep pants and sit before me on the floor. I use the hairbrush to start at the top edge of your forehead and gently brush your hair back towards me, carefully undoing tangles and smoothing it down. Finally I can start near your face and brush all the way back and down in one long, smooth stroke.
Your eyes are closed I notice, and there is just the hint of a smile on your weary face. Now you park one arm on my knee and rest your chin on it as well. I smile as I continue the long, slow strokes with the hairbrush. You hate 'wild' hair in the morning - while I thoroughly enjoy it�. Especially when it is yours.
I cannot help but wonder which you will have tomorrow morning. Chuckling softly at the image I see in my mind, I give a gentle kiss to the top of your head and you seem to purr sleepily. "Into bed Master, let's see if I can help with that headache some." I suggest quietly, and you seem to have forgotten about arguing as you sigh and with my help, slip slowly under the covers.
"Turn over on your stomach -" I instruct and you do - your hands up around the pillow to hug it mildly, the side of your face with the bruise not being pressured upon. I go to the bathroom and come back with the small bottle of scented oil that has been in the warmer for the last 20 minutes or so. Gently I pour a little of the oil in my palms, rub them together and start at the top of your shoulders, making slow, smooth circles in your skin and working out the many knots I find in the muscles beneath. If you still have these knots after your bath�. I hate to even imagine what they must have been like before you got here.
I wipe my hands on the towel and now start at the base of your skull, gently drawing up your hair as I gently massage upwards, imagining the tension fleeing out of you through the top of your head. As they go I catch images from your mind�. Blaster fire� Explosions�. War ruined city�.things chasing you�. Being lost in swamp and fog �. Cold�. Miseries� and maybe worst of all - loneliness. - Feeling alone and outnumbered and hunted by so many� and then I see you remembering me�. The image of returning home is what kept you going - kept you moving - kept you dodging, and hiding, and running - until finally you were able to escape that awful place.
Quickly I wipe away the tear that traces a path down my cheek as now I feel your breath slowing, becoming deeper, and I sense the heavy limpness of sleep overwhelming you. Suddenly you jerk all over and gasp as if startled and lift your head with an unintelligible murmur of dismay. "Come Master - " I coax gently as I pull the pillow up close beside me. You scoot up, collapsing upon it with a soft whimper as you roll onto your side and curl up some. Sleepily, you nuzzle against me, and I pull the blanket up over your shoulder and gently tuck it around you.
I turn on the light beside the bed and find a datapad on the floor nearby - where you so often leave them, or they fall from your hands after you nod off at night� Curious, I look at the title, then scroll through the pages even as I absently stroke the hair back out of your face and smooth it down over the blanket that covers you. I find a page you have marked and this is the passage you have highlighted:
When in your heart true friendship rings Despair can never rule as king. When in your heart love holds command Return thou will from any land. Friendship and love - the power of Light Unequalled they are - in endurance or might.
I look at you asleep beside me�. Hair loosed and so silky� Hands still and limp� Breathing deep and even, soft and slow,� Features unlined and more youthful looking - maybe even a touch of innocence left over from childhood past - lips parted lightly in complete surrender to slumber. I cannot help but smile to myself - then lean over and kiss you gently on the forehead.
Chapter Two
QUI-GON
I can't believe this transport is taking so-o-o long. I keep trying to sleep in the corner of the main cargo bay where all the other refugees of the planet are huddled. But cries of pain from my fellow travelers beckons me back from slumber. Children. So many children crying... Once again I get up and go to give what ease I can. Just rising causes dizziness to wash over me in waves. From the head injury is my guess.
I know I must look as awful as they do. Covered in muck and goo. But it is such a miracle any of us even survived, that complaints about something as trivial as appearance, are beyond consideration. I just wish I could stop shivering. I feel as if I am freezing to death in this wet robe, yet there is nothing else to change into, and many of the others are just as uncomfortable as I am. // Accept the cold, accept the wet... don't fight... // I tell myself as I try to meditate for a few moments.
Standing up... Walking... Stiff and so, so sore... Trying to keep my weak and shaky legs from collapsing under me. I can see solid ground at the end of the disembarking ramp. The spires of the city beyond the edge of the landing pad look familiar... // Are we finally home? // I wonder as I follow the others into the building without even thinking.
For a moment I halt, in a panic... / / Where is my travel bag? ! // - then I look down and find it is in my hand and I relax. The heat in the building feels like I have just walked into an oven! But I stopped shivering many hours ago. Now I am just numb... even thinking is difficult and I feel thoughts and words floating just beyond me - yet too far away for me to bother with.
Someone in the hall grabs for my shoulder and I jerk away instinctively. My own lack of balance sends me reeling hard into the wall and down it, leaving a muddy smear behind me. Quickly the person stops and bends over and is talking to me. The words do not make sense, but the eyes seem kind... And familiar - but I cannot think to place them now. I am shaking as I am helped up, and the dizziness returns and this person catches my arm and steadies me - but it hurts where he holds my arm and I gently pull away.
"Easy Qui-Gon - take it easy - Let me call a healer - " I realize my helper is saying, and I shake my head.
// I want to go home // - is all I think of. // I want to go home... I want to go home... //
It becomes a mantra, one phrase for each step. // I want to go home... I want to go home... I want to go home... I want to go home... //
Slowly, so as not to fall down, I follow the mantra through halls. I feel they are familiar, yet right now they are just a blur to me. Once I stagger and nearly fall into the wall again, and am caught by my helper from before - who apparently has seen fit to follow me closely... I realize that without him I would have fallen headfirst into the hard wall. I find I am on my knees, and once again he helps me up, not protesting as I hold onto him as the room whirls dizzily for a moment.
// I have nothing to offer a guest for musical entertainment. // Is the absurd thought that echoes through my numb mind as once again he steadies me, concern obvious on his face and in his eyes. I know those eyes from somewhere... Somewhere - but it is beyond me to complete the thought. Again the face bends close, and now a hand gently brushes what feels like stiff, matted, stringy strands off my neck. I think I am shaking again... Words again... words I cannot make sense of, so I just nod silently. I barely even notice as an arm of support is slipped around my waist.
3 floors later I realize this person if feeding me energy through our touch, to help sustain me as he helps me home. I stop for a moment, pulling away, and instantly I am reeling dizzily again as the energy feed stops. I am trying to see who this benefactor is, and am very surprised to find my old childhood friend Mace Windu there with his arm around me.
// Why isn't he at some Council meeting? // I wonder vaguely.
"How... did you ge' 'ere?" I try to ask... while fighting the deep weakness that threatens to overwhelm me... But I don't think my words are understood, as now suddenly I am swept up into his arms as if I am a small child.
At first I struggle to be put down. Or at least I try to move my hand to make a mind suggestion that he put me down. I can feel his low chuckle in his chest as with one hand he presses my head against his shoulder and pins me there, resting his cheek against what has to be my muddied hair.
"Relax, Jinny, You are safe now... " he says softly and gently, using a nickname that I haven't been called by for many a year... Except by him, and my Master of course... I stop struggling so hard to hang on to consciousness. My arms and legs feel like molten lead as I seem to melt into him. I cannot even lift my head. // He always was much better at that mind influencing stuff than I was, // I think to myself as I feel like I am drifting away peacefully... I can feel waves of calm and comfort coming to me from the man who is holding me. I am a little surprised at how safe I feel in his arms...
I am drifting now in images of the past... Warmth comes and seems to gradually seep into me. It is not enough - but it is better... Finally, I hear the call of my friend, Mace, as if from a distance... and I reach out for him with my mind...
I suddenly come awake with a gasp and violent spasm of startled muscles, my heart is racing. Where am I? I can't remember... Then it comes back to me as Mace pauses in an alcove to sit down with me in a chair. " Are you all right?" he asks, and I nod vaguely, then notice this is very near to my home. I struggle away from him, and he looks concerned but lets me... yet still he follows me by a few paces until I come to the doorlock. I pause a moment, trying my best to call up my mental shields - I do not want my young Padawan upset... Mace stands back as I palm the entry pad and the door slides open. I hear a soft and obviously shocked gasp at my appearance - from someone nearby... but my vision is fading now and I cannot see really. // Drat this eternal weakness! // I think.
I barely manage to stagger across the threshold, all else forgotten as I drop the travel bag on the floor. I am lucky I do not just collapse beside it. Somebody says something to me - again just a mumble of sounds and I turn... It is Obi-Wan - my Obi-Wan! // I am home... // I think as I just hug him. I feel so weak and dizzy all over again. My pulse pounds in my head, and I tremble, helpless to stop it... // Just let me lean here for a moment and rest against you, // I am thinking vaguely. You are so warm my Obi-Wan... even the hand you touch to my chest feels as though there must be some kind of inner fire to you.
My robe is gone? Obi-Wan is pouring water over my head and I am sitting in a tub of hot scented water... I don't even remember taking off my clothes... or how I got here... I had been thinking of being so cold, in the darkness ... and now I am suddenly in a tub of hot water. Gently Obi-Wan is lathering my hair with shampoo I realize now. It feels so good to have his fingers working slowly over my scalp and through my hair... I feel utterly helpless as he gently pours water over my head to rinse the soap away, then even more gently repeats the process, over, and over, and over, and over... It seems endless... and between the hot water and his ministrations I feel much of the tension in my back and shoulders melt away. I feel his concerned touches to my mind every few seconds... cautious, but very, very gentle and reassuring.
Now he is running the tub again... no... he is draining what has become muddy water, and replacing it with new I now realize. I see him add bubble bath to the water... I love bubbles in the bathtub... Don't ask me why, but I do... Now I relax back contentedly. I can feel the numbness leaving my hands and feet even now... My arms no longer feel cold against my stomach... I sink down to submerge my shoulders and just allow myself to drift in the sensations of warmth. There had been a time just a few days ago when I thought I would never again enjoy such luxury as this... not in this plane of existence anyway...
I can feel Obi-Wan... Just beyond my awareness - gently washing me part by part. I am so lost in relaxation and warmth that I cannot even react to the emotions I feel coming from my Padawan... I reach along the training bond and can see that he is upset at the number of bruises he has found on me. // Oh, my Obi-Wan... You are the only reason that they are only bruises and not actual wounds. //
//You - to be able to return home, continue to train you - guide you - yes, count you as a trusted friend... There have been moments recently where those thoughts were the only thing that kept me from just lying down and giving up. // My pulse still pounds in my throbbing head, and I realize I have had this headache for four days... And that I have just drifted off enough to let my shields drop so you probably felt it.
//I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, I am sorry, // I think to myself... but I cannot reestablish the shield now... I am far too weak and much too tired... I feel like a boneless jellyfish, simply adrift and at the mercy of the tides...
Now I am standing up, and you are wrapping my robe around me... And I have no idea how I went from tub to this... And I really should care more than I do... Now I feel you hug me... Did you sense how 'disconnected' I am right now? Maybe some tea would help revive my muddled mind.
You tell me to sit while you go and prepare my tea. Almost as soon as you leave the room, I feel faint - dizzy - I want to call out to you for help, but it was too fast for me to react properly... I try to meditate, increase the blood flow and oxygen to my brain... discover what injury has caused this reaction in me so I can heal it... and I am surprised to find it is not really caused by injury in the normal sense. Since I walked in the door, you have been sustaining me with extra energy of your own - and with you in the other room, I am too weak to maintain the connection by myself.
You are back in just a few moments... I have at least managed not to lose consciousness entirely... But I do not want you to feel a burden in maintaining my strength. I am the Master here... You are the learner. Fortunately you are already too distracted by my condition to be feeling behind any excuse I give you for what you may sense from me..
You do not mention anything... so maybe the tea is helping... at least it is reviving enough to allow me to get my shields part way back up. I take a brief visit to the refresher to allow me to splash a little water on my face as well. It does not help, and I am beginning to realize I am simply at the end of my strength and my endurance. I feel frazzled... Shaky. Most of what is said to me is totally unintelligible... I hurt still... It was much too intense and much too long and now I realize there is an emotional price as well.
You have my hairbrush by you on the bed I notice. Funny - something as simple and everyday as a silly hairbrush... And yet it means so much. I love it when you take the time to brush my hair for me. You gesture me over as you say something I cannot make out - but the gesture I am familiar with. I go and sit before you on the floor. Every stroke of the brush I feel lividly. It feels as if you are almost pulling the events of the last week out of me and scattering them to the ether. After awhile I cannot even keep my head up and rest on your leg. If I were a cat I would be purring, this feels so exquisitely wonderful. I half-dream I feel you kiss me on the head even.
I am eternally grateful when you open the bed... I have the will power of melted hot candle wax - meaning - I have none at all... Even though I cannot understand a word you are saying, I know you wish me to lie down... and I just do not have the strength to resist... At this point in time I feel so totally helpless and non-functional that it is almost a little scary. I am aware of softness under my cheek... You coming back and your weight on the bed beside me... And some soothing scent that seems to fill the air... Then - your gentle touch to my back.
The massaging of my back and kneading of those sore muscles there is just - just - words cannot even express what is felt. I would stay right here - just like this - trading absolutely nothing at all for all the rest of time if I could... Bliss... this must be a state of bliss I think vaguely to myself. My thoughts meander without direction...
I drift gently up to lie just below the edge of actual consciousness. I can almost see myself lying beside you, utterly limp and completely vulnerable. You are reading the poetry on my datapad... I wonder if you will realize that it is not that I do not have dreams of future events... it is more that I refuse to acknowledge them to anyone else. I hope vaguely that you will see this as just a mere coincidence... I see the waves of affection and healing you are sending me, even as you absently stroke my hair and rub my back, I feel it... And it reassures me... and I return to the oblivion of sleep - gladly.
MACE WINDU
Master Yoda announced that it is believed he has turned up on a transport ship bearing the very last of the refugees from the planet! I still cannot entirely believe it as true. What if they are mistaken? He was reported killed in the bombing of the embassy 6 days ago. But, they DID say there were circumstances that prevented them from providing the body for burial, and had no explanation for us as to exactly why. Not even his lightsaber or clothing would they return. Not even an investigative team was allowed to be sent, all of which made us suspicious.
Master Yoda cautioned against giving up too soon after the bombing. He did not notify Qui-Gon's Padawan when the explosion happened . Thank the gods we did not.
The transport ship is over half an hour late now. I am standing just inside the doorway with the other council members. This is the fourth ship of refugees . Only 3 thousand people left. Out of an original population of over 200 thousand. It is impossible to believe a religious war could lead to such carnage and destruction. Men of Gods, killing innocent and sinner alike, to prevent them from worshipping other gods than theirs. Will mankind never learn from such folly?
He is one of the very last of the 746 passengers to come from the transport. He is easy to spot due to his height and the Jedi robe. But I still did not recognize him at first. Children. So many of them are only children. Children of all sizes and ages. They are all filthy, and seem to move as if in a daze, as does he. We see him pause on the pad and sway unsteadily, as he seems to consider the skyline, and the look on his face is one of confusion and unrecognition. Master Yoda beside me gently touches my sleeve. I look down to find him staring at Qui-Gon with deep concern. "Go with him - he does not have the strength. Be gentle. In shock he is." I hear in my mind and nod once as an answer.
The line is moving slowly as the refugees enter the building and proceed down the hall to the screening and triage area we have set up. We are processing them to shelter locations as soon as possible. He is coming towards me now. I call to him. He does not seem to respond at all, not even to his name. I reach out to grab his shoulder, and at my touch he reels back with a gasp as if I have hurt him. He collides backwards into the wall and slides down it, his face suddenly ashen, his eyes dazed and blank, his breathing too rapid and ragged. His lips seem absolutely blue.
I do not care about the mud he has left on the wall as I kneel by him and feel at the pulse in his wrist. His heart is just racing. There is blood matted in his hair and deep, dark shadows under his eyes. "Easy Qui-Gon, let me call a healer. " I say, and he shakes his head as he forces himself to climb back up. I help him to his feet and can feel his is shaking hard now, and he seems on the verge of collapse. Yet still he gently pulls away from my touch, his eyes utterly vacant.
There is a huge, dark bruise on his forehead and a newly healed gash. I pray it is only a concussion that has him this way. // I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. // I hear from his mind as he starts off out of the line and down the hall rather unsteadily, and I follow close on his heels. He at least recognizes this as his home I tell myself, and he actually is heading in the right direction!
His steps are slow, as if he has to concentrate just to put one foot in front of the other. He weaves along almost drunkenly and others give him a very wide berth, rather than risk a collision with this mud-soaked being. Even I can hear the mantra in is mind. It leads him onwards. Several times he nearly collides with a water fountain, then a potted plant. When he suddenly staggers, falling headlong towards the wall, quickly I bridge the gap between us and grab him by his muddy robe and keep him from the collision. We both end up on our knees in the hall, him in my arms with a startled look.
Slowly he tries to rise and I steady him. He seems to be looking at my eyes as if struggling for a name. I gently brush his mind and get the most absurd thought, something about musical entertainment? I would laugh, if I didn't sense how close he is to collapse right now.
I raise his chin to look at his eyes and can feel the unnatural coolness of his skin. His pupils are widely dilated, but even in size, thank the gods. I brush the muddied hair away from his face and ask him if he has been seeing double and he nods with a blank look. I try to sense if he really understood the question, but before I get that far I sense a severe dizziness in him. It is not going to be much longer before he is passes out, I can tell. I put an arm around his waist and realize with a start that he is wet. Cold and wet.
As we move down the hall towards the elevators, I pour all the warmth and energy I can into him. It is like sending it into a black bottomless hole; he is so empty, and drained. He is drained to the point of it being a severe risk to his own wellness, and now I wish I had taken him to the healers in the triage area. But even if I had, so many others were hurt so much worse. He would not have let himself be treated before them I know. If I can just get him home to Obi-Wan, I think to myself. Obi-Wan will pay more attention to what he needs than the healers would with all their other patients as well.
We are nearly to his level, when suddenly he pulls away as if alarmed for some reason. He looks at me, eyes wild for just a moment, then suddenly goes just pasty white as he sways severely. "Mace?�" he mumbles, the rest incoherent, and suddenly his knees give way. Before he can even hit the floor, I sweep him up into my arms, as if he were a small child. I am surprised. He should weigh more, I think unhappily.
At first he squirms feebly against being held so. Then he tries to make a mind suggestion that I want to put him down. I half laugh. He is just barely conscious and yet still he struggles for independence. I can feel what is coming in him, and gently press his head to my shoulder and rest my cheek on his hair. I do not want him to be frightened now.
"Relax Jinny, you are safe now," I try to sooth, using the familiar nickname, as I send waves of calm and comfort to him, even as he fades away from consciousness while resting in my arms.
My heart goes out to him as he grows so limp and heavy against my chest. Quickly I turn into the first alcove I find and gently lay him on the couch. I make sure he is breathing and has a pulse, but his skin is clammy and cold to the touch. I brush his mind and find pictures of indescribable horror and long periods of sheer terror, then numbness, until the cries of the children bring him back. The cries of the children on the transport ship.
He has collapsed because he has used nearly every ounce of energy he had to heal the people on the transport, especially the children. Several of whom should not be alive tonight and yet are. I mentally scan the wound on his head and find a minor skull fracture. He has been beaten and is bruised from one end of his body to the other. But it is the horrors of what he has witnessed, the stress of the healings, and plain hypothermia is why he has passed out now.
Gently I place my hands over his abdomen and chest, and channel as much warming energy as I dare into him. Gradually his breathing steadies and seems easier. His face is not such a waxen ash color now and the bluish cast leaves his lips. Still he does not wake, and this concerns me. His energy level is just so, so, so depleted.
Carefully I place my hand under his chest, so it is in back of his heart, and my other hand I rest on the front of his chest, over his heart. His pulse is rapid, and feels weak to me. He is still pale though and lies so still. His breath so shallow and soft. It tears at my soul to see him like this. I study his slackened features for a long moment, then gently and briefly I sweep the stray hair out of his face. We may argue in the Council, and I may swear he is a holy terror in private, yet it would just kill me to lose him. I do not want to picture a life without this particular Jedi Master as a 'thorn in my side,' as I have so often accused him of being in the past. // Such a lesson may the Force spare us all from! // I think to myself. He has been my best friend since I was old enough to know what the word meant. Since early childhood we have been through thick and thin together.
"Jinny, don't go. Stay Jinny, stay here! We need you. You know we do!" I find myself whispering softly, my eyes closed, my forehead resting against his as I try to push the thoughts firmly into his mind. I keep sending as much warmth into his body as I can draw, even as I show him the place our friendship has always had in my heart, even if it is sometimes very hidden and disguised, especially with me now ON the Council!
It is so easy to take long-term friends for granted over the years. Now I let him see how I value him as a part of my life. I push it into his mind, trying to crowd out some of the horrors so recent to him. I feel the air around us growing cool as I even suck the heat out of the room to try to give him warmth, and finally I feel him take a decent breath and stir just a little bit between my hands. His heartbeat is slower now, and stronger. // Give me 15 minutes Jinny. 15 minutes to get you home. // I think to him, and I finally feel his mind weakly reach out for me in return.
Gently I gather him up in my arms. Still I try to push my own warmth and energy into him. It is not that much farther to his quarters where I can feel Obi-Wan is waiting. We are on the right floor and almost there when he wakes with a gasp. Quickly I find another alcove and sit down with him. His pulse is stable and he is warmer than he was before, but not yet warm enough. He struggles up and out of my arms and I let him go. I know that if I try and restrain him, he will struggle even more. That would cost him energy he cannot spare.
I stay close as he heads for his door, palms the lock, and as it opens I hear and sense Obi-Wan's gasp of dismay and feel his deep concern for his Master. Jinny staggers inside, and in a moment I can feel his deep relief as he hugs Obi-Wan. I too am relieved. When I sense he is in a hot bath, and Obi-Wan is with him, only then do I dare leave.
MASTER YODA
It is an absolutely impossible, suicidal mission - and yet it must be done. The Force screams out for it to be done. Thousands trapped on a war torn planet - many - so many innocent children. It was their parents who somehow managed to get a plea for help smuggled off the planet and into the Council Chamber. When will mankind ever learn the folly of War?
Jedi are not warriors. We will not raise an invasion army to do this. But - as the brilliant military strategist once said:
The many have the strength of numbers to their advantage. The one alone has surprise and secrecy as his advantage. Even today it is known as the "Lone Ranger" tactic.
I blanched when I saw who's name they had matched for this mission. As did he. Yet, calmly did he listen - and at the images from the planet, I saw that ever-burning fire blaze up in his eyes... even as my heart seemed to sink to the bottom of my being.
Yes he is strong - capable - has the experience. Confident in the Force is he ... but he is also my student - my friend. How does one send a loved one off to what seems to be certain death? Yet again? At least we all agree that HIS learner shall stay behind.
It was reported today that the embassy was shattered as a bomb planted by militant terrorists exploded - with no survivors. The Council was stunned. My heart broke in a private place and the sun seemed to dim for my eyes. I felt for him in the Force. But could not find him. Wrong - something is wrong. I would feel him there if he has gone into it.
We have asked that his remains be returned for burial - and have been told that identifications are not possible on all victims. We have asked that his lightsaber be returned, and have been told that it was destroyed in the explosion - not even broken parts can be found. We have asked that his extra clothing be returned - and were told that it was already redistributed to the needy refugees of the city. We wanted to send a team to the site of his death, to investigate and sense what they could - and were told it was too big of a risk now. Wrong - something is very, very wrong - the Force is telling me in no uncertain terms.
An ancient radio signal claiming to be a derelict freighter bearing the last of the refugees from the planet has just ended it's communication with us. The radioman had said that 'Master Jinn asks that the refugees be allowed to land at the Temple and processed from there.' Great Moons of Kaligati! I KNEW he had not merged with the Force!
Hurt you are my Padawan ... This I can sense even before you come to the door of the transport. Cold ... far too cold are you. In dazed shock, lips blue even, you pass by unsteadliy in the line. Your friend Mace I do send. Fight the healers I know you would until all others had been treated first ... and this you cannot afford I am afraid. Not this time Qui-Gon Jinn.
I cannot help but wince as you fall against the wall. Your pain echoes up my spine ... Your confusion I sense ... and your weakness. I cannot relax until I feel your friend very close to you as you wearily break from the line and trudge unsteadily down the hall. Do you sense the strenghing of our bond this last year I wonder at times? I can see in my mind, the indulgent smile you would give me if I spoke of it with you ... but it reassures me to have allowed it to renew rather than fade as it was doing before.
Not long later my breath catches as I feel you lose consciousness ... but sense I do that peacefully did you go, and being comforted and cared for already you were. // Much too cold he is. // I try to impress into your friend's mind even as I sense that you rest limply in his arms.
Soon it is Obi-Wan I feel with you ... and a great surrounding warmth. Did I not tell you a blessing that boy would be Jinny? Learn the hard way sometimes you insist on though. Heal your heart he has my young one, and for that he has my eternal gratitute. Open you again to love and trust he has. May you never lose that again my Padawan. I do not think I could stand to see you suffer such heartbreak ever again. Fortunate it is that his feelings for you are just as deep as those feelings for him which you still mostly hide from.
Difficult it is to even let you out of my sight after the near tragedy of Naboo. Too send you on this mission took more of my courage - than it did yours I think ... And it is definately why the later details I did not share with Obi-Wan. I have seen his eyes when you suffer even the most minor of injuries since the battle with the Dark One in Theed. Haunt us all those visions will I am afraid... at least for awhile.
Lock you up in a safe circle of love and protection for the rest of all time Qui-Gon Jinn ... We would if you would let us - Obi-Wan, Mace, myself ... The only dissention in that is from you, my stubborn one. Now it is us you make stretch to the limits. These lessons you could have spared me young man, and I would not have minded at all! And yet every day I see you, I count the blessings of the Force in my life and am more grateful than I will ever let you know that the lesson of your death was allowed to pass us by.
For four days now it has been nothing but an endless stream of refugees across the floor of the Council Room, telling us the sad tale of the final destruction of their society, and the miracle of their rescue ...
"And then Qui-Gon Jinn had us organize like this and such ..."
"And then Jedi Jinn arranged us into food scavenging teams and directed us to ..."
"And then Master Jinn divided us into hidden camps like this and these so we would not be found by the extermination teams or the others ..."
"And then the Master Jedi showed us how to make or do this and that"
"Then Jedi Master called down the Force itself and saved us from such and such...."
For four solid days of testimony... from over 100 witnesses by the end of it..
Yoda stood beside the dark blue velvet upholstered couch in the Master's Quarters area. There on it lay one still-pale Jedi Master, his eyes closed as he lay on his side with a pillow from the bed cushioning his head. A blanket of fuzzy light blue lay over him to his chest, him being clad in the black night robe over a white under tunic, the dark circles just fading from under his eyes.
Gently Yoda smoothed down the long hair and swept it away from the one's face, smiling as now eyes of cobalt blue half opened to blink at him wearily. "Master - please - I am fine," he said almost pleadingly and Yoda smiled at him fondly. "No - a skull fracture you have had... minor or not does not matter... and even with that - still managed you to do so much. Proud of you I have right to be my Padawan." He said very appreciatively, and the Jedi sighed at him, then half rolled onto his side and propped himself carefully up on one elbow - as now Obi-Wan came around to sit in a nearby chair.
Obi-Wan had to smile as Yoda now perched there on the couch, gently rubbing the Jedi's back even as he stifled a deep yawn with one fist, then blinked up at Yoda heavily as now he laid back down.
"I barely even remember it Master." he said softly and Yoda nodded with a sigh. "Not unusual it is to forget a few days right around the time one incurs a fractured skull Qui-Gon. Especially for humanoids. But it does not change in the least what you did - nor the direct impact you have had on thousands of lives. Well you did young man.. Thankful I am that the Force saw fit to let you return to us." He said and the one gave him a shy look as Obi-Wan nodded as well.
"Thankful enough to authorize a little R&R time Master Yoda?" Qui-Gon asked hopefully, and Obi-Wan quickly frowned. "Now wait a minute Master, our vacations always turn out to be just as, if not MORE stressful than staying HERE! I'm not so sure you are up to a 'vacation'... not anytime in the near future!" he exclaimed dourly, and the sleepy Jedi Master just smiled and seemed amused. "Now Obi-Wan.... We cannot stay locked in the Temple for the rest of our lives... I know a perfectly quiet, peaceful little planet that I am sure we would enjoy. Master Yoda and Mace can even come with us if it will make you all feel any better... " he started with a purr of persusion.....
