Ah, Marlboro Country... where the men are men, and pretty much everything else is men, too. It's a place of the masculine, the rugged, and, frankly, the very creepy. So lassoo up some rich tobacco flavor and set down a spell for some suspicious Marlboro ad images from 1972.
Out on the range, I reckon just 'bout every man gets lonely oncet in a while. So if Clem an' I get a hankerin' for some cuddlin', well, that's between two consentin' ay-dults. We'll just set down on the wagon right close-like. An' if Clem decides to touch hisself between the legs again, why I'll just turn a little toward the camera and sit awkwardly with my hands clasped, starin' out at the horses. I may just be a simple cowboy, but that's how we've always done it out in Marlboro Country.
An' if Tex is lookin' just a little too long at Bill's britches when he climbs on his horse? Heck, we'll just let that go. He's just lettin' off some steam. Things get mighty stressful here in Marlboro Country, what with the wheezin' an' the coughin' an' the lung sarcomas. So if it's wrong to crouch down an' stare at another guy from behind, well, I don't mind bein' wrong.
An'... oh, to hell with this. There's some things not even a cowboy likes chattin' about. Whatever Clancy an' his hoss got goin' on here is nobody's business, an' I hope it stays that way. Sure wish he'd at least shut the stable door.
That's enough of that. Is this what the advertisers intended? Probably not, but they're just setting themselves up for it with all the cowboys. Use something a little more creative... pirates, maybe? "MARRRGHLBORO! Smoke 'em or walk the plank, ye scurvy dog!" And then stab some cowboys with a cutlass. Much better already.
