This is why we keep politicians around

The reader should be advised that everything anybody is quoted as saying here was actually said.  I can't vouch for what, if anything, was meant.

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."  Marion Barry, former Democratic Washington, D.C. mayor

"Women prefer Democrats to men."  Tony Coelho, former Democratic representative from California

"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the President's.  But you must ask yourself:  Are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the President?  I can assure you there are."  Marion Barry

"Well, there was never a Bible in the room."  William Clements, former Texas governor, on why he lied about approving payments to Southern Methodist University football players

"I never use the words 'Democrats' and 'Republicans.'  It's 'Liberals' and 'Americans.'"  James Watt, secretary of the interior for part of the Reagan administration

"I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, anti-racism."  George Bush (the older one)

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."  Dan Quayle

"I am not worried about the deficit.  It is big enough to take care of itself."  Ronald Reagan

"I hope that history will present me with maybe two words.  One is peace.  The other is human rights."  Jimmy Carter

"It depends on what the meaning of the word is is."  Bill Clinton, during his grand jury testimony on the Monica Lewinsky affair

"It depends on how you define alone..."  Bill Clinton

"There were a lot of times when we were alone, but I never really thought we were."  Bill Clinton

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am.  I am filled with humidity."  Gib Lewis (Democrat), having been reelected Speaker at the end of a legislative session.

"Part of growing up is learning how to control one's impulses."  Hillary Rodham Clinton, introducing Bill Clinton at a gun control event

"I didn't intend for this to take on a political tone.  I'm just here for the drugs."  Nancy Reagan, asked a political question at a "Just Say No" rally

"Hawaii is a unique state.  It is a small state.  It is a state that is by itself.  It is a-it is different than all other states.  Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."  Dan Quayle, rebutting Bill Clinton's assertion that Hawaii's health care system was a model for the nation

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job."  George Bush

"I'm not indecisive.  Am I indecisive?"  Jim Scheibel, mayor of St. Paul

"I desire you."  Jimmy Carter, referring to the Polish people.  This is a translator's interpretation of Carter's statement that he "desired" to be in Poland

"Old people have a duty to die and get out of the way."  Richard Lamm, former Democratic governor of Colorado

The Last Quote

"I guess I should warn you.  If I turn out to be particularly clear, you've probably misunderstood what I said."  Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan

These quotes have been gathered from a variety of sources, including The 267 Stupidest Things Democrats Ever Said/The 267 Stupidest Things Republicans Ever Said, compiled by Ted Rueter; What Were They Thinking?, by Bruce Felton; and Uncle John's 4-Ply Bathroom Reader, by the Bathroom Readers' Institute.  If you wish to contribute your favorite political quote, send it and where I can find it to me on my "contact me" form.