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| My book report is on Fahrenheit 451. I would have written a book report on the Odyssey, but my friend Ben had to go and write it first, so I'm writing about Fahrenheit 451. | |
| Fahrenheit 451 is about a guy who goes around and burns down people's houses. This is called Pyromania, because some guy called Pyrrhus went around in ancient Greece and blew things up. But he died when he saved Athens from a huge Persian ninja army at the battle of Thermopylae, which is where we get the phrase "pyrrhic victory," or a battle where you win but everything blows up. But anyway, a guy named Montag was a pyromaniac. Since he was so cool and blew up stuff, people always capitalized "Guy" when they were talking about him. | |
| But then some lady blew up her own house while she was inside it, and Montag got really mad, because he didn't get to blow up the house, and then he smelled a conspiracy, because conspiracies smell like kerosene and Montag was always smelling kerosene. | |
| Then some teenage girl who did bad at school and loved nature and hated society moved in next to his house. She's what we call a "hippie anarchist," or a person on drugs who wants to kill the president and ban SUVs, which is bad because SUVs are part of the American way of life. Then she told Montag that society was bad and he should leave his wife and blow up the White House. Then Montag said "no way" and the girl ran into her house and died. Then Montag was sad. | |
| Montag's boss noticed he was sad. Montag's boss was a pyromaniac, too. He got paid by the president to blow up people's houses. This was bad. But he talked to Montag and told him he shouldn't read books, because books are bad, and Montag says "no way" because the hippie anarchist girl corrupted his mind and made him want to leave his wife and blow up the White House. So Montag's boss got mad, and he left. | |
| Then Montag went to visit this old dude he saw a long time ago who had books and was an old hippie anarchist, except he was old, so he couldn't go around being a hippie anymore. But he was still an anarchist. So he told Montag that there was a secret hippie ninja anarchist conspiracy to take over America and get back books, because the pyromaniacs had burned every book but one, and that one was being hidden by the ninjas in North Korea, where nobody could read and nobody cared about books. He also said the old lady in the house at the beginning of the book was secretly a ninja in disguise, and was doing sippuku, which is like suicide, only cooler. | |
| So then Montag went home. Then he saw his boss blowing up his house, and he was really mad because he'd always wanted to blow up his house, and now he couldn't. So he said "stop that," and then his boss said "no way," and then his boss got really mad, and he said he wasn't really a pyromaniac, he was a Capulet, an eternal enemy of Montag's family. And then Montag got even more mad, and he shot his flamethrower at Capulet, but Capulet dodged it, and then he shot Montag's ankle with a laser gun. And that got Montag super mad, and he pulled out his secret ninja sword and cut Capulet's laser gun in half, but then it exploded and melted Montag's ninja sword, and that got Montag really super amazingly mad, and he picked up Capulet and threw him at the house, and then Capulet died. And then Montag got really scared, and he chickened out and ran away. | |
| And then Montag wanted to leave his wife and blow up the White House, and he ran off, but he couldn't blow up the White House, because the ninjas already did. And then the Capulets got mad at Montag, and they got their fighter jets and nuclear missiles and laser guns, and they went and looked for Montag. And then the US got really mad, because in this book the US are the bad guys, and the ninjas blew up the White House, and so they got their nuclear missiles and went and hunted for the ninjas, but they couldn't find them, because they went with the last book in the world, and they stole a space shuttle and they all blasted off for Jupiter, where they had a secret base with lasers and nuclear missiles and flamethrowers and lots of cool stuff. | |
| So the Capulets and the US got really mad, and they got in their spaceships and blasted off to Mars, because that"s where they thought Montag and the ninjas went. But they were wrong. Then they got to Mars, and they shot all of their nuclear missiles and lasers and flamethrowers and machine guns. And then Mars exploded. And then they realized the ninjas were on Jupiter and not Mars, and they got so mad that half of the Capulets' heads popped off. So then they all went to Jupiter, and they told the ninjas "surrender or die," and the ninjas said "no way," and so the Capulets shot their heads at the ninja fortress, and the ninjas shot their nuclear missiles and flamethrowers and flaming cannonballs at the Capulets and the US, and then the ninjas got on their giant alien dragons with huge black wings who shot fire out of their mouths, and then they charged the US and the Capulets. | |
| This is what we call the climax of the story. Climax comes from the Greek words "max," which means "coolest," and "dro," which means "part of the story." It used to be "maxdro," but then some Roman guy thought "climax" sounded cooler, so that's why we use it. Ray Bradbury knew this, but he didn't tell anybody. | |
| Anyway, the ninjas rode their giant alien dragons and charged at the Capulets, and they fought a big space battle, and Montag got to blow up lots of spaceships, and that made him happy, because he was a pyromaniac. The ninjas fought like giant alien dragons, but the Capulets and the US outnumbered them 10,000 to 1, and the Capulets had secret hand-held flamethrowers. So the ninjas and Capulets and US guys fought for 90 years, except they were mostly flying so fast they actually got younger because of Einstein?s theory, and nearly everybody died, except for the US, because they were wimps and ran away to stay on Earth, and then only 5 ninjas and 10 Capulets and Montag were alive. And then Montag flew back to earth at lightspeed and stole a nuclear missile from Russia, which wasn't nice. So he came back, and shot the nuclear missile at the Capulets, and they all died, and so did three of the ninjas, but Montag didn't mind since he'd just defeated the Capulets. | |
| In Fahrenheit 451, we learn about censorship, freedom of the press, pyromania, ninjas, and the power of one man, and lots of other stuff. I think it's an awesome book, and Ray Bradbury is the most amazing cool guy ever, and his book is the most totally amazingly cool thing ever invented. And that's the end of my report. | |