907 – Hobgoblins
éééé
Things I liked in the movie:
The waitress’s Marge Simpson hair.
The first victim’s fantasy rock concert.
Stick fighting like Nick learned in the Army.
Impressions
This is a fairly transparent rip-off of the movie Gremlins. It has the eighties written all over it. The music, the themes, the acting, the hair – it’s all there. The riffing is pretty good. I was surprised how much the acting and dialogue is like a Troma Entertainment movie. The “actors” recite their lines as if they are in an elementary school play but have been over-coached by their teachers so it’s all yelled with fake emotion.
Synopsis
Some gremlins who live in a defunct movie studio offer some mentally-challenged teens a chance to live out their fantasies virtually. While the teens are fantasizing, the gremlins trip them. It’s sort of a metaphor for how MTV and Satan do the same thing. An ancient security guard half-heartedly tries to save the teens from their stupidity but he’s just too slow. Kevin, the whiny hero, gets a job at the gremlin-infested studio and promptly lets the hobgoblins out. This results in wacky hijinks mostly consisting of driving golf carts and bad acting. In the end, the gremlins voluntarily go back into the studio and the old guy blows them and the studio to smithereens. To paraphrase Crow: ”In an unforeseen tragedy, none of the actors were killed.”
Host Segments
Prologue: Tom and Mike are discussing accidental on-turning as described in the song by Robert Palmer. Each accuses the other of intentionally turning the them on. This is much funnier than I’m making it sound. Pearl gets in on the conversation. She has Brain Guy teleport a couch up to the SOL for storage. Mike and the ‘Bots abuse the couch like kids by jumping on it with juice boxes in their hands. Pearl punishes them with the movie Hobgoblins.
Second: Crow made a film about women in the spirit of today’s movie. The nearest thing Crow could find to a woman was Mike, but the experts say he’s not a woman. The film is a documentary style bit similar to a Bigfoot film, supported by blurry videos and eye-witness accounts. We learn that women may only be a myth.
Third: Crow sets up a crisis hotline for viewers of this film. Bobo calls it, desperate for someone to listen to him. Crow is repelled by Bobo’s attraction to a chimp and hangs up.
Fourth: Mike has made cardboard cutouts to stand in for the crew. Pearl is suspicious. Brain Guy explains that they are cardboard cutouts.
Final: Tom Servo announces that he went back in time and kicked Rick Sloane, the director, in the shin, as punishment for making the movie. It turns out Sloane’s inspiration for the movie was a stout red automaton kicking him in the shins. Doh!
Stinger: Hobgoblins driving the golf cart.
Funny Riffs
A disposable, half-wit teen in a security guard uniform is on stage pretending to be a rock star.
Mike: It’s a real cheap biopic of Jim Morrison.
The credits show Tami Bakke
Crow: Is she related to Wacky T. Bakke?
The old security guard is giving newly hired Kevin a tour.
Crow as old guard: These are the stairs. Stairs are your hips’ worst enemy.
The old guard holds a pistol up to new guy’s nose.
Mike: Smells like Jack Ruby.
Skinny girl: And you know what a man wants when he’s been away for two months.
Amy: No. What does he want?
Camera goes to Nick, who does an obscene pelvic thrust
Mike as Amy: Belly dancing lessons?
Old guard: What’s the matter, Kevin?
Tom: I got a 3 on the GED.
The old security guard is racing his golf cart along at 3 mph.
Crow: Bullitt! Now for seniors.
A thug grabs the old security guard and holds a knife to his throat.
Crow as thug: I don’t like the way you greeted me at Wal-mart.
Mike: I just wanna be brave for my horrible, frigid, non-supportive girlfriend.
Kevin is looking for the thug in the studio.
Tom as Kevin: When I find him I’m gonna make him sign in sooooo bad!
We finally see some gremlins.
Mike: Ah! Hobgoblins . . . four hours in.
Old security guard: Why do you think I spent the last 30 years of my life here?
Crow: Low SATs?
A car falls down the cliff and explodes.
Crow: In an unforeseen tragedy, the two actors were not in the car at the time of the crash.
An actor disappears
Crow: And he’s assumed into B-movie heaven.
Movie: There’s been an accident at the studio.
Crow: We made Hobgoblins.