906 – The Space Children w/ Short Century 21 Calling
ééé
Things I liked in the movie.
How the glowing blob grows for no reason.
Good parenting.
Impressions
Short – Century 21 Calling
I’m not sure what the title means. Either the 21st century is calling, or this is how calling will be in the 21st century, or the real estate company Century 21 is making cold calls. I want to pick one of the first two, but the phones look like they were from 1950. Like many MST3K shorts, this is a boring explanatory film. It’s an infomercial for Bell telephones. The riffs are average. It’s hard to spice up a monotone reader just rattling off product features. At first, when the super-white kids are running around the super-white “World” Fair, it’s kind of funny, but once the phone commercial starts, it gets pretty boring. In my opinion, the only really funny part is the host segment afterwards where Mike pretends to be the boy in the short.
Movie
This is sort of like Children of the Corn but if the kids were controlled by Santa instead of Satan. In this case, the controlling force is a glowing blob that makes the kids do good things and grows from about football size into the size of a pinto by the end. The blob’s growth is not relevant to the plot, nor is it explained, other than the fact that it live in the U.S. for a bit. The movie stars The Professor from Gilligan’s Island as an abusive drunk and Uncle Fester from The Addams Family. The movie itself is sub-par and the story is a little preachy, but not too bad. The riffing is solid and pretty funny. I enjoyed it. The movie is 4 stars, the short is 2 stars.
Synopsis
Short
A giddy young couple is enjoying the world’s fair in Seattle in what appears to be 1950. They are unbelievably happy and energetic. Everyone is very white. They find a futuristic 1950s telephone pavilion! The narrator tells us about it. No amount of riffing could save this lump of tedium.
Movie
A dad scientist, Dave, and his family have moved to a secret military installation at the beach somewhere in California. He has two boys, the older of which is named Rob. Once there, they meet other families in the same situation. The kids become friends and play on the beach together. Then the story splits into two: the adults are trying to finish and launch a super-weapon rocket called “The Thunderer” and the kids come under the mind-control of a blobby brain creature that wants to stop the launch. At first we think the blob is bad because it kills the abusive Professor. Dave/Dad finds out about the blob’s control of the kids and its blobby plan to stop the launch, but when he tries to pass on the knowledge to , he’s stopped by the blob’s telekinetic powers.
Eventually, the launch time comes. The Thunderer blows up at launch. Everyone somehow knows the blob is responsible and gathers at the cave to scold it. The blob ascends into heaven and the kids explain that around the world other blob-controlled children destroyed the weapons of all the other countries.
The final scene is Matthew 18:3 (which says unless you become like children, you can’t enter the kingdom of heaven). We are left to understand that’s how God operates. He sends blobs to Earth to make children sabotage missiles.
Host Segments
Prologue: Tom Servo has a kissing booth. He offers various types of kisses including a cigaretty kiss from a woman named Vi. A tech guy is installing new office phones. Pearl calls on the new phone to invite them to a conference call to learn about the new conference phones. She’s hoping better officing will improve her efforts to take over the world. When they get confused and can’t operate the complicated phones, she punishes them with an office short called Century 21 Calling.
Second: Mike impersonates the boy in the short to happy music from the short. This is basically exaggerated pointing and happy running. Tom and Crow hit him with a wrecking ball.
Third: Mike and the ‘Bots are trying to launch a tiny super-weapon. Pearl mocks them. She has a real rocket. She’s training Bobo so she can launch him into space. Bobo is injured when he gets thrown off the centrifuge. Yay!
Fourth: Crow puts on a Jackie Cougan (Uncle Fester) fashion show. He mocks Cougan’s outfits in the movie. In his defense, they were asking for it.
Final: Mike and the ‘Bots entertain the holy blob from the movie. Tom happens to have such a weapon he bought at a garage sale. Pearl is trying to launch Bobo. The rocket takes off, but Bobo forgot to get in it because he went back for some Three Musketeers bars.
Stinger: The dead “Professor” staring into space.
Funny Riffs
Short
Crow: I’m glad to know the future has constant organ music!
The girl keeps touching a Chinese lady’s clothes. Her boyfriend runs up, grabs her arm, and starts pulling on her.
Tom as boyfriend: Come on! Let’s go grope that Eskimo!
Movie
The credits have ellipses after them (e.g. Screenplay by . . . )
Mike: Unnecessary use of ellipses! Five yard penalty!
As the family is driving down the highway in the opening scene, the wife asks the husband if he has enough gas. This starts a series of gas-related jokes.
The kids in the back seat suddenly start looking around anxiously.
Mike: Oooh. Dad wasn’t kidding about his gas.
Crow: I’m getting worried about him. This points to a serious medical ailment.
Boy: Dad, don’t you hear it?
Dave: Hear what?
Mike as boy: Man, the old man’s deaf to his own flatulence!
Every time the kids talk in the car, mom tells them to be quiet.
Tom: Quit trying to form a bond with us! We had you, isn’t that enough?!
The power goes out during a scientist meeting.
Crow: Hang on. Niels Bohr is using the toaster.
An officer makes a joke:
Crow as subordinate: Sir! Ha ha ha ha! Sir!
Angry, drunk, Gilligan’s-Island-Professor step-dad: Come back here!
I’ll break your neck!
Crow: It’s really more of a disincentive.
Crow as boy: He’s gonna use his coconut-powered spanking machine on me!
Dave is carrying the blob home.
Mike as Dave: Kids, it’s laying eggs in my chest. Is that normal?
The Dave character is pretty lame.
Mike: He has a real screen absence.
Doctor: I’m sorry, Mrs. Gamble. There was nothing that could be done. He must have died instantly in his chair. I warned him that if he kept living in this way . . . .
Mrs. Gamble: (cutting the doctor off) I know doctor. Thanks a lot.
Crow: His sitting was out of control at the end.
The dialogue sort of dries up. The scene fades to another one.
Crow: And the editor comes to the writer’s rescue!
Loudspeaker: Clear the area.
Crow: And if your area’s not clear, see your doctor.