901 – The Projected Man
ééé
Things I liked in the movie:
The pathologist’s mastery of physics.
Super-powered eyebrows.
Impressions
Overall, this is a pretty good episode. I watched it alone and only laughed a few times although I thought the riffing was decent. Maybe it would get another star if watched in a group. For once, the Brits made a film that was an obvious copy of an American film instead of the other way around! This is very similar to, but much less interesting than, The Fly (1958). Oh wait, the original story was written by a Brit in 1957. Darn. Because this is a British film, many of the riffs are British idioms in faux English accents. For example, “Before I doff my knickers, you mean?” It’s a slow-moving, flat attempt at sci-fi. The most exciting thing in this movie is the shrill, shrieking sound effects when they push the buttons on the fake control panel that operations the hokey projector.
An attractive lady scientist, Dr. Hill arrives at a lab cleverly disguised as an elementary school to help solve a problem. You see, she’s a pathologist and they keep killing guinea pigs with the “projector.” There she meets an old flame, Dr. Steiner and a suave new guy, Dr. Mitchell, who bears a remarkable resemblance to The Professor on Gilligan’s Island, only much less sexy. Dr. Steiner has found a way to transport things (think The Fly) by sucking them up with a laser beam and storing them in a crystal. There they can be stored forever or rematerialized across the room dead if that’s your preference. The bearded, arrogant director of the foundation, one Dr. Blanchard, asserts his authority by interfering in the experiments and making sure everyone hears his rules. It turns out Blanchard’s suspicious and constant interference is due to his being in cahoots with a cat-stroking Dr. Evil character, who wants the project to fail for reasons that are never revealed, but I’m sure the explanation would end with, “Boo hoo hwa hwa haaaa!”
Dr. Hill absent-mindedly solves the physics problem (remember, she’s a pathologist) and Steiner sets up a demo with the Minister of Science, a Mr. Lembach. Someone has sabotages the machinery; however, and the rat in the experiment is sent to wherever good rats go. Steiner asserts to Blanchard that he can succeed, and demands another chance, and claiming someone sabotaged the equipment. Blanchard takes this opportunity to gloat to Steiner that his funding will be cut off so it can be used on something more successful. This forces Steiner’s hand. He does what any good mad scientist would do, and uses himself the guinea pig.
In his haste, he has to rely on his cute but dippy secretary to push the button instead waiting an extra 3 minutes for one of his fellow scientists to show up. Right at the critical moment, just as she is about to push the button, Drs. Hill and Mitchell rush in and spook her, so she pushes one of the buttons too early. This was all so avoidable!
Of course, the injuries Steiner sustains turn him into a disfigured, electrically overcharged murderer (or panicked “death-toucher” depending on your perspective). Mike: What a day, my panic made me methodically kill 11 people and a cat. The most exciting part of the plot is a fake sub-plot that evolves in the riffing – will Lembach stay? At first it looks like he’ll stay another few days, but then, heartbreak. (Spoiler alert) Lembach leaves. Steiner goes after Blanchard, kills him (or panics, if that’s your bias), then sabotages the machines and computer tapes, and finally goes after his fellow scientists, Drs. Hill and Mitchell. He’s jealous of their romance and crazed by his reversed polarization (I mean, who wouldn’t be?). In the end Dr. Hill lures him to the lab, where, in a moment of lucidity, he kills himself.
Opening: Mike and the ‘Bots are being pulled into a wormhole thanks to Pearl. They appear to be headed for Earth in their own time. They can see Ethan Hawke movies again! Yay! Oh wait. Boo. Pearl calls from her newly acquired haunted castle. She feels a strange affinity for it. She does some poking around and finds out the castle used to belong to her ancestors. To celebrate, she makes them watch an English movie.
Host segment 1: Tom and Crow use a device to “transport” Mike’s class ring. It looks suspiciously like they vaporized it. They continue to “transport” all of Mike’s precious items. Mike gets revenge.
Host segment 2: Mike calls Lembach to try to get him to stay. It works! Lembach is staying! Pearl finds out her ancestors trapped people and forced them to look at bad art and listen to bad literature. It’s in her genetic makeup. She’s excited by this discovery. Lembach calls Mike back. He’s not staying after all.
Host segment 3: The ‘Bots announce that Crow has the “touch of death” like Dr. Steiner in the movie. He electrocutes Mike. Tom Servo observes: “He’s dead? Yeah, you’re gonna get that with your touch of death.”
End: The ‘Bots apply for grants. Pearl asserts her plan to take over the world.
Stinger: “Lembach is staying in London for another few days.”
The “lab” looks like an elementary school
Mike as Dr. Hill: I can’t believe I have to retake the third grade!
Dr. Steiner: I want you to tell me why it died. Whether there was any change in the cellular structure during projection. What I need to correct.
Mike as Dr. Hill: Well, don’t kill things.
Dr. Steiner prepares to transmit the watch.
Crow: Imagine! Sending your watch three feet across the room!
Tom: They were using guinea pigs as guinea pigs!
Dr. Blanchard: Mitchell . . .
Tom: Mitchell!
Dr. Blanchard: What I’m about to say is highly confidential.
Mike as Blanchard: I’m a she-male.
Dr. Hill: I wouldn’t want to do anything that would precipitate . . .
Tom: Excitement or plot development.
Dr Steiner: Cut the power!
Crow: By mistake he cut the cheese.
Steiner is working a reel-to-reel tape-driven computer.
Mike: Man, VCRs were complicated back then!
Steiner prepares to teleport himself. Much earlier in the movie, a watch was transmitted across the room.
Mike: Now he’ll come out half man, half wristwatch.
Tom: I’m gonna fax my butt over to Lembach’s!
Later, Tom: Wait! There’s a fly in there!
Robber: Gloria? Gloria?
Tom: In Excelsis Deo!
Steiner’s horribly burned face is revealed.
Crow: He shouldn’t have fallen asleep on the Fry-Daddy!
Crow: He just needs a dab of Derma-Blend
Movie: Electrocution?
Crow: Shocking, isn’t it?
Mike: Ohhhhhhh.
A character has amazingly bushy eyebrows.
Some riffs:
Mike: After 50 years I have to admit that huge long eyebrows don’t attract women.
Mike: Those things are like diving platforms!
Tom: I suppose I’ll shampoo my eyebrows later.
And as he dies, Mike: Tell my eyebrows . . . I love them.
Mike: And the plot thinnens.
The now uglified Steiner slowly approaches a victim with his burned hand raised and all his fingers spread.
Crow: I’m five years old!
Steiner electrocutes the old man with eyebrows. In another room Sheila looks startled by something.
Mike as Sheila: I smell burning eyebrow hair!
Crow: He’s gonna take the lorry to the lift to the loo!
Blanchard moves very slowly to answer the very loud phone:
Mike: The “will he get to the phone scene.” Twenty minutes of pure terror!
Blanchard is futzing with some folders.
Crow: Thrill as he does his taxes!
Mike: The screen explodes with his light clerical work!
Dr. Hill: You cahn’t, Chris.
Crow: What’d she call him?
Crow: Whistle! Five second violation on this shot!
Crow: This is kind of an ambiguous ending. Is this film horrible, or did it merely suck?
Tom Servo: Yeah. Now that I’ve seen it, should I kick a dog, or a cat?