éééé
Things I liked in the movie:
The doctors super mean treatment of his wife.
The pineal gland.
The movie’s hatred of women aging.
Impressions
This was a good episode. There was a pretty good laughs-per-minute ratio, but nothing super memorable. The host segments were above average, and I really enjoyed Servo’s Jeeeeeeeed! that lasted over a minute during the end credits. The movie itself is horrible!
Synopsis
An emotionless endocrinologist has been trying to find the secret of youth to make money. According to his wife, this has resulted in the butchering of many guinea pigs. He hates his wife June for being an alcoholic and abuses her cruelly for unknown reasons. He seems too apathetic to be as cruel as he acts. June is showing her age of about 40. She decides she wants a divorce and hires a handsome young lawyer named Neal who appears uninterested in her (presumably due to her age, which is the primary theme of this movie – old women are bad.)
Endocrinologistman advertises for old women to come to his office for a study and hits the jackpot. A leathery woman alleging to be 152 comes in and tells him she can make herself young again. She tells him where she’s from in Africa and leaves.
Doctor takes June to Africa, where they discover lots of stock footage. A troop of extras dressed as Africans captures the couple and their guide and takes them to their queen. The queen is the 152 year-old lady and she tells our doctor she wants to demonstrate her transformation back to youth for a couple of days before she dies. He gets excited. She has to kill a man by poking him in the pineal gland to mix his pineal fluid with some pollen. This she does and becomes young and beautiful. The killing doesn’t phase the doctor and he demands she sell him the orchid that produces the pollen and release him so he can go back to the U.S. and get rich.
The 152 year-old woman then gives June the opportunity to try. She picks hubby to be the sacrificial male and he’s killed to make her young for a day. She hits on the British guide who then blows up the African village with dynamite to help them escape. He uses his left hand for some reason and throws like a girl, but he gets the job done. They head for home, but run into some rapidly morphing stock-footage alligators. British guide hits on June, but she turns old again. He’s disgusted by her oldness and runs into quicksand to get away from her.
She takes this opportunity to poke his pineal gland, mix it with pollen, and make herself young again. She flies home and has the lawyer Neal pick her up at the airport. At the airport, she’s young beautiful. Neal likes. She and Neal make eyes at each other. Neal’s hair-challenged fiancé is not happy about this development. Neal offers to carry June’s luggage up to her bedroom where she puts the moves on him. At the last second, she realizes she’s turning old and throws Neal out, causing him to become confused. Neal goes back to Ms. Second Choice.
June kills an evil mugger and turns young again by harvesting his pineal fluid and calls Neal who hurries over. Neal’s fiancé beats him to June’s house and confronts June, who promptly kills her and steals her pineal fluid, too. June tosses the body in a closet and acts like nothing happened. Neal arrives and starts trying to get her in the mood but the police show up with a warrant. They find the body and June runs upstairs. She then turns old and jumps out the second story window to her death.
Summary: Hubby’s desire for money and a young wife results in his own death. June’s desire to be young results in the deaths of a British guide, a mugger, some guy in New York, and Neal’s fiancé. So it’s sort of like Hamlet, except a lot funnier.
Host Segments
Crow is ridding the SOL of prairie dogs. Tom is herding cattle through the satellite. Crow doesn’t recognize Mike. Mike asks about the prairie dogs and cattle, and Crow is sarcastic and condescending. The Mads are overtaken by apes. Bobo seems to be in charge and he’s very upscale. He’s asking Mike about his hairless condition. An ape is rollerskating in a diaper. Bobo starts riding a trike in a tutu because he’s a monkey and he wants to!
Segment 2: They’re trying to start the satellite and it sounds like an old car. They look in the microscope and see that the nanites are on strike. A tiny tank comes in to repress the nanites. Mike laments the fact that the satellite won’t get fixed.
Segment 3: Pearl is getting a facial from one of the apes. Bobo says some of the apes are wondering if she’s really the lawgiver. She decrees no parking on Sundays. No soup with buffet. Bobo says, “This is Ape Law!” Tom gives several laws. An ape gives Pearl termites and she abuses him for it.
Segment 4: The ‘Bots are excited to show Mike something. He’s taking a while to come out. They are trying every temptation, transparently lying. They almost trick him into put his head under a guillotine that is specially designed to kill him and take his pineal fluid. He accidentally slips out of it. The bots are resentful and mock him for being a corn farmer who doesn’t want to die.
Segment 5 (final): Tom wants to be Granny in a Beverly Hillbilly’s sketch. He’s all dressed up like Granny. No matter what the other two say, he just yells “Jed” at the top of his voice. Bobo is back to super-civilized with a British accent, oxford tweed, classical music and brandy. Bobo takes his pipe. His servant brings him a diaper and all hell breaks loose.
Tom says “Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!” as a single note for entire duration of the credits. Very impressive!
Stinger: Neil says, “So it couldn’t have been Mrs. Talbot. A week ago she was in New York.” Detective, “So was the murder.”
Funny Riffs
Crow: The Earth has male pattern baldness (during universal logo)
Mike: I see a lot of spilled ink revealing random patterns.
Tom: That means you’re a sexual predator.
Doctor to wife: I can’t even get a rise out of you.
Tom as wife: Likewise.
Woman is dumping out a glass in the doctor’s office to make room for whiskey
Mike: Do you need this urine sample?
Mike as nurse: The tests came back. You’re old.
Crow: You know, he’s a master of not acting.
The old lady drinks a glass of something she calls Nipy.
Crow (imitating Carson’s Art Fern): Ooooh. That’s good Nipy!
Lawyer: I’m sorry. This is one of those things you have to do before you can get a divorce.
Riff: You have to get married.
Camera zooms in on a buffalo head on the wall. The main character wants to experiment on old women to make them younger.
Mike: Honey, sorry the experiment was a failure.
There are tiny antlers on the wall.
Mike: What? Did he bag the grinch’s dog?
The camera shows some elephants.
Mike: What cute monkeys!
Crow: Still this is better than Congo.
Mike: What seemless blending of stock footage.
Crow: Well, we better camp here, the next stock footage is 18 miles away.
Mike as doctor: I’m burning with tentativeness.
A hyena appears
Crow: It’s not funny. I just don’t get it.
I lion appears with a piece of hide hanging out of it’s mouth.
Tom: I’d like to show you some carpet samples if I may.
Crow: Uh, hakuna matata?
Crow: Hey! That’s our scene over there? What are we doing here?
June is running from a leopard.
Crow: Oh come on, June, I’d look great on you!
A native guide yells some gibberish that’s supposed to sound African
Tom: Stop yodeling!
June screams.
Crow: Aaah! A mirror!
Some natives appear with spears.
Crow: Uh, you know where the javelin throw is?
Mike: Sadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists.
The makeup on the old lady is ugly.
Mike: Wow, a woman made entirely of gravy skin.
To make a woman young again, a man must be killed so they can get some fluid from his brain.
Malla: You may choose any man you wish to be sacrificed.
Riff: I choose Adam Sandler.
After she’s rejuvenated.
Tom: Did it give her a wonderbra?
Mike: She’s like a week younger!
Tom: Her breasts have migrated up into her shoulder.
The natives cheer.
Mike: Yeah yeah. Keep your loincloths on.
Malla: Your youth will not last long.
Crow: Go get some nasty!
Tom: Typical British reaction. Throw dynamite at it.
Crow: Stock footage? It’s more like stock mileage at this point.
The overly British actor is dead.
Crow in a British accent: Oh blast. I seem to be dead. Still, must make the best of it, then. Simply redouble our efforts and grab a lorry and take a lift over to the darby and things should be all globby by next week. Riff raff.
June is aggressively flirting with the lawyer. They start kissing passionately. June realizes she’s about to turn old. She throws him out the door and yells, “Get out!”
Mike: I guess I misread some signals there.
June (about her “niece”): She’s gone away somewhere to brood.
Crow: She’s laying some eggs.
A neon sign says “Bar.”
Mike: I love going to “Bar.” I usually order “sandwich” and “drink.”
The lawyer slowly goes to a corner and stands sullenly.
Mike: Just a minute. I need to go.
Lawyer: In about an hour.
Mike: My glasses WILL be done?
June’s dress is reflective.
Tom: I can see myself in her butt!
Crow: You can see yourself in anyone’s butt.
After June kills Neil’s fiancé, he is on a date with June.
Mike as Neil: Wow, you really did me a favor killing her. I can’t thank you enough!
Detective: He was seen in the presence of an elderly lady.
Crow: That’s horrible!
The old June looks like Granny on Beverly Hillbillies.
Tom many times: Jed!
Mike: Old women are evil.