702 – The Brute Man with
Short: The Chicken of Tomorrow
éééé
Things I liked in the movie:
Brute Man’s extra large face.
The name “The Creeper.”
The super angry shop owner. Apparently a relative of the soda fountain owner in The Crawling Hand.
Impressions
The short has a few funny spots, but is just average. It seems to last forever. It’s 24 minutes long and I was bored around 5 minutes in. The movie is extremely dark (I don’t mean sinister, I mean poorly lit). The riffing is above average with a lot of jokes around the name “the creeper.”
Synopsis
Short
An informative short about growing chickens and taking them and the eggs to market. Most of it is hopelessly outdated now with what are now antique trucks driving small quantities of eggs and chickens to auctions where units of a few hundred are sold.
Movie
A very ugly and poor guy is discriminated against for his appearance. He’s played by Rondo Hatton. We find out later that his best friend Cliff tricked him back in college and caused him to have to stay after in chemistry class. He got angry and threw some beakers around and caused an explosion that burned his face. Now he hides and watches other people have a good time. He goes around breaking people’s backs for recreation. Even though no one has ever seen him and the only known fact about him is that he breaks backs, he is nicknamed “The Creeper.” The politicians increase the pressure on the police, but they can’t find him. While escaping the police, he comes upon a blind girl who befriends him. She reveals that she needs $2,000 for an operation but she can’t afford it. He’s torn between his love for her and the fact that when she can see, she’ll realize how ugly he is. To raise money to help her, he goes to his old friend/nemesis Cliff’s house and demands money. Cliff shoots him, but it’s not enough to kill him. He kills Cliff, steals some jewels and runs away. The Creeper takes the jewels to the blind girl, tells her to sell them to pay for the operation, and then runs away. The blind girl takes the jewels to a shop, but the jeweler realizes they’re stolen. She gets taken to the police and is instrumental in catching him. The creeper feels betrayed and goes to kill her but it’s a trap. The police catch him.
Host Segments
Prologue – Tom is on the phone trying to buy a duplex in Philly with no cash. Mike says he’ll lose $2,000 per month. Crow keeps repeating “It’s a drive-by cutie!”
Segment 1 – Dr. F is surgically joining a piglet to a fish. Pearl’s date, Sandy, shows up. He looks like a traveling salesman. And he’s creepy. Pearl and Sandy act frisky which upsets Clayton. Pearl puts “Art (Crow) in charge while they’re gone. Crow lords it over them like a hostile older sister drunk with power. Dr. F announces Brute Man and a short.
Segment 2 (after watching Chicken of Tomorrow) – Crow is talking to a giant egg with Tom inside. Tom wants to experience the miracle of chicken birth. Crow says, “There’s a huge market for chicken movies.” Mike wants Tom out because he relies on Tom for intelligent conversation. Mike drops the egg and makes a huge (unseen) mess.
Segment 3 – Mike gets an idea that his old girlfriend might be able to get them down. She wastes time putting her son on the phone. He’s a baby, so he won’t give up the phone and keeps talking nonsense for a minute. Tom wants to talk to his realtor, so he hangs the phone up.
Segment 4 – Crow has a banjo. He wants to sing a song about former presidential candidate Thomas Dewey because he looks like an actor in the movie. He wrote a song using “Hang Down Your Head Tom Dooley.” He belabors the “wonderful idea for several minutes before singing but then the only clever pun he can make is Tom Dewey instead of Dooley. Mike and Servo get bored and leave. Crow thinks of another great idea “Hang On Snoopy, Snoopy Hang On.” No one is listening.
Final - Tom finished closing on the duplex. He’s a landlord now. Mike reads a letter about a 70-year-old grandma who watches at midnight because she works during the day. Tom is yelling at a renter who demands that the water be turned on. Pearl and her date come home. Clayton is still up and they seem disappointed. Dr. F gives the date a drink that turns him into the chicken of tomorrow. Pearl (mom) and Dr. F express their feelings for each other.
Stinger: Old man saying, “Creeper, creeper, creeper . . . you give me the creeps!” to Jimmy.
Funny Riffs
Short
Movie shows eggs frying
Crow: These are your chickens on drugs.
Mike: I’d like to be the chicken of tomorrow, but how can I be the man of today?
Narrator: The search for the perfect chicken goes on.
Tom: There he is! Oh.
A man takes some eggs to what looks like a large safe.
Mike: Some eggs are sent to solitary
Movie: Now we have to wait 21 days for things to happen.
Crow: You can’t wait for things to happen, young man! You have to make them happen!
The egg cracks open and a chicken starts to emerge.
Tom: Aren’t there supposed to be panty hose in there?
A girl fills a crate with baby chicks.
Mike: 40 piece chicken McNuggets to go!
Narrator: “Wait a minute,” you may be saying . . .
Crow as narrator: “Why am I watching this?”
Narrator: Speed is essential.
A truck moves incredibly slowly
Crow as narrator: I said SPEED is essential!
Two kids are playing with chicks.
Mike: I’m full!
Tom: Everybody! Soylent Green is made from chickens!
A wire basket of eggs is shown.
Tom: These are headed for the driving range.
Mike: Hey, what’s this movie called, man?
Tom: It’s called The Brute, man.
Mike: Et tu, Brute Man?
The Brute Man is shown. He looks very dull.
Mike: Everybody talk me, can’t hear word say
Mike: . . . He’s been bobbing for anvils.
Brute man climbs a fire escape.
Tom: You know, if this was a planet where apes evolved from men, this is probably how you would get into your house.
Five cops are searching an area about 15 feet square for way too long. It’s conspicuously bad directing.
Crow: Is this the best use of manpower?!
Brute Man: I’m not a burglar (spoken unclearly)
Mike: I’m a hot dog.
Gunshots go off.
Tom: Jerry Lee Lewis moved in upstairs!
A blind girl is playing a piano.
Crow as girl: The typewriter’s making funny noises.
The Storekeeper is a crabby old guy. This scene is hilarious.
Jimmy and the old man look at a shopping list that was left without explanation.
Mike as old man: I hate customers.
Jimmy: Isn’t that funny?
Old man: No.
Mike as old man: Go to hell!
Mike as Jimmy: Why did you hire me if you hate me so?
Crow as old man to Jimmy: Dear God, I hate you! I hope you die!
An old woman customer leaves.
Tom as old man: Let’s go out and be crotchety some time.
As old man looks at the paper:
Crow as old man: God is dead?! Good!
The commissioner and mayor walk in. They’re short. When they leave:
All: We represent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild!
Detectives come to the creeper’s apartment:
Crow: Hey! It’s KTMA!
Headline shown: Delivery boy slain by the creeper.
Mike: Boss delighted!
Police approach a house with a large double door with fancy knockers.
Crow: Nice knockers, huh? I love that joke.
Detective: Did you have a classmate named Hal Moffett?
Mike: He sat on a toffet.
Detective: When was the last time you saw Hal Moffett?
Mike: He was eating curds and whey.
Teacher: Mr. Moffet
Crow as teacher: Sit on my toffet.
A long story explains what happened to Hal. His roommate Cliff tricked him into failing a chemistry exam. Cliff, during his recollection of the story says, “He was mad and he showed it.” The movie shows Hal looking angry.
Crow as Hal: I’m going to grow an ugly face and kill you!
The camera looks up and then back down for no reason.
Mike as The Creeper in a stupid voice: I thought I’d look up and it would remind me of something, but nooooo.
Tom as passerby: Good evening, Creeper.
Mike as creeper: Hi Person!
The movie never gets bright enough to see very well.
Mike: It sure was dingy back then.
The Creeper goes to the blind girl’s apartment.
Mike as Creeper: Wow. What a day. I’m all creeped out.
Mike as girl: Creeper . . . can I call you Creep?
Blind Girl: I’m alone most of the time except when I’m giving piano lessons.
Tom: or when I’m at umpire school.
Mike as creeper headline: Refused to Use Articles!
Tom: What? Did this movie take place in Alaska? There’s no daylight!
The camera looks at Rondo’s large face
Crow: Hey, fella, why the long face?
Mike: I begged you not to do that one!
The creeper looks in a mirror:
Crow: I like myself. I am beautiful. I like myself. I AM beautiful.
The creeper smashes the mirror.
Crow: You must know how he feels, huh, Servo?
Mike: This movie’s stuck!
Tom: He can’t decide if he’s a creeper, a peeper, a stalker, a walker, a back-breaker.
Crow: In today’s job market, you can’t afford not to diversify.
Detective lights his umpteenth cigarette.
Crow: Wow, these cigarettes are really addicting, I wonder if they know about that.
The scene where he hangs around a house is very long.
Tom: This has got to be by far his longest creep. It’s like one of those all day super-endurance ultra-creeps.
Mike: Come on! Creep or get off the pot!
Mike: I don’t want to be known as a creeper, I want to be known as THE creeper!
Virginia: It’s Hal Moffet. He’s upstairs. Cliff shot him.
Mike as detective: Was he on his toffet at the time?
The Creeper enters a window after being shot.
Mike?: Honey! My face is as big as ever and someone shot my sizzler off!
Blind girl to police: What has he done?
Tom as captain: He has crept!
Mike: You know none of this would have happened if chemistry weren’t required.
Crow: Never before has the screen sizzled with such intense fire escape action!
Crow: She can’t resist the great smell of Brute Man!