619 – Red Zone Cuba (Aka
Night Train to Mundo Fine)
with Short: Speech: Platform, Posture, and Appearance
ééééé
Things I liked in the movie:
When Coleman Francis smiled.
When they threw the old man down the well.
When the cops shoot people from aircraft.
Coleman Francis’s sizzling passion.
Impressions
This episode is densely packed with wicked sarcasm aimed at Coleman Francis and starts with a very funny short.
For one, the short is one of the best. It’s hilarious! I’m not a fan of the shorts generally, but I love this one. For two, TV’s Frank steals the host segment spotlight and adds another boost to this episode. Again, I usually don’t find the Mads very funny, but this is a pretty good set of Mads-based segments. And finally, the movie is dreadful, in fact, this is the worst movie panned by the crew yet! Disclaimer. I really enjoyed the riffing, which I would describe as very good. So altogether, this episode is a strong package.
Usually, the Coleman Francis movies (Skydivers, Beast of Yucca Flats) are so dismally boring that I’m depressed halfway through and have trouble laughing at the jokes. But this one actually had people moving around and shooting guns. And Coleman finally put down the director’s bullhorn and took a shot at the starring role. Look out Cary Grant! Some of my favorite parts are the continuing theme of comparing Coleman to Curly from The Three Stooges. The end gets goofier and goofier, especially when he’s being hunted down by helicopter. I’ve now seen three MST3K movies (Laserblast, Beast of Yucca Flats, and this one) in which aircraft fly over people and shoot them without any real of identification. For some reason, I find that funny.
Synopsis
Short
This is a great short. It’s probably my favorite, or maybe second after Mr. B Natural. There is an incredible portion of the short where a 1940s goober with a part carved into his skull (Crow) demonstrates, in accordance with the narrator’s instructions, how to see if your feet are in the right place. This is done by bending the knees, putting your hands on your knees, and then trying to make a circle with both knees. If you can keep your balance, your feet are in the right place. He demonstrates this perhaps 10 times or more and it looks like he’s imitating an exotic dancer. Some riffs at this point are “Don’t do this DURING your speech!” “Shake that money maker!” and “Mr. Johnson? Is your speech over?”
Movie
It’s the Bay of Pigs done Coleman Francis style. Some losers want to make some money, so they sign up to join a ragtag paramilitary group with the intention of taking the money and running. They can’t run away, though, so they actually go to Cuba, attack Castro himself, get imprisoned, escape, come back to the U.S., and kill more people than they did in Cuba. In the end, Coleman gets his come-uppance in a dramatic helicopter vs slow, fat, guy rundown. There’s some sermonizing, but I can’t remember the moral. Something like “don’t be bad or you’ll get shot in the desert.”
Host Segments
Opening: Tonight's lotto numbers
Intro: Frank is very funny in this segment. He confesses that “I’m into the mob for fifty large.” Then a visitor arrives to beat him but he tells Dr. F that the visitor is for him. Dr. F goes out to greet him and is beaten nearly to death. Frank laters admits that this is “sort of my fault.”
Host segment 1: Frank exhorts the nearly-dead Dr. F.
Host segment 2: Mike is Carol Channing; Dr. F. gets "hope you die" wishes
Host segment 3: Dr. F. lives, dies, and lives again, but the mob says otherwise
End: M&TB sing a happy, upbeat song, Dr. F. is feeling better. This song is terrific!
Stinger: Blind lady playing piano
Funny Riffs
Mike: There, I said it... I'd say it again if I had to.
Coleman crawls under a chain link fence and there’s a bunch of trash on the ground near the hole.
Mike: Those are the malt cups from his earlier takes.
After the police gun him down from a helicopter.
Mike: That was him, right?
Coleman is running across a field.
Crow: In the wild, a male curly can go for days without food or water.
Tom Servo: This is the part of the movie where the script just throws up it's hands and says, “I don't know!"
Griffin: Bay of Pigs...
Servo (as Coleman Francis): That's what they say when I go swimming.
Mike ( to the tune of Take it Easy by The Eagles) : Runnin' down the road, try'n'ta loosen my load, I got Coleman Francis on my mind
The short shows a very old man giving a speech.
Servo: Eh, women be different from men!
Crow: Word.
Short narrator: In fact, what you say may not be as important as how you look.
Mike as speaker: Poo poo caca sissypants.
During the short, the narrator is talking about how appearance is important. A little girl chooses a caucasion doll.
Mike, as little girl: I like this one because it's whiter.
Mike: Have you ever read The Total Filmmaker by Coleman Francis?
Crow: This is the movie that dares you to watch it!
Coleman Francis looks dashing in his uniform.
Crow: Full Metal Curly!
The movie has some inappropo super-happy piano music. Mike sings along:
Mike: Everybody’s having fun and smoking.