610 – The Violent
Years with Short Young Man’s Fancy
éééé
Things I liked in the movie:
The nap I took during the judge’s sermon on parenting.
The tragic ravishing of a young man by beautiful women.
How the cops are like rabbits.
Short
Pretty boring. In the fifties, apparently there was no end of the energy and will to create shorts and “movies” that preached and moralized about appropriate (read oppressed) behavior. In this movie, women’s roles are reasserted. You cook, clean, look pretty, and act stupid so men can be happy. And in order to keep women happy in this role, you need electric appliances! Unfortunately, the short, and the heckling thereof, generates only lethargy and apathy in the viewer.
Movie
Continuing with today’s theme of preaching and moralizing, we learn that giving your children freedom and resources is bad parenting and will result in unspeakable evil. A judge boringly prattles on and on about this and, in fact, the movie is a flashback to the evil in question. Ed Wood is the master of this – the ludicrously bad speech in the movie. This one isn’t as bad as the “Men are stupid” speech at the end of Plan 9, but it is much longer and infinitely more boring. It drives Tom Servo at one point to blurt out a series of angry “Shut ups!” There are some very very funny parts in this episode that elevate the relatively benign main parts up a star in my opinion. This is one of the more memorable episodes for such “evil” as 4 beautiful girls doing something to a guy “against his will” and for the a girl laughing about how the cops jump around “like rabbits” right before getting shot. The riffing is hit and miss, but the hits are big, especially the bit about the right turns. Definitely worth a watch. One final note – the last host segment strikes me as extremely funny. Crow and Mike re-enact the gas station hold-up and it’s a little too perfect.
Short
Brother is coming home from the war and bringing his buddy with him, Alexander Phipps. Sister Judy takes a liking to Alex because he makes her squishy. The point of the movie seems to be a bunch of plugs for various electric appliances. Mom leaves Judy home alone to cook dinner for the boys so she can show Alex she can cook, because boys only like girls for their cooking. Not only does this turn out to be true, Alex takes her dancing as repayment for her hours of work!
Movie
In keeping with today’s theme of preaching and moralizing, we start out at a trial where the judge is berating some parents for their incompetent parenting. The movie is a flashback to how we got here. The parents ignored their daughter because they were so busy and only gave her lavish gifts and cash and loaned her their car as a substitute for love. This caused her to become a malevolent and murderous monster (i.e., all of America’s upper class). The gang is well-organized and plans every gas station robbery in great detail. They then turn jewelry over to Mamie Van Doren who pays them too little for it. Not sure how they get jewelry from robbing gas stations, but that’s never explained. Their big job, the biggest thrill of all, is to toss a classroom and erase the blackboard. This crime draws police from all over the city and they get into a gunfight and car chase the leaves all but the leader dead. The leader is convicted and sentenced to life in prison, which is aggravated by a long speech from the judge. Finally, the girl dies in delivery, but her baby, now the granddaughter is ok. The parents want custody, but thanks to another marathon speech by the judge, she attains majority before the hearing is over. Thank you, Ed Wood.
Host Segments
Opening: Tom Servo surprises the crew with his new head. He’s Howdy Doody. Mike pulls his head off. The Mads write themselves a nice theme song to reach a wider audience. They ask Mike and the ‘Bots to write their own. Tom writes an operatic piece that never ends. Crow wrote some la las with Crow thrown in. Crow writes one for Mike that included the word “Mike” about 100 times.
Host segment 2: Crow gets Mike to move the Mads’ alert lights a little (apparently for efficiency). Dr. F is grouchy because their theme song didn’t do that well. So in retaliation he is making a new radio station named Frank that plays only new country. Mike and the ‘Bots don’t want to “turn their crank to Frank.” Frank is sad. To persuade them, the Mads say “More Garth! More Reba! Winona?” M&tBs don’t know what these words mean.
Host segment 3: Tom Crow is Esther Hoffman Howard, complete with wig. He tries to sing, but he’s too emotional. He just screams for 2 minutes.
Host segment 4: Crow is directing a play with just Mike being Keanu Reeves. Mike is forced to make a lame joke and quits.
End: Crow holds Mike up, juvenile delinquent style. It’s true to the movie. Mike just stands there looking stupid and no one talks. The Mads continue to pitch the radio station “Frank.”
Stinger: The bad girl saying “So what?” in her jail bed.
Funny Riffs
Short
After establishing that women do housework and cook and men have no time for women, the two guys walk into the kitchen.
Crow as guys: Hey, make with the chow, broads.
Alex and Judy are alone in the kitchen. Judy asks Alex for advice about efficiency.
Alex: Take your kitchen. Ever notice anything about it?
Mike as Judy: It’s a
prison?
During Alex’ ridiculous identification of common household appliances.
Alex: The electric range . . .
Puts hand on cold burner.
Crow as Alex:
Yaaaaooooouuch!
Dad is loading the dishwasher.
Tom as Dad: Why don’t I slap on some heels and a wig the way I’ve been emasculated.
Tom: This film brought to you by the Nerd Council.
Mom to daughter: The poor man works so hard.
That newspaper will be the death of him.
Crow: His route is killing him.
Mom gives the daughter a blank check and tells her to let her know the amount so she can balance her checking account. Mom leaves. Daughter looks at the check.
Mike as daughter: One googolplex and 79 cents.
A couple is making out in a convertible. They look bored.
Mike: Oh, the passion. I find you so acceptable.
A newspaper headline tells about the 4 girls’ assault on the young man in the forest.
Mike: Hundreds of men flock to crime scene!
Crow during a party scene:
Pajamas, jazz AND communism? This is wild!
An old security guard at the school swaggers by.
Mike as security guard (slowly and self-satisfiedly): I’m makin’ one dollar and seventy-five cents an hour.
As soon as the police arrive, the girls start shooting out the school windows. The police shoot back.
Girl: They’re shooting back!
Tom: What? The bastards!
Girl: Look at ‘em jump! Just like rabbits!
A cop shoots her through the window.
Mike as girl: Rabbits with big . . . guns . . . and . . . good . . . aim.
The leader girl shoots out the school window and hits a cop.
Crow: I think we’re talking about full expulsion now.
Mike and the ‘Bots set this one up for the entire movie. Every time the girls turn right, they yell “a right turn!” and “another right turn!” Finally, in the dramatic car chase scene near the end:
The two surviving girls are driving through town and turn right.
Tom: Another right turn! Those fiends!
The police slowly drive past the intersection, but go straight instead.
Mike: You know, the inability of the police to turn right becomes their downfall.
Tom: There it is.
A lamp looks like a woman with her hands over her groin area.
Crow: That lamp looks like a statue of Our Lady of Do You Have a Bathroom Around Here?
A detective is examining a dead girl on the playground.
Crow: Killed by a tetherball.
The judge has been prattling on for 5 minutes about the bad parenting. The robots are getting restless.
Crow: Ironically, this is still funnier than Night Court.
The parents, after hearing about her lifelong sentence and their terrible parenting, are sitting in the living room at home talking about it. They seem unemotional.
Mom: What a strong, hard lesson we’ve been taught.
Crow (dismissively): Live and learn.
Mom: We’ve given Paula everything. Everything but real love. A dress . . . instead of a caress. A new car . . .
Mike: Instead of a cigar.
Mom: . . . instead of a heart-to-heart talk. A watch . . . (sob) . . .
Tom (tearfully): Instead of a squash.
The parents are waiting for news about how the surgery came out.
An ugly doctor walks in.
Mike as doctor: I’m going to be a bit ugly, so you’d better sit down.
Crow as doctor: How many arms did she have when she came in here?