604 – Zombie Nightmare
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Things I liked in the movie:
The anti-zombie movie. In this movie, one good zombie kills lots of bad living people instead of lots of bad zombies killing a few good living people.
The Cajun accent.
The slow reaction times of all the victims.
Impressions
It’s a voodoo movie! It’s also an earlier, zombier take on the premise used in I Know What You Did Last Summer. A good guy saves an African girl from two ignorant white thugs and gets stabbed to death in the process. Skip to the future. The good guy’s son grows up to be a very buff Valerie Bertinelli. He’s also brave and heroic but sadly is run down by drunk teens while crossing the street (without looking both ways, I might add, AND he just stood there when he had like two seconds to run out of the way). Instead of calling 911, his friends drive him to his mother’s house and drop him in the street. A local voodoo priestess is summoned. In the meantime, the drunk kid who hit him turns evil so we can feel better about him being mauled later. The priestess raises the hero, who is apparently a zombie based on the title, but we can’t understand a word she says, so he might be a werewolf or just mostly dead for all we know. Whatever he is, he goes around, Jason-style choking and beating the dim-witted, slow-moving, shrieking victims to death. Eventually, everyone turns bad and the zombie kills them all. Well, whichever ones didn’t kill each other, anyway. Important note at the end: “Any similarities between persons or events herein depicted is purely coincidental.” Not sure what that means, but it sounds like something worth noting.
Host Segments
Opening: The ‘Bots are dressed like secret service agents and are protecting Mike around the clock. They gratuitously tackle him “for his protection” every few seconds. Also, Tom’s head falls off. The Mads are into voodoo. It’s safe, economical, and fun! They send a kit up to the SOL. Mike uses the voodoo dolls to do nice things for people. Finally, they make Dr. F pee his pants by putting the voodoo doll’s hand in warm water.
Host segment 2: Crow is reading a romance and Tom runs him over in a race car, simulating the movie. That’s it! 10 seconds!
Host segment 3: Tom and crow are soaking in a hot tub in the SOL (like in the movie). Mike pops up and freaks them out. Another 30 second segment.
Host segment 4: Mike and Tom are dressed like Batman and Robin to do a play for Crow. Crow just laughs at them.
End: Tom and Crow are writing letters to Adam West to soften the pain of the riffing. The Mads are practicing voodoo. Frank accidentally made Dr. F undead. At first, he’s upset but then he realizes he can control Dr. F, which is kinda nice.
Stinger: The Voodoo Priestess chattering as the zombie arises.
Funny Riffs
Crow: Every zombie nightmare I have, I’m naked at a hockey game!
Watching a neighborhood baseball game.
Crow: You know if you got a zombie on the team, you gotta play him in right field.
Mike: Yeah.
During an awkward fight scene where a chunky guy is beating up two thugs.
Tom: Fight choreography by Dom Deluise.
During a club scene where about 6 white people are dancing lethargically.
Mike (in slow monotone): Disco’s back and it’s hotter than ever.
During the voodoo priestess’ ceremony to turn the hero into a zombie.
Tom: What stage of grieving is this?
Mike: It’s the goofy stage.
The priestess opens the coffin as part of the ceremony.
Tom: This guy’s dead! What the hell?!
Tom: First you kill a guy, then you throw pasta at your mom. What next?!
Detective: You think it was a double suicide?
Coroner: Sure! (Sarcastically describes the murder). And snaps his own neck with his bare hands and then throws himself in the pool out of remorse.
Detective: Bare hands?
Coroner: From the looks of it, yeah.
Crow as Detective: Boy, police work is really hard!
Girl, observing size of garage: This is a big garage.
Mike: See. She’s not that dumb.
The zombie pulls the bad cop (Adam West) into the ground. The hole glows red as they go down.
Crow: Wow! So hell’s right there!
Tom: Yeah. That’s why you should call before you dig.