602 – Invasion U.S.A. w/
Short: A Date With Your Family
ééé
Short ééééé
Movie ééé
Things I liked in the movie:
The importance of being unemotional.
The close parallels between Marxist fascism and totalitarian father rule.
The value of Alaska as a buffer against Germany.
Impressions
Short
Pretty funny. Lots of jokes along the theme “we’re forced to be happy.” Laughs-per-minute is pretty high.
Movie
Like a lot of bad movies of this era, it’s a preachy propaganda film that relies on exaggeration and fear. The preachiness is funny in retrospect because of how things actually happened historically. The movie itself is campy enough to enjoy for its own sake, but the riffing is much slower and less funny than the riffing in the short. It’s worth watching, but not the top of the heap. Unless you randomly pile your MSTs in a heap periodically. Then it’s possible, I suppose.
Short
A short, fascist assertion that family members WILL comply with the requirement that they be happy and polite on the surface so Dad doesn’t get angry. Family members WILL remain unemotional. The narrator even says “Unemotional. I can’t stress this enough.” This seems to be a film intended for kids at school so they’ll be good when they get home, apparently made by the “children should be seen and not heard” club. Fortunately, we get through tonight’s “date” without Dad going into a violent, drunken rage.
Movie
This propaganda film starts by asking whether we’re willing to sacrifice to keep our country free from those evil other guys that at times seem communist, but at others seem German. And still other times, they seem just like stock footage of us. The question is posed by a creepy Nazi guy to various representatives of society. These are: John Wayne look-alike, Stereotypical Senator, Tractor Magnate, Beautiful Girl, and Self-Satisfied News Guy. Creepy Nazi guy then hypnotizes the room by swirling his drink and the movie takes place in their hypno-dreams.
During this period of liquid-staring, someone invades Alaska. For some reason, all the military leaders can do is wonder “Is he going to use his A-bomb?” instead of planning a counter-attack. Mystery solved right away. Didn’t even build up tension. A-bombs droppin’ like rain. The President comes on TV facing the wrong way to tell us of a very long list of things we’re gonna bomb once we figure out who the enemy is (good luck, I was never able to tell). His speech includes lots of stock footage. Once the invasion begins, to save money, the movie tells us the enemy is wearing American military uniforms. The invaders might be German, which I’m basing on the attempted accent of some officers in a school classroom that may or may not be part of the movie.
Eventually, all the superfluous states are destroyed and finally the enemy reaches the real U.S.A. – New York. Then, the most important American institution is captured – the radio station that Self-Satisfied News Guy is broadcasting from. The enemy announces that we will have a new Marxist government and we’ll like it. So maybe they’re Russian. It’s hard to tell because the invaders are so good at impersonating American movie extras. Finally they kill Self-Satisfied News Guy and Beautiful Girl jumps out the window to her death . . . er, wait, it was all a dream. Turns out, they’re still staring at the brandy snifter from the beginning of the movie. Turns out the creepy German guy is a fortune teller who hypnotizes people and forces them to dream really crappy propaganda films.
Host Segments
Opening: Mike is working on a new ‘bot. Crow and Tom comment on it’s innocence and pleasant and simple appearance. It attacks the crew and has to be put down. Once it’s safely dead, Tom and Crow spit on it and shout insults. But it wasn’t dead and resumes attacking. After commercials, Mike has totally demolished the new ‘bot and Crow forces him to admit he can’t build robots. The mads call. Dr. F has made a doll of himself and a robot mother, which he sends up the umbilicus. Frank for unknown reasons is dressed like a pincushion and is the “control group” for the experiment. After much deliberation about the quality of the Dr. Forrester doll, Crow decides on the robot mother. As punishment, they get the movie.
Host segment 2: Mike and the ‘bots are having a mock “date with your family.” The conversation is super-polite and extraordinarily formal, but has absolutely no substance. Gypsy finally yells, “This sucks! Can’t we just eat?” They go at the table like animals.
Host segment 3: Tom decides to make Crow look dumb by asking him which Lois Lane he prefers Noel Neill or Phyllis Coates (both are in this movie). Crow responds with a professorial lecture complete with granny glasses and computer printouts.
Host segment 4: A nuke visits in the hexfield. He’s depressed because he’s become irrelevant. Mike and the ‘Bots cheer him up by reminding him of North Korea and various despots.
End: Tom philosophizes about how this existence is just a hypnotic trance. To prove it, Tom demands that Mike hit him with a clown hammer. It looks bad for Tom. Mike reads some letters. Frank challenges Dr. F by asking who won the world series.
Stinger: Newsboy calling “Extra!” while our lead actors are billing and cooing.
Funny Riffs
Dr. F stabs Frank (dressed as a pincushion) with a large pin, he asks Frank, “How do you feel?”
Frank: Actually, I’m in deep physical pain.
Dr. F: Well, that’s to be expected.
During the credits for the short, the words “A Date With Your Family” are shown on screen.
Tom: The Woody Allen story!
Mike: Hey, I like my family . . . as a friend.
Narrator: The women of this family seem to feel they owe it to the men of the family to look relaxed, rested, and attractive at dinner time.
Mike: So they’re unsuspecting when they kill them.
The Narrator prattles on about how when Dad comes home this isn’t the time to bother him with problems or financial matters.
Mike (as little boy): Father, I had a feeling today.
Tom (as father): Well, don’t son.
Narrator: Well, the dinner date has begun and they’re all happy about it.
Mike: Their stomachs knotted like fists.
Tom as daughter: Dad, I’m dating a Negro.
Narrator: I said pleasant, because that is the key here . . . it is not only good manners, but good sense.
Mike: Emotions are for ethnic people.
Tom: A violent argument erupts over whose day was more pleasant.
Narrator: Everything is on an even keel again.
Mike: And everyone wants to flee this seething cauldron of angst.
During the long, somewhat boring conversation in a bar about whether to have a universal draft.
Tom: Won’t somebody PLEASE invade something!?
A general walks into a room followed by four officers. He marches right up to a large map and hits it with his pointer.
Crow: The most feared geography teacher of Central High.
A camera lingers over an aerial shot of the Pentagon.
Tom: It was supposed to be four sides, but the military screwed it up!
As fighters fly across the sky.
Tom in a soft falsetto sounds like he’s reading skywriting: Surrender . . . Dorothy.
President (?): I call upon all Americans
Crow: To reject stock footage.
After 20 minutes of news about the U.S. being attacked, the camera cuts back to the bar. One man turns from the TV back toward the others with a depressed look.
Crow: This is the worst happy hour ever.
A commercial airliner cockpit is shown. The co-pilot radios in: Request landing instructions.
Tom as Air Traffic Controller: (white noise) Well, just keep coming down until you’re not in the sky anymore! Don’t you know how to land?
Inside an office during a bombing raid. A man is holding a cigar.
Man: Anyone got a light?
Whistling sound.
Crow: I think I hear one coming.
President on TV: Despite heroic efforts by our armed forces . . .
Mike as President: Bozo has been cancelled.
The stock footage being shown is from WWII.
Crow: So World War III is going to be a lot like World War II?
Mike: Mmm hmm.
Tom: Looks like.
Mike: Stock footage at three o’clock!
The invaders nuke Boulder Dam. We see the mushroom cloud for a long moment.
Crow: Despite the best efforts of the little dutch boy . . .
As Congress breaks in a panic because the enemy is surrounding the Capitol:
Mike: Hide your prostitutes!