éééé
Things I liked in the movie:
Evil Mel Torme
Mamie Van Doren
Super hip tough teen slang
Impressions
Mel Torme is ugly and awkward. Paul Anka is the angel of love. The Platters are black. Mamie Van Doren is packing a couple of nose cones. And nuns can beat the tar out of you if they would just turn the camera off and let them. The riffing in this was hilarious. The movie was a little clunky and maudlin. In fact, this is the worst movie panned by the crew yet! Disclaimer. I enjoyed about ¾ of it a lot and about ¼ of it very little. Except for the couple of slow sections, I would have probably given it 5 stars.
This is a movie about redemption. A hot girl with a rap sheet gets sent to a Catholic halfway house
when it looks like she might have killed a guy. In the joint, she learns a few lessons. Going in, she talks with the wackiest slang this side of Daddy-O’s
Alexander Graham, and I ain’t blowin’ nails.
But eventually, thanks to the angelic sweetness and suicide-inducing
crooning of Paul Anka, she puts Mel Torme in his place and learns to talk like
a good white girl oughtta.
Host Segments
Opening: Preparing for Dr. F.'s big announcement. Tom’s the party committee. Mike’s in his tuxedo jumper. Everything looks perfect for the big announcement.
Intro: Dr. F. unveils the Umbilicus with a long speech about science and how he prevailed even though no one thought he could. Then when he goes to connect it, we learn that: a) Gypsy’s tubing is the umbilicus, and b) he inadvertently used two “male” ends. He sends Frank to the store for an adapter.
Host segment 1: Tom "scats" until Mike and Crow have had enough. This is to celebrate Mel Torme being in the film. Mike and Crow have enough after about 1 second and almost launch him into space but run out of time when commercial sign is slightly too early.
Host segment 2: Mike explains the "honor system." This is to mock the fact that the girls are “locked up” in a house with no restraint, yet they’re all criminals. Mike gives crow a 3 minute lecture on honor while Tom eats all the candy in the honor system candy store.
Host segment 3: Designing the woman of the future. The bots give lots of great suggestions for the woman of the future – fiery wings, power take-off, but she turns out to look just like Mamie Van Doren.
End: M&TB make good use of the Umbilicus. They send a pie down and hit Dr. F in the face. Ha ha. That is funny.
Stinger: "You tell that boy to go home right now, or I'll call the police!"
Funny Riffs
A boy is attacking a girl on the property near a beach house.
Servo: Hah hah, boy that Kennedy compound.
Nun: The Church is aware of the existence of nightgowns, Mr. Parlow.
Crow: All the priests wear them.
Servo ogling Mamie: She's dressed like Minnie Mouse, only many times hotter.
Mr. Gardner thinks Silver killed his son.
Mr. Gardner: I'll never understand what my son saw in you.
Silver: Oh no? [Turns and strikes a pose]
Crow: Do THESE explain anything?
A nun explains that if you pray to St Jude, God can hear you.
Riff: Jude’s wearing a wire!
A car is swerving all over the road.
Riff: Dan Rostenkowski goes for a drive.
One actor during a wild brawl scene looks like Bill Clinton:
Ever done it with a Rhodes scholar?
Hillary who?
Not actually a riff:
Silver: Go bingle your bongle!
There’s a hilarious bit of dialogue enhanced by Tom where Silver is asking her little sister what happened the night Chip fell off the cliff. The truth is Chip attacked lil sis and she fought him off. Then he fell and died. Tom’s voice in this dialogue is in a falsetto intended to sound similar to the little sister’s voice.
Sister: Remember the night you stood Chip up?
Tom: He died.
Sister: Well he was real sore when he didn’t find you.
Tom: And then he died.
Sister: Then he asked me to go in your place.
Tom: And then I killed him and he died.
Sister: They said I was too young to go anyplace.
Tom: And then I killed him and he got all dead.
Sister: It was fun at first, when he kissed me . . .
Tom: . . . he wasn’t dead then.
Sister: Then he . . .
Tom: . . . died . . .
Sister: . . . started . . .
Tom: . . . being killed by me . . .
Sister: . . . getting too fresh and then he ran away. Chip caught me and tried to throw me down on the ground . . .
Tom: . . . right before he got dead . . .
Sister: . . . and . . .
Tom: . . . he died . . .
Sister: . . . then the rocks slipped out from under his feet . . .
Tom: . . . and he became killed . . .
Sister: . . . he fell . . .
Tom: . . .and he died.