423 – Bride of the Monster w/ short Hired!
ééé
Things I liked in the movie:
Bela Lugosi draping the octopus tentacles over himself to simulate a struggle.
Tor Johnson.
Stravski’s ever-changing accent.
Impressions
It’s an Ed Wood! Lots of stock footage and clowny acting. As Wood likes to do, he has a giant stand-in for Lugosi during action scenes. The best scene in the movie is when Lugosi is fighting the rubber octopus at the end.
Synopsis
Short Hired!
This extremely short piece of crap seems to be intended to encourage supervisors to supervise instead of just yelling. I think Chevy made it and, as expected, it breaks down. A car salesman with no car goes door-to-door trying to sell cars but amazingly, that doesn’t work. The 40-year-old sales manager goes home to his dad and gets scolded for being negative. It suddenly ends. I think the riffs were creative and numerous but not all that funny.
Feature Bride
of the Monster
This is an old black and white Ed Wood masterpiece. During character establishment, we learn that Bela Lugosi is Eric Vornoff, a man who observes his octopus and beats his giant servant, Lobo (played by Tor Johnson). We learn that Vornoff is experimenting on people who stray into his property, resulting in their deaths. The police haven’t been able to solve the case.
One of the cops is engaged to a sassy reporter, Janet, who plans to investigate the killings herself. She’s convinced there’s a monster. She investigates on her own and gets captured. The police eventually arrive and mayhem ensues. Tor Johnson falls in love with Janet and changes loyalties a few times. The cops shoot Vornoff a couple hundred times. A nuclear explosion occurs a few hundred feet away, but the actors are all untouched. We learn that, “He tampered in God’s domain.”
Summary: Don’t try to make yourself stronger by electrocuting yourself. It will just get you shot and your octopus will blow up.
Host Segments
First: Frank has been bad. Dr. Forrester’s invention is the tough love seat (inspired by the movie) to punish Frank. Then he jumps onto the seat and it hurts him as much as it hurts Frank. Joel’s invention is microwave Faith Popcorn.
Second: Joel and the bots sings a mini-musical “Hired” which perfectly summarizes the short.
Third: Crow complains that the monster isn’t scary. Some other scarier monsters are suggested, like a kippered snack or an olive loaf.
Fourth: Tom laments too much advertising. Crow is Willy the Waffle and declares no advertising.
Final: Cambot re-edits the film to make the movie better.
Stinger: Lugosi’s baggy eyes.
Funny Riffs
Short
Salesman: I thought I knew something about trucks.
Joel: But I was living a horrible lie!
The screen shows the word Hired! on the screen.
Crow: That’s not something you didn‘t much during the Bush Administration
The sales manager is looking at stats. The riffs are along the lines of, “He has a criminal record?! Assault with a deadly weapon?!”
Then: Crow: AKA “The Pantsless Salesman?!
Tor Johnson walks dopily into the scene.
Joel: Uhhhh, time for be in movie?
Lugosi shines a light into the victim’s mouth.
Crow: They’re gonna show a film on his uvula?!
After Lugosi kills the victim.
Joel: Dr. Kevorkian, MD.
The police Captain is reading the paper.
Crow: Ed Wood caught wearing a dress?! Again?!
Stravsky pulls on a locked door.
Crow: Hey! Occupado!
Stravsky is talking and sounds quite American.
Tom: Accent! Accent!
Lugosi: And now professor Stravski . . .
Crow: And Hutch!
As the octopus is “eating” Stravsky:
Tom: I wish they had a more effective monster. This is taking forever!
The hero is sinking in quicksand and we’re shown stock footage of an alligator. He shoots about 15 shots out of his six-shooter.
Crow: He’s shooting at a different movie!
When Vornoff becomes strong
Crow: Now he has the strength of 20 heroine addicts!
We see the notorious scene of Lugosi fighting with a rubber octopus. Suddenly there’s a nuclear explosion.
Servo: That was one unstable octopus!
Bride of the Monster Imdb page