414 – Tormented
éééé
Things I liked in the movie:
The floating head on the phonograph player.
Women who, when you want to get rid of them, throw themselves out of lighthouses for your convenience.
The phrase “five thou.”
Impressions
A Bert I. Gordon masterpiece. This episode starts out strong and has a fair amount of funny riffing, but it slows down near the end. The host segments weren’t particularly funny other than the references to the movie (falling, mostly). Some of the funnier riffs are musical (singing along to the piano playing). The movie itself is pretty goofy and the acting is the usual Bert I. Gordon fare. I would say this is a good solid exemplar of MST3K.
Synopsis
A middle-aged pianist, Tom Stewart, is about to get married to Meg, but he’s been having an affair with a gorgeous actress on the side namd Vi. Tom breaks up with Vi, but she won’t have it. To keep her quiet, Tom takes her to the lighthouse where they’ve been having their rendezvouses. She slips from the top of the lighthouse and he could save her, but doesn’t, and she falls to her death. The next day, he swims out to rescue her corpse, which turns into a strange seaweed blob. Her ghost (usually just her head) bothers him by vandalizing Meg’s wedding dress, playing “Tormented” on the record player, and making footprints in the sand. Little Sandy, his future sister-in-law, gets curious about the lighthouse. The ferry captain figures out that his passenger disappeared so he blackmails Tom with a demand of “five thou.” Tom has to kill him, too. Little Sandy, his fiance’s baby sister, overhears and lets Tom know she saw him kill the ferry captain. Tom is tempted to kill her, too, and almost does, but the ghost scares him and he falls to his death. Vi’s dead body is found and when they drop her next to Tom, her arm flops over onto him and she’s wearing Meg’s ring! It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to!
Host Segments
Prologue: Joel is cleaning the SOL. Tom and Crow are playing in the ceiling. Tom and Gypsy fall from the ceiling. Dr. F mentions that Frank took a nasty fall on the stairs. Invention exchange – Joel’s invention is a wheel that says things typical of your relatives. Very funny! Dr. F’s invention is a drinking jacket covered with large bugs.
Second: Joel is in the ceiling cleaning up and he slips and hangs by one arm from the ceiling. The ‘Bots extract some concessions before they will agree to save him but eventually, they just leave him to fall.
Third: Joel says, you know how the main character let a lady plummet to her death, I thought . . . . The ‘Bots get all excited about maybe making today’s pop singers fall to their deaths. Joel says, “Remember we’re not killing anybody.” Crow says, “Yes, we are!”
Fourth: Tom and Crow are just heads on the counter chanting “Joel Robinson killed us!” Joel leaves and turns out the lights. They panic.
Final: Joel and the ‘Bots are sickened by the end of the movie.
Stinger: The dead girl’s head hanging from Tom’s hand saying, “Tom Stewart killed me! Tom Stewart killed me!”
Funny Riffs
Tom Servo: Tormented? I have a feeling this is aptly named.
Other woman: You look as if you want to kill me.
Crow: Bingo!
When she falls through the broken rail and dies:
Joel: That’s what she gets for railing against him.
Joel as Tom Stewart: I think I’ll return to the scene of the crime to cheer myself up!
A mysterious extra set of footprints is seen in the sand along with Tom and Meg’s.
Joel as Tom: Wait a minute, were you just walking on all fours?
Tom Stewart to future sister-in-law Sandy (7 years old?): From now on you’re the other woman in my life.
Joel: Put her down, Jerry Lee.
Tom Stewart: Do you believe in ghosts?
Mrs. Ellis: If anyone were to ask me seriously, I’d have to say no.
Crow: What if I asked you in a clown suit?
The transparent ghost of the dead woman appears:
Joel: Help me Obi-wan, you’re my last hope!
Crow: She’s so transparent.
Tom Stewart is playing jazzy piano music.
Crow as Humphrey Bogart: Of all the lighthouses in all the world, she had to fall out of mine.
A ghostly hand appears with Meg’s wedding ring on it.
Crow: Thank you, Thing.
Meg to Tom Stewart: The first thing you’re going to do is have a long vacation.
Crow: In hell!
Tom Stewart is lounging suggestively on a couch.
Blind Mrs. Ellis walks in: Tom.
Joel as Tom: I wasn’t pretending to be a playmate!
The blind Mrs. Ellis walks out to the top of the lighthouse.
Joel as Mrs. Ellis: I can’t see my house from here.
Tom Stewart takes the dead girl’s ghost head, wraps it in a towel, and heads for the door.
Joel as Tom Stewart: We’re going bowling.
During the wedding
Tom as Tom: I did it! I mean I do I do.
After the ghost ruins the wedding.
Crow: Reception to follow at the lighthouse.
Joel: RSV RIP.
Crow as Sandy: You’re gonna fry, Tom, and I’m gonna flip the switch!
Tom as Tom: Sandy, how would you like to bungee jump without the bungee?
The camera looks at the stormy ocean.
Tom: Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you.
Tom falls from the lighthouse. Sandy screams.
Crow: Sandy has grown up a lot this week.