320 – The Unearthly with
Shorts: Posture Pals and Appreciating
Your Parents
ééé
Things I liked in the movie:
Tor Johnson.
Extra glands.
Impressions
This was a pretty good episode. The shorts were funny, but not hilarious. The movie was slow and has a really weak add-on at the end where they show a bunch of hairy people in the basement. The ending feels like one of those movies where some movie executive forced the director to add a monkey and take out the sad ending. Except I don’t think there was any executive paying attention to this piece of “art.” The riffs were fair. It was pleasant to watch, but not memorable. The best part was the Mads’ invention “A hard pill to swallow.” I take that back, the best part (which I still repeat when I send my kids to bed) is when Tor says, “Time for go to bed.”
Synopsis
A man (Myron Healey) stumbles onto a house in the country. He’s apparently running from the law. He’s also a swaggering ladies’ man a la James Bond, but only if James Bond took valium and didn’t do anything. The owner of the house (John Carradine) introduces himself as a psychiatrist running a sanitarium. His right hand man is Tor Johnson whose main role is to announce bed time. Carradine essentially blackmails Healey into helping him by threatening to turn him over to the police. It turns out the psychiatrist is trying to lengthen life by adding an extra gland. He’s using his “patients” as guinea pigs. The patients appear to be models with no families (the women) and really really mean guys (one highlight of this film is five minutes surrounding a overly angry extra). Carradine could make millions selling his treatment as a hair restoration treatment seeing as it makes people hairy, but he’s focused on the longevity aspect. Myron Healey’s character figures out what’s going on and tries to break some of the other patients out. Carradine discovers their plot and tries to stop them but Healey saves the day. It turns out he’s really a cop who came there to investigate. Then SPOILER ALERT we get a quick glance at a bunch of werewolves in his basement acting like monkeys.
Host Segments
Prologue: The Satellite of Love crew decides to make an entry for America's Goofiest Home Videos.
Segment One (Invention Exchange): Crow is identified by his dental records, the Mads demonstrate some hard pills to swallow, and Joel and the Bots create a random assortment of celebrity-inspired products.
Segment Two: Tom and Crow learn how to appreciate Gypsy in the same vein as the short.
Segment Three: The SOL crew does a tribute, "The Many Faces of Tor Johnson".
Segment Four: The Bots make up their own board game out of the leftovers from other board games, and model it after the twisted house from the film.
Segment Five: Joel and the Bots read a letter in the style of the Dead End Kids, and even Dr. F even gets into the act with his Leo Gorcey impression.
Stinger: Tor announces it is "Time for go to bed!"
Funny Riffs
Posture Pals
Teacher Miss Martin demonstates good posture by walking slowly and stately.
Narrator: … eyes are straight, the abdomen is in, the back is straight. Arms swing easily at the sides.
Servo (as Narrator): Here, she re-enacts her first DUI.
Tommy and Jimmy are writing at a blackboard. Jimmy draws a crude image of a house leaning to one side
Narrator: Tommy reminds Jimmy -
Joel: Hmm-hmm-hmm. That's you!
Narrator: - when Jimmy stands off-balance.
Crow: Tears of shame pour down Tommy's face.
Joel: Ms. Martin! Tommy drew a bong!
Little Tommy examines his neatened room. He looks in his closet.
Narrator: Yesterday, Tommy tore the sleeve of his favorite cowboy shirt…
Servo (as Narrator): … in a prison break.
The camera focuses on John Carradine’s face with his long chin.
Joel: Hey, John — why the long face, pal?
Natalie enters Dr. Conway's office for an appointment.
Sharon: Sit down, Natalie, and I'll tell him you're here.
Crow (as Sharon): Nutcase Natalie’s here!
Conway's piece enters a repetitive passage.
Crow (as Conway): I'm sorry, I can't think of the ending!
Servo (sounds like Groucho Marx): I can't think of anything else!
Lobo (Tor Johnson) enters the room full of Dr. Conway's guests.
Lobo: Time for go to bed!
Joel: Well said.