319 – War of the Colossal Beast with
Short: Mr. B Natural
éééé
Things I liked about the movie:
Mr. B Natural’s sex appeal.
Glen Manning’s hairdo.
Impressions
Short: This is unbelievable. It’s so fantastically wrong and annoying, one can hardly get inside the mind of the director. A cross-dressing, child-stalking, musical instrument salesperson goes on an on in her shrill, piercing voice about how cool you’ll be if you play a suzaphone. Yikes! The riffing is hysterical and surrounds the transgender issue. I’ve heard many say this is the best short of all, and I agree.
Movie: A lot of funny riffs save a very bad movie. Of course, there are lots of size-related jokes, but there are also many funny jokes about the quality of the film and how the government works. At one point, all the government agencies are passing the buck and Crow says, “Bert I. Gordon sticks it to the man!” I enjoyed this episode quite a bit.
Movie A totally unnecessary, unasked for sequel to the giant man movie The Amazing Colossal Man. Glen Manning wasn’t dead after all and returns to wander around mindlessly breaking stuff for a while. Bert I. Gordon tries to milk another few dollars out of the giant man idea. A kid in Mexico drives a truck into a pond. Next thing we know, he’s in a hospital bed with big eyes. After a few days of malingering, he screams out the Spanish word for giant. Everyone realizes that Glen Manning must still be alive. They fill a truck with drugged loaves of bread and Glen falls for it. They fly him to America where all the bureaucrats refuse to take responsibility for storing him. He breaks out, gets captured, breaks out, gets captured, and breaks out. But third time’s a charm. He does a little weight lifting with a school bus filled with kids. His sister talks him into putting the bus down, apparently saving him. But then, in an incredible climax, he grabs some power lines, colorizes the movie, and vanishes.
Host Segments
Prologue: Joel and the ‘Bots reassemble word parts from Mexican food items into new strange food items. Joel says this is like what they do in Hollywood. They take old stuff, mix it together, and make crap. The Mads invent the breakfast bazooka and Dr. F shoots Frank with some foodstuffs. Mike and the ‘Bots have invented almost the same thing. It’s a rocket launcher that launches twinkie grenades. One comes back and Joel throws himself on it to save the ‘Bots. It explodes, covering him in twinkie mess.
Segment 2: After the short, Crow and Tom Servo debate over Mr. B’s Gender. Crow says it’s obviously a woman playing the part of a man like Sandi Duncan in Peter Pan. Tom Servo says he’s a man who isn’t afraid to dress however he sees fit. Tom gets snooty and says it’s like asking him to prove a fish is a fish.
Segment 3: Mike Nelson appears as Glen Manning outside the SOL and complains that he created the Colossal Man character, but they “Roger Moored” him and didn’t ask him back for the sequel.
Segment 4: Joel is a news broadcaster at radio station KTLA. He tells stories from future dates including Alan Alda turns out to be the antichrist and the Pope becomes a grandmother. (This essentially occurs later in the movie)
Segment 5: Joel et al are eating loaves of bread like the ones in the movie. “Glen Manning” appears outside the SOL again. They read letters. Down in Deep 13, Dr. F shoots thorazine loaded waffles at Frank.
Stinger: Mr. B Natural dancing around like a fruitcake.
Funny Riffs
Short
Mr. B: Knew your father, I did.
Joel: Hey, leave my father out of this!
Joel: Is this Liberace’s mom?
Tom as boy: So I’m attracted to guys now?
The boy gets his trumpet and before he even plays it:
Joel as boy: Am I hip yet? When do the chicks start coming around?
The boy is playing something on the trumpet that sounds like flight of the bumblebee a little bit.
Crow: If you get near a song, play it!
Movie
The kid drives the truck into a pond.
Tom: Oh, no. They got the truck wet. They’re already over budget.
The movie shows the Beverly Hilton hotel.
Crow: Guests of the amazing colossal beast stay at the Beverly Hilton.
The searchers see some truck debris.
Tom: Look! It’s a big turd with truck parts in it!
Tom: Oh no. Glen passed a truck on the highway. I mean he passed a truck on the highway!
Glen’s non-giant sister is looking somber.
Tom: He ain’t heavy. He’s my brother! [Sob]
Bert I Gordon sticks it to the man.
Controller: Tell the pilot to circle the field once more.
Crow: The movie’s not quite over.
Major Baird: The world doesn’t see a sixty-foot man like a sister does.
Tom: I read that on a Hallmark card.
Some fighters take off.
Tom: Stock footage away!
They ask Dr. Carmichael what he thinks about Glenn.
Joel as doctor: Well, he’s tall for his age.
Dr. Carmichael: If his brain tissue has suffered injury, he’ll be a psychopathic case and a menace until he dies.
Crow: Like Jerry Lewis?
A police dispatcher is calling all units.
Crow as dispatcher: Get the description right. Male. Caucasion. Sixty feet tall. Answers to the name Glenn or “Hey, big guy.”
Glenn is hiding in some trees. He appears to be naked. The police show up and flash lights in his direction.
Joel: Put your clothes on. It’s the cops!
Glen bends down and offers his sister a finger.
Crow: Sis, pull my finger.
He starts walking away near the end of the movie.
Sister: Wait Glen, wait!
Crow: If you walk away now, there’s gonna be another sequel!
Tom: No! No!
Glenn grabs the power lines and for some reason, part of the scene looks colorized.
Joel: Oh, he became
Ted Turner now. He colorized the movie.
War of the Colossal Beast IMDB Page