113 – The Black Scorpion
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Things I liked about the movie:
The close-ups of the scorpion’s face.
The guy on the other end of the radio link.
Impressions
The movie itself is pretty much the cookie-cutter monster
movie. In fact, this is the worst movie
panned by the Joel and the ‘Bots yet! Disclaimer. Something is large (in this case, a scorpion). Some scientists examine clues that lead them
to the giant creature for the first half of the movie, and then depending on the
director’s confidence in the aesthetics of the monster, we see the monster
wreak a little havoc in the second half of the movie until some secret key is
discovered that causes its demise. The
monster in this movie had two parts: a)
the pretty cool and almost believable claymation crawling around parts, and b)
some footage of its ridiculous face close-up with growling and drooling that
they show over and over. The intention
of the face part is obviously to scare you, but mostly it scared the part of me
that says, “Have I gone mad? Have I stooped to watching too stupid of a
movie?” As with most season one
episodes, the riffing isn’t consistently funny and it’s spread out quite a
bit. But it’s a huge improvement over
the KTMA episodes and there are enough laughs to make it enjoyable. My impression of season one overall is that
if you like to watch old sci-fi movies and laugh without the riffing, the
riffing adds a little fun. Later
seasons are funny even for people who don’t care to watch campy old sci-fi
movies.
Synopsis
A volcano erupts in Mexico and attracts a couple of American cowboy-geologists. They find a destroyed town with a destroyed police car and talk to a dramatic announcer voice over the radio. Everyone warns them not to go back to the volcano, but they do so anyway, because they’re scientists. They see a horse-backed lady goucha fall off her horse and they promptly start hitting on her. They rescue her and she takes them in. She’s a rich rancher and lives very well, and that somehow gives her the authority to become one of their anti-scorpion delta force. One of the geologists reveals that an obsidian chunk he found contains a scorpion. He cracks the obsidian open right on the rich lady’s felt pool table and the scorpion is alive! They put it in a jar.
Giant scorpions then destroy a small town near the volcano and the army and a government scientist arrive. The government scientist explains that they’re up against a prehistoric giant scorpion that apparently was preserved in the volcano and is now unleashed up the world. He thinks they can kill it with gas like you might with any other giant household pest. A team of scientists and army vehicles goes searching and finds a large hole that appears to be the den. They assume this is where the scorpions come from, and luckily for the plot, it’s true. The two archeologists find lots of scorpions, take a few Polaroids, and then dynamite the hole so the scorpions are trapped inside.
After this victory, they attend the obligatory long, boring briefing by a government official explaining why the giant scorpions might attack Mexico City. More scorpions do show up and to keep the plot neat, one of them kills all the rest and heads for Mexico City. It’s Godzilla, Mexican style! The alpha scorpion is the black scorpion, hence the name of the movie. He is baited into coming to a stadium where he’s harpooned and electrified to a crisp. Mmmm. Mmmm.
Host Segments
Prologue: Joel explains that they’re trapped on the SOL and he and the ‘Bots are partying like it’s 1990. Larry has a strange large head with big ears. Invention exchange: Joel is a man now so he has a party favor powered by a leaf blower. The Mads had . . . oops! . . . the same one. Clayton has a skull for a head.
Segment two: Joel and the ‘Bots comment on the movie in Spanish with hilarious and ridiculous subtitles. They go back to the movie wearing sombreros.
Segment three: Tom Servo and Crow are trying to figure out what Joel is doing when he lies down and closes his eyes, why he makes water and then wastes it by flushing it, and why he cuts the hair off his face every morning. Gypsy is trying to get their attention by dressing up as the giant scorpion. Finally, she eats Tom Servo. Strangely, she attached a scorpion tail that fell off and they just filmed it that way instead of fixing it.
Segment four: Servo and Crow are impersonating Joel using a puppet and trying to sound like him. Joel shows up and explains the genius of Willis O’Brien, stop animation legend. And O’Brien mentored Ray Harrihausen.
Final: Joel reads letters. A kid says he only likes movies one star or under. Another kid says Crow should be more comfortable with himself.
Funny Riffs
During the volcano, Joel and the ‘Bots hold giant hot dogs up to the screen.
After a dramatic scene in which they hunt down a rattling sound, the cowboys find a baby abandoned in a bed.
Man: That rattlesnake is the worst kind of them all!
Joel as man: Let’s blast it!
Crow: I got a wax museum in my ear.
A bunch of people crowd into a square.
Crow: The San Lorenzo milling around festival!
One of the geologists looks through binoculars and sees a man riding a horse.
Crow: Hey! I can see another movie through my binockulars!
Geologist: Doctors of geology. We operate only with little hammers on rocks.
Tom as geologist: If you have kidney stones, we’re the guys to call.
A geologist finds a tablet-shaped rock.
Joel: What? Thou shalt not ki?
A young boy yells at the dog as the geologists are looking at the scorpion.
One of the geologists: I want a magnifying glass to watch this little monster.
Joel: You mean the little kid?
The dog runs out of the house apparently after hearing something.
Joel impersonating a commercial announcer voice: Dogs love the rich taste of gigantic scorpion.
People are panicking as the scorpion attacks a small town.
The camera cuts to cattle stampeding to get away.
Tom: It’s udder chaos!
A giant scorpion wrecks the lift car, the only hope of escape.
Joel: Oh, well this isn’t good. Not at all. I mean I’ve seen good before and it didn’t look anything like this. Remember that bad thing we saw? Well, it looked like this, remember? Yeah. Definitely bad.
A scorpion picks up a human to eat.
Crow as scorpion: I’m hungry for Mexican!
The Black Scorpion IMDB Page