111 – Moon Zero Two
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Things I liked about the movie:
The plot. Seriously. It was interesting!
When the music stopped.
The whole rugged space culture.
Impressions
My favorite part of this episode is the themed riffs in which they put “space” in front of everything. “It’s a space gazebo!” “The space coons got in the garbage again,” etc. It was fun! OK, I have to admit that this really wasn’t all THAT bad of a movie. The science had some small holes, but not too bad. The characters were reasonably interesting. The acting was fair. And it might have been in color, although the sets and people were apparently all gray. Ever see Dr. Strangelove? This isn’t like that at all, but some people did ride a large object down to the surface and blow up. So that was neat. The riffing was decent. The host segments were below average except the Mads’ horrible movie star toothpaste dispenser invention exchange was funny to me. Also Joel’s zero gravity fight was pretty funny. Overall, I enjoyed it. I actually think I might have liked the movie but for the screeching music, which is still ringing in my ears.
Synopsis
After a headache inducing pink-pather style cartoon minus the hip style, we meet Kemp, a former super-astronaut who delivered the first man to Mars. Now he’s reduced to collecting space litter and selling it for scrap (I’m sure he’s the inspiration for Han Solo). He prides himself on his independence, but there’s pressure on him to become a sell-out and fly passenger ships. His lunar lander is old and dangerous and there’s money in the big corporate jobs. A beautiful girl in a Gumby outfit sees Kemp taking a shower and asks him for help. She’s trying to find her brother, a miner on the far side (this movie is even sophisticated enough to not call it “the dark side”). A rich guy named Hubbard, whose name strikes fear in every moon traveler, wants Kemp to obtain and land on the moon a 6,000 ton sapphire asteroid. It’s actually a pretty neat idea. They are supposed to go out under cover of a salvage trip (that’s why Kemp was chosen) and set rockets on this sapphire asteroid in such a way as to precisely alter its orbit such that it crashes onto the far side of the moon. The plan is to keep this all secret. Kemp will return long before the asteroid hits and it will just seem like a coincidental asteroid moon collision. Then Hubbard will be able to mine and sell the sapphire.
Kemp and company set the asteroid into motion and return. Kemp is supposed to go back out and make a minor adjustment to the asteroid but the cute girl asks Kemp to take her out to her brother’s mine because she’s worried about him. This delay makes Hubbard nervous. The second adjustment to the asteroid is very time sensitive. Kemp goes anyway and this makes Hubbard unhappy.
Kemp and the girl rent an Alamo rental buggy and head out. They find the brother murdered. Some guys attack Kemp (presumably the same guys who killed the brother) and Kemp dispatches them. Kemp and the girl drive a damaged lunar vehicle back to the nearest outpost, Farside Five, where there’s a big showdown. Kemp is able to prove the car rental guy poisoned the dead brother. Then it all comes together. Hubbard hired the rental car guy to murder the brother so they could land the asteroid on his claim.
Hubbard shows up, apparently worried about this very outcome--that they would figure it out. He threatens to kill the girl if Kemp doesn’t go through with the asteroid landing plan, so Kemp’s hand is forced and he agrees. Hubbard is forced to go along on the trip thanks to the fact that Kemp killed all his employees and there’s no time to hire any more criminal types. During the dangerous part of the mission, strapping the rockets to the asteroid, Kemp, the girl, and Kemp’s engineer take out all the bad guys. The asteroid lands on the claim, the girl is rich, Kemp gets the girl, and the bad guys are dead. Another sterile, hermetically sealed plot. Roll the screechy trumpet music.
Host Segments
Prologue: Joel explains that he’s still marooned in space and asks us to eat a snack for him. The SOL bridge is season one style (smaller, gold background). Clayton and Larry are on in Deep 13 and Larry is whining about his limp, lifeless hair. Joel’s invention is actually pretty clever. A device you strap onto your mouth that teleports food into your mouth from a distance. He distance-eats a cookie and drinks some milk from a few feet away. The Mads have invented toothpaste dispensers that use the heads of stars who have vomited on TV. The toothpaste squirts out their mouths. The funniest one is Linda Blair from the exorcist who says, “Your mother flosses in hell! Bleeeeech!” Icky. Also a rare laugh from the Mads on the ground.
Segment two: Tom Servo introduces a tribute to Neil Armstrong. Joel is JFK and announces that we’ll send a man to the moon. He’s holding a Marilyn Monroe magazine cover. Crow is Armstrong. Joel is also Buzz Aldrin who forgot the keys and locked them out of the lander.
Segment three: Joel and the ‘Bots discuss future game names and ideas. Moonopoly, Moontendo, and in Clue it might be Colonel Mustard in the command module with laser bolos. Scruples won’t be around any more ‘cuz people won’t have any. Joel plays Rockem Sockem Robots and the ‘Bots fight until Tom’s head pops up just like in the game.
Segment four: Tom Servo and Crow fight over which woman was more attractive. Tom likes the tough girl with the 45 on each hip. Tom ticks Crow off and he threatens to fight ‘Bot-o a ‘Bot-o. Joel hits the zero-g switch like in the movie. No one floated up, they just all acted really high, moved in slo-mo and had horrible music blaring. Joel does a cool zero-g trick and says, “Zero G. It’s not just for breakfast any more.”
Final: Good thing/Bad thing. Crow’s good thing – it was groovy. Bad thing – it was groovy.
No stinger.
Funny Riffs
The animated astronauts in the opening cartoon enter a club.
Crow: Hey, great club. No atmosphere.
During the same opening cartoon, a moon trash truck dumps a load at the moon dump.
Crow: Hey, look! It’s the film!
The second in command of the moon express is harassing our “heroes” as they wait for their luggage at the lunar space port.
His superior officer comes over to stop him.
Second: I was just telling this man . . .
Superior: You can’t tell this man anything about anything.
Crow: But feel free to tell him something about nothing or a little about a lot.
As they look at the lunar landscape:
Gumby woman: My god, it’s so bleak!
Kemp: No air, no vegetation. One-sixth gravity.
Crow: Yeah, but on the good side, there’s no Howie Mandell.
The shuttle passes some well-proportioned lumps in the lunar surface.
Tom: In the future, bras will grow on the moon.
Woman: There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
Tom: Everyone always says that, but no one ever tells me the other way.
Crow: In space, no one can hear you yawn.
The vehicle Kemp and the girl are using is damaged.
Kemp: It’s all shot to hell.
Crow: What? The plot?
Moon Zero Two IMDB Page