102 – The Robot Vs The Aztec Mummy with Short: Commando Cody 1
ééé
Impressions
Things I liked about the movie:
The robot and mummy fighting like lady centenarians.
The convenient pit of rattlers.
Short
This is Commando Cody. Cody shoots the guns out of the bad guys’ hands and flies around in his pumpkiny helmet. The riffs are mildly funny. Not too bad. These Commando Cody shorts are interchangeable and I don’t care much for them.
Movie
Imagine four old guys in suits talking in monotone for an hour. Then imagine this suddenly breaks to a scene
where two stiff-legged zombies bump into each other. That’s the premise of The Robot Vs The Aztec Mummy. This is the worst movie panned by the crew
yet! Disclaimer. The name is the best part! You have to pay close attention to keep on
top of the so-called plot, which is mostly just explanation. Almost the entire movie is a flashback
punctuated by trips to the present to remind us it’s a flashback. The last 20 minutes or so is the actual
movie. The robot versus mummy part is
about 2 minutes of clumsy zombie-like bumping that ends with the robot losing
his arms! A fatal mistake! The “acting” is stilted reading with strange
syntax (apparently trying to translate from Spanish to English results in this
kind of thing). There were some good
laughs, most of them sight gags that are difficult to describe. The riffs were funny, but not super sharp
like in later episodes. This
episode was made in the caveman days of MST3K.
The host segments are
campy and odd and filled with demon dogs.
They are pretty funny, though, and added enjoyment to the experience.
Synopsis
Short
A bunch of models are blown up. The government has found out that moon men may be on Earth running around blowing stuff up with an atomic ray gun, you know, just vandalizing the place as a prank (like in Mars Attacks). This gets Commando Cody worked up and he puts on his pumpkin helmet and flies around to see if he can find the moon men. He finds two men planning to blow up a HO-scale train and assumes it’s them. They have a dramatic and poorly aimed gunfight. The men run away like the cowardly moon-men sellouts they are. Cody steals the atomic ray gun and takes it back to his lab for analysis. The men go back to their effeminate moonman handler, Krog, and report the loss of the ray gun. Krog monologues a bit and then makes them go to Cody’s lab to recover it. Come to think of it, I think this is exactly what happened in episodes 4 and 5 (See Robot Monster). Back in the bat cave, Krog calls Willard Scott, who tells him via donut-phone that Cody plans to fly to the moon to stop them from invading Earth. Hurray! A plot starts to appear from the swampy depths! Cody flies to the moon in a cardboard spaceship. Once there, in a dramatic scene, he narrowly avoids bumping into a wall! But then he takes a right turn and the day is saved. Cody rides the express elevator right to the supreme moon ruler’s office as if he’s been there before. (I’ve always suspected Cody of being a little too competent). The moon king tells Cody all of his top secret plans and then shoots nuclear weapons around the office (I don’t recommend this), trying to kill him. He is only able to kill one of his own men, and of course, misses Cody. Cody runs away. See ya next week! This is a serial movie with cliffhangers at the end of each repetitive episode. So we’re left hanging, biting our nails, wondering whether . . . gulp! . . . we’ll be subjected to another one next episode. Ugh!
This is a Mexican horror movie—or maybe movie horror would be a better description. It starts with some scientists meeting in the house of one Dr. Eduardo Almada to read their cue cards about some ancient Aztec artifacts—a breastplate and a bracelet that have some magic powers, including the ability to attract mummies. Dr. Almada recalls—in an hour-long flashback—how he hypnotized a girl, Flora, who was a princess in a past life. During the hypnotic session, she relived being sacrificed by having her heart cut out. She almost died (in the present-past, not the past-past) when she relived the execution. Fortunately for the plot, she recovered and led Almada to the artifacts. When they tried to leave with the bracelet, they met the mummy, who is like the world’s most persistent Wal-mart security guard. In Almada’s flashback, the mummy acted like a spastic pig when they shone lights on it, so they did it a lot, just like anyone would. It’s fun! Unfortunately, the mummy overcame his photophobia and chased the humans off.
Demonstrating the instincts of a dog, the endurance of a marathon runner, and the tenacity of an ex-boyfriend, the mummy went to Almada’s house to get the artifacts. Then the mummy got sentimental and kidnapped Flora. Back in the sacrificial chamber, he tried to reenact the sacrifice. Almada had followed them, though, and saved her by shooting the knife out of the mummy’s hand and warding him off with a cross (so he’s a vampire mummy?). Someone Almada called “the professor” sent them all out and then blew up the chamber trapping the mummy and himself inside, but this, too, will turn out to be a tragic waste of a special effect.
The evil Dr. Krupp (aka “The Bat”) wanted the artifacts, too. So he kidnapped Almada’s wife and Flora (she is quite the commodity!). He used them as leverage to force Almada to help decipher the hieroglyphics on the breastplate. Once Almada finished deciphering, Krupp gave the order to Almada and the girls, but at that very second, the mummy (wearing a “Deus ex Machina” t-shirt) appeared, trashed the place, and killed only the bad guys. Mummies are nice that way. Utilizing his keen sense of irony, the mummy threw Krupp into a conveniently available pit full of rattlers. Really! The mummy then took his artifacts and went home. Oh, wait. Not home. His home was all blowed up, so he got a job writing Batman TV scripts (you know . . . because he didn’t kill Krupp, but just put him in a slow death causing situation that he could escape from . . . er . . . . )
Almada got the cops and took them back to show them Krupp’s hideout, but Krupp and all the bodies were gone! Krupp, having escaped the rattlesnakes, went back to Almada’s house and used hypnosis to kidnap Flora! What else? Then he made her take him to the mummy, who was residing in the ancient cemetery now that he was homeless. (This is all still flashback.) Once Krupp found the mummy, he took Flora home and made her forget everything. So now Krupp figured if no one else knew that he knew where the mummy and the artifacts were hidden, he could just plan and plan and plan forever! Boo hoo ha ha ha! How evil can you get?
But almighty Almada figured it out and . . . kidnapped Flora! Just kidding. He got some goofy sidekick to help him search the city’s cemeteries and eventually found the mummy, still guarding the breastplate and the bracelet.
Back in the present, Almada tells the other scientists, “This all happened 5 years ago.” Thus ends the world’s second-most-confusing flashback (see Cave Dwellers).
Almada has been checking periodically and the mummy and artifacts are still there in the cemetery. He doesn’t know why Krupp left them there and he’s sure he is up to something. He doesn’t realize Krupp’s plan was to plan indefinitely. Then a newspaper story alerted him that maybe Krupp was planning to make a move. This is why he called the other scientists to his house. Someone has stolen a brain, some radium, and a body, surely the ingredients for Krupp-style mischief! Of course, the logical conclusion is that the same person must have also bought some lead from a local lead dealer. Sure enough! And the lead dealer happily tells them every detail of the sale and even the customer’s address! Privacy policies hadn’t been invented yet. Almada and his friend go to Krupp’s laboratory and . . . get captured. Sigh. Krupp monologues for about 15 minutes and then reveals his magnum opus – a human robot! This offends Crow, by the way. Krupp leaves Almada and his buddy in the care of his incompetent guards who don’t even bother to tie them up, and takes the robot to the cemetery to fight the mummy (who apparently wrote this part of the script). Almada and his buddy overpower the guards. The nerdy buddy beats on his man for quite an extended period, apparently venting some longstanding angst. The police show up and everybody rushes to the cemetery to watch the super heavyweight championship of the world. The robot and the mummy stiff arm each other for a few seconds, and then the robot’s arms fall off. USA! USA! The mummy neatly dispatches Krupp and then goes back to bed with his artifacts. The end.
Host Segments
Prologue: Larry and Clayton are preparing to go to the Mad Scientist convention and hope to get some notice. Joel’s invention exchange submission is a helmet airbag for motorcyclists that fills up very slowly and way too large. A very silly sight gag. The Mads invented the “chalk man.” It’s a close-and-play record player with a spinning chalkboard. Instead of a needle, it has a hand with long fingernails. You get the idea.
Segment Two: A bunch of demon dogs are yapping outside the ship. The SOL becomes too heavy with the dogs stuck to it and their orbit is decaying. Also, because the dogs have no flesh, they have no cuddle factor. Tom Servo can get rid of them, but he demands a bunch of praise before he’ll do it. He goes into space with a rolled-up newspaper, but the demon dogs pee on him and he comes back covered in silly string. Joel explains the problem is he based his plans for Servo on a fire hydrant!
Segment Three: The
demon dogs are still barking outside.
One of the dogs is knocking shave and a haircut, so they have to
let him in. Joel does the Lassie thing
(What is it girl? Timmy fell down the
well?). The dog is offended by his
condescending tone and speaks English.
He informs them that they (the dogs) are trying to inhabit the giant dog
bone (the SOL). He recites some
religious prophecies that back up his intention to take it over. Since it’s inhabited, however, he decides to
take his followers elsewhere. He is
about to tell them how to get rid of the dogs when Gypsy suddenly eats him!
Segment Four: Still trying to get rid of the demon dogs. They dress Crow up with some red construction paper so he looks like the demon dog leader. They plan to send him out to tell the dogs to go away. He does it, but comes back covered in silly string.
Final: The SOL is completely infested with devil dogs. Joel and the ‘Bots try to talk about the movie. Crow thought the robot with a human head was really offensive. Joel gets a brilliant idea and they launch a giant ball out the bay port doors. It works! All the dogs instinctively follow. Everything goes back to “normal.” The Mads are injured but we’re not told why. Apparently the chalk man invention irritated the other Mad Scientists.
No Stinger.
Funny Riffs
Short
Commando Cody is shown flying.
Tom: Oh, look! It’s pumpkin boy!
Movie: We’d noticed an unusual amount of activity on the moon.
Tom: Isn’t any amount of activity on the moon unusual?
Krog: From the description you gave me of your attacker’s costume, it must have been Commando Cody in his flying suit.
Joel: Or Trash Can Head
The policemen walk to the back of the spaceship.
Tom: We’ll stay back here where it’s safe, by the thrusters.
On the ship, the navigator plots their course with a curved measuring device.
Joel: You know I could make it in half the time if I had a straight edge.
Willard Scott’s evil moon-ruling twin is sitting between two goofy-looking guards.
Joel: I am Orcon. This is my brother Xenon and my other brother Xenon.
Narrator: How far can the human mind penetrate the mysteries of the great beyond?
Crow: Thirteen feet, four inches. 1920 Olympics.
The narrator explains this story is true, but it’s fact mixed with fiction. A car pulls up.
Crow: This is a real car. The people, however, are fiction. Their acting, however, is bad. Real bad.
One of the scientists knocks on a false wall.
Scientist: Professor, it sounds hollow.
Crow: Then stop knocking on my head.
A kid throws a rock into a hole.
Joel: Ouch!
Scientist: The god Decatlicopa
Joel: The god of decaffeinated coffee.
Upon entering a secret Aztec chamber.
Scientist: We’re the first people to break in here.
Crow: Other people used the door.
Some people are walking incredibly slowly through a cemetery.
Crow: No need to hurry. The plot will support all of THIS.
Krupp: If I can give it life, why can’t I give it to the bodies that are damned to death?
Tom: Why can’t he give it to the script?
Tom: The table’s a better actor than anyone.
Crow: They’re all made out of the same material—wood.
The hilarious and clumsy looking robot tries to walk.
Crow: It’s not so great, it doesn’t have knees.
The robot somehow starts the cemetery watchman on fire.
Crow: Immolation is the sincerest form of flattery.
After an hour or so, the robot and the mummy are in the same room.
Joel (very slowly, resigned and depressed): Well . . . I think we’re about to see the namesake of this movie . . . the robot . . . versus . . . the mummy.
Joel: What if the Bat is just fooling everybody and just has a guy in a suit?
Crow: That couldn’t happen.
Crow: I looked up anticlimax in the dictionary and it said, “See Aztec Mummy.”
The Robot Vs the Aztec Mummy IMDB Page