1004 – Future War
éééé
Things I liked in the
movie:
The cyborg’s makeup.
Using kids to slow down dinosaurs while you make your escape.
Really really fat dudes.
Impressions
This is a pretty enjoyable episode. Most people I know like it pretty well. What’s weird about the movie itself is that if you were to watch it for 5 minutes in the middle, I’m not sure you’d realize how truly bad it is. As I was trying to put together the synopsis, I realized there is almost no plot, and certainly no meaningful point. If I had to guess, the main point was to show a couple of dinosaurs and some kick-boxing and hope that got enough money to pay the cast. As Crow put it, “This isn’t the future, and it’s not a war.” Precisely. The riffing is pretty funny and most of it is visually based, so it’s hard to list the good riffs without long descriptions.
Synopsis
This is a tough movie to summarize. Essentially what happens is a guy lands on Earth and he’s being chased by some cyborgs who use dinosaurs as bloodhounds. First, I propose to you that no slave of any type has ever been worth a planetary voyage to kill or capture, but suspend disbelief for a moment. He arrives on Earth with no Earth-based language but he knows his ancestors were stolen from Earth eons ago to be bred as slaves for the cyborgs, so Earth is his home, his sanctuary.
As soon as he arrives, he fights off a cyborg and some dinosaurs only to be hit by a car, which is extremely good luck. Because of the accident, he’s taken in by a nun-in-training who takes him to her halfway house for giant fat guys. He’s safe there for a while, but then the dinosaurs find him there and he has to run around fighting them for a while.
The nun-in-training decides this is her cause now, saving this strange, muscular man who kick-boxes cyborgs and alleges to come from space. Because the police are incapable of stopping the cyborgs and dinosaurs, she gathers all the criminals in town and they eventually prevail.
In the final scene, the cyborg master (according to the credits) becomes a kick-boxing training bag as well as an opportunity for the main character (bill as “runaway”) to toss his shirt aside.
There may have been other stuff, but it didn’t really fit into the movie, so I left it out.
Host Segments
Prologue: Crow is using a computer program to determine whether Gypsy is “Once, Twice, or Three Times a Lady.” It turns out she’s 2.7 times a lady. Surprise- Mike is 8 times a lady! On the ground, Pearl says she’s doing secret LSD tests on robots. Mike hooks up the ‘Bots to her testing monitors. Brain Guy and Bobo play acid rock to accompany their trips. We are taken inside the Servo’s brains and we see his frightening trip. He says that’s what he always sees. Meanwhile Crow is freaked out because Mike’s candy bar has changed.
Second: Mike attached legs to Tom Servo so he can finally do some kick-boxing. Gypsy kicks him down with the new leg she made today.
Third: Mike and the ‘Bots realize they’ve never thanked Pearl for not killing them. They call down to thank her for that just as she’s planning to kill them. She feels guilty and cancels the killing. They discover her plan to kill them and they develop mistrust.
Fourth: Crow gives a presentation about water on behalf of the water council. He is dressed up as a water droplet named Droppy. He lists a few thousand uses of water.
Final: Mike wears a big fake chin. On the ground, Brain Guy and Bobo are now hippies and are taking their band on the road. Pearl gives them exploding collars and explodes them.
Stinger: Runaway’s shirt getting “knocked off” in final kick-boxing scene.
Funny Riffs
During the opening scene, a dinosaur attacks a man.
Servo: Dino! No!
The credits show “Cine Excel Entertainment”
Crow: They’re promising entertainment, but I’m not that optimistic.
Runaway throws an empty cardboard box at the cyborg, who easily deflects it.
Tom Servo: Cardboard boxes aren’t working! Try throwing a piece of paper or a cotton ball!
Ann: Thank you for not killing me.
Crow: They should make a Hallmark card for that.
There’s a kid in the room when the dinosaur attacks. Runaway and Ann run away. It seems pretty cowardly.
Mike as Runaway: Glad the dinosaur got the kid. Really distracted him.
Nun: Do you believe in signs?
Crow as Ann: I believe in “yield from right.”
A dinosaur attacks an old man in the forest. The movie cuts away from the dinosaur right as he lunges toward the old man. Later, some people are reading the newspaper.
Tom Servo: A man was snapped at by a forced-perspective puppet today.
Runaway and Ann are wandering down the street. A police car pulls up.
Crow as policeman: I’m supposed to get you folks back in the movie.
When the SWAT team is looking for the dinosaur, we hear shots.
Crow: The dinosaur is skeet shooting off the port bow!
The camera inexplicably shows various buildings and cars.
Crow: These are things. They exist.
Tom Servo: Wow.
Tom Servo: This isn’t a real movie. It’s more of a movie loaf.
Mike: Yeah. It’s made from real movie parts chunked and formed.
Crow: See, I could point out that this isn’t the future and it’s not a war, but you know me. I don’t like to complain.
The giant-faced cyborg approaches.
Tom Servo: Careful. That chin might go off.
Tom: The movie that delivers more “Huh?s” per second.