| The Most Valuable Lessons By Jim Correale (Published in the East Boston Sun Transcript on July 13, 2001.) I ran into a former student of mine recently and asked what he was doing for the summer. "Working construction with my dad," he said. "Oh man�now I know why he comes home so tired every day." I smiled. We often don't realize how hard our parents work until we are well into adulthood. The kid had already learned something important. Then he said, "Now I understand why I have to go to college." I was speechless. No need for me to connect the dots for the teenager. He had already grasped the bigger picture, and I just laughed and nodded. Our society certainly has a need for construction workers -- and custodians and cleaning people and garbage men and many other positions that require physical labor -- but most parents put in long hours of hard work so that their children won't have to take such backbreaking jobs. My father was a laborer. When I was very young he was helping to build a hangar at Logan Airport on a windy day. The staging collapsed and he was hurt badly. The worker who had been next to him died. I'm sure that my dad, if he were alive today, would be happy knowing that I support myself by teaching and writing, instead of having to lug cement or climb staging. I'm sure that the student's father feels the same. Parents and other adults -- relatives, teachers, youth workers, doctors, probation officers, etc. -- only want the best for the young people that we care about, and we are forever trying to convey that information to them. How come they don't listen? It took me a long time to come to terms with that question. For 13 years I worked with teens and younger kids at the Salesian Boys & Girls Club. I tried to offer the best advice I could, to share with Club members what I knew about life -- not because I was any smarter, only because I was a little older and, therefore, had already experienced much of what they were facing. What I found is that they rarely listened. Wait, that isn't true. They almost always listened and nodded politely and then went out and made the mistakes I had cautioned them against making. For a long time I was flabbergasted. Thousands of kids passed through the Club while I was there, and a significant number of them did some pretty dumb things. Only toward the end of my days working for the organization did I begin to understand the pattern that was repeatedly unfolding. The analogy that comes to mind is a young child who touches something hot even after being cautioned by parents not to do so. The child needs to develop his or her own understanding of exactly what "hot" means. Life is about experiencing things yourself. I'm sure that throughout his life people told my student that school is important. I'm sure that his father, weary and filthy after another long day at work, had emphasized the value of an education to the boy. However, only when the teenager experienced hard work for himself did he fully comprehend the lesson. Sometimes we just have to step back and let the young people we care about make their own mistakes. It can be painful to watch, but in the long run it will teach them the most valuable lessons. |