Jimbo Crushes Neighborhood Insurrection
Jimbo put down an insurrection of children in his
neighborhood yesterday. He did so per request of the United States Army.
Jimbo said he received a call from an Army official at about 4:30, and had
each rebel child serving “time out” by 6:00.
According to intelligence reports, the children wanted
control of the neighborhood sidewalks and the outer three tenths of the streets.
The federal government viewed this as a threat to national security, and
asked for Jimbo’s assistance. Jimbo recounts what then transpired:
“When I first went outside, they were in the street, throwing
snowballs and firing artillery at me. So I got in my Jimmy and chased them
until they could run no more. I’d have run over them, but I was out
of gas.”
Jimbo then called for assistance and each child was sent
home. The children each received a sentence of 3-5 weeks of no television
and a bed time of 8:30.