"I wish I could walk away" she sighed just as Jim knocked on the door.
"As soon as forensics have finished you can have your house back".
June shook her head "No I don't want to go back there".
Jims face softened as he looked at June
"You have to go back there sometime."
June knew he was right "Will you come?" She asked hoping he would say yes, how vulnerable did she feel right at this moment.
Jim��s heart leapt of course he would go, "If you want me to," he said as he smiled.
Outside the house they sat in the car looking at the front door. June stared blankly at it, I have to do this I have to go in and face up to my actions and the consequences that have now been left behind, she thought. Jim touched her shoulder
"June do you want me to come in with you?"
As much as she wanted to say yes she couldn't, why? What was she trying to prove to herself, that she could do this on her own, that she was strong, that she didn't need Jim, god knows it all didn't make sense. "No thanks Jim I��m Ok"
They got out of the car walked to the door Jim behind her reaching out for her shoulder but he missed as he said, "You are not ok".
"I can do this give me 10 minutes I will check the house and you can take me back to work. I don't want to be on my own yet in this house."
June went in and collected post. She stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up as she did so Jim touched her back, June turned to him. "I can't do this Jim, I can't do this anymore."
Jim took her and hugged her smoothing her hair, "Sshh sshh June it wasn't your fault."
June pulled away and looked up at him, "Oh you have been dying to say that to me all day, take me back now".
Jim was confused "No June I didn't mean that I..."
June had walked out towards the car.
The journey back was in silence June didn't look at Jim for fear of him seeing her with tears in her eyes.
Later in the canteen.
June couldn't believe the way she had just spoke to Reg and now Jim was joining her at the table.
"Come on June it's not Reg's fault your stressed".
June didn't want to tackle him now but again she could feel an argument coming on with him...
"You're spineless, self pitying and self obsessed".
Jim couldn't believe the woman he loved was saying this; she couldn't mean this, not June. He didn't hear the words that were coming out of her mouth he didn't want to. She stood and looked him in the face,
"Only when I have you're ugly mug in my face do I have problems in my life."
June ran from the canteen tears streaming down her face, how could she say such hurtful things to Jim the only good thing in her life and here she was pushing him away.
She ran to the toilet just as Robbie was on her way out she bumped into her, "Sorry Robbie".
Robbie went back in looked at June and sighed, "June it wasn't your fault no one blames you".
June looked at her tear stained face in the mirror and then at Robbie. "I know Robbie but I blame myself".
Robbie looked at June, "Why don't you go home you need a rest to take it all in you're still in shock".
June nodded, "You're right Robbie if anyone asks I am going home."
Adam Okaro was walking up to the front desk as June was on her way out, "June you shouldn't be here".
"Yes sir I am just going home if that's ok but can I see you tomorrow I think I have made a decision but would like to sleep on it."
Adam touched June on the shoulder "My door is always open for the best Sergeant I have at Sun Hill".
Later Jim was sorting out his desk when Marie called
"When will you be home tonight.?" Jim looked over at June��s desk he had to think quickly on his feet Marie knew about the Monica affair, "Listen I have had to do a double shift as Sgt Ackland has been away today. I wont be in till tomorrow morning at least. The Super has asked me to do a late night obbo." He hated lying but at this moment in time he didn't care all he could think of was June. Marie was ok and said she was going to her sisters for the evening.
Robbie walked over to Jim in the canteen and said, "Jim have you spoken to June since she went home?"
Jim looked up at her, "Didn't know she had gone home Robbie!"
Robbie told Jim what had happened in the toilets, "Jim she needs you more than ever now.��
"What do you mean?"
Robbie smiled and said, "Jim it's obvious how you still feel about her now make it more obvious to her."
As June approached the house her stomach churned she had to do it without Jim she just had to do it. She put the key in the door opened the door stepped in closed the door behind her and sat on the bottom step. She dropped her bag and keys and cried as she did so she cried out the name "JIM."
8.30PM The clock said, she must have got herself up to her room and into bed whilst still crying and slept for a couple of hours. She got up and went into the bathroom her face was flushed and her head was banging, she washed her face and changed and went downstairs. As she was in the kitchen her mobile rang she went into the lounge and picked it up it said-Jim calling! As much as she wanted to she couldn't talk to him. The phone bleeped-��You have a new voice mail�� she played it, "June it's me I didn't know you had gone home, I am here if you ...If you need me. I, I...will see you soon." She held the phone to her ears even the sound of his voice affected her.
The kettle boiled and she was just pouring in the water when the doorbell went, she looked at the clock 9.45pm.She went to the door and as she got to it she could tell from the shadow who it was. But why was he here.............She opened the door it was Monica's husband "Sean what do you want why are you here? Sean was raged as he lunged forward towards June, she held the door tight as she tried to slam it in his face.
"You bitch, you killed Monica, I will make you pay aaahhhh ahhhh get off..."
June looked up as Sean had let go of her hair, "JIM!"
Jim had hold of Sean and pulled him off June, "Call the lads June, call Sun Hill."
Des and Reg were on the scene in no time, "Don't worry Sarge I'll cuff the blurt". Jim was inside with June as Reg came in, "You ok Sarge?"
June looked up and knocked back the glass of brandy Jim had given her,
"I am now Reg, thanks to this, thanks to you and Des and thanks to Jim." She looked up at him and smiled.
As Reg was about to leave June stopped him,
"Listen Reg I didn't mean what I said earlier I know you meant well and I think Mr Okaro got the wrong end of the stick so I'm sorry."
Reg smiled and said, "I know June we've been friends as well as colleagues for too long, get some rest you've had a tough day.��
June smirked, "You can say that again."
Jim walked the lads to the car looked at Sean and looked away again.
"Listen lads keep this discreet please as far as the wife is concerned I'm working nights." Des smiled touched his nose and said to Jim
"Leave it with us JimJim.��
As Jim walked back to the house he laughed it had been years since he had been called that.
In the house June was at the kitchen sink with her back to him as he approached her. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to tell her she was ok, he was here. Before he could finish his thoughts June turned and he could see she was crying, sobbing. He didn't need to think he just went over and gathered her in his arms. She crumpled to the floor sobbing in his arms, with his back against the sink he held her as she cried in his arms.
"Oh Jim what have I done? Why was I so bloody stupid? Why didn't I listen to you? If I had Monica would be here today!"
Jim pulled her head so that he could see her face.
"You did what any Sergeant would have done you wanted to protect her she was your first priority".
"Jim I'm so sorry I should have ........."
Jim couldn't, wouldn't, let her finish, he kissed her to silence her she responded instinctively, then pulled away, "We shouldn't do this I'm upset, you feel sorry for me."
They both got up Jim ordered June into the living room. ��I��ll get another brandy for you, I��ll have coffee.�� As he went in she was cuddled up on the couch feet tucked up under chin a position that always endeared her to him. He handed the brandy to her she took it and drank it in one go. "Hey you're supposed to sip that!".
June smiled, "I know, now get me another please."
As Jim sat next to her he paused he needed to know, "Did you mean what you said to me in the canteen?"
June looked up and brushed her hair away, "God I can be nasty when I get going ey?" She smiled and with her hand touched his face "Jim I am really sorry you don't have an ugly mug at all!!!"
They both laughed as Jim looked at her and said "Hey well done a smile the first I've seen all day from you, you see you can do it."
June put down her drink and turned to Jim, "You were right I was blinded about Monica I was ignoring all you said and you were right about her and Dominic. You have a good coppers nose I should know better than to question that instinct you have. I am sorry please forgive me, I would hate for us to lose our friendship Jim."
Jim looked away friendship, how can he show her he wanted more, how can he tell her his marriage is a sham and that if Mickey Webb hadn't of arrived when he did in the cellar he would have kissed her then and told her his marriage was going to be a mistake.
"Jim can you forgive me?"
"Of course I can June, you and me make a good team whenever we've been on a case together we have always backed each other because we know how the other works."
June looked at him she wanted to tell him first, "Jim tomorrow I'm going to ask Mr Okaro if I can go back into uniform!"
"What!!! You cannot be serious CSU needs you, I need you!"
June stared at him, "What did you say?"
"CSU needs you!"
"Yeah I heard that bit the bit after I am interested in".
Jim touched her cheek and stocked it the sensation bought back so many memories for June of nights they had spent together his fingers on her face made her eyes close.
"I said I needed you but what I wanted to say was that, that well you must know, even Robbie knows!"
June opened her eyes, Jim knew she knew but at this moment she had to hear it to believe it, Jim kissed her softly on the cheek his breath touching her as he said, "I need you but I love you more."
June responded to the words by cupping his face with her hands and kissing him their lips met, the kiss was soft and gentle. That's the Jim she knew, that's the Jim she loved, that's the Jim she wanted back in her life.
That's the Jim that's married! As soon as the thought crossed her mind she pulled away.
"Darling what's wrong?'"
June got off the couch walked into the kitchen she needed coffee. Jim followed her, "June what is it, what did I do?"
"You got married that's what you did!"
Jim sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, this is what would come between them forever if he didn't tell her now make her understand his mistake.June sat with him if she said anymore she would push him away and married or not she didn't want to do that.
"Where does Marie think you are?"
"On a late night obbo".
"Jim I don't want an affair with you I've done that with Gordon Wray and look what a mistake that turned out to be."
"June I don't want an affair with you either...I want you in my life forever."
"Jim how, how can it be done?"
Jim looked at her "can we go into the lounge I need to talk to you and it could be a long night ahead, that's if you want to listen?"
June walked over pulled him out of his seat and kissed him, "does that tell you your answer, of course I will listen."
Jim sat her down on the couch and said "well here goes but before I begin I want you to know I love you have always and will always love you."
June smiled at him she knew at this precise moment in time she couldn't love him any more than she did now.
Jim went over to the window he wasn't sure if he could bare to look at her when he told her what had been going on the past few months.
"That day in the cellar Tony was right it was fate I had to see your true reaction to me getting married to realise that I was making a very big mistake. When I saw your face when you said you were going to play dirty to stop me, I don't think I ever loved you as much. Then when I hugged you I so badly wanted to kiss you and I was when Mickey opened the door. For some reason when we got out I saw Marie and thought I can't let someone else down. After all Tony had had great pleasure in telling me I had let so many down, well I couldn't let Marie down too." He turned to look at June; she nodded at him to go on.
"Even in the register office I don't know what I expected when the words, ��If any one here has just cause etc��, well I don't know what I was expecting but it didn't happen. The honeymoon well...."
June coughed "Erm Jim spare me the details".
"No, no June not that I started drinking and Marie said it made me a better person more fun to be with so I had a few more. The day after she said I hit her in the hotel room, I, I, I don't remember doing it."
June got up spun him round by the shoulders, "Jim there is no way you hit that evil bitch, I'm sorry Jim many things you are but that no way!"
Jim sat down. "You see I don't remember and anyway two nights later she said I did it again and she hit me back.
The next morning I woke up with this cut above my eye. I apologised and she ignored me for two days - bliss really."
June looked at his face "So your first day back that cut above your eye, that was her, she did that to you."
Jim nodded he had to tell her the rest now.
"I played her at her own game though last week she poured me drinks from a whisky bottle I had changed to cold tea unbeknown to her a few weeks ago when I had first started drinking. I acted drunk and, and well half way through the night she went berserk she came at me with fists, kicking and screaming calling me a wife beater and how she hated me."June was shocked "Oh my god Jim don't you see you are the victim of domestic violence not her."
Jim put his head in his hands and cried June went over to him "Sshh darling I am here tell me all of it please."
"I questioned her about it the next day, she denied it and said even if I did tell anyone who would believe me, most cases they always believe the woman. She is right June and not only that how can I look anyone in the face when they find out I can't tell anyone."
June pulled him round he had told her now she had to tell him about the night of the wedding she needed to see his reaction to that.
Jim looked at her he wanted her he could see in her brown eyes she did love him and that would give him the strength he needed to do whatever he had to do to get back to her.
"Jim you've been honest with me. Now I need to tell you something. The night of your wedding I left early and couldn't get a cab and I did something daft, decided to walk home. Anyway I was attacked he took my bag and beat me to the ground."
Jim grabbed her and held her closely to him "Oh my god who the hell has touched you I will kill them, who is dealing with the case? Are there any leads?"
June put her head in his chest she could smell him and she cried as she told him. "I, well I didn't tell anyone, well Polly and she tried to get me to report it but I didn't."
"Are you mad you need to report it this nutter may attack another woman June you must report it."
June looked at Jim "Ok I will if you report Marie!!"
"Whoa, whoa I don't know about that."
"Jim do you love me?"
"You know I do".
"Do you want to be with me?"
"More than I have ever wanted anything in my life."
"Don't you see this is your chance to free yourself from her and I am telling you this there is no way I am going to stand by and watch the man I love get beaten by some mad woman."
Jim laughed out loud "Des was right".
"What you on about?"
"Des he said in the canteen on my wedding day he reckoned Marie was mad, well he was right."
June looked up at the clock 2.30am "Pretty long shift your doing?"
Jim looked at his watch and smiled "The shifts not over till 9am so I am not going anywhere".
June got up and held her hand out to Jim she pulled him up, put her arms around his head and pulled him in to her. He kissed her so passionately her knees buckled. He scooped her up in his arms and headed for the door.
"I take it your staying Jim Carver?"
"Well unless you tell me to put you down it looks that way June Ackland-oh sorry that's Sergeant Ackland to me!"
"Oh I will tell you to put me down but only when you get up to my, sorry our, bedroom you can put me down on the bed."Jim kissed her all the way up the stairs. As he approached the bedroom he stopped and looked around. He had missed this, the house, the room. He lay her down on the bed softly and hovered above her, as he looked into her eyes his lips barely touching hers, "Are you sure about this?"
June��s lips brushed his and she whispered to him, "I've never been more sure I want this more than ever I have missed you."
Slowly Jim unbuttoned her blouse stroking her has he did so June just beamed at him the beautiful smile that told him she was enjoying this. He gently pulled off her blouse as she began to take off his shirt.
As his shirt fell to the floor she scratched her fingers up and down his back as he moaned and called out her name. She unbuckled his belt as he tugged at her underwear before they knew it they were both naked. June stood up pulled Jim off the bed and onto the rug on the bedroom floor. That was where they had made love the first time she asked him back to the house.
Jim shivered and went to put the fire on June was kneeling on the rug looking at Jim she had missed everything there was to miss about his body. Jim kneeled next to her and smiled.
"What you smiling at?"
Jim pulled her down, "I am smiling at how beautiful you are."
She pushed Jim down and sat above him with her legs either side she felt him ease himself into her as she moved her body up and in time with him. Jim kissed her shoulders biting as he felt himself about to orgasm he knew it was close as he could hear June whisper how much she loved him just as they both came she kissed him hard and he rolled her over so that he was on top of her. He hadn't finished with her just yet she lifted her legs high and wrapped them around him as they began again they were both breathing quickly and June was stroking his back with the heel of her foot. The more she did this the more Jim had to give to her. As they came again and again they called out each other��s name.
"Well where did you get that energy from?" June said snuggling into his back and kissing it.
Jim laughed, "Me I was just about to say the same to you."
They both lay there in each other��s arms Jim rolled over so he could feel the heat from the fire on his back. He brushed her fringe from her eyes and stroked her face with one finger down the side of her cheek. "I love you".
June opened her eyes and saw in his eyes her future "I love you to".
He pulled her into him kissed her and gently ran his fingers down her back. "We're agreed tomorrow we go in and report what we have to".
"I will agree if you promise me one thing".
Jim could see the mischievous glint in her eye he liked that side to June. "What am I promising now".
She brushed his lips with hers and smiled "Oh Mr Caver you're going to promise me many more nights like this to come for a very very long time."
Jim held her and said "this isn't the road back to where we were but we're on the road ahead to our future and as far as I'm concerned that's you, me, this rug and this fire forever, well as long as I have the energy to keep up with you."
June kissed him, "I'm sure we will have enough energy to keep us going for a long time come, now where were we........ahhhhh yes that's were we were."
Jim laughed as she rolled on top of him again and to think the shift still wasn't over yet.