June smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly
�People will get such a shock when they find out won�t they?� she said as she wrapped herself around him
�I doubt it, they have probably figured out that we are back together, they have probably taken bets on how long it would take for us to get back together�
�That�s true, it�s been six months now and know one has guessed yet�
�Tony was ok about it, we did the right thing in telling him everything first, at least I got the chance to rebuild a few bridges with him�
�That�s true, we all said some horrible things in that cellar�
�I should have listened to you that day, then I would not have got into the mess that I did�
�Don�t punish yourself Jim, you were not to know what a nightmare it would be�
�I know and if it was not for you, if you had not been in A&E that night and made me see sense, then who knows where I would be�
�Don�t think about the past, we look to the future now, a fresh start�
�Exactly, this time no screw up�s, at least with you not being in CSU it will be easier to have a relationship without everyone watching every single move we make at work�
Gina watched June and Jim talking on the stairs, June had confided in Gina about the collapse of Jim�s marriage and their renewed relationship. Gina was glad to see them both so happy, it was evident to everyone that they were back together but no-one dared ask, the relief were glad to see them happy again. Gina took her cup of coffee from the machine as June came down the stairs
�With those grins you are going to give the game away�
�I know and I don�t care, we are happy and don�t care what anyone else thinks�
�Good that is the way to look at things..........Are you two coming to the pub tonight�
�Yeah, probably won�t stay long, Jim doesn�t really know Gabriel, if he was not one of my probationers I doubt if I would be going�
�It should be a good laugh, he has fitted in well�
�Yeah he has, he is a nice bloke, got a lot of enthusiasm, a bit like Gary, but with common sense, unlike Pc Best�
Gina laughed �That would not be too difficult, if Gary Best�s brain cells were dynamite he would not have the power to push out a fart�
June came downstairs drying her hair as Jim came through the front door �Busy day darling� she asked as Jim shut the front door and hung up his coat
�Not really, spent most of the afternoon dreaming about you, I watched you walk away from the station and I wanted to be leaving with you and now I have come home to find your wearing nothing but a towel and I wish I had done now�
He stepped forward and pulled her closer to him
�Behave yourself, we are going out in an hour, we have not got the time�
�What? , Not even five minutes?�
�No, we have got a table booked for 7:30, I promise I will make it up to you later� she kissed him �I promise�
�Good I will hold you to that�
�Just you do that�
�How are things going between you?� Tony asked Jim as they stood at the bar
�Things are good, they are better than that, look Im glad we have been able to start again, your friendship does mean a lot to me�
�Yeah me too, thank you for being honest with me, I know that it could not have been easy for you to do so, any way it is water under the bridge�
�That is what June said�
�She is one smart woman� said Tony �It must be odd with June back in uniform and you being in CSU�
�It is a bit but it is nice to know that she is going to be at home when I get home and she has been on early�s�
�That is what it is all about, knowing that someone is there when you come home�
�Happy Birthday Gabriel� said June as Jim handed him a drink
�Thanks Sarge, Jim...........so are the rumours true?�
�What rumours?� asked Jim as other members of uniform gathered round
�Yes it�s true� said June �We are back together�
�Nice one� said Nick �I think this is cause for a double celebration�
�Can I have a word in private Sarge?�
�Of course, what�s up� said June as Gabriel opened the door to the pub garden
�Ever since I came to Sun Hill I�ve tried to find the opportunity to tell you.....I�ve had this moment planned in my head for years but now when the time has arrived the words have left my brain and my mind is completely blank�
�Why what is it?�
�Gabriel Kent is not my real name........my real name is Robert, Robert Ackland, I am your son�
June looked in horror �Robert? .......Oh my god........why now?�
�I have known since I was six that I had been adopted and have spent each birthday I have wished that I could spend it with my real mum and this year I have�
�This is why you have done all this? ...........it is not that simple, why did you have to do this�
�Please Mum..........�
�Don�t call me that.....if you knew you would not do this� June began to get upset �You have no right to ruin things for me�
�Me ruin things for you? ..........have you any idea how it feels to find out that your mother did not want you..... be given up as you were an inconvenience to their life?�
�It was nothing like that....things were not that simple�
�You mean a baby did not feature in your plans to be a great copper�
�I was 16.......there was no other choice, it was what you did then�
�You aren�t the type of person who does things just to please others...........what about my father didn�t he want me, couldn�t he help�
�It was none of his business�
�So he never knew about me...he may have supported you�
�He wouldn�t, just believe me and drop this�
�No� both June and Gabriel had tears flowing down their faces �Please tell me the truth........ please?�
�The truth� screamed June �The truth will kill you inside, like it would have if I had kept you.......I did not need a constant reminder of what had happened�
�Nothing is that bad, please just tell me, I have a right to know where I came from�
�The truth, you want to know regardless of what it will do to you� He nodded at her � I was raped..........your father raped me, he raped a schoolgirl�
Gabriel froze in horror � I.....I should not have pushed you........I�m sorry�
June slumped onto the bench and started to sob, Gabriel looked at her, unsure what to do, knowing he had pushed June too far and he was the one person that she would not want to comfort her. Gabriel headed back to the door, just as he went to open it Gina Gold appeared in the doorway
�You ok?� asked Gina as she looked at Gabriel�s tear streaked face
�Yeah Im fine thanks Ma�am, just drunk a bit too much I think�
�Oh ok, if anyone asks you have not seen me, the drinking games have started�
�Seen who?� Gabriel smiled
Gina laughed as she shut the door behind Gabriel, she sat sown at a table and was about to light up when she heard sobbing, she looked across the garden and saw June
�June......... what�s wrong� she asked as she rushed over to her and put her arm around her
�Why does everything in my life always gets ruined, each time I am happy something comes along and ruins it�
�What�s happened? .......have you and Jim had a fight?�
�No this is my problem, something I did which has just blown up in my face, why did I think that this day would never come, that my past would catch me out, ruin things like it did back then�
�What�s happened� Gina repeated her question, she was baffled by June�s words, wondering if this was any connection to Gabriel being clearly upset
�Why did he have to come here?�
�Who?�
�Robert�
�Who is Robert?�
�Gabriel is Robert�
�Gabriel? , Is this to do with him?�
�He is my son, Gabriel is my son, Robert.........I gave him up for adoption when I was 16, he�s just told me......he want to spend his birthday with his real mother, hence why we are all here tonight.........I told him...........he knows....the truth?�
�The truth?�
�I was raped, he kept pushing to know who his father was, I didn�t tell wanted to tell him� June dissolved into tears again
�Oh June......�Gina comforted her �What can I do, shall I get Jim?�
�No, please� June bolted upright �He does not know anything about this, I have never told anyone before, you are the only person who knows, please don�t tell him, I need to get things sorted in my head before I can tell him, I don�t want to lose him again�
�So no-one else knows�
Only my parents, it�s one of the reasons why I looked after my dad when he was ill, I have spent my life thinking that I did not deserve to be happy after giving my child away.............did not have the right to a family, husband to be happy, I never met the right man, well I did but never did anything about it until he told me he felt the same about me and then it was too late to do anything about it�
�June you were a child, you were the victim here, you did not ask for any of it, stop punishing you, you need to talk to Jim...�
He is going to be so upset, I have known him nearly 21 years and have never told him, even when we were together before I never felt that it was the right thing to do, he is going to.....�
�June he loved you, you have a strong bond which is unbreakable, he will support you through this�
�I can�t, not yet, not till I have got it sorted in my head�
�June he is going to realise something is wrong, he is not stupid, you have already been through the worse of things, you don�t need to cope with this alone, he loves you with all his heart and will support you through this, you have been there for him when he needed support, now use him to help you with this.............just talk to him June�
June froze at the office door as she saw Jim come down the stairs from CSU, she had left the house before he had woken, she was grateful for this after last night�s revelation she was unsure about a lot of things, including her relationship with Jim.
He had realised that something was wrong, they had left the party early, June blaming her change of mood on being tired, she knew that Jim did not believe this but he was happy to not push the issue and left with her.
Despite saying fewer than10 words to Jim before she went to bed, he instinctively wrapped his arms around June when he got into bed, just letting her know that he was there for her when she felt ready to talk about what was bothering her.
She spent most of the night awake just clinging to Jim, that feeling of safety and that nothing could harm her with him beside her, that he would protect her, that feeling of having someone so close to you, those feelings that she had felt suffocated by in previous relationships but with Jim they made her feel loved, special and protected.
�Morning beautiful� he said as he kissed her �I woke up to an empty bed this morning, the alarm went off and rather than being greeted by extremely sexy and beautiful lady I was greeted by a cold space�
�Sorry I could not sleep and I knew there was this lot waiting for me� she indicated the pile of paper work on her desk
�That�s ok I found your note..........I know something is wrong June, you were happy one minute and the next minute you wanted to go home�
�Sorry I was tired, that is all, don�t worry Jim�
�You sure?� he smiled at her, her face could not help but smile back�
�Yes� she lent forward and kissed him passionately �You worry too much�
�Yep and that is why you love me� Jim said as he disappeared up the corridor
She smiled as she watched him, the smile quickly disappeared as she caught site of Gabriel
�Sarge, Can I?
�Im busy� June snapped as she retreated into the office and slammed the door.
June paced the floor of the lounge, she stopped as she heard keys rattle in the lock, she knew that this had to be done now, she could no longer hide this from Jim, she had brushed it under the carpet all those years ago, she had to confront it now, not let it steal all her happiness like it had done all the years since.
She had something to fight for, she could not lose Jim, they had been through so much to stay together and this could not ruin things. She knew she could trust Jim with this secret, she knew all of his and it was her turn to need support.
She meet him in the hall way, he turned to regard her, the expression on his face changed dramatically when he saw the upset in her eyes
�Darling what�s wrong?�
�We need to talk.........I need to talk to you�
He walked in to the lounge and sat on the sofa
�There is no easy way to tell you this..........�
�What it is? , June you are scaring me, is it us? , Do you want to finish it?
�No, please I need you to listen to me please�
Jim nodded
�When I was 16, I was had a son?�
�You what?� Jim was shocked by June�s revelation
�I gave him up for adoption......I did what was right, I could not keep him............I was raped�
�Oh June..........why have you never said�
�I did not know how to, it is not exactly the best subject to start a conversation with is it?�
�Then why now?�
�Yesterday was his birthday and for the first time since I gave birth to him.................. I was confronted by him�
�Did he come here?�
�No it was at the pub......at the party�
�At Gabriel�s Party?
�Yes........Gabriel......he told me....he told me he wanted to spend a birthday with his real mother....� tears were now flowing from June�s eyes �He wanted to know .......he had the romantic idea that...he kept pushing and I told him the truth......� She looked at Jim �Please.....say something.....Jim?�
�I don�t know what to say..........I need sometime to think.......I�m gonna go home�
He got up from the sofa and made his way to the front door
�Please Jim, don�t go, don�t shut me out....it was so hard to tell you�
�I know it was.........that is what hurts me, we have been through so much together, known each other for so long and suddenly know you hit me with something so devastating, something that if this had not happened I would still not know about�
�I did not know how to......I wanted to tell you so many times�
�Why didnt you?, you know everything about me........for god sake I told you what Marie was doing to me, I thought you trusted me, I trusted you...but you are no better than she was....�
�How dare you compare me with her, I would never hurt you like she did�
�Not in the same way she did no, but this hurts me more than anything she did.......I can accept that I did not know Marie when we got married, but you.....I thought I knew everything about you but now I discover I don�t know you at all and that hurts more than.....�
June grabbed Jim�s arm as he opened the front door
�Leave me alone� he shouted as he peeled her fingers from his arm
�Please stay, let�s talk about this�
�At this moment in time things are past talking, I don�t know what I want to do at the moment, all I know is I can�t stay here�
June collapsed to the floor in tears as she watched Jim�s shadow disappear down the path, how could she have got things so wrong?, she thought Jim would have understood and supported her, maybe all he has been through had changed him, maybe the old Jim might have understood better.
She had wanted to tell him so many times when they were first together if only she had done, he might of understood things a bit more and their relationship may have worked.
She closed her eyes as she could hear Jims words ring in her brain, those words that hurt her as they left his lips, that look in his eyes.
It was happening all over again, it had ruined her life in the past and it was now ruining the present and her future.
Jim was the first man to make her feel so special, given her the chance to be happy and forget about the past, she knew that what he said was true, if Gabriel had not revealed who he was Jim would still be unaware of her secret.
They had been through so much to be together and she did not want this to tear apart her and Jim�s happiness.
�Gina?� Jim was rather intrigued to why his inspector was on his doorstep at 10pm, though he could take a guess to why she had come round
�Who the hell do you think you are and what gave you to walk out when she needed you�
�Gina this has nothing to do with you, what June and I argue about is our business�
�It is my business when I have to pick up the pieces, watch a close friend battle with one of the hardest things she has faced, something she has dealt with since she was 16........she turned to you for support, she thought the man she loves would help her, support her....but no, you have to turn against her, what gives you the right Jim�
Gina turned to walk away
�You have no idea Gina........no ides how it feels to hear...� Jim began to cry � to hear the woman you love tell you that some bastard raped her�
�It is times like this I wished that I still drank�
�Don�t be stupid Jim� Gina said as she handed Jim a cup of tea �You would be no use to June then�
�I can�t believe I acted the way I did, said what I did...I compared her to Marie.....I was so upset to think that anyone could to that to June, cause her so much pain and suffering...........the night in A&E she said something about she did not have the right to be happy, I wondered what she meant, it must be because of this......why did I have to be such an idiot.....when she told me, a voice in my heart told me to hug her, protect her , whilst this voice in my head kept telling me that I was idiot, how could I be fooled by another woman that I loved........I tried to ignore it but I could not......Oh Gina want have I done, she need my support and I pushed her away�
�Jim you were upset, that is understandable, go and see her, explain things�
�I can�t, she wont want to know�
�You are the only person she wants at the moment, the only persons love and support she wants is yours, so don�t be pig headed, go and see her�
�How is she?, I did not want to leave her in that state, but I did not know what to do�
�Look why don�t I take you back and you can see for yourself, talk things through, tell her what you have told me�
�That would be good, thanks Gina, thanks for making me see sense�
June opened the front door
�I bought someone to see you� said Gina as Jim turned round from the shadows, Jim and June�s eyes met, they both had tears forming, he pulled her into his embrace as she clung to him and dissolved in tears
�Ssh, Everything is going to be ok, I promise.......I never meant a word I said, every horrible word, I had no right......I love you and I am never going to leave you, we will get through things together�
�I will see you tomorrow�
Jim nodded to Gina as she left them on the door step
�Why did you react the way you did?�
He took hold of her hand �I could not bear the thought that someone could do something so horrible to you, cause you so much anguish, I never meant to run out on you like that, I hate myself for doing so.....Im also very sorry for comparing you to Marie�
�It�s ok we both said things that we should not have�
�But I should not have reacted the way I did, you wanted me to listen and I should have done that....do you want to talk now?�
�I would love a bath�
�Why don�t you run a bath and I will get you a glass of wine, scrub your back and you can talk and I will listen�
�Im tired, can we talk tomorrow?�
�Yeah, no problem, whenever you want to�
�Thanks Jim, thank you for coming back�
�What are you doing sat in the dark?� June shivered as she walked towards the dinner table where Jim was sat �It�s cold, come back to bed�
�I can�t sleep at the moment� he smiled at her and put his arms around her waist �Why don�t you go back and I will come up in bit�
�No I�m staying here with you........Do you want a cup of tea?�
�Yeah, how you feeling?�
June filled the kettle and turned it on �Extremely tired and relieved, I have carried that secret around for years and never dealt with it and now I feel, I don�t know, I can�t find the words�
�Give it a try, it might help�
June smiled �I love you so much and am glad I have you with me...My parents were devastated when the found out the truth, I did not want to tell them, I tried to ignore the signs that I was pregnant and I was about five months gone when my parents found out, Mum had worked it out and when she asked me I could not answer her as I had never actually got confirmation that I was, it was too late to do anything about it.....we had a huge argument, she demanded to know who�s it was, I tried to fob her off but I had to tell them....... they were really good.........once I had the baby things went back to normal I got on with my life and it was never spoken about again, until when mum died...she told me how proud she was of me, how she was glad I had got on with my life, how she wished she had supported me more after I had the baby..she told me to find happiness with someone who was special and I would know who that would be as I would feel able to tell them about it...she was right, you are the only man I have felt that I could tell this. The night Mum died, Dad and I talked for hours, they felt like they had let me down as they had been unable to protect me form what happened, this made me feel bad that my parents had never been able to get over what had happened, the fact that I had learnt to deal with it and they never had. I hated my parent for a while as they where no help to me, never once did I stop to think how this had effected them........when dad became ill I felt as if I owed it to him to be there for him as he had tried to be there for me.
Dad said that once he was dead I could finally forget what had happened, that it could never rob my life again as no one else alive knew the truth and I suppose that is what I did, until yesterday, I never once thought that Robert would come looking for me, I thought I would be angry when he did, but....I don�t know how or what to feel�
�When he told you how he was, how did it feel?�
June poured two cups of it and took them over to Jim �I don�t know.........I suppose at first I was happy that he wanted to meet me, happy in a strange way, they I realised that I would have to tell him the truth, that got me so angry, the one thing I had spent my life not acknowledging suddenly smacking me in the face, I don�t know how I feel, all I know is that my son deserves an explanation, he deserves the truth......I can�t do it on my on Jim�
Jim took hold of her hand �You will not be on your own June I promise, we will do this together, you are not alone this time, don�t forget that�