She had been home for almost a week now, Jim had arrived at the hospital to take her home, she had laughed when the nurse entered her room and told her, her fianc� was here, the title was going to take a bit of getting used to. The two of them left the ward hand in hand, with Jim supporting June, although she had been walking around the ward unaided she still let him assist her, any excuse to be close to him.
When he opened the door to her house she could immediately see that he had been busy, there was definitely food in the oven and upon entering the living room she found, the room immaculate and more fresh flowers, her house had never looked so inviting and she had never been so glad to be home and she was never more glad that he was with her.
"Jim there beautiful! You really didn't have to." She turned from the flowers and smiled at him.
"I know." He smiled knowingly took a step closer to her and kissed her gently on the lips. "Dinner won't be long, sit down and relax and I'll see to everything," he said ushering her towards the sofa.
"Jim I've been sitting down for weeks now, I'm bored doing that, there must be something I can do to help, just something low key, I know how predatory you get in the kitchen" she said half laughing.
"Don't think lady, that because your convalescing that I'm gonna go easy on you" he said mockingly shaking his finger at her, "but if you really want to help I'm sure I can find you something" He stood back and allowed her to pass through in front of him going towards the kitchen and he followed her placing a supporting hand on the small of her back.
Jim had let June have the mammoth task of peeling the potatoes, sitting down of course. Jim, needless to say, never let up on her culinary skills or as he put it, the lack of them and the two of them laughed hard over the reminiscences of her attempts at cooking.
"I wasn't bad at everything!" June said through her laughter
"No not everything, but mostly everything" Jim laughed
"I didn't think I was bad at desserts"
"Well that's true, you can't burn them!" Jim laughed and then ran for cover as June sat up, jumped off her stool and said, "Right that's it!"
"Okay, okay I'm sorry, I'm sorry no more jokes, I will complain no more, you are an excellent chief, you're especially fantastic at desserts" he said as she approached him
"I'm glad you think so, I was beginning to think you had forgotten how inventive I could be with strawberries and cream" she looked at him suggestively. They both looked and smiled at each other simultaneously as a certain memory replayed for them, before their laughter took over. Jim's arms engulfed June into a hug and her arms moved over his shoulders and down his back, this was the first time they had had such close intimate contact since before they had split up, the two of them stood in the middle of the kitchen, tightening their grip on each other as if they would never let go. It had been a long time, too long and for as much as they had dreamt about this moment, the reality was so much better and the two of them savoured every second.
The hug was suddenly broken by June's gasp and Jim came back from the hug and saw June hold her stomach.
"Are you okay? What is it?" he said his voice panicked
"I'm fine, I'm fine, to much potato peeling probably, I'll be fine, I might just go and sit down thought," she said reassuring him as her pain eased
"Are you sure you don't want me to call the doctor? Just to be on the safe side" he said as she started away from him.
"No honestly I'm fine it's just twinges, not uncommon after surgery, I'll just go and have a comfy seat, will you cope?"
"Don't you worry about me, go on and sit down, I'll be through in a bit"
Jim refrained from laying the table and gave June dinner on a tray on her lap so she could remain in a comfortable chair, but all through their meal he found himself watching her like a ticking bomb, conscious of every move she made. The episode in the kitchen had unnerved him, she was so precious to him, now more than ever and if all of this had taught him anything, it was he really couldn't contemplate a life without her and it hurt him to think that it took her almost dying to make him realise that, it killed him to think of her in pain. He had prayed, something he never did, but prayed he did after they had rushed her into theatre that day, the mere remembrance of that day could bring tears to his eyes.
"I'm finished! That was lovely, my compliments to the chief" June said with satisfaction. "Jim are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine," he said covering his teary memory. "Good girl, for finishing your dinner, you're allowed some dessert."
"It's not strawberries and cream is it?" she said as she winked at him.
"No it's not you saucy madam," he laughed as he rose from his seat and lifted June's tray from her lap "It's a surprise"
"You were always good at those!" she laughed
The evening progressed and they sat contented in each other's company as they watched TV. June lay propped up against Jim on the sofa, again he found himself watching her rather than the television, he watched as she sat captivated by the screen, those eyes, those amazing seductive eyes that could draw you into the moment.
He watched each steady breath that she took, the rise and fall of her chest, watching each one with reassurance, she was here and she was going to be fine and she was with him. He let his eyes go further as if scanning her body, he had forgotten how slim and toned she was, he closed his eyes and smiled as memories cascaded through his mind to the first time they slept together, he couldn't get enough of her, he remembered questioning to himself what a woman like her was doing with a man like him, but she alleviated any doubts he had when she had whispered in his ear 'I want you', he had been in heaven.
And that first night they had 'made love' after Luke and Kerry's engagement party, he had almost given up hope that she would ever tell him she loved him, and that evening she spend the night proving to him that she did, they had made love until the early hours, they only finally stopped as June needed some sleep before work.
He suddenly opened his eyes, 'No' he thought ' this is dangerous territory, June is far too weak for me to be getting any of those ideas'.
Later in the evening, he could see she was tired and he insisted she go to be, she declined his help for climbing the stairs or getting ready for bed but the went up with her anyway, when she was all tucked up in bed, she was clearly worn-out, he could see her eyes were already closed and he turned to leave the room.
"Where are you going?" she muttered with her eyes still closed
"Well I didn't think that I should......." Jim faltered
"There is more than enough room for two," she said as she swung the duvet back, "Don't think I'm up to much tonight though"
"Don't be daft I'm not such a low life that I would ravish you in your weakened state"
"Weakened my foot, it's just been a long day, I'm fine, I'm just so glad to be back in my own bed" she said being taken over by sleep.
"I'll just go back down and put everything off, I'll be back up in a bit," he said creeping out the room and closing the door.
June awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and so relived to be waking up in her own house. She glanced over at the other side of her bed and found it empty and clearly not slept in. She got up, put on her dressing gown and made her way downstairs to find Jim. She entered the living room and found him asleep on the sofa, she smiled at the sight of him and walked over to the sofa and kneeled in front of it.
He looked so peaceful when he slept; she remembered how she often found herself watching him sleep when they had first been together and how often he had awoken with a start to find her staring at him, he didn't seem to understand she just loved watching him, and she had missed it when he was gone.
The thoughts of those first few days after he moved out brought tears to her eyes, never in her life before had she loved a man so completely and his absence had left such a gap in her life. She hadn't noticed how much of her independence she had given up, when she and Jim were living together, until he was gone, suddenly she was back in her 'normal' life but it wasn't enough, she missed Jim so much.
June had believed that she would be able to get over him with time, as she had done with previous relationships, but seeing him everyday, working beside him had often proved difficult. June knew deep down that the kind of love that they had shared over the time they had been together would not just disappear and in the end she stopped trying to deny it, to herself anyway and tried to content herself loving him from afar. But here he was he was, back, it had been a strange and turbulent journey for them both, but here they were back together and with a wedding to plan. 'No more looking back' she thought.
"Your looking at me aren't you?" Jim suddenly uttered with his eyes still shut.
"How predictable am I, yes I was, I just wanted to know if you were okay, you didn't come up to bed last night" she said waiting for his eyes to open.
"No I'm sorry I came back down and watched the news and I must have fallen asleep. How did you sleep? Are you feeling okay today?" he said as he finally opened his eyes and began to sit up.
"Me I'm fine, top of the world, in fact I could go back to work today if they would let me." June stated
"No way, not until the doctor says you are fit enough to go, do you hear me?" he said deadly serious
"Oh your so grumpy in the mornings, and yes sir I hear you, is this how we are going to start married life with you ordering me about" June smiled
Jim lifted his hands and put them on her cheeks.
"I don't want anything to happen to you, do you know how precious you are to me?" he said and June saw the seriousness in his eyes.
They looked at each other for the longest time, silently registering how important they were to each other. June could tell how badly the accident had affected him, she had seen it in his eyes and heard it in his voice when he had visited her in the hospital, she wouldn't have dared make light of his concern.
"Yes I know," she said quietly never taking her eyes from his.
"Come on" he said breaking their eye contact, "lets go and you can make me some breakfast" he got up and walked to the living room door, "I'll watch, to make sure you don't burn my cornflakes" he laughed.
She quickly reached for a cushion and pretended to throw it at him and Jim quickly disappeared to the kitchen, she laughed as she followed him through.
The next six days progressed much the same, they talked and laughed so easily with each other, they never ran out of things to say and Jim would fill her in on the goings on at the station because she was missing work, on the whole they had settled back into to domesticity together like they had never been apart, Jim hadn't officially moved back in but he had stayed every night, just popping to his house before work occasionally for some more clothes.
He had slept beside her every night although most nights she had gone to bed before him, she never realised sitting around the house all day could be so tiring, but she slept more soundly with the knowledge he was beside her. But as the days wore on, June was feeling stronger and more like her old self and began to think more and more about her and Jim sealing their reunion and engagement by making love.
She had adored that side of their relationship; the two of them were so compatible in that department, right from the word go, never in her life had she experienced that kind of intimacy with anybody. For it had been with Jim, that for the first time in her life, that she finally understood the meaning of making love and she was becoming very eager to experience that feeling once more.
On Saturday morning she woke up and was so happy to see Jim still in bed asleep, it was his day off, so she snuggled up against his chest and lay contently watching him until she saw him rouse ten minutes later.
"Morning sleepy head" she said as his eyes opened
"Morning to you too, how did you sleep?" he asked still half sleeping.
"Great, I'd forgotten how well you heat the bed" she said smiling
"Are you inferring that I am full of hot air?" he said "because if you are, I tell you, I'd forgotten how you wriggle in bed," he said laughing
"I don't wriggle, I just follow the heat" she nestling back down onto him
"No you wriggle!" Jim whispered under his breath.
"I heard that! Right that's it!" June yelled trying to hold in her laugh and she started tickling Jim.
She had not heard him laugh like this for a long time; his half-hearted attempts at yelling at her to stop were lost through his laughter.
"Who's a wriggler now?" June laughed
"Okay woman you asked for it!" Jim said as he grabbed June's wrists and pushed her back over on to her back as he towered above her.
"Oh what are you going to do with me now?" June said still laughing. She looked up at Jim who suddenly looked remorseful and he released his grip on her instantly.
"Nothing I'm gonna let you get up and have breakfast and I'll go and have a shower" he said as he backed away from her and disappeared out of the room towards the bathroom.
'What had just happened?' she thought, had she imagined it, there had been real potential there for them to make love just then and he walked away. She started to feel a bit concerned, he never used to need invitation, but they still hadn't consummated their new found togetherness and they had been in such close proximity now for nearly a week and he hadn't made a move towards her.
He kissed her in the mornings before he left for work and again when he came home, but now she thought, he hadn't really had any other physical contact with her since their hug in the kitchen the day she came home from the hospital.
She now, felt strangely panicked this was so unlike them.
She could recall many mornings, afternoons, evenings, when they did nothing but wallow in each other, days when they would barely make it through the front door from work before they were all over each other, mornings when they would make each other late for work because they could not tear themselves away from each other.
There had never been anything wrong with that side of their relationship for want of a better word it was perfect, June suddenly felt fearful for her newfound happiness and did her best to put it out of her mind as she descended down stairs to make breakfast.
Jim came out of the shower, dressed and then went down stairs to where June was making breakfast.
"Good shower?" she asked him, almost too brightly
"Yeah great, what can I do to help?" he answered in response
"Nothing, all done, sit yourself down," she said gesturing him to the table
"My, we are efficient this morning" he said smiling
"Of course, I'm back to normal, I'm not an invalid you know!" she replied.
She looked up and met his eyes and he looked like he had been offended by her comment, she studied his face for any clues as to his _expression.
"Jim" June asked quietly, "are you alright? Look I didn't mean to offend you!" she said pleadingly
"No you didn't, don't be silly, I'm fine" Jim answered breaking eye contact with her
"Jim look, if there is some...." June began
"June just leave it honestly it's fine" he interrupted her sentence.
She knew that tone, knew he wouldn't budge on whatever was on his mind or at least not at that moment in time, she couldn't help but be paranoid that it was something to do with their relationship. Was this conversation and his lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom all subtle hints that this was doomed to failure?
June finished her breakfast and excused herself from the table and went upstairs to take a shower, leaving Jim to do the washing up. He made his way over to sink and began to run the tap when the sparkle of June's engagement ring caught his eye, she had taken it off to do the washing up the previous night, and he turned the tap off and picked up the ring and studied it.
He had known the second he saw it, it was the one for her, he had imagined her opening the box, and he had imagined the ring on her finger and when she had said 'yes' he had never thought it possible to be so happy.
And he was happy, well almost happy, he found himself feeling almost ashamed for wanting to make love to June so badly while she was still recuperating from her accident, as the days were going on he was finding it more and more difficult to be around her without wanting to grab her and kiss her, he had never be so restrained around her, he had never needed to be, not after they got together, he had always found her to be a keen and eager participant and he knew she enjoyed that side of things as much as he did.
He looked away from the ring and out of the window, the situation was weighing on his mind, he knew that June would be aware that he had something on his mind and he knew he should talk to her about it, this was no way for them to start their married life with secrets from each other. He closed the ring in his hand and made his way up the stairs to find June.
June had stood in the shower and let the water pulsate onto her body; her mind was swimming with thoughts, maybe he just didn't fancy her anymore, or maybe it was because he knew she had slept with Tony after they had split up, or maybe it was because this time around he had the knowledge that she had been raped or maybe he just realised the enormity of what he had done when he proposed and was looking for a way to tell her he wanted out. June tried not to let her doubts plague her, but this was too important, she would have to talk to him.
June entered the bedroom with her towel around her and found Jim sitting on the bed.
"Were you waiting for me?" she asked as she walked over to her wardrobe.
"Yeah....." Jim's words fell off as he watched her drop her towel and reach for her underwear as she began to dress.
Mesmerised he never took his eyes off her as she did this. 'Oh god, did she have any idea what she was doing to him?' he finally rose up from the bed and walked over to the window.
June registered his actions 'well that's it' she thought 'he can't even bare to look at me'.
"If you're looking for something to do, you could strip the bed" June said looking over at him.
"Yeah sure okay" Jim replied not looking at her.
June watched him walk over to the bed as he began to remove the pillows from the cases, as she finished dressing.
"I'll give you a hand," she said approaching the bed and starting on the duvet.
"No listen go downstairs and sit down I'll do this, your still not well," he said finally looking at her
"Look Jim, I don't know how you view me at the moment, but I am fine, they wouldn't have let me out of hospital unless I was okay, I'm perfectly capable of changing a bed." She said meeting his eyes
"Are you sure? I mean that was serious surgery you had you should be taking it easy and not doing anything..strenuous" he said hesitating.
Something clicked in June's head; she had forgotten she knew this man so well; she immediately was in tune to his thoughts.
"You think that I am some fragile little woman who is going to break in two if she is even so much as hugged?"
June looked at him lovingly and suddenly relived.
"Well you did last week, remember? In the kitchen?" Jim said with his head to the floor. June started over towards him.
"That was just a twinge, I told you that, it wasn't anything you did," she said reassuringly as she finally faced him.
"It was me you were hugging," he said still refusing to look at her.
"I do remember, and I remember because I haven't had as much as a hug since then," she said as her hand made out for his chin and lifted his face to meet hers.
"You think your going to hurt me?" she said as her hand moved to his cheek.
"I don't want to risk hurting you," he said as he moved his hand up to meet hers.
"You wouldn't," she said quickly
"You don't know that thought?" Jim said as he took his hand away and looked down once more
June suddenly realised all her concerns were ill founded; this was the man she knew and loved and he was as desperate for her as she was for him, his concern overwhelmed her and she immediately saw that he felt guilty for having these desires, this merely heightened June's love for him and she knew she would have to take some action.
"Let me prove to you that I'm fine" she said as his head came back up and met those seductive eyes of hers.
For a second June saw the need in his eyes before he made off for the window again.
"I don't think that's a good idea, June, you've not been out of hospital all that long lets just leave it for now, we've got plenty of time for that. Oh I found your ring in the kitchen by the way," he said changing the subject.
He turned around to find her standing directly behind him and he jumped slightly, as he turned and saw her so close.
"God woman what are you trying to do to me?" he said gaining his composure back.
"Make love to me" she said boring her eyes into him as he froze on the spot.
He looked stunned that she had been so frank, but she didn't care.
"June I......" Jim began.
He didn't get to finish, as June through her arms around him, pressing her body against him, and kissed him, a slow, unhurried passionate kiss, a kiss that could say more than a thousand words, a remembered kiss, he knew she wanted him too. Instinct took over him and he folded his arms around her, how long he had waited to do this, how long he had waited to be with this amazing woman again, a woman he knew adored him and would never purposely hurt him.
He drew back from the kiss and looked deep into her eyes, she didn't look ill anymore, she hadn't had anymore 'twinges' and her eyes looked more alive than he remembered them.
He didn't need a second invitation, and his lips closed over hers again with such sureness and passion, he finally knew that all the dark terrible times that they had both endured over the last eighteen months would finally be sank into oblivion. There arms surrounded each other and Jim realised his hand was still closed over her engagement ring and he pulled back from the kiss again and found June's left hand.
"So your really gonna marry me then?" he said a little breathless
"It's looking that way, but I'd like to try the merchandise before I buy it" June said smiling, as she spread her fingers and Jim slipped the ring back on. She then moved her hands up to his face and pulled his to her once more and Jim, once more wrapped his arms around June's slender frame.
They continued with their kiss, which was slow and loving, as they drank in each other, June's hands reached up and thrust open the front of his shirt and she conducted a tour of the planes of his chest, how warm and solid he was, how deeply familiar.
Jim's hands were making short work of the top that June had just dressed herself in, he opened the buttons and pushed it off her shoulders and it slithered the length of her body to the floor. She heard the soft click of her bra being undone and it was quickly removed before his hands moved over her breasts, he broke free from the kiss and moved slowly down kissing her neck and chest before taking one of her breasts in his mouth, as June gasped.
June was slowly circulating her hands down his back, loving the feeling of his skin, before coming to rest at his trousers, she ran both hands along the waistband till they met at the front and she began to undo his flies. With the straining evidence of his arousal visible, June freed it from its confines and pushed his trousers and boxers to the floor and Jim kicked them off to the side.
June's trousers fell to the floor as Jim undid the tire at the waist and she stepped out of them, Jim lowered himself down June's body and removed her underwear.
"It was hardly worth putting them on" June said as she stepped out of them too.
"I'll say" Jim replied hoarsely.
He ran his hands back up the length of her body from her ankles to her shoulders, before he enclosed her in his arms; their hands were all over each other as the anticipation grew.
Jim guided June backwards towards the bed, and her gently eased her down onto the bed and he followed, he went about the business of reacquainting himself with her body, touching her first with his hands and then with his mouth. He kissed her eyes and her throat, her elbows and even each vertebra in her spine, before returning to her breasts. June pulled Jim up towards her and kissed him hungrily, they knew the long lonely wait was over. June's entire body was vibrating with anticipation as he nudged apart her thighs and thrust into her, gently at first but then more powerfully.
"Oh, I've missed you" June gasped quietly, as she looked long into Jim's eyes.
"God I've missed you too," Jim said between thrusts, never taking his eyes from hers.
The two of them were moving together in a remembered rhythm, rediscovering each other. June could not keep her hands at bay, her hands were all over him, as if almost trying to possess his flesh, she moaned with pleasure at his every touch, she could feel her climax begin to build, her body had been starved without him for too long, she knew she wouldn't last any time at all.
Her hands settled on his back and he was kissing her neck, he could feel the change in her body. He'd brought her to climax before, but never so swiftly, she'd tried to resist it, to tame it, but racked by spasm after spasm she clung to him, calling his name.
Her body was still vibrating when Jim felt his own climax building, he was leaning on one elbow with his hand on her shoulder and his other arm began to reach along the bed till he grabbed a stray pillow as he felt the pressure built in his lower region, he could feel June's hand move along his arm till she found his hand, he instantly let go and grabbed her hand and held it tightly, his head still nestled in at her neck, he fell against her as he reached his peak.
"Oh that was amazing," June, said still breathless
"You're amazing", Jim said as he summoned the strength to roll over on to his back.
She nestled down beside him both of them gazing at each other and June began stroking his face, noticing the way the light glistened on her diamond engagement ring.
"I love you," she whispered against his ear.
His forehead, glistening with sweat, he lifted his head and looked at her, at first she thought she was mistaken, but she saw his eyes fill up.
"June I........." Jim began, but he could not finish his sentence.
He had wondered if perhaps he would have to wait for her to say it to him, like he had last time. He wondered if even after all this time she did still love him, love him so completely like she had the first time, but he knew she did, he could see it in her eyes.
June raised herself up on one elbow and touched her head down to his so she was forehead to forehead with him. She could read his thoughts like a book, and although she knew she would never fully understand what had gone on in his head when they had split up, she knew he regretted it.
"No more regrets Jim, no more guilt, we will never get anywhere if we keep living in the past, lets just let it go, right here, right now. Just chuck it all away and put it down to experience" she said to him softly.
Jim pulled away and looked at her and he knew he had never loved her more than he did in that instance, he was so incredulous at her strength of character; he knew he had hurt her badly and she was offering him the chance to wipe the slate clean.
"I agree" Jim said after taking a deep breath and gaining composure, "I love you June"
"I love you too" June said before gently kissing him.
They knew that they could never shut out the past, both of them had said and done some many things since they had been apart, and at time they had thought that even their friendship would not have survived.
But the golden threads that had bound them for over twenty years, the ones that had drawn them together in the first place, was keeping them firmly together now and this time forever.