"I cried a tear you wiped it dry. I was confused you cleared my mind. I sold my soul you bought it back for me and held me up and gave me dignity, somehow you needed me.
You gave me strength to stand alone again to face the world out on my own again. You put me high upon a pedestal so high I could almost see eternity you needed me you needed me.
I can't believe it's you I can't believe it's true. I needed you and you where there and I'll never leave why should I leave I'd be a fool 'cos I finally found someone who really cares, you needed me.
You held my hand when it was cold. When I was lost you took me home. You gave me hope when I was at the end and turned my lies back into truths again you even called me friend.
You gave me strength to stand alone again to face the world out on my own again you put me high upon a pedestal so high I could almost see eternity you needed me you needed me."
June heard the song finish as she finished wiping the dishes...
"Cos I finally found someone who really cares." A single tear fell down her face she realised now how hard it was facing up to truths. She was kidding herself if she ever really thought that about Gabriel. She knew deep down who that line in the song could only ever refer to one man in her life.........Jim!!
June had had a hard day she went upstairs and began to run a bath she played back in her mind the events of the past few days. Jim finding out, telling her, Gabriel, why was he so warped in what he told her yesterday and of course the fact that somewhere out there Robert was there. She heard the phone as she turned off the taps. She really didn't want to speak to anyone she heard the answering machine switch on...
"June it's me... Jim! Look if you are there pick up please June." June heard the pause but knew he was still there...."Ok look I understand if you don't want to talk, but June I'm here if you need me."
June undressed and stepped into the hot bath and sank down and cried as she poured the water over her face the heat from the water blending into her face and the heat that was pouring out with her tears. She felt so alone and so confused. She felt sickened that Gabriel had implied that she had committed incest, how cruel was he to enjoy going over their most intermit details, how he kissed her how she had made love to him...she felt nauseous at the mere thought of it now. It brought to her mind the visions of her actual rape, memories that had been so well buried and hidden at the back of her mind. Now because of this she had to confront them all again... alone. She felt anger that Gabriel had followed her to her car and after all that she had said to him in the day he still believed she would have so easily gone back to his place tonight. She felt deep rage inside how any man could put another human through what he had done to her. In many ways it felt as though she was being raped again and again by Gabriel he had this hold over her...but not for much longer. She wanted the chance to make contact with Robert, her son. Gabriel was the only person who could do this and if he didn't she would make sure he was out of her life and Sun Hill forever.
The next morning.
June dressed for work and she had it all planed she would ask Gabriel one last time for Roberts address if he refused she would go and see Gina and Mr Okaro. Just as she reached the door her mobile rang she grabbed it, it said...Jim calling! June smiled no matter what had happened over the last twelve months he was always there. What was it between them that they had but so often missed? She answered it...."Hello, hi Jim, yes I'm ok I'm sorry I didn't answer the phone last night but I just wanted to be alone. I know Jim and thanks. Look I'm just on my way into work I'll see you later ok bye...oh and Jim...Jim��thanks." The last word was too late Jim had already hung up.
June was in her office when Gina walked in.
"June good work yesterday."
"Thanks Ma'am at least the little girl is alive and well."
June looked at Gina and wondered if she was going ask about Gabriel knowing full well she knew.
"Anything on your mind June?" Gina looked at her and raised her eyebrows up. June opened her mouth but stopped she had to give him one last chance...."Erm no Ma'am nothing I can think of."
As Gina walked out Gabriel walked in and glared at June...."Well have you told her?" His voice was harsh as he spoke to June.
She walked up to him and stared him in the eyes as she spoke with anger in her voice..."No but at 1 o'clock I have a meeting with her about PC's on the relief and I am warning you Gabriel if you don't give me my sons address..."
"June he doesn't want to know you. He blames you for our parents�� death. After the row and the accident he vowed not to go looking for you."
June spun round and spat at him..."I don't believe a word you say Gabriel your whole life is based on lies and twisting what little of the truth you think you know."
Gabriel reached his hand out to touch Junes face she saw his hand raise up and she grabbed it hard and squeezed it tight as she said..."don't you ever touch me again do you hear me whatever we had is over."
"You don't mean that June I know you love me. You are kidding yourself."
June laughed out loud as she threw his arm down and walked over to the door and opened it she glared at him..."Love you�� you must be joking I felt sorry for you, you were so easy to lure and believe you me that's what I did. I only did it to get back at Jim!"
Gabriel stormed out as he did Jim was standing in the door way..."June!"
She turned round and saw Jim standing there��"Jim how long have you been there?"
Jim walked in and closed the door behind him. June sat down in her chair and held her head in her hands. She couldn't bear to look at him what must he be thinking?
She looked up "Jim..."
Jim stopped her "Sshh it doesn't matter how long I was standing there. What's going on June?
"Jim look I really appreciate your concern but I�� we have to deal with this on our own just me and Gabriel. Please understand."Jim nodded and stood up..."June!"
She looked up at him as she stood facing him..."June I...well I'm here if you do need to talk ok?"
June reached her hand out to touch his arm just as he was turning to walk out of the door.
1pm
June stood up and made her way to Inspector Gold��s office she was walking down the corridor when Gabriel caught up with her and grunted loudly at her�� "June, June don't, wait." He caught up with her and grabbed her hand as she was about to knock on the door.
"Gabriel let me go now, so help me I am warning you this is your last chance."
Gabriel let go of her hand and handed her a piece of paper..."It's a couple of hours away but..."June didn't give him chance to finish she ran down the corridor towards CAD.
"Polly do me a favour if anyone asks I'm out on a job ok!"
"June are you ok?"
June nodded at her and was about to leave when she turned round..."Polly have you seen Jim anywhere?"
"Sorry June not for a while think he's with DS Hunter. Why do you want me to give him a message?"
"It's ok Poll I'll call him. Polly thanks." She smiled at Polly as she walked out of CAD.
June changed in the ladies locker room as she put her coat on she sat down. What was she doing? Robert might not even want to know her like Gabriel said. Could she take the chance of not finding out? She felt in her pockets and found the piece of paper Gabriel had given her. She clasped it to her chest.... she had to go but could she do it alone? She found her mobile in her bag and called Jim as it rang she became jittery and her heart was pounding it went straight to answering machine...."Jim it's June�� look this isn't going to make any sense I know but if you're free could you meet me back here in half an hour. Jim I need a friend right now."
June sat in the canteen with a coffee and looked at her watch she had waited forty minutes now for Jim and she really needed to be making a move. She squared it with Inspector Gold she would be off site for the next few hours now she had completed the paper work from yesterdays missing child.
June went into the car park she searched for Jim's car but could not see it... was this a sign? Was someone trying to tell her she had to face this moment on her own?
She pulled up outside the address Gabriel had given her. As she did so a woman and a little girl came out and shut the door behind them. June hid her face slightly. She watched after them and her mind began to race, who were they? Was she Robert's wife? Was it his daughter...June's granddaughter?
She walked up to the door and took in a deep breath as she knocked. She turned round and took a step away as he she heard the door open she froze. She heard him speak�� her son... for the first time she heard him speak to her�� "Yes can I help you?"
June turned round and looked at him�� he was handsome, tall, dark, brown eyes that were soft and searching.
June stuttered as she said. "Gabriel..."
"Yes" He said puzzled looking.
"Gabriel Kent��"June said hopefully."Yes that's right!"
June smiled and breathed a sigh of relief..."Oh I called the estate agent and they told me you were expecting me to view the house."
Robert looked at this woman who looked familiar to him..."Oh that's right and you are?"
June smiled as she extended her hand out to him��"Mrs Carver!" To June that felt so right and seeing Robert also felt right.
Robert asked her in and showed her round the house June's eyes were searching around trying to drink in everything about him, the house his life, anything that would give her the tiniest detail she could hold onto.
As they went upstairs he showed her into a little girls room. As she picked up a toy he softly said..."This is Abigail's room."
June looked round as she said the name Abigail again�� she was a grandma she wanted to cry there and then�� what had she missed out on. As they went down the stairs June looked at the photos on the wall. She saw one of Robert and Gabriel in their navy uniform. There was one of Robert and a woman... who was she?
"This is room has just been decorated we didn't realise we would be moving so soon."
"It's lovely why are you moving?"
"It's my job I have been asked to relocate to America."
June couldn't believe what she was hearing she had just found him and now she was about to loose him.
"What do you do?"
"I'm in sales."
"Oh and your wife?"
Robert was a little unsure as to why al the questions where being asked. June could see this by the look on his face.
"She's a nurse!"
"I'm sorry it's..."Just then they were interrupted by the sounds of a baby crying. Robert went out into another room and June followed him. She watched him pick up a beautiful baby and cradle the crying child in his arms. He walked over to her..."This is the noisiest of the bunch."
"He's beautiful what's he called?"
"She is called Louise."
June by now had to hold herself together as she could feel her eyes fill up she knew with a blink of an eye the tears would flow freely and then she would have to explain to Robert who she really was... could she do that? Should she do that? Did she have the strength to do it?
June held her arms out to Robert. "May I?"
Robert gave Louise to June as he went to the kitchen to make up a bottle for her. June held Louise close and squeezed her tightly as she smelled her she closed her eyes and whispered..."Hello sweetheart this is grandma, but you wont know that. I wish you could."
She cradled Louise close and tried to soothe her she began to hum a lullaby as Robert walked in. June wasn't aware of him standing there until she turned round to see him watching them both. June blushed as she handed Louise back to Robert. "I'm sorry I just thought it would help."
Robert looked at June softly. "Please don't apologise you're a natural. "At that the door opened and in walked a woman whom Robert kissed on the cheek. "Hi this is Mrs Carver she has come to view the house."
The lady smiled as she took hold of Louise. "Nice to meet you I'll take this one and leave you two to it." As she took Louise from Robert June's heart sank as she heard her say..."Come on Granny's here now."
June was confused she felt pushed out, not really part of this. She so desperately wanted to be a part of Robert's life and his family��s lives. She looked up at him a part of her felt as if he knew whom she was. She felt in his eyes he was doing as much searching as she was.
"Gabriel look there is something I need to tell you��I well... it's��" Robert jumped in,
"What is it? Is it too much for you?"
June stopped and realised yes it was too much she couldn't cope with all this. It was all too much, too soon. She didn't feel in control, just like when she was raped. She hadn't really dealt with that and if she told Robert who she was she would have to face up to reality and tell him all about the rape who his father was, who the grandfather of those beautiful girls was. She wasn't strong enough not now, she needed to take in this moment and cherish it just like the day Robert was born and the nurse gave him to her to be held. That was one of the most cherished moments of her life. She felt an arm on her shoulder she looked and saw it was Roberts...."Yes it is too much for me. Do you have an address I can contact you in America?"
Robert looked at her wanting to know more about this woman. "You can contact me through the agents."
June nodded..."Of course I can. Have a good life out there and I hope it all goes well for you and your family."
Robert nodded and smiled at June "Thank you that's very kind of you."
June smiled at his mother-in-law and gently touched Louise on the arm. "Bye Louise."
As she walked away Robert's mother-in-law called back. "Bye...." June turned and said. "June, it's June!"
Robert whispered the name "June!"
At the door she shook his hand and kept hold of it for a while as she became aware Robert was looking at her. She pulled away and said "Bye" as June walked down the path she felt tears roll down her face as she accepted the fact that this was probably the first and last time she would ever see Robert...her son!
June sat in the car the last hour flashing been her head, Robert, photos, Louise! She smiled she was a grandma, wait till she tells Jim that.... she stopped as she heard a knock on the car window. She glanced up and saw it was Robert's mother-in-law. She wound down the window as she woman handed her handbag over..."You left your bag�� are you ok!"
June wiped her face and nodded her head..."Yes thank you could you say god bye to Gabriel for me please he's a very kind man."
"Yes he is I'm a very lucky woman."
As she walked away June cried in the car all the years she had lost he had gained with other people in his life. She was thankful he had made a happy life for himself and all she could do was hope that deep down he knew who she really was today. She prayed that in time he would understand and forgive her for giving him up for adoption and she hoped in time she would be able to forgive herself and learn to love and be loved again.
June pulled into the yard and parked next to Jim's car. The phone call!!! She had forgotten she had left a message for him, how was she going to explain all this to him. She shook her head, No! She decided this was her business and no one else's, Jim nor anyone else need know and certainly not Gabriel.
As she approached her office door she saw Gabriel coming towards her she stood still and stared him in the eyes. He spoke first looking agitated. "Well did you see him?"
June looked at him as she said with great emotion. "None of your bloody business now leave me alone PC Kent. "She walked into her office and slammed the door.
She sat down shaking all the emotion of the day was too much for her to bear alone, but this was how it had to be for June. She felt so alone and so afraid not sure of how to deal with Gabriel, finding Robert and most of all not sure of how to deal with the fact that she still loved one man and so wanted him to love her back. He head was spinning as the door opened she looked up and was about to shout go away when she saw Jim standing in front of her.
Jim gazed down at her with those deep grey eyes. What always amazed June was the fact that whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on Jim was always there. He never needed to be asked, he would just appear at the right time, as he was doing now. Jim looked down at her, he wanted to go over to her and hold her in his arms. He never really thanked her for being there for him when it all came to ahead with him and Marie. He still can't really believe she was there for him after all he had put her through. This is what made him realise even more how stupid he had been and how much he loved her and still loved her and in time would do anything to gain her trust again as a friend and who knows maybe as a lover if she would have him back. He could see she was upset he sat on her desk and silently called her name..."June!"
She looked up at him..."Jim what can I do for you?"
"You looked upset." He held out some tissues for her as she took hold of them and took one out of the packet she tried to hide her tears. "It's nothing Jim."
"Is it Gabriel?"
June let out a cry as she melted inside she wept as she gazed at Jim. "Yes�� I mean no... Oh I don't know Jim".
"June you left me a message but when I got back Poll told me you had already left. Where have you been?"
June was about to speak but held back..."Jim I really appreciate your concern but I would really like some time alone now." She looked away and buried her head in her hands.
Jim stood up not wanting to pressure her he touched her arm and squeezed it hoping June still remembered what he had said on the phone�� he would be there for her like she had been for him always. Jim walked towards the door as June softly said..."Thanks Jim." As he closed the door June cried out loud. Her whole life was a mess from the day she was raped it had always been a mess. Would it ever be ok to love someone and accept that they loved her!
She was drying her eyes as Gina walked into the room and closed the door behind her and closed the blinds. June looked up at her and crumpled again. Gina walked over to her and touched her shoulder as she quietly..."Look June I'm not very good at all this. I'm sorry I found out about Gabriel and I'm deeply sorry you had to find out the way you did."
"Why Ma'am? Why did you get hold of his birth certificate and how?"
Gina sat down..."Look June when Marie accused him of hitting Jim over the head I believed her. Don't ask me why, but after all he did to me and Ruby I don't trust him. I'm sorry I know he's your son but there is something about him that just doesn't ring true."
"You're not kidding there" June wanted to tell Gina everything but that would mean telling her she had slept with Gabriel and that would be too much for her to deal with. The whole relief would want to know why Gabriel was being pushed out of the force.
Gina looked at June. "Do you want to get to know him as your son?"
June shook her head..."This may sound hard but we have decided to let the past stay in the past. I told him why I had to give him up. "She glanced at Gina..."I was raped Ma'am...his father raped me and apart from you there is only Jim and Polly that knows this. I would appreciate it if you don't repeat this to anyone."
Gina was shocked. "Ohhh June I am so sorry if I'd have known this I wouldn't have gone digging...well maybe I would have but would have destroyed the evidence after."
"No honestly Ma'am I'm glad I know who he is but as for catching up on lost years that won��t be happening. I can work with him if I have to but I would rather not be paired with him if you don't mind."
Gina nodded. "What about Jim?"
June looked up at her confused..."Jim!"
"Oh come on June, if he wants to help let him in. He still loves you June."
June shook her head as she stood up..."With all due respect Ma'am I don't think either of us are ready to even think about that side of our relationship at the moment."
"Ok have it your way but don't push him out June, not again." She winked at June and told her to go home.
June was just stepping out of the bath and blowing out the candles as she heard the doorbell ringing she quickly wrapped herself in her dressing gown. She went to her bedroom and looked outside the window to see who it was. She looked at her alarm clock 7.30pm she peeped and saw what she thought was Jim's car. Then she saw Jim step back and look up at the window. She saw him smile up at her.
She panicked what was he doing here? She really didn't have time to dress so she would just have to answer the door as she was. She ran a comb through her hair and went downstairs. She opened the door Jim smiled at her..."Hello", he held a bottle of red wine in front of him "thought you could do with some company�� if not... then take the wine off me and I will see you tomorrow."
June opened the door further and stepped aside allowing him to come inside. As she took his coat she smiled a knowing smile at him. Instinctively he hugged her he held her tight and the two of them stood there in the hallway in total silence. A comfortable silence! As Jim pulled away he could see she was crying he wiped away the tears as he spoke. "You eaten yet?"June shook her head in silence as Jim took hold of her hand it was cold he rubbed it quickly. "You go upstairs dry your hair and get dressed while I'll rustle up something for us both to eat."
June was about to speak as Jim put a finger to her lips. "No questions and no protests do as I say."
Jim took the wine and placed it on the table and set to cooking Spaghetti bolognaise June's favourite.
June went upstairs and quickly dried her hair. She dressed in her comfy clothes as she called them. She looked at herself in the mirror. There would have been a time when Jim was here that she would put on her make up carefully, dress in something she knew Jim loved her in and then finish off with a squirt of Jim's favourite perfume. She reached out for the bottle if she wasn't bothering with the make up she could at least make an effort with the perfume. She squirted some of it behind her ears.
As she went downstairs she could smell Jim's cooking and she could hear him whistling she stopped on the bottom step and smiled while a host of memories flooded back to her when her lived here. She appeared in the kitchen door way as he was dishing out. He glanced up at her and was taken aback at how natural she looked but still radiant to him. He winked at her as he moved round to hold out a chair for her to sit down as he tucked the chair in he lent down..."We eat now but you talk later. Ok!"
June looked up at him and the corners of her mouth curled slightly upwards. She was still unsure of exactly what she was going to tell him.
June eat some of her food but played with the rest. Jim made small talk throughout but June wasn't really listening and Jim was well aware of it. He took he plate from her as she glanced up...."I'm sorry Jim I guess I'm not that hungry."
"It's ok go into the living room while I finish up here take your wine I'll bring the bottle in."
June moved into the living room and sat on the couch curled up she sipped her wine slowly she had told Jim all about the rape, he knew that much but telling her about seeing Robert would mean she would have tell him she slept with Gabriel. If she did that she was sure that there would never be any chance of them getting back together...or would there?
Jim walked in and sat next to her he raised his eyes to her as if to say is it ok to sit here. June patted the seat next to her. Jim sipped his tea and put his feet up curled under him and faced her. He laughed out loud as June looked at him questioningly..."Well it's like old times. I've cooked, washed up poured your wine and made myself a cup of tea." A slight smile came upon Junes face..."I suppose it is."
There was a moment of silence as June spoke...."Jim do I know everything about you? I mean everything? Past girlfriends, old lovers, good times dark times... everything!"
Jim nodded as he moved round so he was sat facing her. "Yep I have to say now after Marie and what she did to me you know pretty much all there is to know. Why?"
June stared into space as she continued..."Do you know everything about me then?"
Jim was confused he got the feeling she was testing him, testing his loyalty, even testing his love if he was honest with himself.
"I know everything you've told me!""Did you think any less of me after I told you I was raped?"
"June why would I it made me...well it made me realise there is more to you."
"What were your thoughts when you found out about Gabriel?"
Jim looked away he had to be honest. "I have to admit I was hurt. That was the one thing I couldn't understand you not telling me."
June poured more wine and looked away as Jim thought back to the events of the day..."What did you mean when you said you did it to get back at me? What did you do?"
June curled up tightly she felt sick all she could see as she closed her eyes was Gabriel touching her is repulsed her now. She sobbed as Jim moved in closer to touch her shoulder June shrugged him off and screamed..."Get off me don't you dare touch me!" She looked up and saw it was Jim and not Gabriel as she had pictured in her head. She could see the hurt in his eyes..."Jim I thought..."She crumpled as Jim came in closer but this time taking care not to touch her.
"June what is it who did you think it was?"
She looked up at him pleading in her eyes to be held, to be understood, to be loved.
"I thought you were Gabriel...Jim...I.... we��ve.... been sleeping together!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jim was stunned he wasn't sure he heard her correctly..."I'm sorry what..."
"Jim please don't make me say it again please!"
Jim stood up he felt as if June had ripped his heart out. He paced up and down the living room thinking about what June had said letting it sink in. June watched him she wiped her tears away as she spoke. "That's what I meant when I said I was getting back at you. It's the only reason I slept with him Jim. It was after Marie attacked you and I had visited you in hospital you said I wasn't your problem and that I needed someone to mother not a lover. Jim you hurt me so I walked straight into the open arms of Gabriel. Now I know it was all part of his great plan to get back at me."
That's when Jim realised the true extent of what June had just said about sleeping with Gabriel. He walked back towards her and knelt down in front of her..."June he's your son that means. June do you know what it means?"
June grabbed at his hands but he pulled them away quickly..."No Jim it's not what you think!"
Jim stood up. "June you have slept with your own son... that's incest!"
"Jim Gabriel is not my son that's what I am trying to tell you!"
Jim sat down next to her and looked at her wine. "God I really need a drink because I am really confused June."
June faced him and reached her hand up to meet his cheek Jim bent his face towards her hand and felt how cold it was. June could feel the tears fill up in her eyes as she softly spoke to him.....
"Jim what I am about to tell you is to go no further ever. I have yet to come to terms with it all myself and I need to tell someone I can trust. Someone I know. Someone I hope would not judge me before hearing everything I have to say and most of all someone I hope will help me through all of this. Jim I am laying this all before you and I know you have a lot to deal with yourself after Marie. Jim I need you. That's all I can say."
Jim took hold of June��s hand...."I'm here for you June I'm here..."
June poured herself another glass of wine as she stood up Jim sat and listened while she spoke. June felt lost in her words as she spoke them out loud and she felt the immense anger she was harbouring as she spoke about what Gabriel had done to her. She watched as Jim looked on never once interrupting her or moving towards her to touch her or hold her. If he'd done that she wasn't sure just how strong she could pretend on being.
"Gabriel is not my son!! He is the son of the couple who adopted Robert. His real name is David Kent. He is impersonating Gabriel and that's how he got into the Met, he did all this to get at me. You see he hates me because he blames me for his parents loving Robert. His great plan was to come to Sun Hill and lure me, seduce me and me being a blind middle-aged fool fell for his charm. I felt you pushing me away as soon as we got close over Marie you pushed me away so I walked into Gabriel who had been making a play for me for a while. But I thought at the time there was something wrong he always seemed to get at me when I was at my lowest ebb."
June sat next to Jim feeling the colour drain from her face as she spoke of the night she first slept with Gabriel..."Jim I told you that after and since the rape no man has ever made me feel special or safe except you. Well that still stands. With Gabriel I closed my eyes and I longed for it to be you next to me making love to me holding me. We slept together three times but that was three times too many for me now I see what his game was it all makes sense. He always spoke about you and how he felt you had let me down and hurt me, made a fool of me. He would get inside my mind somehow and make me think for that split second that he was right. Then...then.... well then that's when he would seduce me." June began to feel the tears roll down her cheek..."Jim it felt as if he was raping me again and again in my mind and while he held my body close. I just wanted to push him away from me.... do you believe me Jim�� please say you do?"
"Sshh yes I believe you but how did you let him do this so many times?"
"Each time I vowed it would be the last, but every day I was hoping you would notice and you would ask me or show me you still cared. I nearly told you the day of Sheelagh's baby's funeral."
Jim nodded and opened up to June. "That day I found out Marie had been sectioned I just wanted to tell you, hide away with you and talk." Jim reached out for June and wrapped his arms around her and felt June shaking against him. Jim soothed her by stoking her hair and holding her close. The pain was so real for both of them. "How did you find out he wasn't your son?"
June held her head against his chest as she wiped her tears away and felt safe with Jim�� how long could this last?
"He saw how hurt and disgusted I was when he thought he had convinced me we had committed incest he then decided to tell me the real truth, who he was and where Robert was." She looked up at Jim and saw his support shining out of his eyes and the mere fact he was holding her so tightly..."Jim I have met him today. I have met my son!"
It dawned on Jim that's where she must have been earlier he held her chin up and stoked her cheek. "Did you want me to come with you earlier?"
June looked down..."God knows what you must think. We have put each other through so much and I have the cheek to ask you to come with me to hold my hand through the most difficult time in my life."
"And I wasn't there�� again!" Jim was upset he felt he had let her down again, at a time when she really needed to feel secure, safe and loved.
"No, no Jim you didn't let me down. I had to do it on my own. I'm glad I did it on my own. I pretended to be a buyer for the house and you'll love this I introduced myself as...."She looked away as a dry smile came on her face...Jim waited for her to speak. "Go on what did you introduce yourself as?"
June looked into his grey eyes as she smiled softly and said..."Mrs Carver!"
Jim pulled her close and kissed the top of her head he whispered in her hair..."If you'll only let me make that true one day June!"
June didn't hear his words she told him about Robert and how she felt when she saw him. Jim rested his chin on her head as she continued...
"Jim he was lovely. Tall, softly spoken he's married to a nurse and they have two daughters. Jim I'm a grandma, to Abigail and Louise. I held Louise. It reminded me of the day Robert was born and how much love I felt for him when the nurses put him in my arms. It made me feel a great sense of regret for lost years. I have missed out on so much as a mother and now I am to miss out again as a grandmother. All I ever wanted in life was to love and be loved and through Robert and the girls I could have this but I don't feel strong enough to ask for it nor do I feel I have the right to ask for it. Maybe it is my punishment for giving up Robert, that was my hope of love and I gave it away."
Jim gazed at her..."did you tell him who you were?"
June shook her head. "No I couldn't. He seemed so happy. I think he knew who I was. Somehow I think he searched in me what I felt I was searching in him. I wanted to tell him but then I just felt it all got too much. I would have tell him about the rape, about Gabriel and Jim some of these things I haven't dealt with myself yet so how on earth can I expect my son to deal with it all. He's moving to America now so I wont get a chance to see him again. To be honest Jim seeing him the once was all I needed. I think!"
"June it doesn't have to be like this. You can make contact with him and be in his life and the girls life for as long as he wants or you want."
"No Jim it's a chance I can't take. Gabriel has taken that away from me Jim and I want nothing more to do with him."
"You are going to tell Inspector Gold about Gabriel aren't you."
June pushed Jim at arms length..."No Jim you can't. It was the only way he would give me Roberts address I promised not to tell about his secret and not only that but I don't want anyone to know I slept with him and who knows what that man is capable of."
Jim was raged as he shouted..."I'll kill him when I get my hands on him."
June cupped Jims face in her hands..."No Jim that's what he wants. He wants to come between us and I wont let that happen."
June was suddenly aware that Jim was looking at her she blushed as she dropped her hands and looked embarrassed as to what she had just said.
Jim had heard every word and his heart was leaping inside. Even whilst he was with Marie he had know there was only ever going to be June for him, he had been so foolish letting her go. He desperately needed to know how she felt and slowly but surely he was finding out.
"June no one and nothing could ever come between us, but what is us June?"
June stood up and walked over to the window and crossed her arms around her she thought about what it was she really wanted. Her and Jim had been through so much is this the right time for them to be saying this to each other? This was it now Jim knew everything about her and as she turned to see him still sat on her sofa, it reassured her he was still there for her. Just having him there was giving her hope, he had made her see the good that had come out of all the lies Gabriel had told her...she had found Robert.... and she hoped she had found Jim again.
She felt Jim standing close behind her she could feel his breath on the back of her neck as he spoke gently.
"June I know all there is to know now and I'm here. I don't care that you slept with Gabriel. I do care that you have a son and two beautiful grand daughters that are part of you. I do care that you are hurting because you may never see them again. I do care that you have thoughts and feelings about your rape that you still have not addressed. I don't care how long that will take till we both deal with that."
He spun June round and held her at shoulders length and gazed into her deep brown eyes as he could see the fear and insecurity in her eyes.
"June I do care that you need someone, I care because I hope it's me you need because June I do still love you now and forever. I'm not saying that because you are at your lowest I'm saying this now because you need to hear it but most importantly you need to believe it. I am stood here loving you, waiting to love you and wanting you to love me back if you want to and if you feel you can?"
June reached up and touched his lips with her fingers...the tears poured out of her eyes as she sobbed. "I really didn't deserve you Jim Carver." She felt Jim pulling her close and his lips brushed hers softly kissing her lightly as Jim pulled away he could see June had her eyes closed.
"Is this ok June?"
She opened her eyes and softly said..."You always make it more than ok Jim no matter what it is with you next to me I know I can deal with anything as long as you are here."
Jim took her hand and led her out of the living room. At the foot of the stairs June stopped and looked at Jim..."Are you sure about this?"
Jim enveloped his arms around her and whispered in her ears...."I'm here Mrs Carver for as long as you want me and I hope that means I never have to leave your side again."
June looked up at him..."I like the sound of that...Mrs Carver."
Jim smiled back at her and kissed her cheek before kissing her lips again. "Good I'm glad you do lets work on it then. I'll never leave I'd be a fool 'cos I finally found someone who really cares for me and whom I love with all my heart and that woman is you and yes you do deserve to be loved."
As Jim led her up the stairs June said. "Jim I only want to be loved by you that's what makes the stronger person I am."
As they reached her bedroom Jim pulled her towards the bed and gently pushed her down and began kissing June passionately. This was to be a night where two lovers would rekindle their lovemaking. Reaffirm themselves with each other��s bodies and make a commitment to each other that would bond them both for a lifetime to come.
June had found a son whom she had held for a brief moment before giving him up. Finding him brought back memories of a deeply painful time for her, a time she had yet to deal with emotionally and personally. She had found her past again and in this she had also sealed her future with Jim. She had once again found her best friend and lover. The man who had showed her what love had actually meant, the man who had showed her she did have the right to be loved, the man who had made her face so many ghosts in her past but showed her the light that would shine in their future. She had found the man she felt knew her like no other had or would ever know her. In Jim she had found herself again and in Jim she had found the place that her true happiness lay. With him beside her always!!