He wiped away the tears that were rolling down his face and tighten his grip around their daughter, she was the only person that could ease his pain, he kissed her blonde hair, closed his eyes and recalled in his mind the day that June had told him she was pregnant and then turned his thoughts to nearly a year ago to the day in which Aimee had been born.
If only he knew then what would be happening now, he would have changed so many things about that day, he would have told June he loved her as she walked out the office that morning or would have gone instead of her, then again if he had gone she would now be burying him, the day before their daughters first birthday.
He looked down at Aimee who was asleep against his chest, she had been asleep for most of the funeral, he knew he should have left her at home but he needed her there to keep him strong. Aimee was a miniature version of her mother, with deep brown eyes and bright blonde hair and like her mother she was keeping him from losing himself in alcohol, he was so tempted to reach for the bottle of vodka that was in the front room the day June had been killed, but the unconditional love of Aimee had prevented him from doing so, he couldn�t bear the thought that Aimee would grow up with neither parents if he did so. Jim was brought back from his thoughts by the sound of voices �� Jim, you ok?�� Polly put her hand on his back as he sniffed loudly
��Yeah I think so, look I can��t face everyone at the station for the moment, I need some time, ��m going to pop home and get Aimee�s buggy so she can sleep at the station��
��Ok, do you want some company?��
��Thanks Pol, that would be good��
Polly was stood looking at the photos on the mantelpiece, there were many of Aimee playing with her mum and dad, but it was two photos that drew Polly in, one was of a pregnant June at the Christmas party dressed up as the Virgin Mary, complete with bump. Polly smiled to herself recalling everybody laughing hysterically as Jim and June turned up as Mary and Joseph, complete with a straw donkey. The other photo that caught her eye was of them on their wedding day, looking so happy. She was still finding it hard to believe that June was dead, she could still hear the words that June had been shot coming across the radio as if it was just happening now, she could still picture the look of horror on Jim�s face. June had been there for Polly so many times and was her best friend, she had helped her during her problems with Dave and had helped her become a stronger person, working in CSU had been so good for Polly, working alongside June had been brilliant, it had been strange working in there the past week without her.
Polly turned round on hearing Jim��s footsteps.
Jim looked at Polly and realised by the tears in her eyes that she had been looking at the photos ��I waited 19 years for June to tell me she loved me too, 20 years for her to marry me, she looked so beautiful that day, I��d never seen her look so stunning��
��You both looked so happy that day, nothing could wipe those stupid grins of your faces for months, then when we thought it had worn off, you both turned up with even bigger grins, we could not work out why you were grinning like idiots, then when June told everyone she was pregnant it all became obvious, just one thing I didn��t get, why did she announce it to the whole canteen?��
Jim laughed
�She did it because that was how she announced to the station that we were an item, so she thought it would be a fitting thing to do, well you know what her sense of humour was like, we did look like a pair of prats after June told me she was pregnant, how no one guessed is beyond me. I could not stop smiling when she told me, every time I go into the office in CSU I can her the words she said, I still smile each time I go in there... well, until last week... but I look at this little angel...�� He secured Aimee into her buggy and tucked a blanket around her. ��And I am able to smile again, I look at her and I can see June in her eyes, her character, her spirit.��
��Jim, if Aimee�s got at least half of June��s character, god help you when she�s older��
��If she�s got a quarter of it, I will be in trouble��
Tony walked into the canteen, he could not believe the number of old faces that had turned up or even the number had contacted the station since it had happened, all of the them were amazed at what had happened and most of them were completely amazed to discover that June and Jim had married and had a child together. He watched as the old faces mingled with those currently at sun hill. Bob Cryer was talking with Gina Gold, Dave Quinnan was talking with Reg and Des and Gary Best was talking with Craig Gilmore, Vicky Hagen and many more old faces from uniform and CID. He knew that Jim would be touched by the amount of people who had turned up to say goodbye to June, throughout the funeral Jim had rarely taken his eyes from June�s coffin and when he did it was to check that Aimee was ok, even at the grave side Jim had not really noticed who had actually turned up.
Ever since June had died Jim�s main priority had been Aimee, everyone at the station were grateful to this as if it hadn�t been for this little girl Jim�s world would have fallen apart. June had saved Jim so many times, she�d been such a calming influence in his life, Tony had never known them both so happy, he could not still believe that he had been so petty and jealous of their relationship, how guilty he felt about trying to split them up, he was glad that they had sorted things out. He knew he owed it to both of them to be there for Jim now, stupid things that had happened between them no longer mattered, it was now that counted.
��Tony, where�s Jim? Gina asked worriedly
��Is he coming�� Bob said, reflecting Gina�s concern
��Yeah, him and Polly have gone back to the house, Jim wanted some time out and wanted to get Aimee�s buggy as she was asleep��
��Is anyone staying with him tonight?��
��Yes ma�am, Polly is going to stay with them, Jim is going to find tomorrow difficult��
��Indeed, thanks Tony��
Tony walked away as Bob rubbed his forehead
�What��s happening tomorrow?�� he asked Gina rather confused
��Tomorrow is Aimee�s first birthday����Oh god, I completely forgot, I still can�t believe that all this has happened��
��I know, the whole nick is still in shock, June and I never got on brilliantly but she didn�t deserve this, Jim doesn�t deserve this and there is a little girl who certainly does not deserve to grow up without her mum��
Jim tapped a glass, the canteen fell silent and everyone turned to look at Jim, who swallowed hard to overcome his own emotions before beginning to talk.
��Um... I would like to say a few things... Today has been one of the hardest days of my life. I know that I still have many more to face, but I would like to thank you, well Aimee and I would like to thank you all for coming... it has meant so much to me that many people thought so much of my wife and have made the effort to come today, I�ve been flooded with messages from ex colleagues and members of the public who thought so much of June.
She was a fantastic woman in many ways, I know to different people she meant different things, she was a brilliant officer, a sparring partner to many, she could become fiery when crossed, as many of you discovered. She was a loyal friend to many as well, to me she was much more to me... she was my best friend, she helped me so many times, picked me up so many times�� more importantly she loved me, despite all my faults, she made me the happiest man in the world when we got married, I was still in shock that she loved me and wanted to be with me. I was extremely lucky that my best friend became my wife. She was such a caring and compassionate woman and more importantly she was such a wonderful mother to Aimee... this time last year she had been in labour for 18 hours already and was threatening to chop off parts of my anatomy�� Jim laughed
��12 hours later she was threatening to divorce me but luckily 1 hour later Aimee arrived and we had never felt so happy, yet scared at the same time.
We have always called Aimee little angel, as we were amazed that we could ever produce something so perfect�� I wish that she was still with us, so that she could watch our little angel turn one... but at least a part of June will live on in our daughter and I will always be grateful to my angel for leaving me such a beautiful little angel.'
Jim kissed Aimee as he put her into her buggy
��She�s beautiful Jim, the spit of her mother��
��Thanks Bob, how are you keeping, last Robbie said you were biking around Poland or somewhere like that��
��Yeah it was good, got back a few weeks ago... look I am so sorry about was has happen, June was one unique woman��
��She was, she was one in a million��
��How are you managing?��
��Not bad, it was bit difficult to start of with especially with Aimee, but it is getting easier�� Jim looked at Bob and smiled ��Thanks for coming Bob��
��No problem, what are friends for, you are a good friend and June was...��
��One in a million?��
��Indeed Jim, indeed��Jim went into Aimee��s room and stood watching her, he stroked her strawberry blonde hair as Aimee stirred, reached out for her teddy bear. Jim smiled at the expression on her face, it was an exact copy of the expression that June would have on her face when she slept. It bought tears to his eyes.
��Oh Aimee�� he sniffed �� I�m not going to let anyone hurt you, you have been through so much already, I owe it to your mum, she would never let anything harm you, she is watching over us I am sure. I promise you I am going to be the best dad in the world��
��You ok Jim?�� asked Polly as Jim sat down on the sofa
��I think so... I�m dreading tomorrow, how can I make my daughter�s first birthday the joyful occasion it should be when the one thing she truly wants I can�t provide, she wants her mum and instead of her being with her, we had to bury her today. June was the only person, who could truly understand me, what am I going to do without her.........��
��Don�t be daft Jim, you are a fantastic bloke and a fantastic dad, you are a stronger person than you think you are. Aimee will not want for anything, you will manage, once you have adapted to being a single parent you will do the best you can, I know you can do it. June would have been so proud of you today the way you have handled it��
��Thanks Pol�� look I�m grateful for everything you have done for us, I could not have managed without you��
Jim awoke to the sound of Aimee crying, he put his hand out as if to touch June�s shoulder, as he did when Aimee would wake in the night to let her know that he would attend to Aimee, except this was different. He got out of bed and went to Aimee�s room; he could see her standing in her cot, crying for her mum. Aimee had cried like this every morning since June had been killed, that pitch of cry shook Jim to his core, the cry that meant she wanted her mum to hold her. It broke his heart to hear his daughter in so much pain and he could do nothing to help her, he could never provide what she wanted.
He picked Aimee up and took her back into the bedroom so he did not disturb Polly, hugging Aimee as she began to calm.
��It�s ok angel Daddy is here for you��
Aimee looked up at Jim who was watching her play and handed him a brick
��Dadda�� she said smiling
��Thank you angel�� Jim heard the post drop ��I wonder if you have anymore birthday cards, shall we have a look��
Polly smiled as she saw Jim and Aimee sat on the sofa looking at cards and presents
��Someone is having fun�� Polly said as Aimee tried to wear some wrapping paper as a hat
��Yeah, should have brought her a roll of paper as a present��
��What did you buy her?��
��We bought her a buggy for her dolls, it��s been in the wardrobe made up ever since we bought it, June and I were so excited that we put it together when we got it home, June thought it would help Aimee with her walking��
��That sounds like June, ever practical��
��Indeed... I had forgotten until getting the buggy out of the wardrobe that June had also written Aimee�s card that day too, I just dissolved when I found it and read what she had written��
Jim closed his eyes and tried to fight the tears, he had been alone for the past 3 hours, the first time since June had been killed. Polly had gone home, Aimee was asleep and he was finding it hard to cope with the silence.
He clutched at a photo of June holding Aimee as the tears continued to flow down his face.
��I can�t do this�� He proclaimed into the empty room, his eyes fell to the mantelpiece where June�s wedding and engagement ring were. He stared at them, suddenly dropping the photo from his hand and rushing to the kitchen, frantically searching the cupboards, he opened the cupboard below the sink and his eyes fell on what he had been searching for.
He removed June�s bottle of vodka from the cupboard, removed the lid and put the bottle to his lips.
Jim took a deep breath as he entered CSU; it had now been 12 weeks since June had been killed and each day Jim was finding it harder to do his job. A new sergeant had replaced her and it was heartbreaking for Jim to see someone else sat at was once his wife��s desk. He kept expecting her to be sat there working at the computer with her face breaking into a smile as he walked into the office, the smile which he could still see when close his eyes, wanting to know if Aimee was ok when he had dropped her off at nursery.
Each time he walked into that office the memories of that fatal day would replay in his mind, the look on Gina Gold��s face, the sound of Polly sobbing, the silence of the building as Jim left that day, the look on everyone�s faces. The feelings of pain and emptiness were becoming more raw each day.
He sat his desk and looked at the picture of Aimee that was on his desk, it hurt him that she was the spit of her mother but it made him happy that he still had this ray of sunshine within his life.
��Jim, can I have a word��
Jim looked up at Gina, who was stood next to him
��Certainly ma�am��
��Can we go to Mr Okaro�s office��
��What�s wrong?��
��There have been some developments, I think it is best that we talk in private��
��Sure, no problem��
Jack shut the door of Adam��s office
��Sit down Jim�� said Adam ��We have just had a call from the CPS...um...the case against Kevin Fletcher has been dropped...I am so sorry��
Jim bit back the tears to over ride the emotions of anger and pain
��What.... Why?��Jack put his hand on Jim��s shoulder trying to offer some support��
��They decided...��Adam continued ��...that there was no conclusive evidence to support the murder charge��
��No evidence...�� Jim blew with anger ��... that bastard killed my wife, he set up the situation, he�d been following her for weeks, he even came to our home, he followed June when she took Aimee to nursery, all those pictures in his flat and all those details he knew about June, stuff that only June and I knew about, he even knew that June was pregnant when she died...this can�t be happening��
��We are so sorry Jim�� said Adam, knowing that what Jim had said was pretty damming evidence
��Saying sorry is not going to bring my wife back is it sir, not going to give Aimee her mum is it��
Jim got to his feet and stormed out
��Shall I go after him?�� Gina asked
��No I will�� said Jack
Jack looked at Jim who was sat on the floor by the bench for June in the stations garden
��I know that this cannot be easy for you Jim, this was a cast iron case, we were sure of it, I let you down Jim, I let June down and I am sorry��
Jim looked up at him, tears streaking down his face
��Why did this happen to me, have I done something so terrible that I am not allowed the chance to be happy, what had June done to deserve that, why did that bastard chose her?��
��I really don�t know, I wish I could give you the answers, why someone so wonderful and caring as June could be targeted like that, why you have to live with this nightmare��
��I can��t do this anymore Jack, each day is a struggle, each time I walk into that office it hits me like it is happening all over again, it�s just to hard to do��
��Is it worse here than at home?�� asked Jack as they sat on the bench
��At home I have not got to pretend to anyone, not got to put on an act, Aimee makes things so much easier, she is my reason to keep strong��
��It is amazing how such a tiny person can have such an effect isn�t it?��
��Indeed, oh Jack, she is so like June in the way she acts, she is a complete carbon copy, that�s why I hoped that this would help end this nightmare, the case going to court, him going down would ease some of this pain.... but instead it has ripped open this gapping void within me��
��That is understandable, you lost your wife and a new child on the same day and to make things worse the day after June�s funeral it was Aimee�s birthday, it�s been hard but you are not alone in coping with this, everyone here is there for you if you need anything, you know that...��
��I know that but there are some things that I can only tackle on my own, some demons that I have to fight...the day after June�s funeral, Aimee�s birthday was when things really hit me, I nearly lost it....��
��In what way��
Jim wiped tears from his face and took a deep breath in ��It was the first time I had been left on my own since it had happened, Polly had gone and I found myself wandering around the house and my emotions got the better of me.... I went into the kitchen and took a bottle of vodka from the cupboard...Aimee began to cry just as I put the bottle to my lips and I suddenly realised that I owed it to this innocent child not to being drinking, she had already lost one parent and did not deserve to loose another, June would have been so disappointed if I turned to drink and let our daughter down��
He smiled at Jack ��sorry to unload this all on you��
��Don�t be silly, these are tough times for you, for everyone, this is what friend are for, to help you, look why don�t you take some time off, go away somewhere, clear your head��
��I can�t, it would feel like I am running away��
��You would not be, I��ll speak to Mr Okaro for you��
��Thanks, it would be good��
Jim walked into the yard, the past fortnight with Aimee had done him the world of good, the had spent some of the time in Blackpool, he and June had discussed taking Aimee there to see the illuminations and he thought it was the best place to go, to do something June had wanted to do.
He had the chance to think about many things during the time off, the phone call he received from Adam Okaro had made him think about his future at Sun Hill. He looked down at his sleeping daughter in the buggy, he knew his decision was the right one, he owed it to Aimee, even though he felt as if he was betraying June and her memory. He knew in his heart that she would understand his decision.
��Jim�� shouted Tony �� It�s good to see you��
��Thanks mate��
��You look well�� said Kerry as she hugged him ��How you doing��
��I�m good, I have the chance to do some thinking, I�m here to see Mr Okaro, I�ve reached a decision about the future�� Jim pulled a box from under the buggy ��I bought this today �� he took the lid of the box to reveal a gold locket witan angel on it and the words little angel on it ��I��m going to put some photos of June in it for Aimee when she is older��
��That is a lovely idea Jim�� replied Kerry
��Look we will be on refs in an hour, how about we meet in the canteen��
��Yeah that would be good Tone, I�ll meet you in there once I have seen the super��
��I�m glad you have made that decision Jim�� said Adam ��You are a too much of a good officer to lose��
��I could not have walked away from the job, it would have been betraying June, her memory, at least by doing this I�m not��
��I admire your courage Jim, many people would have given up, taken the easy route��
��Walking away would have not been the easy option, it would have been running away, at least by doing this, regular hours I can be there for Aimee��
��Well if things don�t work out we can see what we can offer��
��Thanks Sir, I am very grateful��
Jim sat down with Kerry, Nick, Tony and Polly
��You will be pleased to know that I am not leaving, I�m going to be back in uniform��
��That�s brilliant mate�� said Nick��I�m going to be working in CAD during the week so that I can be there for Aimee, it was Mr Okaro�s idea��
��It will be good to have you back with us�� said Polly
��June would be proud of you mate��
��Thanks Tone, I hope she would be��
Tony stood up and raised his tea cup ��To June��
��June�� echoed around canteen as others raised their cups
��My angel�� said Jim and he looked down at Aimee, who was still asleep in her buggy �� and more importantly daddy��s little angel��