Hello and thank you for visiting my webpage. I'm James, a single guy living in Frostproof, FL. I had laproscopic weight loss surgery on June 9 of 2004. In that time I have lost an amazing 180+ pounds, dozens of inches from my body. I've worked at four different jobs in one year's time. From Walt Disney World's Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom, Red Lobster to the Rainforest Cafe at Downtown Disney. Even headed home and returned to a love of mine; haunting! I have managed haunted house actors through the fall season in a few locations. All the while I lived directly behind the Magic Kingdom in a really nice third floor apartment! I literally could see Cinderella's Castle and watch the fireworks from my apartment. But the view hasn't always been that nice.
Born in Marion, OH. I am the youngest of four children. I have a brother Tim who is 14 years older. His birthday is December 14. A sister Kathy who is 10 years older, and my brother Tom is 9 years older. Kathy and Tom are firecrackers, both born on the Fourth of July one year apart. How�s that for timing? I myself was born on Labor Day that particular September 4 in 1972. Labor Day, which mom has always said she felt to be quite appropriate. My mom and dad worked very hard for not much money all their lives. Growing up I never realized how broke we were, because we always had food to eat, clothes to wear and a steady place to live. One thing we did have was laughter. We as a family were always cutting up and the humor flowed through our home as a river cuts its way through a gorge. Especially during tragic times; we laughed. I think many families are missing laughter in their homes nowadays, and it�s sad.
The most tragic time was when my dad fell ill in January of 1985. After many tests it was discovered that he had pancreatic cancer. In the span of four short months he endured eight major surgeries, several minor ones, dozens of tests, hundreds of X-rays, weeks in ICU. It was the worst time I can recall seeing my dad suffer, unable to do something about it. We were very close, I was named after him and though it�s not right, he showed favoritism towards me. He got to come home for two weeks during all this, but soon the cancer took its toll, and just two weeks later after he�d returned home, my dad, James Emmett Messenger, Sr. went Home to be with our Lord on May 4, 1985 at the age of 47. I was 12 years old and had lost my hero, my best friend and one half of the two souls who gave me life. Four months to the day from when he first went into the Emergency Room, he was gone. He was overweight, smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish. Amazingly the doctors said his internal organs were that of someone half his age. Four months and the cancer had grown from the size of a golf ball until it �filled the entire body cavity.� Doctors also said is was �enormous.� An otherwise healthy 47 year old man who had very rarely been sick, died of cancer. You just never know, huh?
Being the youngest child and the only one left at home, my mom felt it best if we moved closer to where she worked. So in August of 1985 we moved to the small community of Mt. Gilead, OH. There, being overweight already by at least 60 pounds, I tried to find a new place to fit in. But we all know how mean kids can be and how they torment one another. I soon learned that if I made fun of myself I could beat them to the punch. I quickly became very popular due to my sense of humor. In high school I was made to audition for the show �Arsenic and Old Lace.� I was cast as Teddy, and a new chapter began in my life as I found myself taking to the stage as a natural. I was more comfortable there performing, rehearsing and studying the craft of acting than anywhere else. It was very much my escape, as it was easier to become someone else than to be myself. Throughout high school I remained the funny guy. I was very popular; Vice President and President of the Pep Club, same for the Drama Club, Senior Class Vice President. Asked to speak for the school levy being called upon by the Superintendent of Schools himself to do so. The guy people turned to to cheer them up. But dating? What is that? I have had one girlfriend in my life. That was in eighth grade circa 1986. We went together for two days and she broke up with me on Valentine�s Day. True story. She only was my girlfriend out of pity more than anything. I have had my share of crushes, infatuations etc. and have even been in love, but all unrequited. A very lonely and depressing existence for someone so full of life and love.
Talent goes way back in my family, and I am blessed with these genes. I�m an artistic type and really enjoy singing, acting, writing, critiquing and the like. It�s where I feel I belong and what I was put on this earth for. Getting there however has been a struggle. So through high school and beyond I developed my humor and acting, even singing and writing abilities. I did get to do a lot of shows in high school, and community theatre as well in Bucyrus, Upper Sandusky, Mansfield and Mt. Gilead. In 1993 I was called to be an extra in the filming of �The Shawshank Redemption� which was being filmed in Mansfield. But I was too fat for their costumes. I sat with the crew and chatted with them for the day about acting and movies, had an awesome lunch and returned home so sad. I was too fat to fit into a costume. Later in 1994 I directed a show for my high school. All tolled I had 30 shows under my belt, a huge dream in my soul and no idea how to get there. There isn�t much of a market in Ohio for an actor, so I decided to move to Florida in the hopes of breaking into or at least getting my feet wet in the entertainment industry. Mom had moved to Florida in January of 2001. I followed in November.
After many years of being turned down for jobs in Ohio, any job that is, coming to Florida proved no different. I simply could not get hired. It finally hit me that I was the problem, not them. Talk about depressing. Looking in the mirror and not being able to find myself in my face. Seeing someone strange who had grown to the weight of 400 pounds was alarming. I was and had been horribly depressed for years. Coming to the realization of this at the age of 30 that I needed help in order to work, in order to survive and in order to make something of myself was painful. But it needed to be done in order for me to move on and change my life. I looked for an answer. I found one. After just two short weeks of going to information sessions at Celebration Health, in April of 2002 I decided to have gastric bypass surgery. The question now was how? I had no job, no money, was 30 years old living with my mom in a very small town with little prospects of a career, let alone employment.
A long and depressing battle ensued in order to gain SSI disability and Medicaid in order for me to even have the option for surgery. Vocational Rehabilitation couldn�t help, this I learned after three months of going to them and talking with them repeatedly on the phone. I went through two denials from Social Security. I was �disabled, but not disabled enough.� Seriously, that�s what I was told! I went on food stamps to try and help take some of the financial burden off my mom who had taken care of me since dad had passed. I filed appeals, hired a lawyer, wrote letters to congressman, the governor of Florida, the head of the SSA, the White House and more. Finally, in late October of 2003 I was approved by the judge in FIFTEEN minutes. I was stunned ... then furious. Over eighteen months of hassle and run around, worry and depression, despair, red tape, doctors visits, exams, tests, support groups, information sessions just to end up being approved in fifteen minutes. And at the top of the approval list was depression, not my immense size. This disabling size that was so limiting to me, killing me from inside.
Once approved for SSI and Medicaid, I was now faced with getting the surgery. This I knew to be the easy portion of the battle. A few blood tests, learning I had sleep apnea and needing to go on a CPAP machine and a letter of clearance from my doctor and I was approved no problem. I had my surgery on June 9, 2004 in Weston, Florida at the Cleveland Clinic; Dr. Rosenthal was my surgeon. He, his staff and the entire facility are top notch all the way. I highly recommend them to anyone. I personally opted for the LAP Roux-'N-Y gastric bypass because of its combined restriction and malabsorption. Being over 420 lbs. I needed as much help as possible and felt the "Double Whammy" affect would benefit me most.
It is now the start of yet another new chapter in my life. Pages waiting to be filled with experiences, observations, memories and such. My sister Kathy had the surgery in July of 2005 and she is doing quite well. I am almost four years post-op and have lost close to 190 pounds at my best. In the last 18 months though I've had had to move back in with mom, again for financial reasons. I feel into a deep depression, lost my girlfriend after four months, had to have gallbladder surgery all while going to school for massage therapy. I'm over 320 pound again and hate myself. Before, I had lost better than 20 inches off my waistline, and inches off my wrists and ankles, fingers, neck ...everywhere!! In February of 2005 I first moved towards the Orlando area in the hopes of pursuing that dream of performing. I worked a brief stint at Disney in merchandise. Also at Red Lobster as a Host/Seater. I had the privilege of returning home to Ohio for the first time in four years this past October to work at the Haunted Prison Experience in Mansfield, OH. Yes, the same prison from Shawshank! Being able to get around the prison during the Halloween season, which is a huge place and is filled with stairs was awesome. Being able to work a full eight hour shift anywhere and not be exhausted after taking a shower just to go to work is awesome. Seeing people I had not seen in four years and them not knowing me at first, it�s a whole new world after surgery. I worked for several months at Cypress Gardens Adventure Park in Winter Haven and loved it a lot. Everyone was friendly and upbeat. The park itself is beautiful, laid back and leisurely. I started Massage Therapy at Florida Metropolitan University on November 13, 2006. This field has always fascinated me and the growing demand is there. The salary is great and it will give me a valuable, marketable skill I will be able to take anywhere. I did pursue this and graduated with Dean's List Honors on August 9, 2007 and really look forward to having a career more than a job!
Through it all has been my incredibly awesome Mom. She has stood by me through thick and thin. When the chips were down and others had given up on me and I had given up on me too; she was my anchor and my rock. Reminding me that life was worth living and that in God's time everything will work out for the best. She has helped me more than I'll ever be able to repay. I am most grateful for her. She and my faith in Jesus, along with the prayers of many dozens of people, especially the prayers from my best friend Dallan, you are a Godsend my friend, helped get me through this process. I am so thankful for her and for those prayers. Prayer works people!
Where my life may lead I am not certain, but I do know that God has a plan and I just pray He uses me somehow to bring joy and happiness to people. Whether that be through singing, acting, or writing or some combination, even massage. I am ready and able to have a life instead of sitting on the curb watching it go by. I can now live life, rather than observe it.
I have to say that this surgery is ninety-nine plus percent mental. All they do is operate on our stomach and intestines, the rest is up to us/you the individual. Making the proper food choices, taking vitamins, drinking plenty of water or other clear liquids, getting in enough protein, working out and exercising, attending support groups; these are all DAILY DECISIONS one must make in order for the operation to truly benefit us the most. Seriously, isn�t optimum health the goal here? To me it makes no sense to go through a major operation to lose weight and get healthy; only to sabotage ourselves by allowing our old habits to dominate our behavior. Old habits are never broken, they must be replaced with new habits that will bring us closer to our goals. Yes I admit to becoming complacent in the last year, even gained a lot of weight back; but have found new motivation through my dear friend Christina. She is pushing me to become more than I am and I am so thankful to her for loving me. She is my muse. I absolutely adore and love her very much. Dallan too, without their love and support I'd be completely lost.
Simply put it all boils down to this; if you want to change your life ... then you�ve got change your life. It�s that simple. And when something is that simple, then it truly is just that simple. No matter the struggle, no matter the size or number of mountains you must climb; you can do it. It will be rough and rocky of course. Just keep in mind though, if the mountain were smooth you couldn't climb it!
It is a daily decision to do the right thing. No matter what aspect of your life you apply that to it�s the same principal. It is a simple daily decision. Here�s hoping and praying we all make the right DAILY DECISIONS. Reaching our goals, striving to become more than we are. Living life to its fullest potential.
They are all a DAILY DECISION!
Thanks for reading this far. Please feel free to post your comments in my Guestbook, or if you'd like to ask any questions or would like more information about anything, you can contact me anytime, any subject at [email protected]
God Bless!
August 2005