DISCLAIMER: All of the essays have the date next to them. Certain facts and figures may have changed since then.
Dirty Words 2-18-02
Dirty Words is the name of an essay I wrote back in September. It was pretty deep, and I'm not the only one that thinks so. The essay is about derogatory (specifically sexist) words and their effect on society. Just in case you don't know, derogatory words are words that are degrading, basically put-downs, i.e. slut, bitch, faggot, etc. Those words are very powerful, and, no matter how hard one tries, words like those leave an impression on ones mind. Take Eminem for example. His music would be just instrumentals if it weren't for derogatory terms. He says his music isn't meant to be taken seriously, it's all a joke, but with him practically PREACHING hate to his listeners, (remember that he has a lot of young, easily persuaded listeners) it's really hard NOT to pick up the mentality that females are just "bitches" and "sluts" and that all "fags" should die, you should kill your wife, etc. He is definitely not the only one. I love hip hop, and, sadly, most of hip hop gives out some of the same messages. It'd be nice to think that everyone should fend for themselves, and Eminems music is just music, but that isn't working out right now. I don't say we should ban and control everything, that would be something the government would do, but Eminem wouldn't write bullshit like that if he didn't get so many people listening to him for it. He's out there, yes, and his style is awesome, he's got talent, but I hope that one day he puts his talent to good use and write something that truly makes a difference. For the better, that is.
Now I have a challenge. Try to go for a whole day without using any derogatory terms. Yeah, that means you can't refer your PMSing female next door neighbor as a bitch, or the girl who won't stop messing with you a slut, provided that you do say that. It's not easy. I have removed such words from my vocabulary, except when I'm making a point. It's really hard to talk shit about somebody if you're not using derogatory terms, but it's the bigger thing to do, if you ask me. My next challenge is to not talk on someone because of their weight. It's the biggest prejudice we (in the United States) have. "Fat people" are people too. It only makes you look small when you insult someone for being "big".
But She Wanted It 2-18-02
If you are one of those who believes in the following phrases; "She had it coming" "She shouldn't have dressed that way" "She deserved it" "It's not like she isn't a whore anyway" "She did it with him before" and, infamously, "She wanted it," then this article isn't for you. This does, however, reach out to 33.3% of the female population in the United States, and God only knows how much more elsewhere, but this also applies to anyone who thinks rape is wrong, and has nothing to do with the legality of rape. This is about the mentality of rape.
The above phrases are sickening, but a lot of people seem to believe them. Why? This is a man's world, one might say. There are a lot of old beliefs that we still hold dear, and one day just might let go. Amongst them are such beliefs about rape. Rape is a sketchy word to some. Getting someone drunk so one may have his or her night of pleasure, (although, only 2% of rapists are female. Most males and females are raped by males, and the males don't have to be homosexual. Rape is control, not sex.) coercion, (as in talking someone into having sex) forcing oneself on top of one to have sex whether or not one has had sex with the person before, etc. are all bases for rape. This fact will remain true no matter what: There isn't anything anybody can do to deserved to be raped. Not dressing sexy, or having had sex before, or using certain words, hanging out with certain persons, saying one wants to have sex, nothing. If one is drunk, high, whatever, or one says no, that is rape. The same applies for a younger person. They don't quite understand sex, or the complications involved, and may feel pressured to have sex. Does that make it their fault because they do not know yet?
Now that I've explained a little bit of rape, I'll get to the point. I'm sick of hearing people say that a girl deserves to be raped! I hate it! I've heard it so much, even from some of my closest friends. I didn't always think the way I do right now, but an experience I'll never forget changed my opinion on rape forever.
I'm not going to get into a long explanation about it. Basically it is this: I met this guy through a friend of mine. I hung around him a lot, along with a girlfriend of mine, who ended up dating him. I got to know him, and thought he was a really nice guy. My parents did not like him or his friends, they just got these bad impressions of them. I enjoyed hanging around them. I didn't hang around guys so much before, and all this male attention was wonderful. After a while, all the resistance I had given to my parents stressed me out completely. We had a big fight and I was grounded for a few days. I was fed up. I'm 15! I thought, Why won't they just let me do what I want? What's wrong with these guys I'm hanging around?
I made a plan to go hang out with my guy friend, (I'm sick of saying guy friend so I'll just say A, I won't release his name for privacy purposes, but, believe me, I'd love to just ruin him.) along with my girlfriend who is dating him. We were all going to spend the night at one of his friends houses, and one of his friends was going to be with us. The plan was that we were to just chill, hang out, have fun. Sex wasn't on the agenda, as I made it abundantly clear to him that sex wasn't going to happen the night of. We ended up spending the night in a motel, which he told me last minute we weren't going to be at his friends house.
We got to the motel, talked a little, my girlfriend and I walked with A to his house, went to the liquor store to get some booze (which I had no intention on drinking) and wine cooler for my friend and I (which I had every intention on drinking, and one of his other friends, N (I also want to leave his name out of this) just happened to be there and gave us a ride back to the motel, and hung out with us. The conversation was going good, the wine coolers disappeared, and, before you knew it, lights were out. I had my own bed, N, the other guy on the floor, A and my friend on the other bed, making out. Nobody was sleeping, we were watching tv.
I was thirsty, and I just found out my parents called the police on me once they found out I wasn't at my friends house like I said I was. I started to drink alcohol after encouragement from the guys. "We'll stop you before you go too far, I promise." A said. Well, they did stop me, but I was far too gone for it to make a difference. First beer, I got up. I could still walk. It was all fun and games to me. I've been drunk three times, this instance included. I always thought I wasn't really drunk, though. That I was just making it up. Two, three, four. I could still walk, I stumbled a little, then I was silly drunk. It went downhill from there. My friend, being as small as she was, was drunk too. We were not having too much fun.
I went to go to the bathroom, and A went with me. He said he didn't want me to get hurt. Before I know it, he's telling me I need to sober up, undressing me, putting me in the shower. I couldn't believe he would try to have sex with me. No way he would do it. Nope. Not ever. I feel this pain and realized he is trying to have sex with me while I'm out of it. I stop him, but all too late. Partial penetration had occured.
The end result of this incident was, the cops came because of the noise we made, A and N got statutory rape charges (my friend was raped, too) and are walking around the town away from me today, as you are reading this.
So I was drunk, so I didn't say no until the last minute. Do I deserve to be raped? I think not. I could be drunk, naked, and dancing around. I still wouldn't deserve to be raped. I could have had sex with A before, and him raping me would still be raping me. By law, all he did was statutory rape, which means he had consensual sex with a minor. Did I say it was okay for him to have sex with me? No, I did not. Am I a minor? Yes. Did he rape me? Yes. Did he learn his lesson? No. Putting him in prison wouldn't make him learn his lesson, either. It's the way he was raised.
It's awful that 1 in 3 women are raped or sexually assaulted (groping, oral sex without consent, it varies from state to state, but some states include verbal sexual assault) at least once throughout their lifetime. That's one third of the female population in the United States. Imagine, if you have 3 females in your immediate family, at least one of them may have been sexually assaulted or raped. Only two percent of rapes are reported, too. Most rapes, like mine, isn't a stranger grabbing some woman into the bushes and beating her leaving her to die after he rapes her. Most people are raped by someone they know, and most rapes are acquaintance rape. I wasn't beaten, and when he realized I knew what he was doing, he got off me. Does that really mean he didn't rape me?
I can't offer any solutions for this problem. All I know is that prevention through education is very much more a better idea than keeping rape "A discussion behind closed doors." I believe people, at their very youngest ages, should be talked to about unwanted touching, and more as they grow up. I didn't believe I was raped at first, but through education on rape I learned a lot about it, and I can say yes, I was raped, but that doesn't make me any less because of it. It takes a lot to bounce back from such a betrayal, being as rape a control issue on the rapists part, and an issue of abuse of trust on the survivors part. (Survivor is the politically correct term for one who was raped*, not victim.) I hope this segment made an impact, to help educate you on this if you aren't already. Remember, you can never know too much. For more information on rape go to www.rape101.com
Sexual Revolution 2-18-02
What is so wrong with sex? What makes a girl so dirty just because she had sex? Sex is everywhere - television, newspapers, everywhere. Yet sex is a crime, especially for women. Why? I don't get it. I myself do not have sex, I don't feel ready. I have had sex before. Because I had sex I am not a youthful, intellectual person with a mind capable of anything (like everybody else)?
We use sex to degrade too much. For those of you who think sex is bad, why is sex bad? We need to educate people on sex, even from the youngest ages. They are going to find out inevitably. When I do have children, they will be thoroughly educated on sex, including how to have good sex, whatever that is. See? I haven't even been educated. Sure, I know about STDs, how to put on a condom, and what happens if you have sex with someone with a big mouth. I didn't have to have sex to learn any of those things, but I sure didn't learn any of those the right way until my later years. If you're not open about sex, education will be prevented. This especially goes out to parents.
The so-called "Sex Education" in schools is inadequate. All it teaches you is how you reproduce and what STDs are. How is that going to help you make the right decision? Our country can be so backwards sometime. If being a teenager isn't hard enough, we have to see sex on tv and hear about sex from our friends, then we're told we can't have sex, and if we do, we're dirty for it. Do you really think this method is preventing babies having babies? Or how about the growing number of people with STDs?**
Sadly, a lot of people having sex at young ages feel pressured into it, like it's the only thing they can do or have to offer, or they want to be cool like their peers. Education is a must, when it comes to sex, and I will gladly support it. Will you? It's not a matter of encouraging young people to have sex, but it's not like discouraging young people from having sex makes much of a difference, anyway. Better education and decisions at younger ages will help people out for when they get older. I know you've heard about bad sex decisions with older people as well.
I leave this segment with a thought; really, what is so bad about sex? If there's nothing bad about it, why do we use it against people? Put down the beating sticks and set aside your ideas about sex. Get to the root of it. Is putting sex behind closed doors going to help anybody? Or is it just more comfortable for the conservatives?
*"Survivor" is a new political term for a person who has suffered rape. "Victim" is still the legal term.
**The number of persons who contract STDS has gone down since 1990. It is believed that this is due to proper sexual education.
