FIND THE LOOSE BRICK
by Brad Wilcox, Assistant Professor, Brigham Young University

Sometimes we all build invisible walls around ourselves for protection,
or perhaps because of feelings of insecurity, distrust, fear, and
misunderstanding.  How can we most effectively penetrate such barriers?
How do we talk to people who don't particularly want to talk to us?  How
do we make ourselves into the kind of people others will open up to?

In order to bring down an invisible wall, we must find the loose brick.
My friend, Rand Packer (who is currently serving as the President of the
St. Louis Missouri Mission) once wrote, "Having laid a few brick walls in
my time, I have discovered that every wall has a weakness, a brick that
is loose.... My dad had taught me long ago that part of working with
[others] is discovering the flaws in their armor, the weakness in their
walls, and then to tap away at them until you gain entrance to their
lives" (Congratulations--It's a Dad [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982],
p.2).  When trying to talk with someone who has built a wall around
himself or herself, we must find the loose brick--the one interest,
dream, or ability that will let us penetrate the wall.  A brick may be a
motorcycle, sports, food, computers, horses, a guitar, skateboard, or
even writing in a journal.

One young man from New York attended a youth program at BYU at which I
was the session director.  At first the boy kept to himself.  His
counselor, a returned missionary, was concerned and told me, "He just
stays in his room and writes in his journal."  Was this information the
loose brick I needed?

That evening at dinner, I purposely sat by the young man in the
cafeteria. I began the normal conversation and then changed the subject
to journals. I said, "People don't usually believe me when I say it, but
one of my favorite things to do is to write in my journal.  I've already
filled several volumes."

"Really?" The boy's face lit up.  "I write in my journal too.  I think
it's really important."  We continued talking about the subject
throughout dinner.  That conversation was a turning point.  The young man
began to come to activities and interact with others.  Before the program
ended, he had found many new friends.  And it all started with someone
showed a little interest in his big interest.

President Lorenzo Snow once counseled a group of departing missionaries,
"There is a way to reach every human heart, and it is your business to
find the way to the hearts of those to whom you are called [to serve]"
(Improvement Era, December 1899, p.128).  Find the loose bricks and you
will be amazed at how quickly those invisible walls start coming down.