The Ultimate Political Tool

Hi folks, Billy Mays here, and have I got a product for you today, This product is useful in any political situation imaginable, and you’ll always come out on top after using it. It’s called Mass Genocide. Let’s take a look at some of the uses of this fabulous product.

            Let’s say that you don’t like one or more of your neighboring countries. You can talk and talk and talk for decades trying to work out your problems, and you probably won’t get anywhere. If only you had a way to get them to listen to you better. Well, if you sprinkle a little MG into your foreign policy you can ensure that they get the message and understand what you want. Of course, we won’t call it genocide, oh no. We’ll just simply call it war. And remember, no one listens better than a conquered people. They’ll know who’s boss by the large number of people you killed. Mass Genocide, the perfect solution to annoying neighbors.

            Or, maybe your problem is more domestic. Let’s say you have a bunch of revolutionaries running around in your country. Maybe they want religious freedom, maybe they disagree with your political and economic ideologies, maybe they dislike all the corruption in your government, who cares. All you know is that they are running around using guerrilla tactics and threaten your authority. Use a double shot of MG and your problem will be solved. With the first dose, you get rid of all the people you think are involved in these heinous crimes against the state. The other dose of MG goes to all those traitors who you think support these evildoers. This includes families, friends, and entire villages. Of course, we won’t call it genocide; we’ll call it law enforcement. Mass Genocide, the solution to undermining vermin.

            Or perhaps your domestic problem is not as overt as open revolutionary tactics. Maybes it’s just a certain type of people in your country that are causing political and economic problems. Usually, this group of people is connected in some way; say by a religion, like, I don’t know, Judaism or Islam. Well, there is only one way to solve this conundrum, MG. Yes, that’s right. Round up all the members of these religions and get rid of them. Mass Genocide, the only way to get the weeds out of your political lawn.

            But those are just a few of the wide variety of problems solved by Mass Genocide. Here are some more:

            Have problems with terrorists? Just round up all the Arab people and use some MG. Problems with illegal immigrants? Use MG on everyone without a green card. Racial tensions? Just eliminate everyone with a certain shade of skin with MG. Worried about your next election? Don’t fret, use MG and your access to the voter registration roles and get rid of all the members of the opposition party. Issues with unemployment and poverty? Off everyone that cannot get a steady job with MG. If people still complain about not having enough money, use MG on anyone below the poverty line. Problems with overcrowded prisons? Just use MG on anyone who is convicted of a crime. Problems with too many orphans? Use MG to get rid of them. Too many homeless people wondering around the streets? Clean them out with MG. Mass Genocide, the solution to all your political needs.

            Unfortunately, all the guys we had lined up to give testimonials were unavailable. Hitler and Stalin, we found, are deceased. Milosevic had to cancel due to being unable to leave the country. And Saddam, well, he moved without giving us the number at his new home.

            Mass Genocide, the most useful tool in any leader's political toolbox. It’s only $19.95 plus shipping and handling, and comes with a money back guarantee. To order, please call 1-800-KILLDEMALL and have your credit card ready.