The Lost Semester
Ah yes, spring semester of freshman year, definitely one for the books. Well, the memory books, memoirs as it were. I did so much stuff this semester I can’t remember it all, unlike the semester synopsis of fall. But let me bust out my *Code Red IV* and try to recall some stuff. Oh yes, I will try to mark all the off the wall references that I remember people actually saying.
First off, someone called me an overachiever during my last meal at Thomson. Now, I always thought that an overachiever was a person who got straight A’s all the time, got 100 on every test, quiz, exam, and homework assignment, and studied non-stop. Someone like, I don’t know, Chris, for example. There is no way I can be an overachiever, just look at this semester. I took a B in a class just because I was too lazy to write a term paper. I took a B in a MATH class because I didn’t take it seriously enough. I didn’t do any homework for most of the semester, and I had 19 credit hours. It’s called laziness. Laziness and overachievement are mutually exclusive; they can’t coexist. Now if calling me an overachiever and saying I couldn’t get into Maryland was just a ploy to piss me off and drive me insane, as this person has been know to do, well, it worked. But hey, I put 1% of the effort he put into his term paper into mine and we got the same grade, so he just needs to deal with it.
Well, now that I’ve covered the academic side of things, on to the good stuff. The semester definitely started out on the right foot with Art and I getting written up for being in Wofford after curfew. No, we weren’t caught in the girls’ dorm room. No, we weren’t caught trying to sneak out of the building. We were caught trying to walk off the elevator and out the front door. You see, we had heard from someone that the 4th floor had no curfew, and so we stayed and watched a movie until 2 a.m. Note - curfew is at midnight. What a way to start the semester, huh? Nothing came of it, though. No harm, no foul, no enduring bitterness.
The next big thing was the two snow days. I have the pictures that Kat took on my computer somewhere. 6-8 inches of snow in Rock Hill, South Carolina. The city was crippled. Considering York County only has one salt truck, trust me, there’s only one and you see it out and about in the wintry weather every time, two days was pretty good. These people were using backhoes and bulldozers to plow the snow off the streets. Any one else find this to be absolutely hilarious? We had a lot of fun out there in that snow. Various snowball fights and trying to sled down various hills on a cookie sheet. Remember one thing my friends, it’s all about the belly slide. Just make sure there is enough snow first. Ah the memories, the snow angels, the massive snowball fight by the Coliseum, the trek over the golf course, the nice, deep snowdrift. Good times, nice to be in my natural habitat while at school, for they call me *Eskimo*.
And then came basketball season. I went to many, many games. Let’s see if I can actually remember any particular ones. Well, there was the BSU game, where the point guard for the other team was 5’4”. Credit to Russell and the rest of the Campus Crusade guys for the “Gary Coleman” and the “Webster” cheers. Credit to the band for the “Oompaloompa” cheer, which we immediately picked up on. Then there was the UNCA doubleheader, where we beat the men by 3 in the first game. The Crusaders won the Chick-Fil-A cow toss; free chicken sandwiches for everybody! Yes, Jimmy, we all know that it is all about the arc. We hit Chick-Fil-A and came back for the women’s game. We completely crushed them, which doesn’t say much for the Lady Bulldogs because our women aren’t that great. We tried the “Ahhh, sit down” thing on their point guard when they took her out with 4:30 left in the game. She didn’t sit down, and we stayed there the whole time going “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. She went back in with 1:30 left and fouled out 40 seconds later. She did not sit down. As we were leaving the Coliseum, we were talking about standing by the bus because she would have to sit down on the bus. The two women in front of us said “Yeah, keep it up guys.” Guess we found the mothers from the other team. This game also had the infamous Baby Got Back incident. Russell started yelling, “I like big butts…” whenever this one girl got the ball. He was severely shunned. Then there was the CSU women’s game where Chris, Mr. Homecoming King Finalist, was to be introduced with the other nine after the game. CSU missed a three pointer as time expired that would have won the game. Too much suspense for me. Then there was the OT game against Coastal where they came back from 16 with 10 minutes left in the second half to tie it and then they put it away in OT. Tawander Whittington is the bomb. There is nothing as sweet as beating Coastal, especially in a dramatic comeback. There was another game where Art and I watched the women lose in OT to BSU because they were standing at the three point line holding the ball and looking around for someone to pass to as time ticked away. They’re down and they’re not shooting, what the heck do they think they are doing? There was also the game where Chris and the girls won the cow toss, although it was on protest. Big props to Chris for the effort and dedication. And then there’s the Big South Tournament trip, which has its own page on this website. Oh yes, I almost forgot about Homecoming, what a crock that was. Let’s reserve the best seats in the Coliseum for the sororities and fraternities and give the people who come to more than one game during the season the shitiest seats available. Put the sororities in the corners, it’s not like they’re gonna watch the game anyway. It was a travesty.
Then came baseball season. I really don’t remember any of these games; they’re all kinda rolled into one. I know that one of them we were winning 10-0 after an inning and a half and we decided it was safe to go to the play, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. The play was great, although I’m sure the amount of innuendo was too great for my compadres. Didn’t bother me any, being a filthy immoral heathen from the Northeast. There was another game where yet another great Artism was spoken. *Yes, Art, that foul ball could have been a home run if only it was hit harder, higher, and straighter.* There was also a great plan formulated by the same psycho that always comes up with these great plans. Let’s get everybody to go to the doubleheader against Coastal and I’ll treat everyone to dinner at Olive Garden between games, because I had a $40 endowment from my mom to spend on a meal for my friends. Well, the girls wouldn’t come to the games, something about “studying” or some such craziness, I don’t know what that is exactly, it’s completely foreign to me. And Chris had to work the desk at 6 so he couldn’t come to the second game. But Art, Chris, and I were at game one, and we sat and watched the thunderstorm come in like it was magnetically attracted to the baseball stadium. 2 hour rain delay, 20 minutes of rain, and 100 minutes of trying to get the water off the field. There was an inch of water on the concrete under the seats all the way around the stadium. After the game restarted, and the pitcher we brought in after the delay to replace the starter got into trouble, the blonde middle school girls that were dating the Coastal players started making stupid comments. Fans should know at least a little about the game they’re watching before they start yelling stuff. I mean really, how ignorant can you be? The stupidity of Coastal fans never ceases to amaze me. We left after six innings and picked up Kat and Jen; the five of us ate a wonderful dinner at Olive Garden. No one went to game two.
Thus ends the sports oriented memories. I went to The Pointe quite often this semester. Hey, its free pool, who can pass that up? Then there were all the trips to Dunkin Donuts between midnight and 2 a.m. Must’ve had at least ten of those. Of course, there was the one trip that turned into a Waffle House trip. And then there was the whole “let’s steal road construction barrels to mark the end zones for ultimate frisbee” idea. It took us about an hour to steal one road cone. Stupidest move ever. But that cone came in handy when we were ceran wrapping Meredith’s car. Hopefully those pictures will come out good. Paintballing was fun, and the pizza at Madd’s afterwards was pretty good. And, of course, there were all those games of ultimate frisbee, and all those late night volleyball games, and Jaridian tennis. How I can consistently lose at my own game of tennis is beyond me. In the face of complete and utter academic ruin, I went and played volleyball. This, henceforth, will be known as pulling a Jared. Dedication or completely moronic, you decide. And then there was that post-volleyball trip to Taco Bell, and then McDonald’s. We ate in the lobby of Richardson at about 2:30 a.m. Interesting and fun times. Lastly, there were all those games of Worms Armageddon and that final trip to Waffle House, and the ensuing hilarity in the downpour.
Definitely the most fun I’ve ever had. It was a great semester.
Classes? What Classes?