12/31
What is so significant about the date December 31st? Why is it treated so differently than every other day? It’s the last day of the year you say, it’s the end of the year and you have to leave it with a bang. Why?
Is there some magical difference between December 31 and January 1? Does everything just magically begin anew overnight? I don’t think so. The transition between those two days is no different from any other. There is nothing mystical about New Year’s Eve other than what you make it out to be. There is nothing new or different about the New Year other than what you want to believe it is. The truth is, however, that there is nothing that is actually new. It’s all the same, except for that whole taxes thing. You’ll still be the same person with the same job with the same family with the same problems. You’re just using to calendar to give yourself hope that things will be different and better. So why celebrate?
Oh, you want to cherish your last night of drinking or smoking or not dieting or not exercising? You’re going to have one of those resolution things to change who you are, eh? I doubt that you can follow through, because it is very difficult to change who you are, especially when you are an American and usually like to take the easy/lazy way out. It won’t come easy, and unless you have the drive to go through with it, to change for the better, it won’t happen. These aren’t small changes; they are changes to your entire lifestyle. Can you take it?
Ok, you don’t have any resolutions, so why are you out here partying? Just to party, right? Oh, I see, it’s tradition. Well, that just makes it fine and dandy; sorry I ever criticized you. So, it’s tradition to get so smashed that you wake up the first morning, wait, check that, afternoon, of the New Year with a hangover? Why is this a good thing to do again?
Ah ha, I found you out. You’re just using this whole New Year’s Eve thing as an excuse to get drunk. There are not any other real reasons to do it. It’s the end of the year, let’s party! That’s what they all say. There is no rhyme or reason to it other than being convenient. So, go out, be irresponsible, drink away your worries for one night and pretend that you have hope. Of course, since you’ll be wasted, it won’t actually be pretending, but anyways, have fun, be jolly.
But if this is the true reason for all this drinking and partying, you guys will love my new plan. The beer companies will fund my campaigns if I can inflate their income for the year, so I propose we add eleven more holidays to the calendar. Yes, my friends, if you liked New Year’s Eve you’ll definitely enjoy New February’s Eve, New March’s Eve, New April’s Eve, New May’s Eve, New June’s Eve, New July’s Eve, New August’s Eve, New September’s Eve, New October’s Eve, New November’s Eve, and New December’s Eve. I know, the names need work, but still, who wouldn’t want an excuse to go out and get completely smashed to ring in each and every new month huh?