CAS Terror Alert

 

The Coalition Against Squirrels is issuing a terror alert for the coming spring and summer months. Credible sources tell us that Mikhail Andrejevich Nutzov and his I’ll Bitecha terrorist network are in the midst of carrying out a massive movement against humans. Please be on the lookout for any suspicious behavior amongst the squirrels and do not be afraid to call the tip hotline at 1-800-IH8-SQRLS to report mischievous acts.

 

Here is an example of what to look out for:

 

This picture was taken right before this squirrel committed a major terrorist act. It can be seen that he has completely filled his cheeks with explosives. Right after this picture was taken, he walked into a busy city street and detonated himself.

 

Meanwhile, Nutzov, the psychopath responsible for sending him on this suicide mission, can be seen here

 

calmly drinking a soda while lazing on a beach in the Caribbean while his minions wreck havoc on the world.

 

A reward will be given to anyone who gives us any information that leads to the capture of this criminal. This reward will include: a lifetime supply of birdseed, 300 squirrel-proof birdfeeders, $5 in quarters, two tickets to Tears of the Sun, and a six pack of half empty, 20 ounce bottles of Mountain Dew.