Straight From the Heart
Chapter 6
The urgency in
Caitlin's voice spurred Jess to her side immediately. "What is it? What's
wrong?"
Caitlin's hands
were beginning to tremble violently as she held the paper in them. "I
think...I...Jess, I think that's me." She pointed a shaky finger at the
picture next to the article she was looking at.
"Cait, no,
it can't--Oh, my God," Jess breathed. It was her. According to the
picture, unless Caitlin Jackson had an identical twin, she was Brenda Barrett.
And she was dead.
At least to the people of Port Charles, apparently.
Jess steered her
out the doors of the library, taking the paper with them. She pried it out of
Caitlin's hands and read the article in full. The headline read "Brenda
Barrett Presumed Dead-Friends and Family Devastated." The article went on
to tell of Brenda's life, her modeling career, her record company, and most
shocking of all to Jess, her fiancé, Jasper Jacks. She turned to look at
Caitlin, who was still stunned and shaking.
"Jess?"
her voice was a mere whisper. "What does it say?"
"Um, it
says that this person is assumed to be dead since her body was never found
after her car went over a cliff into the Port Charles River. It gives a little
biography on her, too."
"Her
name?"
"Brenda,
Brenda Barrett."
"Oh, Dear
God," Caitlin said, as realization struck her. "I'm her. I'm his
Brenda. That has to be me and I'm the one he wrote to on February 15th."
Her eyes were panicked and sad at the same time. "Does it say who he might
be?"
"Yes,"
but Jess was doubtful to tell her.
"Who is it?
What's his name. I want, no, I need to find him immediately."
"Cait, is
that such a good idea?" But she knew from the look she got that there was
no changing her mind. "His name is Jasper Jacks, often called 'Jax,' and
he was her fiancé."
"Jax,"
she whispered softly. "Jax." She repeated it several times to herself
before she stopped and turned to look at Jess. "I have to find him, Jess.
I have to." Tears glistened in her eyes as she pleaded to her friend.
Jess nodded and
they walked silently to the car. She looked once at Caitlin and knew there
would be no waiting. They were going tonight.
Jax was at the
desk again. He'd slept fitfully for two hours and when he woke at 1:30 AM, he
got up to write. He'd written slowly and somewhat tearfully about the day he'd
had. He stopped to read what he wrote before he sealed it.
My Brenda,
Almost three years have gone by and I still see you in everything I
do. If it's not you, it's someone with your spirit who reminds me so much of
you sometimes it's painful. I don't know if that will ever change. But today, I
came to a realization. Our love was beautiful for us and to keep it to myself
is to not do justice to it.
There was a little girl today who made me see that I can talk of
you and think of you and not always feel the complete and utter loss of you. I
was happy when I told her about you today. Everything we were made me smile
just a little more with her. She reminded me of what we dreamed our daughter
might be like one day, a little Brenda. Even now I find myself smiling as I
think of you, and it helps.
God, Brenda, if only I didn't have to accept that you were gone. I
looked for you, I swear I did, but there was nothing to find. I don't ever want
to give up the hope that you're still out there somewhere. Everyone else has,
and most even think I have, too, but I just can't do it. I want to believe, I
need to believe that someday, somehow, you'll come back to me. I don't know if
it's possible for that to happen, but I have to believe in my heart. And until
I know for sure, I'll never give up that hope, never.
Love,
J
He rubbed his
eyes and prepared to seal the letter into its envelope. When he had done that, he
glanced at the clock, nearly contemplating calling Jerry. He would understand.
Jerry always understood when Jax called late at night. But he decided to leave
it for now. Jerry would be there in the morning. Jax just went back to bed and
waited to fall asleep again.
Caitlin and Jess
had started towards Port Charles at nearly midnight. Jess knew it was going to
be a task finding this Jax at this hour, but she also knew Caitlin wouldn't
stop until she did find him. Jess drove while Caitlin clutched the newspaper in
her hands, occasionally flipping on the reading light to read the article again
and again. Sometimes she would just stare at the picture, tracing her face with
one hand and Brenda Barrett's picture with the other.
She looked up
briefly and turned her head towards the window. "Stop!" Caitlin
suddenly burst out. "Stop the car!"
Panicked, Jess
slammed on the brakes and the tires squealed to a halt. "What? What?"
she practically shrieked.
Caitlin was
already out of the car and walking back along the highway. They were along an
embankment of the Port Charles River. Jess got out quickly to follow her. By
the time she caught up, Caitlin was kneeling on the dark ground next to the
railing. She lightly ran her hand over the guardrail.
"What is
it, Caitlin?" Jess asked.
"This
rail...it wasn't here before. The last time I came this way, there was no
railing here."
"So?"
"So? The last
time I drove this way...Jess, I remember! The last time I drove this way was
the night I was in the accident!" She could see the car going over the
edge of the cliff in front of where she was now. She remembered the night her
mother sent the car off the road. "I remember! I remember! Jess, I
remember!"
Jess grabbed
Caitlin's arms. "What...how much do you remember?"
"That's all
right now, but I'm sure of it. Jess, I remembered this just by passing by this
spot and looking out a window! Imagine what could happen when we get to Port
Charles. And what will happen when I see Jax!" She stood and dashed to the
car. "We have to get there now!"
As they drove
the remaining half an hour to the city, Caitlin continued to play the accident
in her head. All she could see was her mother grabbing the wheel and the car
crashing over the side of the cliff. There were no words, only actions, over
and over again.
Jess slowed the
car as the entered the city limits. "Where to now, Caitlin? Where do we
start?"
The next morning
dawned early and Jax was awake to see it. He'd slept a grand total of three and
a half hours the night before, but he was getting used to that. He showered and
dressed in a pair of loose blue jeans and a blue polo shirt. He was heading for
Kelly's for breakfast and he left the apartment quickly. He was having
breakfast with Ned Ashton and his recently wed wife, Alexis Davis there. As he
walked along the docks to get there, he was surprised to run into Robin on his
way.
"Jax! Your
knee must be better for you to be walking out here," Robin said as soon as
she saw him. She had noticed only a slight limp as he walked toward her.
Jax smiled and
nodded. "Yes, it's fine, as I told you it would be," he teased.
"Where are you headed? Shouldn't you be moving in somewhere?"
"I'm just
out taking a walk right now. You know, getting reacquainted with good old Port
Charles."
"Good, then
you can join me for breakfast at Kelly's. I'm sure Ned would love to see
you." He left her no room for protesting when he took her arm and began to
direct her towards the restaurant.
Robin laughed
and fell into step beside him. Together, they continued toward the restaurant.
Jax opened the door and ushered Robin through, already smiling at Ned and
Alexis. He followed Robin, but just as the door was about to close behind him,
he felt a hand grab his arm. He whirled around in surprise.